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hockeyfan · 08-10-2023, 11:31 AM

Written Task 1

Oh I see, it's a Space Jam thing. Okay, so obviously the Sarris Star Empire are giant hockey stick wielding baddies who are different colours and have won everything they've ever done. How do we combat that? I contact Bugs Bunny and ask him about his secret juice, which turns out to be Monster Energy Drink. How on brand! I order a pallet of the stuff and feed the aliens for a few days before the big game with the drink. Now that they believe in themselves, I teach them the fundamental lessons, and preach defense. Defense wins championships! We work on a counter-attack that feeds in to the over-confidence of the Sarris Star Empire, which causes turnovers and gives us easy chances to score. Turns out they put 5 people up front because of their selfish attitude! Because of the Monster Energy Drink, our players are really fast too, so that helps.

***Aephino*** · 08-10-2023, 12:48 PM

Michiganonymous · 08-10-2023, 01:33 PM

***Aleris*** · 08-10-2023, 02:11 PM

To prepare for our match against the Not Goon Squad (apparently Goon Squad was copyrighted), Conner spends the week playing Stellaris on his PC so he learns all the different ways to decimate Xeno-civilizations. These Xeno scum will stand no chance against the power of Snooks slapshot cannon. Of course, come game time. Snooks gets absolutely obliterated, but the Aliens can't score. The game ends a utterly boring draw 0-0. Really the only thing that happened is now Edmonton is royally upset because of their players was injured for a exhibition match against a team that's not even from this planet. And this early in the season too. It's really gonna put a damper on Edmonton's playoff hopes. Hopefully SHL HO steps in and puts an end to random intergalactic exhibitions games against aliens, cause this is starting to get ridiculous. I mean, I know Grogu plays from Calgary but c'mon.

adamantium · 08-10-2023, 06:28 PM

Code:
Story Mode: 209 Words

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"Six words, my extraterrestrial friends. Six fuckin' words for the rest of your life.

Run 'em up.

Fill 'em in.

How do we put that into practice? Let's start with the front half. Run 'em up. Youse all learned how to get the puck into the net, so you're just doing that. If these idiots from the Sarris are as dumb as they are broad, they're probably just going to try to focus on eating up space and playing the body. But that means they're sacrificing defence to play physical, and you gotta be able to wield that to your advantage.

'But Benny! If they're going to be playing the physical game so much, how are we supposed to fill them in?'

First of all, your English has gotten significantly better. Second, pretty simple. You remember all those clips I showed youse of professional agitators? Getting under the skin and provoking a reaction that gets guys tossed into the box? Fuckin' bingo. Remember, first fuckin' rule of the sport that they teach you--retaliator gets the penalty. So get under their skin. Call 'em names, tell 'em you slept with their parents, just be a relentless fucking prick. Then, fill 'em in.

Run 'em up, fill 'em in.

Any questions?"

sigs by me bitch

wizard_literal · 08-10-2023, 07:02 PM

Player Prompt: Morning Mayhem

Written Task: You enter your stall one morning before an early practice and find your gear all wrapped in unholy amounts of duct tape. Nothing was actually damaged, and your coach doesn't acknowledge your lateness in getting on the ice, beyond trying not to smile. A brief investigation of your team's Xitter feed reveals the mascot as the culprit.

How do you get back at your mascot? Remember, this is a prank duel to drive social media engagement! Don't hurt your mascot or permanently prevent them from doing their job!

Standing there in utter shock at finding out who the culprit was behind this dastardly prank, Gato begins to devise a number of schemes to get back at the Kraken Mascot! The first step is to fool the mascot with an obvious and harmless prank. In a tactic of true diversion Lazer Gato sneaks into the Mascots locker and turns all the items upside down! A fairly harmless prank meant to fool the Mascot into thinking the favor has been returned. But no no the real prank has yet to begin. While turning over each item in the Mascots locker Gato was able to make a catalog of the items at hand. Over the course of the next several weeks/months Gato hires a team of miniature replica artists to create slightly smaller and smaller versions of the items to replace the contents of the locker. A battle of wits meant to drive his opponent into a spout of questioning his reality! And finally on one ordinary day Gato replaces all the objects with the originals!

