Recently my buddy came back from the UK and pulled a pregnancy prank on his parents. Needless to say it did not go well for his parents, as instead of being happen they were pretty disappointed and embarrassed. After all was said and done they ended in laughs, but there were a couple of big oof moments.

Stavros Kondos || F || Seattle Argonauts



Theo Kondos || F || S77 HoF - Jesster & Darr - CC x2 || 
-- CAREER STATS --
-- SHL Regular Season --
S58 - GP:66 | G:17 | A:36 | P:53 |  SOG: 130 |  HITS:35  |  TOI: 17:32
S59 - GP:66 | G:14 | A:36 | P:50 |  SOG: 181 |  HITS:41  |  TOI: 18:15
S60 - GP:66 | G:19 | A:37 | P:56 |  SOG: 184 |  HITS:44  |  TOI: 18:34
S61 - GP:66 | G:32 | A:26 | P:58 |  SOG: 188 |  HITS:48  |  TOI: 19:50
S62 - GP:66 | G:21 | A:32 | P:53 |  SOG: 207 |  HITS:57  |  TOI: 20:36
S63 - GP:66 | G:23 | A:40 | P:63 |  SOG: 297 |  HITS:90  |  TOI: 22:00
S64 - GP:66 | G:27 | A:59 | P:86 |  SOG: 237 |  HITS:110 |  TOI: 21:30
S65 - GP:66 | G:39 | A:46 | P:85 |  SOG: 240 |  HITS:161 |  TOI: 21:59
S66 - GP:66 | G:39 | A:65 | P:104| SOG: 230 |  HITS:134 |  TOI: 22:08
S67 - GP:66 | G:27 | A:38 | P:65 |  SOG: 177 |  HITS:164 |  TOI: 21:40
S68 - GP:66 | G:19| A:41 | P:60  |  SOG: 177 |  HITS:159 |  TOI: 19:51
S69 - GP:66 | G:16| A:41 | P:57  |  SOG: 143 |  HITS:110 |  TOI: 19:21
S70 - GP:66 | G:11| A:37 | P:48  |  SOG: 120 |  HITS:123 |  TOI: 18:40
S71 - GP:66 | G:30| A:36 | P:66  |  SOG: 199 |  HITS:126 |  TOI: 20:46
-- SHL Playoffs --
S58 - GP:12 |  G:2 |  A:7   |  P:9   | SOG: 16  | HITS:6  | TOI: 17:35
S59 - GP:16 |  G:6 |  A:10 |  P:16  | SOG: 33  | HITS:4  | TOI: 19:39
S60 - GP:9  |  G:0 |  A:5   |  P:5   | SOG: 23  | HITS:11 | TOI: 18:55
S61 - GP:19 |  G:6 |  A:12 |  P:18  | SOG: 47  | HITS:18 | TOI: 19:21
S62 - GP:24 |  G:9 |  A:11 |  P:20  | SOG: 75  | HITS:34 | TOI: 20:55
S63 - GP:9  |  G:0 |  A:3   |  P:3   | SOG: 37  | HITS:20 | TOI: 22:21
S64 - GP:13 |  G:3 |  A:10 |  P:13 |  SOG: 58 | HITS:31 | TOI: 22:55
S65 - GP:17 |  G:3 |  A:7 |  P:10  |  SOG: 46 | HITS:46 | TOI: 22:21
S66 - GP:14|  G:8|  A:12 |  P:20  |  SOG: 56 | HITS:22 | TOI: 21:59
S67 - GP:7 |  G:0 |  A:4  |  P:4  |  SOG: 18  | HITS:9 | TOI: 22:01
S68 - GP:15|  G:5 |  A:12 |  P:17 |  SOG: 56 | HITS:27 | TOI: 21:45
S69 - GP:7|   G:1 |  A:6 |  P:7 |  SOG: 14 | HITS:19 | TOI: 19:59
-- SMJHL --
S54 - GP:50, G:7, A:7, P:14, SOG: 47, HITS:31, TOI: 11:22
S55 - GP:50, G:13, A:16, P:29, SOG: 98, HITS:35, TOI: 18:09
S56 - GP:50, G:18, A:26, P:44, SOG: 128, HITS:35, TOI: 16:53
S57 - GP:66, G:26, A:26, P:52, SOG: 220, HITS:48, TOI: 19:05
-- AWARDS --
S54: Drafted 6th Overall - Anchorage Armada[SMJHL]
S55: Drafted 5th Overall - Texas Renegades [SHL]
S57: Four Star Cup Champions - Anchorage Armada [SMJHL]
S57: DeMaricus Smyth Award for Top Forward - Dach [WJC]
S57: Brady McIntyre Award for WJC MVP - Dach [WJC]
S58: Ryan Jesster Award - Best SHL Rookie [SHL]
S58: All Rookie Team [SHL]
S59: CHALLENGE CUP WINNERS [SHL]
S62: CHALLENGE CUP WINNERS [SHL]
S64: West All Star [SHL]
S64: 2nd Team All Star [SHL]
S65: West All Star [SHL]
S65: 3rd Team All Star [SHL]
S65: Darr Nominee [SHL]
S66: West All Star [SHL]
S66: Darr Winner [SHL]
S66: 1st Team All Star [SHL]
S68: Bronze Medal - Austria  [IIHF]
S71: West All Star [SHL]


Ostap Maksimov || D || Retired || Challenge Cup x3 ||
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Statistics:
600 GP - 325 P - 3 Cups
--------------



Ales Smirnov RW/D || Retired || Ron Mexico MVP: S35 ||
-- CAREER STATS --
REGULAR SEASON GP: 857 G:210 A:389 P:599
-- AWARDS --
S21: SMJHL Presidents Trophy & Four Star Cup | Kelowna Knights
S21:Elias Armia Trophy (Award in Excellence Given By The League Commissioner.)
S22: Four Star Cup Champs | Kelowna Knights
S22: Ted Lindsay Award (SMJHL MVP)
S22: Brodie Witzel Trophy (Playoffs MVP)
S23: SHL All Rookie Team
S26: IIHF Gold (Russia)
S28: IIHF Silver (Russia)
S32: IIHF Bronze (Russia)
S35: Ron Mexico (SHL MVP)
S38: IIHF Gold (Russia)

You ever hear a stupid joke and know it's just really dumb, but man it just hits you so hard and you can't stop laughing, and you start choking, and then you literally die?

Anyway, what do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

An old man's dream ended. A young man's vision of the future opened wide. Young men have visions, old men have dreams. But the place for old men to dream is beside the fire.

 

Thanks to Jackson, Copenhagen, and Harry Hans!

