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spidey · 05-19-2023, 03:12 PM

Hello rookies, and welcome the SMJHL, pretty soon you are going to be picked up and drafted by one of our many teams. This can be a bit of a jungle here, so it is important to know what you are getting yourself into. Good thing for all of you rookies, you ran into me an unbiased fair observer of what goes on in the SMJHL. So, I am going to be your guide to SMJHL, where you end up getting drafted will be crucial because we got everybody there, all your typical groups; Freshmen, Preps, Burnouts, Varsity Jocks, Popular Crowd, Nerds, Van Club, A.V. Nerds, Desperate Wannabes, Satanists, Band Geeks, Cheaters, the greatest people you will ever meet, and the Plastics beware the Queen Bee.

The Freshmen are the Vancouver Whalers, this team last year, they were filled with rookies and arguably had the most active rookie class. They did incredibly well last season making the playoffs with a heavily weighted rookie roster and even claimed all three nominations for rookie of the year, why they are the freshmen. They could be the best place possible for a young, motivated rookie as they have already had great success getting results out of young players. Or you could be buried on their roster trying desperately to be a part of their club as they have now filled their roster with talented players in almost every position. ONLY GO THERE IF MOTIVATED!

The Preps, AKA the Regina Elks, make everything look good, and act like they are in a league of their own. Their Purple and gold jerseys look more like sweaters, and they flaunt them everywhere they go. A night out, dinner with a girlfriend, even saw one wearing it as an ascot for a wedding…weird I know. They are very clicky, and do not speak to those outside their organization. I would like to say this made them a good hockey team, but the standings say otherwise. Always supporting one another and bringing others around them down, but they look good while doing it. Be careful you will be assimilated like the Borg.

Burnouts are desperately trying to become relevant again. In season 69 they went hard and won it all in season 70 they crashed back to reality and third last. It has been a rough road for Quebec City Citadelles and it could still get rougher they lost a lot of talent this off-season and they could fall harder next year as they try to dig themselves out of their current hole and build up for the next big run. Lots of opportunity here but could be a season or two for the after effects of that cup run to wear off. Beware of a long season over here.

The Yukon Malamutes are the Varsity Jocks, a team that seems to be on the up and up. They have a ton of talented older talent on their roster really leaning into the senior capped TPE. This means they will be competitive next season and hard to beat. They are experts in the SMJHL as last season they turned a rebuilding year into a cup contention year and almost made it to the finals! The jocks know sports, they work hard at sports, and will be a great team to develop for dedicated members who want to compete right at the get go.

There is only one group that can be called the Popular Crowd, and that is the Maine Timber. They acquired so many active rookies last season that it should have been considered cheating. They picked up a good amount at the draft, the most UFAs and pulled off a couple of trades! This group is exclusive and inclusive always adding members, but they will beat those around them to keep them below their social and SMJHL standings. They are going to be another team that is tough to beat as they have a very active group and the roster while full of rookies also has a good number of veteran players too. This could be a tough one to get playing time.

Nerds must be the big blue dinos the Colorado Raptors. Hey, I am not one to judge for those who still want to be playing with dinosaurs at this age. To each their own. And I should warn you before you write them off as push overs, those nerds know their stuff. Despite having a roster that is only so-so they managed to push their system and take over during league play. The Raptors were a top team by the end of last season with a mixed bag on the roster. Do not take these nerds lightly because they can do a lot with very little to work with. Great news for those looking to join with a little work you could be playing for a top spot early as there is room to grow.

The Detroit Falcons may be giving you a little extra attention. Be careful they are in a desperate spot to bring on as much talent as possible. This club is circling around rookies in their van and will do anything to convince you they are a good spot to land, as they have a ton of space to fill this year. They will do flips, claim to be hurt and need help, maybe even promise you candy or puppies, or candy with puppies (which sounds pretty good). Anything to lure you into their roster. Be careful this is a potential trap, you need to be sure this is the right situation for yourself.

AV Nerds however are not in the same situation as the big blue dinos, they are the big boats, and they did not dominate with a mediocre roster. The Anchorage Armada finished second last in the regular season but managed to squeak into the playoffs thanks to being in a division that guaranteed everyone would make the dance. They did little through out the season as they were busy trying to figure out how to best use their roster in the systems provided. They have some great building blocks, and honestly their roster should be a lot better this year. Time will tell if they can get the most out of their equipment and players.

Desperate Wannabes or as the rest of the league calls them the Carolina Kraken. At one point looked to be the most dominate team in the SMJHL last season. Then they slowly fell apart. They tried to replicate the success of many other top tier teams but were unable to catch the same success. Now they must find a way to get success without their top scorer or number one goalie. This team could be entering tough times as they prepare for the next season. They wannabe a winner, but they look like they are destined for failure.