***HoltzFan10*** · 08-10-2023, 08:46 PM

PT PAss

*leviadan* · 08-10-2023, 10:12 PM

I tape the mascots legs together and roll him down the dang stairs of the lower bowl during the intermission. Of course the Renegade is in a giant foam suit so they will not be hurt. That being said, you want social media engagement? There you have it! Imagine the videos of of a giant foam cowboy getting tossed down the stairs by an aging star during intermission? We could spin it off into a public feud where we PRETEND to hurt eachother in increasingly elaborate and public ways. Each stunt would end with a sizeable donation to a local hospital along with a picture of us PRETENDING to get patched up and vowing to get our revenge. Ultimately on my retirement day I would allow the Renegade to shoot me point blank at center ice, PRETENDING to end both my life and my career. The hashtags would go crazy if the Renegade shot Burlok with a gun.

[Image: pin1_1.gif?ex=666c7cf4&is=666b2b74&hm=ab...694e07b12&]

enigmatic · 08-10-2023, 11:38 PM

Perhaps it's because Elena Maximova just joined the Scarecrows organization that they keep on insisting on making her part of their social media strategy when she has zero off ice charisma, hates being in the spotlight and above all, hates being pranked. When she found all her gear taped up, the knives in her eyes could've killed somebody. As revenge, she invited the mascot to a friendly on ice activity. He barely had time to get on the ice that she checked him as hard as she could. Under regular circumstances, the guy in the costume probably would've been hurt but the costume has tons of paddings so beyond having the wind taken out of him, he was alright. The Scarecrow front office decided that perhaps their unfriendly new defenseman was not the best candidate for this kind of promotion and they will rethink their strategy. If I know the SHL well enough though, I'm sure the mascot will be back with a vengeance next week.

*Ferda* · 08-11-2023, 12:13 AM

Early in the morning, way before the sun was up and anyone in their right mind should be awake, the Atlanta Inferno's locker room was buzzing with its usual pre-practice chaos. Guys were gearing up, cracking jokes, and pretending they weren't still half-asleep. Among the crew was Billy Herrington, a fresh-faced rookie forward with dreams bigger than the ice rink itself. Billy strolled up to his stall, expecting the usual routine. But hold up – something was off. His gear, normally set up like a neat little hockey shrine, was wrapped in a gazillion layers of duct tape. Yeah, you heard that right, duct tape. It was like someone went all arts-and-crafts on his stuff, turning it into a sticky, silver masterpiece. And here's the kicker – not a scratch on any of it. The coach, Mr. Tough Guy himself, was chillin' nearby, trying so damn hard not to crack a grin. Billy could tell the old man was loving this – probably because he didn't have to chew him out for being a few minutes late. Talk about dodging a bullet, right? With his curiosity in overdrive, Billy hit up the team's Xitter feed. Basically, it's where we spill the beans on locker room gossip and stuff. Lo and behold, there it was: a video of the culprit in action. And who was it? None other than the team's mascot – that wild, wacky character that roams the arena like they own the place. The video was a riot. The mascot was like a tape ninja, all sneaky and smooth with the duct tape. They were wrapping and weaving it around Billy's gear like it was some kind of Olympic sport. And get this, not even a teeny, tiny scratch on his gear. It was like a perfectly executed art project that just happened to involve a rookie's hockey gear. So, there Billy was, sitting in his stall, laughing his ass off at the mascot's crafty skills. It was like a rite of passage, you know? Welcome to the big leagues, kid! Pranks and all. As he laced up his skates and got ready to hit the ice, he couldn't help but wonder what other crazy adventures awaited him in this rollercoaster ride called the Simulation Hockey League.

