Here is my best example of  a joke:

A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink. The bartender asks him : “Why the long face?”

There are two I like:

I've just been on a once in a life time holiday, ill tell you what, never again

And

ive decided to sell my vaccuum cleaner...its just been collecting dust

I saw a hilarious joke recently. This random ass PT director guy set up a new PT, intending to get perfectly serious answers, and everyone gave him dumbass joke answers. Most of them weren't even funny. Sucks to be that guy.

D | S62 | Merlin Metzler | Newfoundland | 199 TPE

|  SMJHL Career |

  SMJHL Regular Seasons
| S61 | (GP 00) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) (+-0) (SHT 000) (SB 00) (P/20 0.00) |

| Movement and Contracts |

| S61 | Signed with Newfoundland Bezerkers, UFA


D | S31 | Alexis Metzler | Buffalo | Detroit | USA | 2,002 TPE [R]

Captain of the Buffalo Stampede, S38-S52
Alternate Captain of the Buffalo Stampede, S34-S37
Alternate Captain of the United States of America, S38-S46
1st Ballot Hall Of Fame, S54 Class

| SHL Career |

  SHL Regular Seasons
| S32 | (GP 50) (G 09) (A 22) (P 31) ( -08) (SHT 077) (SB 073) (P/20 0.56) |
| S33 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 21) (P 24) ( -02) (SHT 086) (SB 063) (P/20 0.41) |
| S34 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 21) (P 24) ( -13) (SHT 077) (SB 072) (P/20 0.40) |
| S35 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 26) (P 37) ( -05) (SHT 086) (SB 071) (P/20 0.62) |
| S36 | (GP 50) (G 09) (A 17) (P 26) ( -14) (SHT 078) (SB 096) (P/20 0.40) |
| S37 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 31) (P 41) ( -20) (SHT 079) (SB 067) (P/20 0.62) |
| S38 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 31) (P 42) ( -12) (SHT 120) (SB 080) (P/20 0.69) |
| S39 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 38) (P 48) (+01) (SHT 107) (SB 083) (P/20 0.80) |
| S40 | (GP 50) (G 08) (A 24) (P 32) ( -13) (SHT 098) (SB 066) (P/20 0.54) |
| S41 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 30) (P 41) ( -10) (SHT 093) (SB 078) (P/20 0.67) |
| S42 | (GP 50) (G 12) (A 40) (P 52) (+16) (SHT 095) (SB 068) (P/20 0.85) |
| S43 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 34) (P 44) (+01) (SHT 093) (SB 081) (P/20 0.74) |
| S44 | (GP 50) (G 09) (A 37) (P 46) (+00) (SHT 092) (SB 070) (P/20 0.76) |
| S45 | (GP 50) (G 04) (A 32) (P 36) (+03) (SHT 088) (SB 076) (P/20 0.61) |
| S46 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 25) (P 35) (+13) (SHT 101) (SB 077) (P/20 0.58) |
| S47 | (GP 50) (G 11) (A 28) (P 39) (+15) (SHT 087) (SB 076) (P/20 0.65) |
| S48 | (GP 50) (G 05) (A 26) (P 31) (+06) (SHT 088) (SB 101) (P/20 0.52) |
| S49 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 25) (P 28) (+03) (SHT 060) (SB 060) (P/20 0.47) |
| S50 | (GP 50) (G 03) (A 18) (P 21) (+02) (SHT 045) (SB 056) (P/20 0.40) |
| S51 | (GP 50) (G 01) (A 10) (P 11) (+07) (SHT 026) (SB 066) (P/20 0.28) |
| S52 | (GP 50) (G 01) (A 07) (P 08) (+07) (SHT 033) (SB 049) (P/20 0.23) |

  SHL Playoffs
| S32 | (DNQ) |
| S33 | (GP 05) (G 00) (A 04) (P 04) (+02) (SHT 012) (SB 010) (P/20 0.64) |
| S34 | (DNQ) |
| S35 | (GP 04) (G 00) (A 01) (P 01) (+00) (SHT 014) (SB 005) (P/20 0.21) |
| S36 | (GP 07) (G 02) (A 04) (P 06) (+02) (SHT 016) (SB 011) (P/20 0.57) |
| S37 | (GP 07) (G 00) (A 03) (P 03) (+00) (SHT 007) (SB 018) (P/20 0.31) |
| S38 | (DNQ) |
| S39 | (DNQ) |
| S40 | (DNQ) |
| S41 | (GP 07) (G 02) (A 04) (P 06) ( -04) (SHT 014) (SB 009) (P/20 0.72) |
| S42 | (GP 07) (G 01) (A 03) (P 04) ( -06) (SHT 009) (SB 009) (P/20 0.64) |
| S43 | (GP 09) (G 02) (A 05) (P 07) ( -06) (SHT 018) (SB 014) (P/20 0.62) |
| S44 | (DNQ) |
| S45 | (DNQ) |
| S46 | (GP 17) (G 04) (A 09) (P 13) (+05) (SHT 033) (SB 020) (P/20 0.64) |
| S47 | (GP 13) (G 01) (A 05) (P 06) (+00) (SHT 018) (SB 013) (P/20 0.38) |
| S48 | (GP 22) (G 04) (A 16) (P 20) (+05) (SHT 033) (SB 022) (P/20 0.76) |
| S49 | (GP 05) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) ( -06) (SHT 010) (SB 009) (P/20 0.00) |
| S50 | (GP 06) (G 00) (A 03) (P 03) ( -01) (SHT 007) (SB 007) (P/20 0.48) |
| S51 | (GP 08) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) (+00) (SHT 003) (SB 006) (P/20 0.00) |
| S52 | (GP 15) (G 00) (A 00) (P 00) (+01) (SHT 015) (SB 010) (P/20 0.00) |