#29 Jakub Aittokallio || G || Edmonton Blizzard || 1,700 TPE
-------------------------------------------------
Name: Jakub Aittokallio
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 217 lbs
Number: 29
Birthplace: Tampere, Finland
Birthday: January 20, 1994
--------------------------------------------------
NWJHL Career Statistics
S12 DET: GP: 15 || W: 5 || L: 8 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .902 || GAA: 2.97 || SO: 1 || SA: 429
S13 STL: GP: 40 || W: 14 || L: 21 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .896 || GAA: 3.26 || SO: 1 || SA: 1201
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics
S14 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 22 || L: 18 || OTL: 4 || SV%: .895 || GAA: 2.68 || SO: 1 || GA: 119 || SA: 1128 || MP: 2663
S15 EDM: GP: 40 || W: 32 || L: 5 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .925 || GAA: 1.87 || SO: 3 || GA: 76 || SA: 1013 || MP: 2441
S16 EDM: GP: 45 || W: 19 || L: 17 || OTL: 8 || SV%: .903 || GAA: 2.54 || SO: 3 || GA: 114 || SA: 1063 || MP: 2691
S17 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 25 || L: 17 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .898 || GAA: 2.37 || SO: 2 || GA: 105 || SA: 1025 || MP: 2658
S18 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 31 || L: 8 || OTL: 5 || SV%: .913 || GAA: 2.12 || SO: 5 || GA: 95 || SA: 1086 || MP: 2693
S19 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 20 || L: 16 || OTL: 8 || SV%: .913 || GAA: 2.15 || SO: 4 || GA: 96 || SA: 1104 || MP: 2679
S20 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 22 || L: 21 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .900 || GAA: 2.55 || SO: 5 || GA: 113 || SA: 1133 || MP: 2655
S21 EDM: GP: 46 || W: 24 || L: 16 || OTL: 6 || SV%: .906 || GAA: 2.52 || SO: 5 || GA: 117 || SA: 1242 || MP: 2791
S22 EDM: GP: 46 || W: 24 || L: 19 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .898 || GAA: 2.52 || SO: 4 || GA: 117 || SA: 1145 || MP: 2789
S23 EDM: GP: 46 || W: 26 || L: 14 || OTL: 6 || SV%: .902 || GAA: 2.50 || SO: 3 || GA: 117 || SA: 1190 || MP: 2810
S24 EDM: GP: 47 || W: 21 || L: 22 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .889 || GAA: 2.83 || SO: 2 || GA: 133 || SA: 1197 || MP: 2821
S25 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 27 || L: 15 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 2.40 || SO: 2 || GA: 107 || SA: 1151 || MP: 2674
S26 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 20 || L: 16 || OTL: 8 || SV%: .905 || GAA: 2.60 || SO: 3 || GA: 116 || SA: 1220 || MP: 2680
S27 EDM: GP: 44 || W: 32 || L: 10 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .913 || GAA: 2.33 || SO: 1 || GA: 104 || SA: 1189 || MP: 2674
S28 EDM: GP: 40 || W: 23 || L: 14 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .915 || GAA: 2.39 || SO: 3 || GA: 96 || SA: 1129 || MP: 2414
S29 EDM: GP: 38 || W: 29 || L: 8 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .915 || GAA: 2.24 || SO: 7 || GA: 86 || SA: 1007 || MP: 2300
S30 EDM: GP: 9 || W: 5 || L: 4 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .903 || GAA: 2.76 || SO: 0 || GA: 25 || SA: 258 || MP: 544
CAREER: GP: 709 || W: 402 || L: 240 || OTL: 65 || SV%: .905 || GAA: 2.42 || SO: 53 || GA: 1,735 || SA: 18,280 || MP: 42,977
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics
S15 EDM: GP: 19 || W: 12 || L: 4 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .924 || GAA: 1.90 || SO: 3 || GA: 38 || SA: 499 || MP: 1198
S16 EDM: GP: 18 || W: 12 || L: 6 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .914 || GAA: 2.17 || SO: 2 || GA: 39 || SA: 451 || MP: 1078
S17 EDM: GP: 7 || W: 3 || L: 4 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 2.58 || SO: 0 || GA: 18 || SA: 194 || MP: 418
S18 EDM: GP: 11 || W: 7 || L: 4 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 2.24 || SO: 2 || GA: 25 || SA: 270 || MP: 670
S21 EDM: GP: 7 || W: 3 || L: 3 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .937 || GAA: 1.81 || SO: 1 || GA: 13 || SA: 205 || MP: 432
S22 EDM: GP: 12 || W: 7 || L: 3 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .919 || GAA: 2.08 || SO: 1 || GA: 26 || SA: 321 || MP: 750
S23 EDM: GP: 20 || W: 10 || L: 10 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 2.65 || SO: 2 || GA: 53 || SA: 567 || MP: 1201
S25 EDM: GP: 5 || W: 1 || L: 4 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .865 || GAA: 3.60 || SO: 1 || GA: 18 || SA: 133 || MP: 300
S27 EDM: GP: 6 || W: 2 || L: 4 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .829 || GAA: 4.17 || SO: 0 || GA: 25 || SA: 146 || MP: 360
S28 EDM: GP: 17 || W: 12 || L: 2 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .927 || GAA: 2.08 || SO: 1 || GA: 39 || SA: 536 || MP: 1123
S29 EDM: GP: 13 || W: 7 || L: 5 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .908 || GAA: 2.76 || SO: 0 || GA: 36 || SA: 391 || MP: 784
S30 EDM: GP: 1 || W: 0 || L: 1 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .861 || GAA: 5.00 || SO: 0 || GA: 5 || SA: 36 || MP: 60
CAREER: GP: 136 || W: 76 || L: 50 || OTL: 10 || SV%: .911 || GAA: 2.40 || SO: 13 || GA: 335 || SA: 3,749 || MP: 8,375
--------------------------------------------------
IHF Statistics
S15 FIN: GP: 6 || W: 2 || L: 2 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .910 || GAA: 2.62 || SO: 0 || GA: 15 || SA: 166 || MP: 343
S18 FIN: GP: 9 || W: 5 || L: 3 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .928 || GAA: 1.66 || SO: 3 || GA: 14 || SA: 196 || MP: 504
S19 FIN: GP: 11 || W: 5 || L: 5 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .901 || GAA: 2.68 || SO: 0 || GA: 30 || SA: 304 || MP: 670
S20 FIN: GP: 8 || W: 5 || L: 2 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .940 || GAA: 1.63 || SO: 2 || GA: 13 || SA: 215 || MP: 479
S21 FIN: GP: 24 || W: 18 || L: 4 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .908 || GAA: 2.43 || SO: 1 || GA: 59 || SA: 640 || MP: 1459
S22 FIN: GP: 11 || W: 6 || L: 3 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .926 || GAA: 2.04|| SO: 0 || GA: 23 || SA: 309 || MP: 675
S23 FIN: GP: 13 || W: 7 || L: 3 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .913 || GAA: 2.23 || SO: 4 || GA: 28 || SA: 322 || MP: 755
S24 FIN: GP: 13 || W: 8 || L: 4 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .899 || GAA: 2.53 || SO: 0 || GA: 31 || SA: 308 || MP: 735
S25 FIN: GP: 10 || W: 5 || L: 4 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .903 || GAA: 2.64 || SO: 0 || GA: 24 || SA: 247 || MP: 546
S26 FIN: GP: 11 || W: 5 || L: 5 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .856 || GAA: 3.63 || SO: 0 || GA: 32 || SA: 222 || MP: 528
S27 FIN: GP: 11 || W: 6 || L: 5 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .926 || GAA: 1.80 || SO: 1 || GA: 20 || SA: 270 || MP: 665
S28 FIN: GP: 13 || W: 5 || L: 3 || OTL: 5 || SV%: .925 || GAA: 2.12 || SO: 0 || GA: 29 || SA: 387 || MP: 821
S30 FIN: GP: 12 || W: 10 || L: 2 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .928 || GAA: 2.25 || SO: 1 || GA: 27 || SA: 375 || MP: 720
CAREER: GP: 152 || W: 87 || L: 45 || OTL: 16 || SV%: .913 || GAA: 2.32 || SO: 12 || GA: 345 || SA: 3,961 || MP: 8,900
--------------------------------------------------
Accomplishments:
Drafted 8th overall in S13 SHL Entry Draft
SHL Debut: July 10, 2013 @ Las Vegas Kings (6-4 Loss)
First Career Shutout, July 22, 2013 @ Las Vegas Kings (1-0)
Led league in SV%, GAA, and Wins in S15
Won first playoff series vs. WIN in 7 on 11/6/13
Won Challenge Cup 4-1 vs. WKP
Won Challenge Cup 4-2 vs. TOR
Won Silver Medal as GM of Finland, S14
League Goaltender TPE Leader, 4/20/14
Edmonton Franchise Record Holder for Games Played and Wins (S18)
League Record for Consecutive Shutout Minutes (189:12)
Edmonton Franchise Record Holder for Shutouts (S19)
League Record for Wins, Losses, Shutouts, Games Played, Minutes Played both Regular Season and Playoffs
--------------------------------------------------
Awards:
Three-time Challenge Cup Champion (S15, S16, S28)
Gold Medalist (S30) (First Ever in Finland)
Three-time Silver Medalist (S14, S15, S24)
Three-Time Bronze Medalist (S18, S21, S28)
S15 John McBride Trophy for Best Goaltender
S15 Mike Honcho Trophy for Fewest Goals Against
S15 Anton Razov Trophy for Playoff MVP
S15 Ron Mexico Trophy for Regular Season MVP, first goaltender to win this trophy
Two-Time IIHF Best Goaltender (S22, S30)
All-SHL West First Team (S27)
Two-Time All-SHL Second Team (S18, S19)

