Login

vic03 · 06-05-2024, 12:07 AM

“Welcome back to Syndi-chat, your need to know podcast for everything Chicago Syndicate. Now Tommy, I know this is a subject you’re very passionate about.”

“Don’t even get me started.”

“How we feeling about Leo Roze making his debut this year?”

“I just can’t believe we’re paying this kid 5 million a year and he hasn’t even stepped foot into the SHL. I mean really? This is what we’re doing with our salary? I get we’re in a rebuild and we’re not competing but his salary is just going to inflate with every season. It’s not good for the team.”

“What about people saying he might be the greatest defensive player in the J?”

“Under what metrics?? We can’t just say that with no proof. He won one cup on a team that should've won 2 or 3, his stats are good but nowhere near some of the other players we’ve come up, and frankly not do so good, we look at his actual stats and they just aren’t anywhere near ‘greatest defensive player in the J.’

“You don’t think he was a key piece of that Citadelles team?”

“I mean yeah he was a key piece, but I think he’s the one player you can swap out and they still win that cup. He puts up no points, he blocks the puck, sure, but he’s not even their main shot blocker the season they win the cup. The one area he excels is the penalty kill but then he takes a hooking and boarding basically back to back. He’s just not what I think is someone we should be paying the top salary to. He’s not that great.”

“What about his defensive ability allowing his team to take high risk plays knowing they’re safe with him on the backend?”

“There we go, we make up things to make him look better. How do we even quantify that? We can’t. It’s a made up stat because frankly, he’s a solid defensive player who brings really no other quality to the ice. He’s a one dimensional player at best and when you see even his own linemate in Tymer excel in multiple areas it’s hard to get excited about him.”

“I think you’re being a little harsh on him, he’s amazing in the defensive zone. Just watching games you see how well he plays, forcing attackers into bad positions and-”

“Again, stuff we can’t measure. Let me tell you. Those players with ‘intangibles’ are important, yes, but I gotta be honest, the players who win you games, who win you cups, are the ones with the stats to back up their skill. Staying with that Citadelle team it's your Desjardins, the Solberg twins, Ju-Gong in the back. They have those intangibles and the stats to back up. It may be shortsighted but you don’t go, ‘oh he really squeezed that winger so he couldn’t get a shot off.’ He’s a roleplayer at best, an offensive liability at worst, and most certainly not worth 5 million in his rookie season.”

Atychiphobia.
A fear of failure, of being a disappointment.
Other fears are fixable. You can turn on the lights, you can stay low to the ground, you can have your father kill the spider.
You can’t not fail.
We all fail sometimes, no one's perfect.
We’ll succeed once, twice, however many times in a row, but we will eventually,
All still fail.
You can bounce back, learn and adapt from your failure, but what if it's your whole life on the line.
Your position on the blueline, your spot on the roster, your paycheck to make rent.
The pressure is always there, some thrive in it, some crumble under it.
Some pretend it’s not there, but it slowly
eats
away
at
you.

The text read,
“Congrats Leo. It’s Ho-Lee Smokes btw, you ready to come to Chicago?”
A reminder of the inevitable. The team was going their separate ways.

The high of winning can mask it, make you forget it's there.
But it’s there. It always will be.
A new challenge.
A new opportunity.
A new opportunity to fail, to disappoint.

Pushing to the cup finals is grueling, it tests your mental and physical strength. The offseason is a nice respite from the pain but when you have two teams to represent in the offseason, you don’t get much time.
Leo’s whole game is using his body to shut people down. He was near his limits after the postseason, and the WJC and IIHF tournaments did nothing but make it worse. The team doctors, the saunas, the ice baths, they all help, but nothing heals better than time off. He was finally done with hockey for a little bit, he could rest and heal up.