|  SMJHL Career |

  SMJHL Regular Seasons
| S30 | (GP 50) (G 05) (A 28) (P 32) (+13) (SHT 059) (SB 53) (P/20 0.64) |
| S31 | (GP 50) (G 10) (A 22) (P 32) ( -12) (SHT 101) (SB 74) (P/20 0.59) |

  SMJHL Playoffs
| S30 | (GP 05) (G 01) (A 02) (P 03) (+02) (SHT 010) (SB 05) (P/20 0.49) |
| S31 | (GP 13) (G 06) (A 10) (P 16) (+04) (SHT 030) (SB 16) (P/20 1.01) |

| Awards |

  Awards Won
| S34 | IIHF Gold Medal (United States of America)
| S37 | IIHF Top Defenseman
| S39 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)
| S39 | SHL 1st All Stars Team
| S40 | IIHF Gold Medal (United States of America)
| S42 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)
| S42 | SHL 1st All Stars Team
| S43 | SHL 3rd All Stars Team
| S44 | SHL 1st All Stars Team
| S46 | Challenge Cup Champions (Buffalo Stampede)

  Awards Nominated
| S31 | Brodie Witzel Nominee (SMJHL Playoff MVP)
| S35 | Damien Littleton Nominee (SHL Most Dedicated Player)
| S39 | Damien Littleton Nominee (SHL Most Dedicated Player)
| S41 | Damien Littleton Nominee (SHL Most Dedicated Player)
| S43 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)
| S44 | Scott Stevens Trophy (Best Defenseman)

| Movement and Contracts |

| S30 | Drafted to Detroit Falcons, 15th OA
| S31 | Drafted to Portland Admirals, 13th OA
| S31 | Signed Contract, 3x $3,000,000 S31-S33 with Portland Admirals
| S31 | Traded to Buffalo Stampede for a handful of magic beans
| S33 | Signed Contract, 3x $6,000,000 S34-S36 with Buffalo Stampede
| S36 | Signed Contract, 2x $6,000,000 S37-S38 with Buffalo Stampede
| S38 | Signed Contract, 2x $7,000,000 S39-S40, plus,
| S38 | 5x $6,000,000 S41-S45 with Buffalo Stampede
| S45 | Signed Contract, 2x $5,000,000 S46-S47 with Buffalo Stampede
| S47 | Signed Contract, 1x $5,000,000 S48 with Buffalo Stampede
| S48 | Signed Contract, 2x $4,000,000 S49-S50 with Buffalo Stampede
| S50 | Signed Contract, 1x $4,000,000 S51-S52 with Buffalo Stampede

HEAD OFFICE ARE A BUNCH OF NERDS

I'm not sure how well it will translate but my mom speaks very little english and is very forgetful so it's easy to trick her. The word for pineapple in french is "ananas" so it was super funny to watch her fall for the joke "Hey, how do you say "ananas" in english? Is it "ananas" (french accent) or "ananasssss" (english accent)?" and she would be like "Obviously it's ananassssssssss" every.single.time. and we'd go "Nah, it's pineapple."

Anyway, she doesn't fall for it anymore but it still amuses me. It's probably not funny reading about it either. Sorry. I didn't want to google a joke.

Elena Maximova | Defense | Los Angeles Panthers
Birthplace: Odessa, Ukraine
Number: 64
----------------------------------------------
S78: Won Challenge Cup with the Los Angeles Panthers
S76: Traded to the Los Angeles Panthers
S72: Won Four Star Cup with the St. Louis Scarecrows
S72: Traded to the St. Louis Scarecrows
S70: Drafted 3rd overall by the Minnesota Monarchs
S69: Won Quilha Agante Trophy (best SMJHL dman)
S69: Won Four Star Cup with the Québec City Citadelles
S69: Named ass-captain of the Québec City Citadelles
S69: Drafted 3rd overall by the Québec City Citadelles


Jasper Maximov | Defense | New Orleans Specters | Retired
Birthplace: Odessa, Ukraine
Number: 13
----------------------------------------------
S68: Won gold medal with Sweden
S66: Signed with the New Orleans Specters
S61: Traded to the Baltimore Platoon
S58: Won Four Star Cup with the Québec City Citadelles
S57: Won silver WJC medal with Sweden
S56: Drafted 9th overall by the Winnipeg Jets
S55: Named captain of the Québec City Citadelles
S55: Drafted 20th overall by the Québec City Citadelles