#31 Jason Aittokallio || G || Manhattan Rage || 1387 TPE
-------------------------------------------------
Name: Jason Aittokallio
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 221 lbs
Number: 31
Birthplace: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Birthday: S14
--------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
S30 KEL: GP: 46 || W: 31 || L: 11 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .886 || GAA: 2.62 || SO: 1 || GA: 114 || SA: 996 || MP: 2614
S31 KEL: GP: 45 || W: 29 || L: 10 || OTL: 5 || SV%: .903 || GAA: 2.12 || SO: 4 || GA: 93 || SA: 958 || MP: 2638
CAREER: GP: 91 || W: 60 || L: 21 || OTL: 8 || SV%: .894 || GAA: 2.36 || SO: 5 || GA: 207 || SA: 1954 || MP: 5252
--------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Statistics
S30 KEL: GP: 10 || W: 4 || L: 4 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .880 || GAA: 2.50 || SO: 0 || GA: 29 || SA: 241 || MP: 695
S31 KEL: GP: 16 || W: 12 || L: 3 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .921 || GAA: 1.90 || SO: 3 || GA: 32 || SA: 403 || MP: 1,009
CAREER: GP: 26 || W: 16 || L: 7 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .905 || GAA: 2.15 || SO: 3 || GA: 61 || SA: 644 || MP: 1,704
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics
S31 MAN: GP: 3 || W: 0 || L: 3 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .870 || GAA: 4.03 || SO: 0 || GA: 12 || SA: 92 || MP: 179
S32 MAN: GP: 42 || W: 25 || L: 11 || OTL: 6 || SV%: .904 || GAA: 2.76 || SO: 2 || GA: 117 || SA: 1214 || MP: 2546
S33 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 18 || L: 20 || OTL: 6 || SV%: .894 || GAA: 3.10 || SO: 1 || GA: 138 || SA: 1302 || MP: 2668
S34 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 24 || L: 18 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .897 || GAA: 3.19 || SO: 1 || GA: 142 || SA: 1380 || MP: 2667
S35 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 21 || L: 17 || OTL: 6 || SV%: .902 || GAA: 3.07 || SO: 4 || GA: 137 || SA: 1393 || MP: 2676
S36 MAN: GP: 41 || W: 21 || L: 18 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .911 || GAA: 2.98 || SO: 2 || GA: 123 || SA: 1378 || MP: 2478
S37 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 20 || L: 21 || OTL: 3 || SV%: .915 || GAA: 2.73 || SO: 1 || GA: 121 || SA: 1428 || MP: 2660
S38 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 24 || L: 16 || OTL: 4 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 3.00 || SO: 3 || GA: 133 || SA: 1429 || MP: 2664
S39 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 18 || L: 25 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 3.20 || SO: 2 || GA: 141 || SA: 1512 || MP: 2664
S40 MAN: GP: 44 || W: 22 || L: 17 || OTL: 5 || SV%: .920 || GAA: 2.59 || SO: 2 || GA: 115 || SA: 1433 || MP: 2669
S41 MAN: GP: 35 || W: 15 || L: 19 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .916 || GAA: 2.99 || SO: 3 || GA: 105 || SA: 1257 || MP: 2106
CAREER: GP: 429 || W: 208 || L: 185 || OTL: 36 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 2.96 || SO: 21 || GA: 1,284 || SA: 13,818 || MP: 25,977
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics
S32 MAN: GP: 15 || W: 9 || L: 4 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .916 || GAA: 2.75 || SO: 0 || GA: 45 || SA: 545 || MP: 1004
S34 MAN: GP: 14 || W: 12 || L: 0 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .911 || GAA: 2.43 || SO: 1 || GA: 37 || SA: 415 || MP: 915
S38 MAN: GP: 20 || W: 12 || L: 6 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .934 || GAA: 2.24 || SO: 3 || GA: 46 || SA: 699 || MP: 1232
CAREER: GP: 49 || W: 33 || L: 10 || OTL: 6 || SV%: .923 || GAA: 2.44 || SO: 4 || GA: 128 || SA: 1659 || MP: 3151
--------------------------------------------------
IHF Statistics
S31 FIN: GP: 1 || W: 0 || L: 0 || OTL: 0 || SV%: 1.000 || GAA: 0.00 || SO: 0 || GA: 0 || SA: 6 || MP: 15
S33 FIN: GP: 6 || W: 1 || L: 1 || OTL: 2 || SV%: .934 || GAA: 2.18 || SO: 0 || GA: 12 || SA: 181 || MP: 330
S34 FIN: GP: 11 || W: 6 || L: 5 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .904 || GAA: 3.04 || SO: 0 || GA: 32 || SA: 333 || MP: 632
S35 FIN: GP: 13 || W: 7 || L: 2 || OTL: 4 || SV%: .906 || GAA: 2.90 || SO: 0 || GA: 37 || SA: 392 || MP: 766
S36 FIN: GP: 13 || W: 6 || L: 3 || OTL: 1 || SV%: .901 || GAA: 3.10 || SO: 1 || GA: 34 || SA: 344 || MP: 658
S37 FIN: GP: 13 || W: 11 || L: 2 || OTL: 0 || SV%: .903 || GAA: 2.73 || SO: 1 || GA: 35 || SA: 362 || MP: 769
CAREER: GP: 57 || W: 31 || L: 13 || OTL: 7 || SV%: .907 || GAA: 2.84 || SO: 2 || GA: 150 || SA: 1618 || MP: 3,170
--------------------------------------------------
Accomplishments:
Drafted 5th Overall in S31 Entry Draft by Manhattan Rage
--------------------------------------------------
Awards:
S31 Four Star Cup Champion - Kelowna
S34 Challenge Cup Champion - Manhattan
S35 Bronze Medal - Finland
S37 Gold Medal - Finland
S38 Challenge Cup Champion - Manhattan

