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*AuggieO* · 01-19-2025, 03:37 PM

Firstly let’s get the record straight. NoNo Jo would not have gotten food poisoning if he HAD ate the appetizer. He has a stomach of steel. But onto the real question, NoNo Jo has an eye for talent. The Zamboni driver DEF has some unbanked TPE just hanging out and is going to hop on the ice to shoot his shot. That fan in the crowd that can see over anyone's head and takes up 2 seats of PURE MUSCLE MASS? He’s getting pulled into the ice. Also the parking people? Highly underrated. A few of them are getting pulled up the the big leagues and are going to help clutch this game. And last but surely not least, the security guards are getting checked out and talent scouted. That short guy? He’s a bolt of lightning on the ice. That nerdy looking pretzel salesman? He’s so good at physics that hockey is child's play to him. And with that NoNo Jo wins the game with a ragtag team of slammers.

Words 171

MattyJ · 01-19-2025, 04:11 PM

#1:

MattyJ thrives under pressure, and with the team out due to food poisoning, he springs into action. Knowing there are just 10 minutes left and a 6-3 lead to protect, he recruits a mix of unlikely heroes. He calls the local beer league team but realizes they won’t make it in time. Instead, he turns to the crowd, holding a quick tryout to find capable fans. He also enlists the Zamboni driver, a former Junior B defenseman, and the equipment manager, who all eagerly suit up.

With a ragtag team ready, MattyJ keeps his strategy simple, dump and chase, clog shooting lanes, and burn the clock. MattyJ plays every shift, leading by example and rallying his makeshift squad. In 10 minutes they committed 18 icing violations. However, they fend off the opposition, and a fan even scores an empty-netter, sealing a 7-3 win. The arena erupts, the crowd chants "random fan, random fan, random fan." It was a night to remember in Chi-town.

koty_k · 01-19-2025, 04:31 PM

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Massive Coiler · 01-19-2025, 04:38 PM

Written Option 1:
I'm calling all of the recently retired players in my phone, praying they still live in the Philly area. That's step one. Need somebody who can at least sort of hang. Beer league heroes are gonna be required, and I'm calling on them to start throwing hands the second a whistle goes. Try to drag some pros into the box with them if at all possible. The coaching staff is definitely suiting up, no need for a phone call there. It's time for them to put their money where their mouths are and see what it's like to live in my world on the hell-scape that is the ice. Goalie coach is going in the cage, and I'm gonna ring a few practice shots past the ears as part of the warm up. I don't need the most skilled fans to hit the ice, just the ones who are willing to die for the team and block shots with their heads, if need-be. A combination of this group might be able to ice the minimum lineup required. I'm probably gonna end up playing over 9 and a half of the remaining 10 minutes. Blocking shots and chipping the puck off the glass and out. The likelihood of an offensive chance coming is next to none, so I'm not leaving my zone no matter what. No way I'm tiring myself out having to skate up and down the ice worthlessly. I think we can do it if enough plugs crowd our net for blocks and crosscheck enough heads after the whistle.

***Sburbine*** · 01-19-2025, 04:43 PM

Option 2:

Atlanta has been a good team for most of my SHL career, I remember them doing great things in the late season 60 and hotdog winning his first GM cup before Ace haha. Despite some ups and downs in the standings I feel like they're in the same level as Philly and new England as being good to great for so many seasons in a row. A difficult feat in the SHL which can have some extreme rebuilds. After being 10th in the standings last year they did an almost complete 180 in just 1 season to jump into first place with a very impressive 54-10-2 record and still a lot of homegrown talent. Jae-ik Barron led the team and league with a crazy 121 points and 64 goals. They unfortunately lost their footing in the playoffs and lost to Tampa in the second round in six games but they are a scary team with a bright future for sure, we'll see what they can do in season 81

Stamkos Is My Dad · 01-19-2025, 05:02 PM

Option 1:

Oh no! The Anchorage Armada are all out due to food poisoning from a dive bar in poopy Colorado! What ever will they do? Have no fear, Zeus Storm, is here! The Armada are obligated to play a game against the Colorado Raptors but after foul play from the Raptors, per usual, the team is down to Storm and Storm only. He has twelve hours to search and find enough players to play a game or they will be forced to forfeit. Not wanting to lose to the Raptors, Zeus begins his search at the local hockey rinks and recruits beer league players. That is really all he needs to beat the crappy Raptors as Zeus Storm skates circles around them and has infinite stamina. The local beer league team is ecstatic to play in a pro game and Zeus has done the impossible by putting a team together in under twelve hours. The Armada would go on to win this game eight to zero as Zeus Storm had all eight goals and never allowed the Raptors to even threaten scoring a goal against him. Wow Zeus is amazing and the Raptors are not!