Мариа Максимова | Defense | West Kendall Platoon | Retired
Birthplace: Saint Petersburg, Russia
Number: 9
----------------------------------------------
Transactions/Achievements:
S38: Won gold medal with Russia
S37: Named alternate captain for the West Kendall Platoon
S32: Won bronze medal with Russia
S28: Won silver medal with Russia
S26: Named to the All-Rookie team
S26: Won gold medal with Russia
S26: Named captain of Russia
S25: Won Four Star Cup with the Kelowna Knights
S25: Won SMJHL Prospects Showcase as co-GM of the Outlaws (/w Lord Pretty Flacko)
S25: Drafted 4th overall by the West Kendall Platoon
S24: Named alternate captain for the Kelowna Knights
S24: Drafted 10th overall by the Kelowna Knights

What does a baby computer call his father?

DATA

Or maybe an even better joki is Where to animals go when they lose their tails?

They got to the retail store!

Thank you Brandon, Fish, GeckoeyGecko, Karey, Kit, takethehorizon, and Ragnar for the sigs!


Charles Walker || D || S33 || Buffalo Stampede || TPE: 1,074
Name: Charles Walker
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 220 lbs
Number: 19
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
S32 STL: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 11, P: 15, +/-: -3, PIMS: 28, H:34, SB: 52
S33 STL: GP 50, G: 3, A:11, P:14, +/-: -4, PIMS: 32, H: 58, SB: 60
S34 STL: GP: 50, G: 9, A: 21, P: 30, +/-: 17, PIMS: 22, H: 13, SB: 50
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Career Statistics
S34 STL: GP: 15, G: 5, A:6, P: 11, +/- 4, PIMS: 0, H:3, SB: 24
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Career Statistics
S35 BUF: GP: 50, G: 3, A: 9, P:12, +/- 0, PIMS: 58, H: 55, SB: 52
S36 BUF: GP: 50, G: 8, A: 9, P: 17, +/- 14, PIMS: 34, H: 67, SB: 72
S37 BUF: GP: 50, G: 8, A: 21, P: 29, +/- 9, PIMS: 34, H: 24, SB: 73
S38 BUF: GP: 50, G: 18, A: 17, P: 35, +/- -10, PIMS: 22, H: 43, SB: 73
S39 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 19, P: 24, +/- 0, PIMS: 20, H: 50, SB: 83
S40 BUF: GP: 50, G: 9, A: 26, P: 35, +/- -11, PIMS: 16, H: 64, SB: 67
S41 BUF: GP: 50, G: 14, A: 31, P: 45, +/- 2, PIMS: 42, H: 75, SB: 90
S42 BUF: GP: 50, G: 4, A: 20, P: 24, +/- 10, PIMS: 61, H: 109, SB: 79
S43 BUF: GP: 50, G: 15, A: 25, P: 40, +/- 3, PIMS: 56, H: 120, SB: 61
S44 BUF: GP: 50, G: 5, A: 22, P: 27, +/- -6, PIMS: 56, H: 150, SB: 76
S45 BUF: GP: 50, G: 8, A: 23, P: 31, +/- 3, PIMS: 28, H: 55, SB: 75
S46 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 30, P: 36, +/- 11, PIMS: 4, H: 5, SB: 93
S47 BUF: GP: 50, G: 16, A: 22, P: 38, +/- -5, PIMS: 4, H: 3, SB: 57
S48 BUF: GP: 50, G: 7, A: 17, P: 24, +/- 3, PIMS: 10, H: 20, SB: 78
S49 BUF: GP: 50, G: 3, A: 16, P: 19, +/- 2, PIMS: 10, H: 26, SB: 53
S50 BUF: GP: 50, G: 6, A: 16, P: 22, +/- 13, PIMS: 12, H: 33, SB: 40
S51 BUF: GP: 50, G: 2, A: 11, P: 13, +/- 11, PIMS: 16, H: 20, SB: 47

------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Playoff Career Statistics
S35 BUF: GP: 4, G: 0, A: 0, P: 0, +/- -7, PIMS: 8, H: 7, SB: 3
S36 BUF: GP: 7, G: 0, A: 2, P: 2, +/- 0, PIMS: 7, H: 7, SB: 9
S37 BUF: GP: 7, G: 1, A: 2, P: 3, +/- -3, PIMS: 0, H: 7, SB: 11
S41 BUF: GP: 7, G: 2, A: 6, P: 8, +/- 0, PIMS: 4, H: 13, SB: 11
S42 BUF: GP: 5, G: 0, A: 2, P: 2, +/- -10, PIMS: 4, H: 22, SB: 9
S43 BUF: GP: 9, G: 2, A: 4, P: 6, +/- -3, PIMS: 8, H: 24, SB: 13
S46 BUF: GP: 17, G: 2, A: 7, P: 9, +/- 5, PIMS: 2, H: 4, SB: 23
S47 BUF: GP: 13, G: 3, A: 3, P: 6, +/- 3, PIMS: 0, H: 0, SB: 23
S48 BUF: GP: 22, G: 0, A: 6, P: 6, +/- 8, PIMS: 18, H: 25, SB: 21
S49 BUF: GP: 5, G: 1, A: 3, P: 4, +/- -2, PIMS: 0, H: 5, SB: 5