#13 Jax Aittokallio || C || Manhattan Rage || 1916 TPE
-------------------------------------------------
Name: Jax Aittokallio
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 208 lbs
Number: 13
Birthplace: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Birthday: S25
--------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
S42 ANC: GP: 50 || G: 7 || A: 15 || P: 22 || HIT: 25 || SB: 4 || SHT: 105 || SHT%: 6.67
S43 ANC/STL: GP: 51 || G: 14 || A: 20 || P: 34 || HIT: 41 || SB: 8 || SHT: 122 || SHT%: 11.48
CAREER: GP: 101 || G: 21 || A: 35 || P: 56 || HIT: 66 || SB: 12 || SHT: 227 || SHT%: 9.25
--------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Statistics
S42 ANC: GP: 9 || G: 1 || A: 3 || P: 4 || HIT: 8 || SB: 0 || SHT: 16 || SHT%: 6.25
S43 STL: GP: 12 || G: 2 || A: 4 || P: 6 || HIT: 9 || SB: 3 || SHT: 26 || SHT%: 7.69
CAREER: GP: 21 || G: 3 || A: 7 || P: 10 || HIT: 17 || SB: 3 || SHT: 42 || SHT%: 7.14
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics
S44 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 15 || A: 18 || P: 33 || HIT: 48 || SB: 11 || SHT: 120 || SHT%: 12.50
S45 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 11 || A: 15 || P: 26 || HIT: 28 || SB: 5 || SHT: 111 || SHT%: 9.91
S46 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 21 || A: 22 || P: 43 || HIT: 27 || SB: 12 || SHT: 166 || SHT%: 12.65
S47 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 15 || A: 18 || P: 33 || HIT: 23 || SB: 11 || SHT: 155 || SHT%: 9.68
S48 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 14 || A: 22 || P: 36 || HIT: 63 || SB: 16 || SHT: 151 || SHT%: 9.27
S49 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 21 || A: 27 || P: 48 || HIT: 21 || SB: 8 || SHT: 164 || SHT%: 12.80
S50 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 17 || A: 20 || P: 37 || HIT: 9 || SB: 11 || SHT: 156 || SHT%: 10.90
S51 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 17 || A: 24 || P: 41 || HIT: 8 || SB: 13 || SHT: 170 || SHT%: 10.00
S52 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 21 || A: 15 || P: 36 || HIT: 5 || SB: 8 || SHT: 166 || SHT%: 12.65
S53 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 20 || A: 23 || P: 43 || HIT: 31 || SB: 53 || SHT: 196 || SHT%: 10.20
S54 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 13 || A: 38 || P: 51 || HIT: 29 || SB: 42 || SHT: 157 || SHT%: 8.28
S55 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 14 || A: 24 || P: 38 || HIT: 33 || SB: 29 || SHT: 157 || SHT%: 8.92
S56 MAN: GP: 50 || G: 19 || A: 31 || P: 50 || HIT: 39 || SB: 36 || SHT: 160 || SHT%: 11.88
CAREER: GP: 650 || G: 218 || A: 297 || P: 515 || HIT: 364 || SB: 248 || SHT: 2029 || SHT%: 10.74
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics
S46 MAN: GP: 12 || G: 6 || A: 6 || P: 12 || HIT: 8 || SB: 6 || SHT: 48 || SHT%: 12.50
S47 MAN: GP: 5 || G: 1 || A: 1 || P: 2 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 17 || SHT%: 5.88
S49 MAN: GP: 11 || G: 4 || A: 4 || P: 8 || HIT: 6 || SB: 1 || SHT: 27 || SHT%: 14.81
S50 MAN: GP: 6 || G: 2 || A: 2 || P: 4 || HIT: 1 || SB: 2 || SHT: 31 || SHT%: 6.45
S51 MAN: GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 7 || P: 10 || HIT: 1 || SB: 5 || SHT: 55 || SHT%: 5.45
S52 MAN: GP: 19 || G: 6 || A: 5 || P: 11 || HIT: 10 || SB: 4 || SHT: 61 || SHT%: 9.84
S53 MAN: GP: 6 || G: 1 || A: 2 || P: 3 || HIT: 7 || SB: 7 || SHT: 22 || SHT%: 4.55
S54 MAN: GP: 4 || G: 1 || A: 0 || P: 1 || HIT: 0 || SB: 5 || SHT: 9 || SHT%: 11.11
S55 MAN: GP: 7 || G: 0 || A: 6 || P: 6 || HIT: 5 || SB: 3 || SHT: 13 || SHT%: 0.00
CAREER: GP: 82 || G: 24 || A: 33 || P: 57 || HIT: 38 || SB: 33 || SHT: 283 || SHT%: 8.48
--------------------------------------------------
IHF Statistics
S44 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 2 || A: 3 || P: 5 || HIT: 21 || SB: 1 || SHT: 18 || SHT%: 11.11
S45 FIN: GP: 10 || G: 3 || A: 5 || P: 8 || HIT: 10 || SB: 1 || SHT: 20 || SHT%: 15.00
S46 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 4 || A: 2 || P: 6 || HIT: 14 || SB: 1 || SHT: 28 || SHT%: 14.29
S47 FIN: GP: 13 || G: 7 || A: 6 || P: 13 || HIT: 15 || SB: 2 || SHT: 37 || SHT%: 19.44
S48 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 4 || A: 4 || P: 8 || HIT: 10 || SB: 2 || SHT: 42 || SHT%: 9.52
S49 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 6 || A: 7 || P: 13 || HIT: 3 || SB: 3 || SHT: 54 || SHT%: 11.11
S50 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 0 || P: 3 || HIT: 1 || SB: 3 || SHT: 45 || SHT%: 6.67
S51 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 1 || A: 8 || P: 9 || HIT: 0 || SB: 3 || SHT: 35 || SHT%: 2.86
S52 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 3 || A: 6 || P: 9 || HIT: 4 || SB: 5 || SHT: 40 || SHT%: 7.69
S53 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 6 || A: 13 || P: 19 || HIT: 13 || SB: 12 || SHT: 51 || SHT%: 11.76
S54 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 5 || A: 14 || P: 19 || HIT: 20 || SB: 20 || SHT: 40 || SHT%: 12.50
S55 FIN: GP: 12 || G: 1 || A: 4 || P: 5 || HIT: 9 || SB: 15 || SHT: 50 || SHT%: 2.00
CAREER: GP: 143 || G: 45 || A: 72 || P: 117 || HIT: 120 || SB: 68 || SHT: 460 || SHT%: 9.78
--------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
N/A
--------------------------------------------------
Accomplishments:
N/A
--------------------------------------------------
Awards:
N/A
--------------------------------------------------

#16 Jesper Aittokallio || C || Maine Timber || 211 TPE
-------------------------------------------------
Name: Jesper Aittokallio
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 217 lbs
Number: 16
Birthplace: New York City, New York, USA (Plays for Finland)
Birthday: S44
--------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
S61 MET: GP: 0 || G: 0 || A: 0 || P: 0 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 0 || SHT%: 0
CAREER: GP: 0 || G: 0 || A: 0 || P: 0 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 0 || SHT%: 0
--------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Statistics
CAREER: GP: 0 || G: 0 || A: 0 || P: 0 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 0 || SHT%: 0
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics
CAREER: GP: 0 || G: 0 || A: 0 || P: 0 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 0 || SHT%: 0
--------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Statistics
CAREER: GP: 0 || G: 0 || A: 0 || P: 0 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 0 || SHT%: 0
--------------------------------------------------
IHF Statistics
CAREER: GP: 0 || G: 0 || A: 0 || P: 0 || HIT: 0 || SB: 0 || SHT: 0 || SHT%: 0
--------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
N/A
--------------------------------------------------
Accomplishments:
N/A
--------------------------------------------------
Awards:
N/A
--------------------------------------------------

GOING DOWN IN STYLE. TOAST4LYFE

In college we tricked our greedy roomate (important to note this dude would just eat/drink other peoples stuff without a into drinking a 2L of mountain dew that was 50% laxitives. A while later he popped up out his chair, grabbed his ass, whispered loudly "OH GOD" and ran out of the room towards the bathroom.

 In the same day we tricked him into eating a chocolate cupcake which had "sprinkles" which were actually shoe polish chunks. Also it was sprayed with lysol.

A dolphin swims into a bar and sees his friends there at a table. "Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?" Its really a terrible joke but I find myself saying "whale whale whale," often.

Usually, when I'm playing for a team, I like to share tidbits about what's happening around me instead of an actual prank. To those who are familiar with me, my life in Brazil isn't exactly normal and so there's usually plenty of wild shenanigans to talk about.

The one that comes to mind the quickest has to be the time I woke up to a notification on Whatsapp talking about porn-acting tryouts. Personally, I found it a bit of a pisstake when I saw it, they expected people to pay to expose their sausages for someone to check size, girth and all that jazz. And this was even during the pandemic, imagine having to pay, get told you're too small, then end up bedridden because you got the virus. Hell of a package. Well, not literally but you get what I mean.

Player Page - Update Page

Former Players: Yoshimitsu McCloud (LW, #64) -
Won a Four Star Cup once, knew ninjutsu, picture editors hated him, never tried free agency
Anton Harrier (LW, #90) -
Won WJC gold, liked skateboarding a lot, went to the finals with Manhattan, kept his seat glued in LR

Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are really good at it.

That's my favorite dad joke.

My second favorite dad joke is:

Why do divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they would still be in the boat.