FuriousChicken · 08-11-2023, 02:08 AM

Player Prompt: Morning Mayhem

Written Task: You enter your stall one morning before an early practice and find your gear all wrapped in unholy amounts of duct tape. Nothing was actually damaged, and your coach doesn't acknowledge your lateness in getting on the ice, beyond trying not to smile. A brief investigation of your team's Xitter feed reveals the mascot as the culprit.

How do you get back at your mascot? Remember, this is a prank duel to drive social media engagement! Don't hurt your mascot or permanently prevent them from doing their job!

So the mascot has decided to challenge me, by putting 15.2 meters of duct tape on my ice hockey gear, this can only mean 1 thing a duel of gear-tampering. I quickly went to the local store that sold ductape and bought a massive 15.3 meters, it was outrageously expensive, did he have an inside man, this can’t be a 1-man job. So for good measure I bought another 15.3 meters for everyone on the team just to be sure. Afterwards I was planning to just package everyone’s gear with duct tape, but I thought of a second plan, getting a human-like robot and putting it in the mascot costume together with the duct tape. The plan was in motion, with way too much duct tape and a robot I stayed after the training and packaged everyone’s gear even my own in with duct tape, afterwards I put the robot in the costume. The next day I came early, and activated the robot for the ultimate mayham.

167 words

AW13 · 08-11-2023, 07:27 AM

ISFL PT

***Citizen of Adraa*** · 08-11-2023, 07:53 AM

creative prompt:

Ok, so let's go about this logically. If the idea of hockey for the other team is effectively "who punches harder wins", and they punch harder, that's obviously a really dumb idea to follow. The best way to deal with this is likely to just play very fast, pass the moment puck gets to you, just get rid of possession to someone who isn't in the imminent threat of getting whatever limb is the most likely to get torn off torn off, and make them rack up penalties for late hits. It's gonna hurt, but this game would have hurt regardless, and this way, maybe we at least make them leave the ice and get advantages and score while a man up. Hopefully, they don't keep playing smash mouth all game and realize they will lose really quickly and just attempt to copy what we are doing, but obviously way worse, meaning they will just lose down to the actual hockey skills, not a scuffed up MMA fight on ice.

Pickle Juice · 08-11-2023, 09:37 AM

Player prompt:

I would have to open up the big bag of tricks. It would take a clinical amount of research to figure out what exactly I would do to them to get them back for what they've done. Nothing too serious, as to not escalate the situation. But nothing to light, as to not look like a bitch. Something juuuuust right. After playing this game of G-Lox and the three bears for some time, I will have figured out the proper avenue. In fact, it has just come to me now. I would follow my mascot out to his car. I would tell him to have a nice day as he slurps his protein shake. He gets in his car and turns the key. It does not start. He gets out and sees me smiling. He asks if I fucked with his car. I snap my fingers and he vomits 9 gallons of gasoline onto the pavement. We have a good laugh, say that we are even, I fill his car up and thats that. Later, I approach the nearby bushes and give David Blaine $200 for his services. The man himself has done it again.

***sköldpaddor*** · 08-11-2023, 10:16 AM

Lias is deeply amused that Stardust would do this to him. He is also really impressed that Stardust managed to do all of this stuff with duct tape while also being very fuzzy and soft and not really having fingers that are especially dexterous. In an attempt to take revenge in a media-appropriate way, Lias hires one of his friends to come in and dress up in one of the Stardust costumes that the team has lying around, so when the actual Stardust shows up, nobody knows who is who (they can't take the heads off, that's literally illegal). Very fun shenanigans ensue while the social media team engages in a Sherlock Holmes level mystery to determine which of the Stardusts is the real one, and which one is the imposter. They have to go through a number of tests - quizzing the Stardusts on team trivia, making them perform great feats of strength, testing them with assorted inside team jokes, while Lias feeds his fake Stardust friend all of the answers to questions as subtly as he can.

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