------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
Drafted 46nd overall by St. Louis in the S32 SMJHL Draft
Drafted 39th overall by Buffalo in the S33 SHL Draft
------------------------------------------------------------

Awards and Accomplishments:
Named Assistant Captain for STL in S33
Awarded Ondrej Ravchitikov Award - Best Defenseman for STL in S33
Named Assistant Captain for Buffalo in S39
Assistant Captain for Buffalo through S53
S46 Challenge Cup Champion
S48 Challenge Cup Champion
S40 IIHF Gold Medalist
S45 IIHF Silver Medalist
S48 IIHF Silver Medalist
S50 IIHF Gold Medalist




Jaska Seppälä || LW || S53 || Kelowna Knights || TPE: 247
Name: Jaska Seppälä
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 205 lbs
Number: 7
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Career Statistics
------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
Drafted 23rd overall by Kelowna in the S52 SMJHL Entry Draft


Player Page || Update page

uh I do not have one single joke that really stands out to me but one of my best friendos in SHL is the beeg yoshi and he is a very funny lad

G A Y H E G H O G



peepee poopoo

Good chance to quote one of my favorite stand-up comedians, Mitch Hedberg:
I got a belt on that’s holding up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up my belt. I don’t know what’s really happening down there. Who is the real hero?

player page / update page / sig portfolio

Jaromir Jagrbomb - RD - Quebec City Citadelles

Walton Stromberg - C - Philadelphia Forge

Career highlights:

S54 SMJHL Entry Draft - 25th overall pick by Maine Timber

S54 - Alex Andani Award (WJC Top Rookie)

S55 SHL Entry Draft - 22nd overall pick by San Francisco Pride

S57 - WJC Gold Medal as the captain of Team Finland

S58 - Selected to SHL All-Rookie Team

S60 - Inducted to Maine Timber Hall of Fame

S62 - IIHF Gold Medal with Team Finland

S64 - IIHF Gold Medal with Team Finland

S66 - IIHF Gold Medal with Team Finland

S69 - SHL Challenge Cup Champion (Philadelphia Forge)

A joke that always at least puts a smirk on my face is "My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward."

[font-size,element-width,text-color,background-color,Arial]
David Vent || Vancouver Whalers/Czechia || Defensemen
------------------------------------------------------------

                                                         
David Vent||Manhattan Rage/Kelowna Knights/Czechia||Retired

Birthplace: Czech Republic
49 Career Fights. Record 19:wins|6:losses|24:ties 
S52 Challenger Cup Champion
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Total Stats
Career(G:68|A:169|Points:260|Hits:691|SB:713)
------------------------------------------------------------
SHLTotal Playoff Stats
Career(G:9|A:30|Points:39|Hits:122|SB:116)
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Total Stats
Career(G:10|A:75|Points:85|Hits:286|SB:230)
------------------------------------------------------------
International Play           
WJC Career (G:8|A:46|Points:54|Hits:164|SB:148)
IIHF Career (G:7|A:32|Points:39|Hits:107|SB:122)
------------------------------------------------------------

Awards and Records

S59 IIHF Silver Medal
S53 Named Captain for the Manhattan Rage
S52 Challenger Cup Winner
S52 Named Assistant Captain for the Czechia IIHF Team
S50 Named Assistant Captain for the Manhattan Rage
S50 IIHF Bronze Medal
S49 Named Assistant Captain for the UCORCAL WJC Team
S48 Named Assistant Captain for the Kelowna Knights
S47 Named Captain of the Czech WJC Team
S46 WJC Gold Medal Winner
S46 Laurifier Trophy
S44 WJC Gold Medal Winner
 ------------------------------------------------------------
Records
Czech WJC Career Major Penalties: 5
Czech WJC Career Fights: 5
Czech WJC Career Fight Ties: 2
Czech WJC Career Fight Wins: 2

ok so i don't know if anyone already hear this joke or not but here i go. What's the best thing about switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus

Oh I have got a good one to tell you. Something really good!


What’s black and white and screaming?

A penguin rolling down a hill.

What’s black and white and laughing?

The penguin that pushed him!