The middle of July.
He’s 22 now. His 21st birthday seems like a distant memory after this past year.
He was 18 when he was drafted to Citadelles, the Syndicate took him just after his 19th, 20 when everyone was betting on the owls and they lost, and 21 when he won the cup.
It didn’t feel like 4 years. He could’ve done more. He didn’t have the time to do more. He could’ve done more.
Leo leaned over the fence, watching the river flow, it’s been going for centuries and isn’t stopping anytime soon. The rocks withstanding that pressure for that time, but slowly being chipped away a grain at a time. You can find yourself in nature, a mirror image of you in the trees or the birds. You just have to look hard enough. Leo watched the river for an hour, thoughts both racing through his mind and leaving as soon as they arrived. It’s tough leaving the people you’ve grown close to for years. There’s more people to meet in your future though, and more things to do and win.
Leo lifted himself off the fence, a sharp pain felt in his forearms once he did and red markings where they rested on it for his time watching the water flow. He looked around, people enjoying the nice weather. Dogs running around chasing tennis balls, mothers and fathers with their children. People having picnics with their loved ones.
He began to walk back to his place, to spend the day inside instead of enjoying the weather.
“There you are!” A familiar voice called to him.
“Sonja?” He asked as he turned around “How you know?”
“Your location’s still shared with the group chat from when you got lost with the cup.” Sonja laughed at the memory, “I don’t think you remember a single moment of your day with the cup do you?”
Leo laughed and shook his head. What a night.
“I was walking and noticed you hadn’t moved for a while. Either you lost your phone or I could’ve jumpscared you.”
“Stalker.” Leo joked to her.
The two started walking the path together, short conversations about their weeks and catching up about WJC. It seemed like all Leo ever talked about with them was hockey. They knew him personally, but not fully. He wasn’t hiding anything, he doesn’t have skeletons in his closet, but it’s hard to talk about yourself. Sometimes even with your closest friends.
“So…” Sonja says breaking the train of Leo’s thoughts, they had been walking in silence for a little while and he didn’t realize. “You know what Celly is up to today?”
“No.” Leo responded quickly.
“Really? They haven’t texted me today and I figured you might know why.”
“Why would I know?”
“Oh. I mean, I don’t know, you two are pretty close. I figured they would clue you in.”
Leo shrugged. He should check his texts more often.
The two kept walking, occasional small talk would spark up but nothing of note. Sonja would eventually peel off and head somewhere, Leo didn’t catch it. Not because he didn’t care, he cared about her deeply, he cared about all of his teammates deeply, but there were so many thoughts that it didn’t break through. He returned back to his place. His cat asleep on the counter and his laptop still open.
The Syndi-chat podcast tab was still up.
He enjoyed seeing people’s reactions to the team, he didn’t enjoy their latest episode. He closed the tab. He sat down on his chair and time passed. A lot of time passed. He could’ve done more in this time. He didn’t have anything to do.

After some days, his body was finally ready to take the ice again. He technically wasn’t a Citadelle anymore but they let him and the others use the ice to keep warm if they wanted. A puck slid over to him as he did.
“Long enough break kid?” Tymer remarked. Leo onetimed the pass back over to him.
“Maybe. How long you been here?”
“Me and Celly hopped on a bit agos, Froya and Sonja are coming, Abdi probably will be she just sent one of her weird images again.”
Leo smirked at that and looked around the ice, it was only him and Juan. “No Celly?” He asked.
“They went… somewhere. Said a quick break but it's been a little, not sure.”
The two of them passed the puck, talking to each other. How do people always have something new to talk about even when it’s someone they talk to everyday? Everyone else seems to do it, but Leo just lets them bring up the conversation and he’ll reply.
Celeste would eventually join Leo and Juan on the ice, Abdi arriving not long after, Froya and Sonja after her. It was the first time the six of them had all been together in awhile. Usually one or two would be missing from a group hangout because of prior arrangements.
Leo never had those. His schedule was free most of the time.
Why didn’t he ever have any?
Leo would skate over to the bench where there were water bottles on the boards. He’d grab one and take a drink. Celeste skated over to him.
“So, when’re you leaving for Chicago?” They’d ask giving him a slight nudge once they stopped skating.
“I have to be there month before season, so they book flight six week from now.”
“They booked you a flight six weeks in advance? Rage said they’d do it like a week before I go over. A month feels like both too long and too short of a time before the season, weird how time is like that.”
“Weird, Ja.”
“Ja.” Celeste mocked him. Leo gave them a smile, before skating back to the group, Celeste right behind him. The six of them would keep passing it around, a small 3 v 3 scrimmage broke out eventually, Leo, Abdi, Froya, vs Juanl, Celly, and Sonja. The latter won.
After the short game the group started to skate off the ice.
“I think this is like the 10th time i’ve beat you Rozie.” Celeste quipped at him.
“No shot block for me, only reason.” Roze answered.

