Today I bring you my magnum opus. A treatise in which I shall break down *some* of the teams within the SMJHL and explain their comparisons to cheese. May this serve as a sermon to those of you who share my fine taste in the more pungent things in life. Within this article may I enlighten your ears, eyes, and nostrils while you immerse yourself into my world.
The first team is none other than my beloved Detroit Falcons (skree). If the Falcons were a cheese, they'd be the finest wheel of Gruyere. Why Gruyere, you may ask? The Falcons are a well built team. They share with Gruyere a strong structure, an impressive form. The Falcons boast two lineups of capped defensive players. Kekkonen and Thor, for example, share Gruyere's traits of being well aged, complex, and mild (mannered). Yet the team also mimics the lifecycle of the Gruyere cheese. It's said that a young Gruyere is creamy (such as Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen) yet also nutty (such as Theo Kane). As Gruyere ages it is slightly salty (such as myself, Roquefort). Above all else, Gruyere is classy. The Detroit Falcons are a well established team, vibrant with history. I pray the Falcons can continue to blossom during my rosterage into a team as esteemed as Gruyere is in the cheese world.
Next up is the Carolina Kraken (boo). The Kraken are most similar to Cotija. Cotija is a Mexican cheese famed for it's salty demeanor and crackly texture. The Kraken are a team famed for their salty demeanor and crumbling future. The Kraken, like Cotija, are a team best served as a topping. A sprinkle upon something greater. Perhaps grated upon the elote of glory that is the Detroit Falcons. A mild an underwhelming cheese, it's truly shocking how many attributes are shared with the team.
We find our next cheese in Colorado, with the Raptors . When I think Raptors, I think Halloumi. Halloumi is a cheese that can be eaten raw and cold (such as Colorado) but also aged, fried, or grilled (such as a Raptor). It's also an ancient cheese, one that was perhaps being eaten while Dinosaurs still roamed the Earth. As a cypriot cheese, I find it likely that Jesus may have in fact consumed Halloumi while riding upon a raptor. In fact, I can also imagine myself grilling the Raptors over the hot coals of defeat after we beat them in a series to win the championship. I can just imagine skewering each of their players like a fine cube of Halloumi. Let's move on.
Our next cheese is a strictly goat cheese - Humboldt fog. As such, it is most befitting a team such as the Nevada Battleborn . Why? Because they're goats. Humboldt fog is a less internationally known cheese (like the Battleborn) but is renowned amongst cheese enthusiasts within North America (unlike the battleborn). The cheese is moldy on the outside, a crust in which resembles that of Nevada's teambuilding. As you bite deeper beyond the rind you find a creamy, light, and acidic flavor. This acidity is likely a result of renowned locker room detriment's @Bamford13, @amjohnson636, and @baz. Perhaps this team, like the cheese, would be served best if it was pruned first.
Thank you to those of you who have read this far - if permitted my next Deep Dive will be a continuation of the topic with fresher teams and cheeses assessed.
Quote:As a cypriot cheese, I find it likely that Jesus may have in fact consumed Halloumi while riding upon a raptor. In fact, I can also imagine myself grilling the Raptors over the hot coals of defeat after we beat them in a series to win the championship. I can just imagine skewering each of their players like a fine cube of Halloumi.
roquefort
(skree). If the Falcons were a cheese, they'd be the finest wheel of Gruyere. Why Gruyere, you may ask? The Falcons are a well built team. They share with Gruyere a strong structure, an impressive form. The Falcons boast two lineups of capped defensive players. Kekkonen and Thor, for example, share Gruyere's traits of being well aged, complex, and mild (mannered). Yet the team also mimics the lifecycle of the Gruyere cheese. It's said that a young Gruyere is creamy (such as Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen) yet also nutty (such as Theo Kane). As Gruyere ages it is slightly salty (such as myself, Roquefort). Above all else, Gruyere is classy. The Detroit Falcons are a well established team, vibrant with history. I pray the Falcons can continue to blossom during my rosterage into a team as esteemed as Gruyere is in the cheese world. 
(boo). The Kraken are most similar to Cotija. Cotija is a Mexican cheese famed for it's salty demeanor and crackly texture. The Kraken are a team famed for their salty demeanor and crumbling future. The Kraken, like Cotija, are a team best served as a topping. A sprinkle upon something greater. Perhaps grated upon the elote of glory that is the Detroit Falcons. A mild an underwhelming cheese, it's truly shocking how many attributes are shared with the team. 
. When I think Raptors, I think Halloumi. Halloumi is a cheese that can be eaten raw and cold (such as Colorado) but also aged, fried, or grilled (such as a Raptor). It's also an ancient cheese, one that was perhaps being eaten while Dinosaurs still roamed the Earth. As a cypriot cheese, I find it likely that Jesus may have in fact consumed Halloumi while riding upon a raptor. In fact, I can also imagine myself grilling the Raptors over the hot coals of defeat after we beat them in a series to win the championship. I can just imagine skewering each of their players like a fine cube of Halloumi. Let's move on. 
. Why? Because they're goats. Humboldt fog is a less internationally known cheese (like the Battleborn) but is renowned amongst cheese enthusiasts within North America (unlike the battleborn). The cheese is moldy on the outside, a crust in which resembles that of Nevada's teambuilding. As you bite deeper beyond the rind you find a creamy, light, and acidic flavor. This acidity is likely a result of renowned locker room detriment's @Bamford13, @amjohnson636, and @baz. Perhaps this team, like the cheese, would be served best if it was pruned first. ![[Image: draft-ad.png?ex=66247d0e&is=6612080e&hm=...cddcfb611&]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/208621163776049152/1226361398821388329/draft-ad.png?ex=66247d0e&is=6612080e&hm=53a0126d71161c6e177e1fdd56a2e54369b369a203f8997a4eee5efcddcfb611&)
![[Image: Skree.gif]](https://i.ibb.co/bgnm7fk/Skree.gif)
![[Image: xSn0esi.png]](https://i.imgur.com/xSn0esi.png)
![[Image: yg2T2lp.png]](https://i.imgur.com/yg2T2lp.png)
![[Image: 1161116581909246052.gif?%60]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/1161116581909246052.gif?%60)
![[Image: kahri.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/kahri.gif)
![[Image: IsJIh5s.png?format=webp&width=872&height=1066]](https://images-ext-1.discordapp.net/external/SIFgkJJjwPpI82KPUq10kEr6VTryRriLFz-A5GKTPQE/https/i.imgur.com/IsJIh5s.png?format=webp&width=872&height=1066)
![[Image: 3GX9nYb.png]](https://imgur.com/3GX9nYb.png)
![[Image: CptSquall.gif]](https://sig.grumpybumpers.com/host/CptSquall.gif)