Luca Pane (Pa-nEh) || #20 || RW || 2048 TPE Peak ||  S68 -
S68 SMJHL 11th Overall - St Louis Scarecrows
Birthplace: Milan, Italy
Height: 5'-11"
Weight: 178 lbs
Shoots: Right
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trophy Case


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Jean-Locke Zidane || #8 || D || 1393 TPE Peak || Retired || S57 - S68
S57 SMJHL 1st Overall - St Louis Scarecrows
S58 Traded to Anchorage Armada At Start of Season
S58 SHL 36th Overall - New Orleans Specters
Birthplace: Amiens, France
Height: 6'-4"
Weight: 227lbs
Shoots: Left
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trophy Case
S58 SMJHL Alexis Metzler Nom

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 



Nicholas Williams || #73 || LW / C || 1839 TPE Peak || Retired  ||  S42 - S57
S42 SMJHL 41st Overall Pick - St. Louis Scarecrows
S43 SHL 22nd Overall Pick - Winnipeg Jets
Birthplace: Detroit, MI, USA
Height: 6'-2"
Weight: 207lbs
Shoots: Right
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personal Milestones
First Career SMJHL Goal: S42 Game # 3 (First SMJHL Game)
First Career SMJHL Hat-Trick: S42 Game # 145
Named Co-GM of Team USA S42 WJC
Named to Team USA WJC Roster S42
Won Gold S42 WJC Team USA as Co-GM and Player
Named Captain of the St. Louis Scarecrows S43
S43 Led SMJHL Left Wingers in Scoring
S43 Led Scarecrows in Scoring
Named Co-GM of Team USA S43 WJC
Named Captain of Team USA S43 WJC
Won Silver with Team USA S43 WJC
S44 Four Star Cup Champion STL
S44 Challenge Cup Champion WIN
First Career SHL Goal: S44 Playoffs Finals Game #6 (First SHL Game)
S46 Signed as a Free Agent to New Orleans
S50 Won Gold With USA
S51 Won Gold With USA
S54 Challenge Cup NOLA

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trophy Case


S43 Ronan O’Keefe Trophy (SMJHL)
S43 Brandon Holmes Trophy (SMJHL)
S43 Raymond Lindsay Trophy (SMJHL / shared)
S44 Ronan O'Keefe Trophy (SMJHL)
S44 Brodie Witzel Trophy (SMJHL)
S44 Challenge Cup - Winnipeg
S46 Cole Reinhart Trophy - New Orleans
S51 Presidents' Trophy - New Orleans
S51 Ron Mexico Nom
S54 Anton Razov Nom
S54 Cole Reinhart Trophy - New Orleans
S54 Challenge Cup - New Orleans
S55 Cole Reinhart Trophy - New Orleans

Team Awards

S42 Marian Potoczny Award - Best Two Way Forward (STL)
S43 Kanye Summers Award - Reg Season MVP (STL)
S43 Bradley Wiggles Award - Best Forward (STL)
S43 Jarkko Kallestrom Award - Playoff MVP (STL)
S44 Bradley Wiggles Award - Best Forward (STL)
S44 Michael Haan Award - Most Dedicated (STL)
S44 Kanye Summers Award - Reg Season MVP (STL)
S48 Lifeless Littleton Award - Most Dedicated (NOLA)

S49 Lifeless Littleton Award - Most Dedicated (NOLA)
S50 Lifeless Littleton Award - Most Dedicated (NOLA)
S57 Retired



RIP Dangel #AD26  |  RIP TDZ

Taping #A-Rye's skates is literally one of my favorite things to do. The guy is so in the clouds when he gets to the rink that he never notices. Makes for a fantastic morning skate every time.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

And since sulo brought up mitch hedberg: "A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

 
Steve Harrington | LW | Edmonton Blizzard
// EDMONTON BLIZZARD //
S79 Total Whiteout (Most Improved)
S78 Signed with EDM in Free Agency
===================================
// CHICAGO SYNDICATE //
S75 SHL75: #45 Steve Harrington
S75 Traded to CHI
===================================
// TAMPA BAY BARRACUDA //
S74 Traded to TBB
===================================
// TORONTO NORTH STARS //
S73 Signed with TOR in Free Agency
===================================
// BUFFALO STAMPEDE //
S71 Challenge Cup
S71-S72 Alternate Captain
S65 All-Star
S64 All-SHL 3rd Team
S64 All-Star
S62 All-SHL 1st Team
S62 All-Star
S62 Ron Mexico Nominee
S61 All-Star
S61 All-SHL 2nd Team
S60 Challenge Cup
S60 Helping Hand - The Maples
S56 All-Rookie Team S56 Ryan Jesster Nominee
S53 SHL Draft 3rd Overall
===================================
// NEWFOUNDLAND BERSERKERS //
S55 Brodie Witzel Nominee
S55 Four Star Cup
S55 Co-Captain
S52-S54 Alternate Captain
S52 SMJHL Draft 4th Overall
===================================
// DEUTSCHLAND //
S74 Gold Medal
S72 Gold Medal
S70 Gold Medal
S58 Bronze Medal
S57 Bronze Medal

===================================
// SHL //
S68 Joe McKeil
S64 Damian Littleton (Trading Cards Team)

My favourite joke:

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the S out of sub, and take the F out of way.

This will usually get people thinking, until they eventually respond with: There's no F in way!