Sigs by Me, Merica, High Stick King, Rum_Ham, Jess, vulfzilla, enigmatic, and Carpy

 

Brian Morley | LAP | S30 Hall of Fame
———————————
CAREER AWARDS/ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
1x Challenge Cup (S17)
2x 1st All-Star Team (S22, S24)
1x 2nd All-Star Team (S23)
1x Sergei Karpotsov Trophy (S22)
2x Jay McDonald Trophy (S22, S24)
2x Damian Littleton Nominee (S21)
2x Ron Mexico Nominee (S22, S23)
2x Jeff Dar Nominee (S23, S24)
First, second and fifth most goals in a season in the 52 game era
Second most points in a season in the 52 game era
Second most goals by a player in Los Angeles Panthers franchise history
Second most points by a player in Los Angeles Panthers franchise history
Most goals, assists and points by a player drafted in S14
———————————
CAREER STATS:
758 GP:  265 Goals, 328 Assists, 593 Points

Chimkin Wing | Right Wing | Retired Beef Cake
Jersey Number: 35
Height: 6ft 8in
Weight: 225 lbs
Birthplace: Zrenjanin, Serbia
———————————
Signed as a free agent in S55 with the Anchorage Armada
Drafted 47th overall in the S56 SHL draft by the Buffalo Stampede
———————————
SMJHL REGULAR SEASON STATS:
S55: GP: 10 | W: 5 | L: 4 | OTL: 0 | GAA: 2.31 | SV%: .910 | SO: 1
S56: GP: 26 | W: 12 L: 8 | OTL: 3 | GAA: 2.59 | SV%: .893 | SO: 2
S57: GP: 53 | W: 33 L: 12 | OTL: 7 | GAA: 2.02 | SV%: .920 | SO: 8
S58: GP: 51 | W: 27 L: 22 | OTL: 2 | GAA: 2.11 | SV%: .927 | SO: 8
SMJHL PLAYOFF STATS:
S57: GP: 16 | W: 12 L: 3 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 1.86 | SV%: .926 | SO: 1
S58: GP: 21 | W: 13 L: 7 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.56 | SV%: .906 | SO: 0
———————————
SHL REGULAR SEASON STATS:
S58: GP: 3 | W: 2 | L: 0 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 1.95 | SV%: .880 | SO: 1
S59: GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 26 | P: 34 | +/-: 38 | PIM: 16
S60: GP: 66 | G: 19 | A: 23 | P: 42 | +/-: 32 | PIM: 12
S61: GP: 66 | G: 11 | A: 31 | P: 42 | +/-: 36 | PIM: 38
S62: GP: 66 | G: 4 | A: 38 | P: 42 | +/-: 34 | PIM: 12
S63: GP: 66 | G: 6 | A: 28 | P: 34 | +/-: 7 | PIM: 19
S64: GP: 66 | G: 36 | A: 54 | P: 90 | +/-: 44 | PIM: 16
S65: GP: 66 | G: 44 | A: 41 | P: 85 | +/-: 18 | PIM: 18
S66: GP: 66 | G: 27 | A: 54 | P: 81 | +/-: 12 | PIM: 34
S67: GP: 66 | G: 20 | A: 55 | P: 75 | +/-: -10 | PIM: 44
S68: GP: 66 | G: 33 | A: 57 | P: 90 | +/-: 32 | PIM: 20
S69: GP: 66 | G: 32 | A: 59 | P: 91 | +/-: 31 | PIM: 34
S70: GP: 66 | G: 12 | A: 64 | P: 76 | +/-: 31 | PIM: 26
S71: GP: 66 | G: 23 | A: 38 | P: 61 | +/-: 22 | PIM: 26
S72: GP: 66 | G: 22 | A: 33 | P: 55 | +/-: 0 | PIM: 34
S73: GP: 66 | G: 17 | A: 39 | P: 56 | +/-: 21 | PIM: 20
S74: GP: 66 | G: 29 | A: 38 | P: 67 | +/-: 28 | PIM: 20
TOT: GP: 1056 | G: 343 | A: 678 | P: 1021 | +/-: 376 | PIM: 389
SHL PLAYOFF STATS:
S59: GP: 19 | G: 2 | A: 7 | P: 9 | +/-: -2 | PIM: 4
S60: GP: 22 | G: 6 | A: 15 | P: 21 | +/-: 12 | PIM: 4
S61: GP: 9 | G: 1 | A: 5 | P: 6 | +/-: 7 | PIM: 2
S62: GP: 9 | G: 2 | A: 3 | P: 5 | +/-: 3 | PIM: 2
S63: GP: 12 | G: 1 | A: 4 | P: 5 | +/-: 2 | PIM: 0
S64: GP: 11 | G: 4 | A: 8 | P: 12 | +/-: 2 | PIM: 2
S65: GP: 18 | G: 12 | A: 14 | P: 26 | +/-: 12 | PIM: 0
S66: GP: 16 | G: 4 | A: 9 | P: 13 | +/-: -2 | PIM: 2
S67: GP: 4 | G: 1 | A: 2 | P: 3 | +/-: -2 | PIM: 0
S68: GP: 17 | G: 10 | A: 17 | P: 27 | +/-: 6 | PIM: 10
S69: GP: 4 | G: 1 | A: 4 | P: 5 | +/-: -5 | PIM: 2
S70: GP: 7 | G: 2 | A: 1 | P: 3 | +/-: -2 | PIM: 2
S71: GP: 21 | G: 7 | A: 17 | P: 24 | +/-: 6 | PIM: 4
S72: GP: 5 | G: 0 | A: 1 | P: 1 | +/-: -4 | PIM: 0
S73: GP: 6 | G: 1 | A: 6 | P: 6 | +/-: 0 | PIM: 2
S74: GP: 9 | G: 0 | A: 2 | P: 2 | +/-: -3 | PIM: 4
TOT: GP: 189 | G: 54 | A: 114 | P: 168 | +/-: 34 | PIM: 40
———————————
AWARDS AND ACCOLADES:
S55 Matt Lewis-Flood Trophy
S57 Four Star Cup Champion
S57 SMJHL Second All Star Team
S57 Brodie Witzel Trophy - Playoffs MVP
S58 SMJHL First All Star Team
S58 Matt Lewis-Flood Trophy
S58 Cedric Robinson Trophy - Best Goalie
S60 Challenge Cup Champion
S64 Named Buffalo Stampede Captain
S64 Aidan Richan Award
S69 SHL All Star
S71 Challenge Cup Champion

Ongo Gablogian, the art collector | RD | Carolina Kraken
---------------------------------------------
Charmed, I'm sure
---------------------------------------------
Jersey Number: 0
Height: 4 ft 10in
Weight: 290 lbs
Birthplace: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
---------------------------------------------
Drafted 8th overall by the Carolina Kraken in S74
Drafted 39th overall by the Buffalo Stampede in S75
---------------------------------------------
REGULAR SEASON STATS
S74: GP: 66 | G: 3 | A: 22 | P: 25 | +/-: -16 | PIM: 32 | HITS: 109
S75: GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 18 | P: 26 | +/-: -9 | PIM: 38 | HITS: 126
S76: GP: 66 | G: 6 | A: 25 | P: 31 | +/-: +52 | PIM: 26 | HITS: 112
S77: GP: 66 | G: 13 | A: 37 | P: 50 | +/-: -8 | PIM: 41 | HITS: 120
TOT: GP: 264 | G: 30 | A: 203 | P: 132 | +/-: +19 | PIM:13 | HITS: 112
---------------------------------------------
PLAYOFF STATS
S74: DNQ
S75: GP: 12 | G: 0 | A: 1 | P: 1 | +/-: -2 | PIM: 6 | HITS: 22
S76: GP: 20 | G: 0 | A: 11 | P: 11 | +/-: 0 | PIM: 14 | HITS: 43
S77: GP: 11 | G: 2 | A: 7 | P: 9 | +/-: -1 | PIM: 6 | HITS: 14
TOT: GP: 32 | G: 2 | A: 19 | P: 21 | +/-: -3 | PIM: 26  | HITS: 79
---------------------------------------------
AWARDS AND ACCOLADES
S76 Alex Metzler Award

❤!! RIP to the big homies 701 and Mac !!❤

I think a great running joke is @dmills3's height. It always makes me laugh, it makes everyone else laugh, it makes mills laugh (maybe). 