There is no doubt who the next group are, The Nevada Battleborn will tell you they are a regular club in the SMJHL with nothing weird going on. Just a few goat sacrifices, body sharing with demons, and a pact with a devil for success (although it hasn’t worked so far). Other then those small things a totally normal nonevil fun loving team. Oh, and they throw the best parties win or lose. They try to cover up what they are by saying the team history is about Nevada being a battle born state, and the goat head is a ram. But we all know its where Sin-City resides (pretty much the center of H-E-Double hockey sticks). Still the parties are pretty sweet, could be worth selling your soul to be a part of this team.

The Band Geeks are trying to make themselves look cool with a scary logo but lets be honest they try too hard. The Great Falls Grizzlies are made up of music loving instrument carrying forest wandering minstrels. On the surface that may not seem like much. But could you imagine a party of 16 bards all playing a song to energize one another up before each battle…cause I think that’s what happened here. They took the league by storm last season, and they came into each game truly believing they could always win. If you play an instrument, this could be the right spot for you.

Poor, poor St. Louis Scarecrows, they have been on a dangerous path of self-destruction of late. Next to an unnamed SHL GM they have been doing everything possible (initial or not) to sneak one by the league and it feels like they have been caught more often than not with their hand in the cookie jar (Check out what Maine Timber’s do, to see how not to get caught). The Cheaters of the league are a rebuilding team trying to fast track to a competitive season. Hey if you want to go to a team that will do anything possible to win, this is the team for you. You aren’t trying unless you are cheating a little, so they must be trying a lot.

WELCOME TO KELOWNA, now as I said I would not be biased but these are the coolest people you will ever get to know, and they will do everything to help you succeed. Somewhere between rebuild and competing this roster is looking to make a lot of noise with a ton of active members both new and old (we are talking about left the team a few seasons ago old) that still hang out in the locker room. That is how amazing it is here. Like I said not biased or anything. This is an amazing place with fantastic people who are here to help you and the team to succeed. You want to be here, trust me.

Finally the Plastics, Beware the Plastics and the Queen Bee. The Newfoundland Battleborn have now won 5 cups in the last 11 years. This year being led by John Hopoate and his right hand men Antoine Beauregard and Mit Wobet. They are a mean team with no mercy and they will do whatever it takes to knock down the others and build themselves up. There is even a rumor of a legendary Burn Book full of secret plays they have created within the team locker room. When asked about this John Hopoate had this to say:
“Burn Book, what burn book? Forget that, now Jump in we are going to the mall bitches!”

Followed up with Antoine saying.
“That is so Fetch!”

Sorry Antoine Fetch is never going to happen.

Good luck to all the new Draftees, and your future SMJHL destinations!

***sköldpaddor*** · 05-19-2023, 03:17 PM

I came in expecting to have to make corrections re: nevada but i honestly have nothing to alter or add.

***Sburbine*** · 05-19-2023, 03:20 PM

Looks like I need to push someone into a locker

Aephino · 05-19-2023, 03:35 PM

Grool. I meant to say cool but then I started to say great.

**PapaSorin** · 05-19-2023, 04:30 PM

If this is reasonably accurate, I'm scratching my head at the people who haven't reached out to me yet. Quite a few of them still with 1 day left til the draft. Sure, I don't use discord, but I'm still a warm body thats ready to lay the lumber on some forwards.

spidey · 05-19-2023, 05:51 PM

05-19-2023, 04:30 PMPapaSorin Wrote: If this is reasonably accurate, I'm scratching my head at the people who haven't reached out to me yet. Quite a few of them still with 1 day left til the draft. Sure, I don't use discord, but I'm still a warm body thats ready to lay the lumber on some forwards.

Could be the steal of the draft. Good Luck!

ACapitalChicago · 05-19-2023, 05:52 PM

Something something hail satan

S66 Damian Littleton

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spidey · 05-19-2023, 05:54 PM

05-19-2023, 05:52 PMACapitalChicago Wrote: Something something hail satan

Get out of here you are to old to Hail Satan anymore.

***Anthique*** · 05-19-2023, 09:01 PM

Indeed we are trying a lot!

The win, no matter the cost!

***Reno*** · 05-19-2023, 09:41 PM

*perplexed scoffing*

i cant believe im interacting with the common rabble in this comments section

i bet you dont even have a private butler to bring you cheese sticks whenever you want

***aleks*** · 05-20-2023, 02:19 AM

05-19-2023, 03:12 PMspidey Wrote: The Freshmen are the Vancouver Whalers, this team last year, they were filled with rookies and arguably had the most active rookie class. They did incredibly well last season making the playoffs with a heavily weighted rookie roster and even claimed all three nominations for rookie of the year, why they are the freshmen. They could be the best place possible for a young, motivated rookie as they have already had great success getting results out of young players. Or you could be buried on their roster trying desperately to be a part of their club as they have now filled their roster with talented players in almost every position. ONLY GO THERE IF MOTIVATED!