Leo and Juan sat next to each other as they untied their skates, the other four somewhere else.
“So, you two plan anything before the end of the summer?” Juan asked.
“What you mean?” Leo asked back, confused.
“You and Celeste, any dates or something. Not much time left.”
Leo was flustered, “I- dates? No.”
Juan looked at him suspiciously.
“Why would we go on date?” Leo laughed nervously.
“Brother. Really? We aren’t dumb. We can tell there's something between you two.”
“What? Nothing between us.”
“No way. You’re telling me that both of you are so blind you don’t see what everyone else sees? Bro, Ramen asked me about it during the season.”
“I-” Leo finished getting his skating gear off. “Have good night.” He said walking off, Juan saying something but Leo didn’t listen.

I have no idea what he was talking about. There’s nothing there. Leo got back to his place, Scumrat pacing around the room, occasionally hitting a toy rat around and then going after it.
He really only needed his cat. Yeah his friends were nice but they wouldn’t be in Chicago, Scumrat would be.
Do I have feelings for them?

Leo picked the cat up, and as he did he was already trying to lick Leo’s face. Why did cats do that?
Am I avoiding my own thoughts?
There’s too much going on in life right now, settle down. You can’t do everything.

You could do more though.
You can always do more.
You pretend like you can’t but you know you can.

You can’t run from everything, avoid it while it slowly eats away at you.
What if I’m making a mistake?

It's inevitable for a reason, I can’t change it.
You can make it better though.

This is ridiculous. It all is. Leo put down the cat who meowed softly at him. Sleep. He needed sleep, to process things. There were already a million things he was thinking about at the time that he just needed to rest. He changed and layed down in bed. He closed his eyes and tried to relax.

The whistle blew, the whole team started to skate towards the blue line.
“SIX TO ZERO!” Leo turned and skated hard back to the goal line. The stragglers catching up.
The whistle blew again, the whole team started to skate towards the half line.
“17 SHOTS ALL GAME!” Leo tried to breathe but the practice had made it hard. The whole time it was skating. He made it back to the goal line and took heavy breathes while the rest finished.
The whistle blew once more, the whole team started to skate to the far blue line.
“THREE LOSSES IN A ROW!” Leo was on the ice for one goal. Out of six. This wasn’t fair.
He kept going, he had to, he had the C for a reason.
The whistle blew for a final time, the whole team started to skate for the far goal line.
“WE ARE NOT A TEAM!” Those words were the worst, they had all grown up together, worked together, yet their coach said they weren’t a team. Youth hockey in Latvia was taken seriously. He knew that, maybe his teammates didn’t.
He finished earlier than most, a couple of the faster players already resting by the time he got there.
He’d done them plenty of times before, and many more after, but this time was different.
Sweat dripped from the cage onto the ice. His lungs felt like they were barely working, his legs burning and barely holding.
“I don’t care how good you play, how bad you play. I care that you play with your heart. It doesn’t matter if you have a bad game or two, you work through it. You fight your own mind, fight your own body even when it’s telling you to quit.”
Leo looked up from the ice towards his coach as he spoke to the team.
“You’re all talented, that is why you are here. If you didn’t have the talent you wouldn’t have your spot. I can show you what to do, but only you can do it. It’s up to you to decide where your heart is. Go home.”

Leo woke up, the clock read 10:22 AM. Later than he usually wakes up. He got out of bed, and did the same routine he always does. He left his apartment and went for a walk, down to the park where he spends so much time. He sees himself in nature, in the river and the rocks they erode. It soothes the part of him that tells him he’s not good enough, even if he doesn’t know why it’s therapeutic, it still helps. He was walking to his normal spot when he spotted Celeste leaning up against the fence. They turned around towards him.
“Beautiful day isn’t it?” Celeste said as they did. “Ja.” He replied to them.
“Hey, I think we should… talk.” they sounded nervous, “I was talking to Sonja and she told me-”
“Me and Juan talk about same thing.”
“Oh–” they replied surprised, Leo let out a small laugh or relief or nerves, or both. “You know I spent all of last night trying to figure out how to say that but I guess that makes it easier.”
Leo nodded towards them.
“Even if you suck at communicating…” they chuckled at their own words, “I do.. Enjoy spending time with you, a lot.”
Leo nodded again.
“It would be easier if you said stuff back, you know.”
“I am not sure how to say.”
“Maybe you should have taken those English classes.” They looked towards the ground and back up. “I-”
“Lunch?” He asked them.
“Yeah, yeah that sounds good.”

