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spidey · 05-08-2023, 11:58 AM

Canada decided to do something a little different this year when it came to the world junior championship. As usual they had team camps to weed through their roster of hopefuls and pick out the best that Canada had to offer. For the first time in World Junior Championship history Canada decided to open the training camp to anyone! That’s right not only are SMJHL players entering camp, but they have allowed the general public a chance to compete for a coveted spot on team Canada.

"I really thought we could find a few diamonds in the rough if we opened it to everyone...what a terrible mistake." Coach Kain Webb had to say.

We had a lot of people show up this year, men, women, and even a 10 year old child came to try out. That last one ended horribly, the moment the child took the ice one of Canada’s toughest hitters zeroed in and nailed the 10 year old!

“HEY, it was a clean hit, and the kid kept their head down, got to keep your head up chirpy or you will find yourself looking to the rafters all the time.” J- Rock was quoted saying as they stretchered the child off the ice.

Many Joe Schmoes and Jane Does were knocked off in quick order as Team Canada’s Coach Kain Webb had them doing a grueling lines test. Skating back and forth touching every line on the ice. They needed to complete 10 repetitions. After the 4th run, most were gassed and making their way off the ice. By the 6th repetition only a handful of walk ins remained. When they finally reached the 10th repetition of what could be described as hockey practice torture only one walk in forward and one walk in goalie remained.

“Damn, she was a tough old girl.” Kain Webb had to say, about the forward. “I think she was around 78 or so, and she was skating circles around some of our best. She even did three laps around the ice waiting for Logan Webb and the goalies to finish his last repetition.”

Despite the old lady’s incredible endurance when it came time for shooting drills, that is when she fell off. One hell of skater but terrible in shooting and stickhandling. Apparently an ex-figure skater but never once held a stick before became her downfall. As she became a favourite to make the team and loved by the entire roster, they gave her stick taps as she left the ice.

The walk in Goalie was next, he looked good in his crease and during the endurance drill from earlier. But when Offensive Defenseman, Clint Clampton, with a cannon of a shot walked up to the tee marks and unloaded a blast that most professional goalies would have trouble reacting too…well the end result, every male member of team Canada’s roster fell to the ground in unison gripping their bits. Once again a stretcher was needed to help the another player off the ice.

“I think I heard his jock strap snap!” Clint Said

“I heard him crying on the way out, ‘they’re broken, my god they are broken’ as they carted him past me” Sea Jebus quoted.

“Damn funniest thing I have seen all year, he is an innie now.” Coach Webb had no mercy.

It was with a sad heart that the final walk in was let go.

Kain Webb had this to say. “It was a tough day; they say the first cuts are always the deepest. That is somewhat true, I just wish I could have cut so many more…wait a minute, hey Jacob Fournier hit the showers, YOUR CUT!”

With the final cut in the books, I am proud to announce the starting roster for team Canada at the World Junior Championships:

Forwards:
Jeff Lewis - @nerji
Josh Latreille - @Josh Latreille
Bastien Primeau - @MrPrime
Nathan Cormier - @JR95
Thomas Sawschuk - @Nokazoa
Kyle Latreille - @Duga
Logan Webb - @spidey Hey that's me!
Morgan Delfield - @Now I'm arbi
Andre Latreille - @XxCL16xX
Aaron Ranger -@TexRanger28
Kevin Kim - @Australiankek
Luke Labrie -@Labrieze

Defense:
J- Rock - @Cuffy
Clint Clampton - @HanTheMan_
Lester Oiduser - @mystick
Trevor Warner - @Scp999v2
David Anderson -@ajwllmsn
Andy Ceylon - @Caylon
Cal Kono - @Esk

Goalie:
Sea Jebus - @Theseajebus
Walter Sobchak - @scudmuffin19

Congrats to all that made the team, and Good Luck! There is high expectations with this team and hopes for Gold this year couldn’t be higher.