Just a fantastic joke that never gets old

 Zedward Zilliams | LD | Detroit | Tampa Bay | Great Britain | S71 - | 2008 TPE

Age: 27

Height: 6'4

Weight: 220 lbs
Birthplace: Stockport, England
Number: 22

----------------------------------------

(S71) Drafted 8th Overall by the Detroit Falcons

(S72) Drafted 2nd Overall by the Hamilton Steelhawks

----------------------------------------
CAREER

GP: 820 | G: 103 | A: 274 | P: 377 | B: 1,795 | -117
----------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season
GP: 264 | G: 19 | A: 91 | P: 110 | B: 833 | -60
----------------------------------------

SMJHL Playoffs
GP: 30 | G: 03 | A: 12 | P: 15 | B: 65 | -6

----------------------------------------

SHL Regular Season
GP: 330 | G: 68 | A: 123 | P: 191 | B: 535 | -15
----------------------------------------
SHL Playoffs
GP: 55 | G: 07 | A: 17 | P: 24 | B: 98 | -10
----------------------------------------

WJC
GP: 54 | G: 01 | A: 18 | P: 19 | B: 131 | +3
----------------------------------------

IIHF
GP: 87 | G: 05 | A: 13 | P: 18 | B: 133 | -29
----------------------------------------

Achievements

(S71) Alternate Captain of Detroit

(S71) Blocked Shots League Leader

(S71) Most Shots Blocked in SMJHL Season

(S71) All-Defense Team

(S71) WJC Silver Medal

(S72) Blocked Shots League Leader
(S74) 3rd All Time in SMJHL Blocked Shots

(S74) Four Star Cup Champion

(S75) Rookie All Star Team

(S78) Defenseman Goals League Leader

----------------------------------------

Teams

(S71-S74) Detroit Falcons

(S75-S78) Hamilton Steelhawks

(S79-) Tampa Bay Barracuda

Edward Williams | C | Detroit | Texas | Great Britain | S52 - S69 | 2171 TPE
Age: 37
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 205 lbs
Birthplace: Stockport, England
Number: 22

----------------------------------------
(S52) Drafted 11th Overall by the Detroit Falcons
(S53) Drafted 4th Overall by the Texas Renegades

----------------------------------------

CAREER

GP: 1507 | G: 458 | A: 678 | P: 1136 | +191
----------------------------------------

SMJHL Regular Season
TOTAL | GP: 200 | G: 73 | A: 92 | P: 165 | +13
----------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoffs
TOTAL | GP: 38 | G: 07 | A: 13 | P: 20 | -14
----------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season
TOTAL | GP: 908 | G: 302 | A: 452 | P: 754 | +157
----------------------------------------
SHL Playoffs
TOTAL | GP: 143 | G: 36 | A: 67 | P: 103 | +5
----------------------------------------
WJC
TOTAL | GP: 77 | G: 14 | A: 18 | P: 32 | +2
----------------------------------------
IIHF

TOTAL | GP: 141 | G: 26 | A: 36 | P: 62 | +28
----------------------------------------
Achievements
(S52) SMJHL All-Rookie Team
(S52) Esa Anrikkanen Trophy (Top Rookie)
(S53) Alternate Captain of Detroit
(S53) Eastern Conference All-Star
(S53) Four Star Cup Champion
(S53) 1st Team All-SMJHL
(S53) Jared Hanson (Scoring Champ)
(S53) Roberto Martucci (Goal Leader)
(S53) Raymond Lindsay (Players MVP)

(S53) Ideen Fallah Nominee (Award Committee MVP)

[/align]

(S54) WJC Silver Medal
(S54) IIHF Silver Medal
(S55) IIHF Gold Medal
(S56) IIHF Silver Medal
(S56) Ryan Jesster (Best Rookie)
(S56) All-Rookie Team
(S57) IIHF Silver Medal

(S58) IIHF Silver Medal

(S59) Western Conference All-Star

(S59) Challenge Cup Champion

(S60) IIHF Silver Medal

(S61) Western Conference All-Star

(S61) Jeff Dar Trophy (Best Two-Way Forward) 

(S61) IIHF Gold Medal

(S62) Challenge Cup Champion

----------------------------------------
Teams
(S52-55) Detroit Falcons

(S56-65) Texas Renegades

(S66) Seattle Argnoauts

(S67) Los Angeles Panthers

(S68) Tampa Bay Barracuda

(S69) Los Angeles Panthers

William Zilliams | Head GM | Detroit | S72 - S78

----------------------------------------

CAREER

Regular Season | 238-192-32

Postseason | 34-31

----------------------------------------

SMJHL Regular Season

(S72) | 21-39-6 | P: 48 | 13th

(S73) | 31-28-7 | P: 69 | 8th

(S74) | 42-20-4 | P: 88 | 3rd

(S75) | 40-22-4 | P: 84 | 4th

(S76) | 29-34-3 | P: 61 | 11th

(S77) | 38-23-5 | P: 81 | 4th

(S78) | 37-26-3 | P: 77 | 6th

----------------------------------------

SMJHL Playoffs
(S73) | R1: 4-1 | QF: 0-4

(S74) | R1: Bye | QF: 4-0 | SF: 4-2 | CH: 4-3

(S75) | R1: 4-3 | QF: 3-4

(S76) | R1: 0-4

(S77) | R1: 2-4

(S78) | R1: 4-0 | QF: 4-2 | SF: 1-4

----------------------------------------

Achievements

(S74) Four Star Cup Champion

(S74) Nour Harrak Nominee (Top GM)

Something I found kinda funny that I saw recently was during the Canada vs. Mexico World Cup qualifiers, where left-back Sam Adekugbe did a dead fish dive into a snowbank while celebrating. I'd post a picture but Google is being uncooperative and I can't get a good one.

Former Agent of Nick Brain: Center/Right Winger -   

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”

Willow Söderberg-Snooks || RD || Los Angeles Panthers || S69-
Name: Willow Söderberg-Snooks 
Birthplace: Östersund, Sweden
Height: 5'7" 
Weight: 150
Number: 97
------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats
S69 | REG | GP: 66 | G: 1 | A: 20 | PTS: 21 | BLK: 198 | +/-: -9 
S70 | REG | GP: 66 | G: 4 | A: 12 | PTS: 16 | BLK: 247 | +/-: -10
S71 | REG | GP: 66 | G: 3 | A: 22 | PTS: 25 | BLK: 294 | +/-: 15 
S72 | REG | GP: 66 | G: 4 | A: 12 | PTS: 16 | BLK: 247 | +/-: 10
S73 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 10 | A: 32 | PTS: 42 | BLK: 137 | +/-: -24 
S74 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 18 | A: 45 | PTS: 63 | BLK: 137 | +/-: 2 
S75 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 21 | A: 29 | PTS: 50 | BLK: 105 | +/-: -6
S76 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 12 | A: 53 | PTS: 65 | BLK: 127 | +/-: 52 
S77 | SFP | GP: 66 | G: 14 | A: 43 | PTS: 57 | BLK: 115 | +/-: 44 
------------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs Stats
S69 | REG | GP: 6 | G: 1 | A: 1 | PTS: 2 | BLK: 11 | +/-: -2
S71 | REG | GP: 11 | G: 1 | A: 6 | PTS: 7 | BLK: 45 | +/-: 6 
S72 | REG | GP: 5 | G: 1 | A: 3 | PTS: 4 | BLK: 10 | +/-: 0
S73 | SFP | GP: 4 | G: 1 | A: 1 | PTS: 2 | BLK: 12 | +/-: -4 
S74 | SFP | GP: 17 | G: 3 | A: 5 | PTS: 8 | BLK: 23 | +/-: 0 
S74 | SFP | GP: 4 | G: 0 | A: 2 | PTS: 2 | BLK: 9 | +/-: -4
S76 | SFP | GP: 21 | G: 8 | A: 13 | PTS: 21 | BLK: 44 | +/-: 14 
S77 | SFP | GP: 18 | G: 6 | A: 10 | PTS: 16 | BLK: 41 | +/-: 5 
------------------------------------------------------------
Achievements
Drafted 24th OA by Regina Elk
Drafted 7th OA by San Francisco Pride
Won S76 Challenge Cup with San Francisco Pride
Won S73, S75 IIHF Gold Medal with Sweden