Yannick Svoboda|RW|S62|Retired

Los Angeles Panthers Co-GM

---------------------------

Transactions

23rd Overall - S61 SMJHL Draft - Regina Elk

17th Overall - S62 SHL Draft - Los Angeles Panthers

---------------------------

Career Statistics: SMJHL

S61: GP: 66 | G: 7 | A: 12 | P: 19 | +/-: -11 | PIMS: 22 | Hits: 45 | Blocked Shots: 105

S62: GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 24 | P: 32 | +/-: -35 | PIMS: 32 | Hits: 98 | Blocked Shots: 75

S63: GP: 66 | G: 21 | A: 39 | P: 60 | +/-: 1 | PIMS: 16 | Hits: 100 | Blocked Shots: 96

S64: GP: 66 | G: 22 | A: 37 | P: 59 | +/-: 18 | PIMS: 34 | Hits: 91 | Blocked Shots: 73

----------------------------

Career Statistics: SHL

S65: GP: 66 | G: 12 | A: 30 | P: 42 | +/-: 20 | PIMS: 6 | Hits: 66 | Blocked Shots: 39

S66: GP: 66 | G: 18 | A: 40 | P: 58 | +/-: 15 | PIMS: 27 | Hits: 134 | Blocked Shots: 38

S67: GP: 66 | G: 29 | A: 42 | P: 71 | +/-: -3 | PIMS: 22 | Hits: 138 | Blocked Shots: 31

S68: GP: 66 | G: 36 | A: 36 | P: 72 | +/-: -17 | PIMS: 28 | Hits: 159 | Blocked Shots: 40

S69: GP: 66 | G: 25 | A: 40 | P: 65 | +/-: -18 | PIMS: 30| Hits: 157 | Blocked Shots: 29

S70: GP: 66 | G: 35 | A: 29 | P: 64 | +/-: -53 | PIMS: 44| Hits: 182 | Blocked Shots: 47

S71: GP: 66 | G: 36 | A: 43 | P: 79 | +/-: -14 | PIMS: 44| Hits: 197 | Blocked Shots: 34

S72: GP: 66 | G: 30 | A: 46 | P: 76 | +/-: 19 | PIMS: 54| Hits: 156 | Blocked Shots: 45

S73: GP: 66 | G: 34 | A: 46 | P: 80 | +/-: 0 | PIMS: 40| Hits: 126 | Blocked Shots: 32

S74: GP: 66 | G: 35 | A: 36 | P: 71 | +/-: 39 | PIMS: 40| Hits: 147 | Blocked Shots: 30

S75: GP: 66 | G: 8 | A: 31 | P: 39 | +/-: 37 | PIMS: 31| Hits: 59 | Blocked Shots: 79

----------------------------

Total: GP: 726 | G: 298 | A: 419 | P: 717 | +/-: 25 | PIMS: 354| Hits: 1521 | Blocked Shots: 444

----------------------------

Awards

S61: WJC Bronze medal

S63: SMJHL All-star Game

S64: SMJHL All-star Game

S64: WJC silver medal

S64: Zach Miller Trophy

S65: Challenge Cup

S66: IIHF gold medal

S68: IIHF silver medal

S72: SHL All-star Game
S73: IIHF bronze medal

S75: Challenge Cup

Emeric Gagner|RW|S77
Transactions

S76: Drafted 10th overall to Kelowna

Los Angeles Panthers Co-GM
------------------------------
S65: W: 50 L: 14 OTL: 2 P: 102 | Challenge Cup
S66: W: 45 L: 17 OTL: 4 P: 94
S67: W: 38 L: 26 OTL: 2 P: 78
S68: W: 16 L: 44 OTL: 6 P: 38
S69: W: 17 L: 48 OTL: 1 P: 35
S70: W: 17 L: 41 OTL: 8 P: 42
S71: W: 30 L: 33 OTL: 3 P: 63
S72: W: 35 L: 29 OTL: 2 P: 72
S73: W: 36 L: 28 OTL: 2 P: 74
S74: W: 40 L: 22 OTL: 4 P: 84

S75: W: 46 L: 18 OTL: 2 P: 94 | Challenge Cup
------------------------------
Awards
S65: Lance Uppercut Award (co-GM)
S65: Challenge Cup

S75: Challenge Cup

It made me laugh very hard when @goldenglutes told me the Atlanta Inferno could be a competitive team within a few seasons, considering they are bad and a mickey mouse team lole

I recently saw on internet videos of a guy dressing up a baby doll to look like a real infant and going to public places and dropping the fake baby in front of people. Their faces are priceless and never fails to make me laugh.