It’s a weird concept isn’t it. The two of them were mere months away from being on teams that would be fighting each other, but they spent four years together. It’s not a surprise to any of their teammates, they all could see it from a mile away. Even though it went well there was the slight feeling of it being weird to Leo, but weird wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to him. He was okay with it, they were too.
He was scared, he still is, of many things. The inevitable will come no matter what, but you can do things to make it better when it does.
Was it the dream that made Leo realize all he had to do was try? No. He knew that. But it helped him in the end.
He’s still scared of failing, of not living up to the expectations people are putting on him. He knows he has to work as hard as he possibly can, but he also always knew that. Sometimes there’s no getting over a fear. It’s almost impossible. Even if you turn on the lights, they’ll eventually turn off.
But why obsess over the dark when it’s currently bright?

Celeste is a major reason for Leo being less scared to go to Chicago, to fail his new team.
He spent so many years trying to keep part of himself away, not on purpose. It didn’t matter to Celeste, or to any of their teammates, that he was scared to fail them. They were all scared of the same thing.
He locked himself away though, and tried to not let insecurities show.
There was no fixing them for him. He had to learn to live with them. It’s not easy, and it’s not done. He doesn’t know if it will ever be done, but he can try his best.

Five weeks later, and the thought of leaving everyone for Chicago still stings, but he’s excited for it.
He started to back his stuff up, so many things he had bought while here he wanted to keep. Some he did, some he donated. Juan and Celeste would help him.
“You bringing this ‘I LOVE OWLS’ mug?” Celeste would ask, holding up a blue coffee mug.
“Yes I love mug.” Leo said, taking it and throwing it in one of his bags.
“You really drink out of that? It’s all stained.”
Leo would just look over to them and they both laughed. Juan sighing, thinking that Leo was bringing way too much stuff. He was right. Leo didn’t need all these things, but he wanted to bring them. They were his souvenirs of Quebec.
Eventually, Juan would leave. The two hugged and said their goodbyes. Not as solemn as the rest knowing they’d be playing together every postseason with Latvia.
Celeste would leave a couple hours later, after everything was packed.
“Oh last thing. Please don’t kill me on the ice.” They said as they got into their car.
“No promise.” Leo answered. The two smiled at each other, eventually Celeste driving away.
One last night in Quebec.

When he woke up, he took a deep breath, His belongings packed into bags. He grabbed Scumrat and placed the cat into his carrier, locking the door. He had said his goodbyes to everyone, to Froya, Sonja, Abdi, Ju-Gong, Patey, Wingmate, and all the others.
He drove down to the airport, a final trip down roads he had been through so many times.
A city where he made so many memories.
A city where he won a cup.

He got out of the car, and a worker helped take his bags. He made his way over to the jet Chicago had sent for him.
The jet took off, the city he loved, where he was loved, looked tiny as he flew away. It’s over, the inevitable came, however...

There’s a new city where he needs to make his future in.

(This was for sure one of the weirder media I've written about Leo, a lot of personal and mental things instead of what I’m used to writing so not sure how well I conveyed them. Shoutout to Celeste for obvious reasons here. Like Leo’s thoughts it is definitely a strange concept to have two players dating but we both kind of hinted that direction without even consulting each other at first, it also just kind of fits the story I’m trying to tell with Leo. I have always thought that it was boring how most players were just a husk of TPE, you obviously have your boom’s where they give us a full fleshed out character and I love that. I’m not as talented as boom but I wanted to try and make Leo an actual character. The issue I ran into is that it kind of makes sense for Leo to be boring. He is a boring person. I think even boring people can be complex though and while he may not have anything extremely unique about him, I do like the way his character is developing especially with having so much more time to flesh him out in Chicago. I’m not sure if this angle of two players dating has ever been done before in medias, I doubt it has, so it’ll be interesting to see where this story develops because honestly, I have no clue. We will see though, thanks for reading my developers commentary or whatever the fuck this is. Hope you enjoyed the media. If not, please act like you did. Any feedback of my writing is welcome, just dm me on discord. My user there is the same here)

skyrrhawk · 06-05-2024, 12:15 AM

catjam

***sliceruser*** · 06-05-2024, 12:31 AM

<3 welcome to CHI, we love that defensive juggernaut side of you and we hope to replicate your success

***Seany148*** · 06-09-2024, 10:27 PM

HOLLD THE FUCK ON

Navigation

Extra Menu

About us