Evgeni Petrov || G || Newfoundland Berserkers/Atlanta Inferno || S58-S69
Name: Evgeni Petrov
Birthplace: Volgograd, Russia
Height: 6'6''
Weight: 200 lbs
Number: 97
------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats
S58 | NL | GP: 21 | W: 14 | L: 6 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.15 | SV%: 0.894 | SO: 5
S59 | NL | GP: 22 | W: 12 | L: 6 | OTL: 2 | GAA: 2.28 | SV%: 0.896 | SO: 3
S60 | NL | GP: 44 | W: 38 | L: 4 | OTL: 2 | GAA: 1.95 | SV%: 0.914 | SO: 3
S61 | NL | GP: 39 | W: 22 | L: 13 | OTL: 3 | GAA: 2.44 | SV%: 0.914 | SO: 3
S62 | ATL | GP: 22 | W: 9 | L: 8 | OTL: 3 | GAA: 3.20 | SV%: 0.908 | SO: 2
S63 | ATL | GP: 28 | W: 15 | L: 8 | OTL: 3 | GAA: 2.83 | SV%: 0.917 | SO: 1
S64 | ATL | GP: 52 | W: 31 | L: 15 | OTL: 2 | GAA: 2.75 | SV%: 0.915 | SO: 6
S65 | ATL | GP: 49 | W: 27 | L: 17 | OTL: 4 | GAA: 2.96 | SV%: 0.913 | SO: 3
S66 | ATL | GP: 49 | W: 36 | L: 11 | OTL: 2 | GAA: 2.52 | SV%: 0.905 | SO: 5
S67 | ATL | GP: 48 | W: 34 | L: 12 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.63 | SV%: 0.911 | SO: 6
S68 | ATL | GP: 48 | W: 36 | L: 11 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.51 | SV%: 0.919 | SO: 4
S69 | ATL | GP: 49 | W: 29 | L: 15 | OTL: 4 | GAA: 3.38 | SV%: 0.888 | SO: 1
------------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs Stats
S59 | NL | GP: 2 | W: 0 | L: 0 | OTL: 0 | GAA: 4.65 | SV%: 0.889 | SO:
S60 | NL | GP: 14 | W: 10 | L: 3 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 1.71 | SV%: 0.923 | SO: 3
S61 | NL | GP: 14 | W: 8 | L: 5 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.54 | SV%: 0.919 | SO: 0
S63 | ATL | GP: 1 | W: 0 | L: 0 | OTL: 0 | GAA: 3.54 | SV%: 0.875 | SO: 0
S64 | ATL | GP: 21 | W: 13 | L: 7 | OTL: 0 | GAA: 2.94 | SV%: 0.928 | SO: 0
S65 | ATL | GP: 12 | W: 7 | L: 3 | OTL: 2 | GAA: 2.87 | SV%: 0.913 | SO: 0
S66 | ATL | GP: 21 | W: 16 | L: 5 | OTL: 0 | GAA: 2.86 | SV%: 0.889 | SO: 2
S67 | ATL | GP: 11 | W: 7 | L: 3 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.95 | SV%: 0.891 | SO: 0
S68 | ATL | GP: 12 | W: 7 | L: 4 | OTL: 1 | GAA: 2.92 | SV%: 0.889 | SO: 0
S69 | ATL | GP: 14 | W: 7 | L: 7 | OTL: 0 | GAA: 3.58 | SV%: 0.875 | SO: 1
------------------------------------------------------------
Achievements
Drafted 15th OA by Newfoundland Berserkers
Drafted 34th OA by Atlanta Inferno
All time Berserker of the Game Leader
S60 Cedric Robinson Award Winner
S60 Four Star Cup Champion
S66 Challenge Cup Champion
S67 John McBride Award Winner 
S68 John McBride Award Winner

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? Well, it’s In case they get a hole in one, of course.

S2, S5, S18, S22 Challenge Cup Champion
Hall Of Famers: (S7) Alex Reay | (S28) Daniel Merica

LW- Daniel Merica | Rage | Hall of Fame
REGULAR SEASON STATS:
S15 | SEA | 50 GP | 11 G | 9 A | 20 PTS |15 H | 2 GWG
S16 | SEA | 50 GP | 8 G  | 7 A  | 15 PTS | 9 H
S17 | SEA | 50 GP | 18 G | 17 A | 35 PTS | 20 H | 3 GWG
S18 | SEA | 50 GP | 17 G | 24 A | 41 PTS | 89 H | 3 GWG
S19 | SEA | 50 GP | 17 G | 33 A | 50 PTS | 23 H | 2 GWG
S20 | SEA | 52 GP | 24 G | 23 A | 47 PTS | 52 H | 5 GWG
S21 | MAN| 52 GP | 22 G | 31 A | 53 PTS | 41 H | 6 GWG
S22 | MAN| 52 GP | 23 G | 35 A | 58 PTS |154 H| 1 GWG
S23 | MAN| 52 GP | 22 G | 23 A | 45 PTS | 105 H| 2 GWG
S24 | MAN| 52 GP | 16 G | 21 A | 37 PTS | 95 H | 1 GWG
S25 | MAN| 50 GP | 17 G | 20 A | 37 PTS |92 H
S26 | TEX | 50 GP | 18 G | 20 A | 38 PTS | 37 h
AWARDS
S15 SMJHL MVP
S18 Challenge Cup Champion
S21 1st Team All-Star
S22 1st Team All-Star
S22 Challenge Cup Champion
S28 1st Ballot Hall of Famer


LW- Daniel Merica Jr. | Stampede |  TPE: 1,013
SMJHL REGULAR SEASON STATS:
S59 | ANA | 66 GP | 9 G | 6 A | 15 P | 100.4 PDO |               
S60 | ANA | 66 GP | 14 G | 16 A | 30 P | 100.2 PDO |
S61 | STL | 66 GP | 17 G | 12 A | 29 P | 99.2 PDO
AWARDS:
S61 WJC GOLD MEDAL+ GWG
SMJHL TRANSACTIONS:
S59: Drafted 22nd Overall by Anaheim Outlaws
S61: Traded to St. Louis Scarecrows
SHL TRANSACTIONS:
S60: Drafted 16th Overall by Winnipeg Aurora
S62: Traded to Buffalo Stampede for S65 2nd



Thanks to Ragnar, Wasty and myself for the sigs.

Trying to think of a joke that wont get me in trouble here is quite difficult I like that dark humor stuff but k know thats not going slide

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What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
8 pirates

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear

Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked

I'm watching the movie Dude Where's My Car, the scene where they kiss eachother at the red light. I forgot how funny this movie was. Zoltan

One time on april fools the atlanta gms, who are very funny people, decided to do this very funny thing where they changed the lr to be the seattle argonauts lr and change their profile pictures and nicknames to the ones of the seattle gms, so when i woke up, i was so confused, because it wasnt the atlanta discord anymore, it was the seattle one, but i wasnt on the seattle argonauts roster. Turns out it was all a prank, it wasnt really the seattle discord! Silly Gms!