Kaapo Kampainen | C | S57 | Peak TPE: 2026 | Winnipeg Aurora | Finland

----------SHL Stats----------

---Regular Season---

S60 | EDM | | 66 GP | 8G | 23A | 31PTS | -12 | 27PIM | 115 SOG | 28 GvA | 18 TkA | 83 SB | 18:09 TOI

S61 | EDM | | 66 GP | 14G | 24A | 38PTS | -8 | 41PIM | 167 SOG | 38 GvA | 17 TkA | 80 SB | 18:50 TOI

S62 | EDM | | 66 GP | 12G | 37A | 49PTS | -15 | 28PIM | 162 SOG | 33 GvA | 16 TkA | 86 SB | 20:57 TOI

S63 | EDM | | 66 GP | 13G | 38A | 51PTS | -17 | 16PIM | 169 SOG | 44 GvA | 35 TkA | 90 SB | 21:32 TOI

S64 | EDM | | 66 GP | 17G | 36A | 53PTS | -10 | 10PIM | 191 SOG | 40 GvA | 32 TkA | 66 SB | 21:37 TOI

S65 | EDM | | 66 GP | 14G | 48A | 62PTS | -18 | 10PIM | 206 SOG | 31 GvA | 42 TkA | 89 SB | 22:01 TOI

S66 | WPG | | 66 GP | 27G | 44A | 71PTS | +23 | 36PIM | 212 SOG | 65 GvA | 40 TkA | 48 SB | 20:58 TOI

S67 | WPG | | 66 GP | 25G | 54A | 79PTS | +33 | 37PIM | 235 SOG | 40 GvA | 38 TkA | 28 SB | 21:31 TOI

S68 | WPG | | 66 GP | 29G | 29A | 58PTS | +40 | 12PIM | 214 SOG | 59 GvA | 30 TkA | 31 SB | 18:39 TOI

S69 | WPG | | 66 GP | 19G | 40A | 59PTS | +44 | 8PIM | 124 SOG | 36 GvA | 39 TkA | 29 SB | 18:04 TOI

S70 | WPG | | 66 GP | 38G | 30A | 68PTS | +54 | 38PIM | 223 SOG | 41 GvA | 34 TkA | 36 SB | 17:16 TOI

Career | 726 GP | 216G | 403A | 619PTS | +114 | 263 PIM | 2018 SOG | 455 GvA | 344 TkA | 666 SB

---Playoffs---

S60 | EDM | | 10 GP | 3G | 0A | 3PTS | -7 | 6PIM | 15 SOG | 2 GvA | 2TkA | 12SB | 18:51 TOI

S61 | EDM | | 14 GP | 3G | 5A | 8PTS | +6 | 4PIM | 26 SOG | 10 GvA | 3TkA | 13 SB | 20:44 TOI

S62 | EDM | | 4 GP | 1G | 2A | 3PTS | -1 | 0PIM | 8 SOG | 4 GvA | 5TkA | 9 SB | 22:13 TOI

S63 | EDM | | 4 GP | 0G | 1A | 1PT | -9 | 0PIM | 5 SOG | 2 GvA | 0TkA | 11 SB | 20:59 TOI

S64 | EDM | | 6 GP | 1G | 1A | 2PTS | +2 | 2PIM | 11 SOG | 6 GvA | 2TkA | 8 SB | 22:58 TOI

S65 | EDM | | 4 GP | 1G | 1A | 2PTS | -6 | 0PIM | 9 SOG | 6 GvA | 0TkA | 5 SB | 21:55 TOI

S66 | WPG | | 5 GP | 0G | 3A | 3PTS | -4 | 0PIM | 8 SOG | 4 GvA | 3TkA | 2 SB | 22:27 TOI

S67 | WPG | | 15 GP | 7G | 11A | 18PTS | +6 | 2PIM | 38 SOG | 13 GvA | 11 TkA | 9 SB | 20:52 TOI

S68 | WPG | | 10 GP | 3G | 4A | 7PTS | +1 | 8PIM | 34 SOG | 5 GvA | 6 TkA | 4 SB | 20:25 TOI

S69 | WPG | | 24 GP | 3G | 11A | 14PTS | -3 | 8PIM | 30 SOG | 15 GvA | 12 TkA | 20 SB | 19:23 TOI

S70 | WPG | | 22 GP | 6G | 9A | 15PTS | +1 | 12PIM | 83 SOG | 20 GvA | 8 TkA | 14 SB | 17:34 TOI

Career | 118 GP | 28G | 48A | 76PTS | -14 | 42 PIM | 267 SOG | 87 GvA | 52 TkA | 107 SB

----------SMJHL Stats----------

---Regular Season---

S56 | ANA | | 28 GP | 2G | 1A | 3PTS | -9 | 4PIM | 21SOG | 10 GvA | 8TkA | 25SB | 11:11 TOI

S57 | ANA | | 66 GP | 13G | 21A | 34PTS | -11 | 31PIM | 115SOG | 32GvA | 33TkA | 79SB | 17:08 TOI

S58 | ANA | | 66 GP | 11G | 24A | 35PTS | -17 | 10PIM | 127SOG | 12GvA | 48TkA | 76SB | 18:43 TOI

S59 | ANA | | 66 GP | 20G | 23A | 43PTS | -14 | 46PIM | 136SOG | 22GvA | 17TkA | 91SB | 19:41 TOI

Career | 226 GP | 46G | 69A | 115PTS | -51 | 91PIM | 399SOG | 76GvA | 106TkA | 271SB

