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**bbjygm** · 05-10-2022, 11:51 AM

At the press conference

Reporter 1: "Slap McShotty, is it true you're retiring? And if so, why now?"

Slap: "Well, uhh... has anyone, uh, really been far even as decided to, uh... use even go want to do look more like?"

Manager: "I think what Mr. McShotty is trying to say is, 'Has anyone really decided as to even go that far in wanting to do to look more like so?'"

Reporter 2: "This is a follow-up question for Mr. McManager: have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you, you could, you'll do, you, you wants, you, you could do so, you, you'll do, you could, you, you want, you want them, to do you so much you could do anything?"

Manager: "Yes. Next question?"

At news studio

Anchor [looking at screen]: "Well, um..." [to crew offscreen] "could we get someone to check that room for carbon monoxide or a gas leak or something? Thanks..."

Anchor [to camera]: "To reiterate the field report, Slap McShotty, elderly-I mean 'veteran'- center of the New England Wolfpack, has announced his retirement. His management team has clarified that this is in no way a response to the recent diagnosis of brain damage as he is functioning at essentially the same capacity as his rookie years, but is instead an attempt to distance himself from the physically-harsh hockey environment to pursue his passion in 'staring out of windows reminiscing of the golden days.' In the mean time, in order to facilitate the transition of New England to a Slap-McShotty-less team Boston Dynamics has offered to test one of their humanoid robots by playing in Slap's position. Hologram projectors will be set up at each rink to give it the appearance of Slap and aggressiveness settings will be tripled in an attempt to realize Slap's recent goal of snapping at least one neck during a game. More to come in the next hour on 3 AM News at 9. Over to you Thelonious."

Thelonious [as screen fades to black]: "THANKS BOB. NOW AS YOU KNOW THE COW RIOTS HAVE BEEN IN FULL SWING SINCE LAST WEEK BUT RECENT DEMANDS HAVE COME TO LIGHT ABOUT INCREASING THE CALLIBER OF BULLET USED IN THE EUTHENASIA PROCESS..."

***hotdog*** · 05-10-2022, 11:59 AM

wowwwww legend

***retuperkele*** · 05-10-2022, 12:21 PM

F in the chat for Slappy

***Ace*** · 05-10-2022, 01:07 PM

F

**JaytheGreat** · 05-10-2022, 01:36 PM

Rest In Peace Dangel

1st SHL Goal - S52 Game 1 vs Tampa 3. New England Wolfpack , Jakub Bruchevski 1 (Eko Van Otter 1, Delver Fudgeson 2) at 8:10

Scarecrows