89 words

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Paul Koivu || RW || Anchorage Armada/Hamilton Steelhawks || S62 || Also a bust
Name: Paul Koivu
Birthplace: Montreal,Canada
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 178 lbs
Number: 62
------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats
S61 | ANC | GP: 66 | G: 9 | A: 16 | P: 25 | +/-: 2
S62 | ANC | GP: 66 | G: 11 | A: 29 | P: 40 | +/-: 29
S63 | ANC | GP: 66 | G: 15 | A: 32 | P: 47 | +/-: 0
S64 | ANC | GP: 66 | G: 22 | A: 20 | P: 42 | +/-: -51
S65 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 15 | A: 23 | P: 28 | +/-: -33
S66 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 24 | A: 39 | P: 63 | +/-: -34
S67 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 25 | A: 33 | P: 58 | +/-: -7
S68 | NEW | GP: 66 | G: 39 | A: 42 | P: 81 | +/-: 5
------------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs Stats
S61 | ANC | GP: 10 | G: 5 | A: 2 | P: 7 | +/-: 8
S62 | ANC | GP: 14 | G: 4 | A: 6 | P: 10 | +/-: 2
S63 | ANC | GP: - | G: - | A: - | P: - | +/-: -
S64 | ANC | GP: 4 | G: 1 | A: 0 | P: 1 | +/-: -5
S65 | NEW | GP: - | G: - | A: - | P: - | +/-: -
S66 | NEW | GP: - | G: - | A: - | P: - | +/-: -
S67 | NEW | GP: 4| G: 0 | A: 3 | P: 3 | +/-: -6
S68 | NEW | GP: 5| G: 1 | A: 1 | P: 2 | +/-: -1
------------------------------------------------------------
Achievements
Drafted 2nd OA by the Anchorage Armada
Drafted 8th OA by the Manhattan Rage
S63 Brandon Holmes Trophy (Best defensive Forward)
S63 WJC Silver Medal
S64 WJC Gold Medal
S66 All-Star Team
|| | |

Simon LeBlanc || D || Kelowna Knights/Atlanta Inferno || S47-S61 || Absolute Bust || Retired
Name: Simon LeBlanc
Birthplace: Montreal,Canada
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 180 lbs
Number: 16
------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats
S47 | KEL | GP: 50 | G: 3 | A: 4 | P: 7 | +/-: 4 | PIM : 28 | SOG: 17 | HT: 57 | SB: 46
S48 | KEL | GP: 50 | G: 2 | A: 15 | P:17 | +/-: -1 | PIM : 56 | SOG: 23 | HT: 60 | SB: 39
S49 | KEL | GP: 50 | G: 6 | A: 23 | P:29 | +/-: 3 | PIM : 30 | SOG: 40 | HT: 55 | SB: 62
S50 | KEL | GP: 50 | G: 3 | A: 35 | P: 38 | +/-: 0 | PIM : 69 | SOG: 41 | HT: 105 | SB: 61
S51 | LAP | GP: 50 | G: 2 | A: 9 | P: 11 | +/-: -4 | PIM : 67 | SOG: 7 | HT: 77 | SB: 61
S52 | LAP | GP: 50 | G: 2 | A: 11 | P: 13 | +/-: 4 | PIM : 35 | SOG: 16 | HT: 101 | SB: 61
S53 | LAP | GP: 50 | G: 4 | A: 11 | P: 15 | +/-: 26 | PIM : 4 | SOG: 68 | HT: 76 | SB: 76
S54 | LAP | GP: 50 | G: 6 | A: 11 | P: 17 | +/-: 13 | PIM : 14 | SOG: 87 | HT: 100 | SB: 80
S55 | LAP | GP: 50 | G: 7 | A: 13 | P: 20 | +/-: -15 | PIM : 8 | SOG: 81 | HT: 91 | SB: 148
S56 | ATL | GP: 50 | G: 2 | A: 16 | P: 18 | +/-: -2 | PIM : 26 | SOG: 100 | HT: 92 | SB: 115
S57 | ATL | GP: 66 | G: 7 | A: 27 | P: 34 | +/-: -4 | PIM : 52 | SOG: 175 | HT: 140 | SB: 140
S58 | ATL | GP: 66 | G: 6 | A: 25 | P: 31 | +/-: 12 | PIM : 30 | SOG: 137 | HT: 130 | SB: 218
S59 | ATL | GP: 66 | G: 10 | A: 19 | P: 29 | +/-: -14 | PIM : 37 | SOG: 152 | HT: 111 | SB: 222
S60 | ATL | GP: 66 | G: 9 | A: 24 | P: 33 | +/-: 25 | PIM : 10 | SOG: 169 | HT: 127 | SB: 170
S61 | ATL | GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 14 | P: 22 | +/-: -4 | PIM : 28 | SOG: 136 | HT: 118 | SB: 146
------------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs Stats
S47 | KEL | GP: 10 | G: 0 | A: 0 | P: 0 | +/-: -3 | PIM : 8 | SOG: 3 | HT: 10 | SB: 7
S48 | KEL | GP: 6 | G: 0 | A: 0 | P: 0 | +/-: -3 | PIM : 6 | SOG: 1 | HT: 13 | SB: 6
S49 | KEL | GP: 17 | G: 0 | A: 7 | P: 7 | +/-: -11 | PIM : 14 | SOG: 17 | HT: 15 | SB: 23
S50 | KEL | GP: 6 | G: 0 | A: 1 | P: 1 | +/-: -2 | PIM : 4 | SOG: 3 | HT: 13 | SB: 5
S51 | LAP | GP: 15 | G: 0 | A: 2 | P: 2 | +/-: -2 | PIM : 14 | SOG: 5 | HT: 26 | SB: 28
S52 | LAP | GP: 7 | G: 0 | A: 1 | P: 1 | +/-: 0 | PIM : 0 | SOG: 2 | HT: 16 | SB: 5
S53 | LAP | GP: 11 | G: 0 | A: 3 | P: 3 | +/-: -2 | PIM : 2 | SOG: 17 | HT: 22 | SB: 16
S54 | LAP | GP: 12 | G: 2 | A: 3 | P: 5 | +/-: -1 | PIM : 2 | SOG: 13 | HT: 18 | SB: 35
S55 | LAP | GP: - | G: - | A: - | P: - | +/-: - | PIM : - | SOG: - | HT: - | SB: -
S56 | ATL | GP: 11 | G: 0 | A: 3 | P: 3 | +/-: -13 | PIM : 4 | SOG: 15 | HT: 11 | SB: 26
S57 | ATL | GP: 10 | G: 2 | A: 3 | P: 5 | +/-: -3 | PIM : 4 | SOG: 16 | HT: 12 | SB: 38
S58 | ATL | GP: 11 | G: 0 | A: 5 | P: 5 | +/-: 4 | PIM : 4 | SOG: 20 | HT: 11 | SB: 26
S59 | ATL | GP: 4 | G: 0 | A: 3 | P: 3 | +/-: -3 | PIM : 0 | SOG: 11 | HT: 15 | SB: 19
S60 | ATL | GP: 14 | G: 4 | A: 5 | P: 9 | +/-: 3 | PIM : 2 | SOG: 26 | HT: 23 | SB: 39
S61 | ATL | GP: 4 | G: 0| A: 0 | P: 0 | +/-: -4 | PIM : 2 | SOG: 10 | HT: 6 | SB: 10
------------------------------------------------------------
Achievements
Drafted 30th OA by Kelowna 
S47 WJC Gold Medal with Canada
Drafted 25th OA by LA Panthers
S48 WJC Gold Medal with Canada
S50 - Nominated for the Quilha Agante Award(Best Defenseman)
First SHL Goal(S51 - Game 19)
S50 WJC Silver Medal
S51 WJC Gold as WJC GM of Canada
S54 IIHF Gold as Canada Co Fedhead
S55 Traded to Atlanta Inferno
S56 IIHF Gold as Co Fedhead and player
S57 IIHF Gold
S60 Named Captain of the Atlanta Inferno

The joke that gets me every time is the apology letter in Elf. Elf writes out an apology for destroying his families lives and "cramming 11 cookies into the vcr". calling it a vcr implies that he knows what it is and makes the act of cramming cookies into even more outrageous.