---Playoffs---

S56 | ANA | | 7 GP | 1G | 1A | 2PTS | -1 | 2PIM | 9SOG | 1 GvA | 4TkA | 3SB | 13:18 TOI

S57 | ANA | | 21 GP | 2G | 4A | 6PTS | +8 | 4PIM | 26SOG | 9GvA | 14TkA | 19SB | 16:42 TOI

S58 | ANA | | 7 GP | 2G | 2A | 4PTS | +1 | 2PIM | 13SOG | 1GvA | 5TkA | 3SB | 18:23 TOI

S59 | ANA | | 4 GP | 0G | 1A | 1PT | -4 | 0PIM | 9SOG | 0GvA | 2TkA | 5SB | 18:50 TOI

Career | 39 GP | 5G | 8A | 13PTS | +4 | 8PIM | 57SOG | 11GvA | 25TkA | 30SB

----------IIHF Stats----------

S61 | 14 GP | 5G | 3A | 8PTS |+2 | 2PIM | 22SOG | 3GvA | 5TkA | 15SB | 12:55 TOI

S62 | 15 GP | 2G | 3A | 5PTS |+4 | 4PIM | 21SOG | 4GvA | 6TkA | 10SB | 12:45 TOI

S63 | 13 GP | 5G | 5A | 10PTS |+6 | 0PIM | 37SOG | 1GvA | 2TkA | 4SB | 14:37 TOI

S64 | 15 GP | 5G | 4A | 9PTS |+1 | 12PIM | 42SOG | 4GvA | 5TkA | 18SB | 18:32 TOI

S65 | 13 GP | 6G | 10A | 16PTS |+7 | 4PIM | 49SOG | 8GvA | 3TkA | 13SB | 18:41 TOI

S66 | 15 GP | 4G | 9A | 13PTS |+1 | 8PIM | 36SOG | 19GvA | 9TkA | 6SB | 17:50 TOI

S67 | 15 GP | 9G | 7A | 16PTS |+5 | 4PIM | 39SOG | 17GvA | 13TkA | 7SB | 19:18 TOI

S68 | 15 GP | 8G | 8A | 16PTS |+4 | 6PIM | 45SOG | 11GvA | 11TkA | 3SB | 18:24 TOI

S69 | 15 GP | 5G | 3A | 8PTS |-5 | 2PIM | 38SOG | 13GvA | 9TkA | 3SB | 17:31 TOI

S70 | 13 GP | 0G | 6A | 6PTS |+3 | 2PIM | 16SOG | 12GvA | 7TkA | 7SB | 15:42 TOI

Career | 143 GP | 49G | 58A | 107PTS | +28 | 44PIM | 345SOG | 82GvA | 70TkA | 86SB

----------WJC Stats----------

S56 | 13 GP | 0G | 0A | 0PTS | -1 | 0PIM | 1SOG | 3GvA | 0TkA | 2SB | 1:45 TOI

S57 | 15 GP | 6G | 5A | 11PTS | +9 | 14PIM | 29SOG | 9GvA | 7TkA | 7SB | 15:46 TOI

S58 | 15 GP | 6G | 8A | 14PTS | +14 | 6PIM | 25SOG | 10GvA | 12TkA | 9SB | 20:45 TOI

S59 | 15 GP | 3G | 10A | 13PTS | +9 | 14PIM | 36SOG | 11GvA | 12TkA | 18SB | 22:13 TOI

Career | 58 GP | 15G | 23A | 38PTS | +31 | 34PIM | 91SOG | 33GvA | 31TkA | 36SB

----------Transactions----------

S56 - Signed as a free agent by the Anaheim Outlaws

S57 - Drafted 27th overall by the New England Wolfpack

S58 - Signed a 2 season / 6.5M extension with the New England Wolfpack

S58 - Traded to the Edmonton Blizzard

S59 - Signed a 3 season / 9M extension with the Edmonton Blizzard

S62 - Signed a 3 season / 15M extension with the Edmonton Blizzard

S65 - Traded to the Winnipeg Aurora. Signed a 4 season / 24M extension

S69 - Signed a 2 season / 10M extension with the Winnipeg Aurora.

----------Awards and Achievements----------

Edmonton Blizzard Assistant Captain (S62-S65)

Anaheim Outlaws Captain (S59)

Anaheim Outlaws Assistant Captain (S58)

3X IIHF Gold Medalist (S62, S64, S66)

1X IIHF Silver Medalist (S68)
2X IIHF Bronze Medalist (S61, S67)

2X WJC Gold Medalist (S57, S58)

1X WJC Silver Medalist (S59)

2X SMJHL All-Star (S58, S59)

1X Elias Armia Award Nominee - The Commisioners' Award of Excellence (S59)

1X DeMaricus Smith Award Winner - Best WJC Forward (S58)