Brenadyr · 01-19-2025, 05:16 PM

Written option 2: Kelowna saw massive improvement between S79 and S80. In S79 they were ranked at 15th place at the end of the regular season, only beating Vancouver. In S80, Kelowna was ranked 7th, jumping 8 places in the rankings. Kelowna was also eliminated in the first round of playoffs in S79, whereas they were eliminated in the second round in S80, even taking Quebec, the favorite team to win the playoffs, to overtime twice. Some other stats include gaining nearly a hundred goals between the seasons and letting in 35 less goals. Kelowna did draft some very talented rookies in S80, but I still feel that they punched far above their weight, the jump from 15th to 7th is massive and I at the very least did not see it coming. If they can keep this kind of energy up they will a be a very scary team to face in the upcoming seasons. Kelowna cup run in S81 confirmed?

***Froste39*** · 01-19-2025, 05:34 PM

Option 2:

I expected my Kelowna Knights to have a rough rebuilding season after trading some key assets of our cup run and missing on 2 out of 4 players in the S79 draft in the J. However the S80 draft, combined with our enthusiastic player core from seasons 79 and earlier made an incredible effort to earn at highest velocity and bridge the gap to the higher TPE teams as fast as they could.

This lead to an incredible 2nd round exit after being 7th where most would have mocked us a bottom 3 team.

At the rate everyone is earning and the LR activity is theough the roof I don't see this upward trend stopping anytime soon. We'll look to improve even further and round out the team in the offseason to be considered contenders for the next 2-3 seasons.

For all that has happened in this season I'm very thankful. We have a ton of good people at the Round Table and I'm proud to be their GM.

*NaomiMannequeen* · 01-19-2025, 05:34 PM

PT Pass

vbottas17 · 01-19-2025, 06:37 PM

So turns out that following a mid season trade from Los Angeles, Alexi Piastri forgot that Toronto is not on PST and missed a team meal... good thing too because the team is not handling this well and most of the players faces have a strange green tint to them. Alexi has survived primarily off of Mexican food from pop up food trucks in random parking lots for years now, so he probably would have been fine anyways, but he missed the meal and seems to be the only players on the North Stars who is capable of hitting the ice. Luckily there's a couple of local midget squads playing during intermission, and some of these kids look like they have a lot of skill. Piastri has decided that they're going to have to fill in and the team of course is 100% down and all for it. The North Stars actually manage to add to the lead and some random kid has a memory that they'll never forget.

MrPresident · 01-19-2025, 06:45 PM

#2

The Atlanta Inferno ice hockey team of the Atlantic division of the eastern conference of the Simulation Hockey League, otherwise known as the SHL, have taken a massive step up this season and although a step up was expected, the massiveness was certainly unexpected to me and many around the league. Led by Jae-ik Barron taking a massive step and winning the most goals award by a long shot - nearly TWENTY (20) GOALS! How insanely dominant of a season was that? - the Atlanta Inferno made their way to a dominant President's Trophy, scoring a team record of 110 points and 54 wins. The Atlanta Inferno were up by 20 points on the next team in their division, and despite all of that, Franchise Hockey Manager and it's notoriously bad RNG managed to cut the Atlanta Inferno's impressive season short with an unimpressive post-season. Nevertheless, the Atlanta Inferno are poised to continue growing next season, obtaining more TPE and coming ready to dominate the next season.

(170 words)

Kalakar · 01-19-2025, 06:59 PM

2.

The Seattle Argonauts took the league by surprise this season by finishing 5th in the league with a 39-20-7 record, good for 85 points and a 0.644% winning percentage. It was a bit of a head scratcher after their 28-35-3 record last season when they were in the middle of the pack for 13th in the league but still with a losing record. You could claim the Argonauts are getting more experience, are getting older, are getting adjusted to the tough SHL schedule so obviously, over time, they would be getting better. They were also in rebuilding mode for the last few seasons so it was time for them to get out of the basement and starting competing for the Challenge Cup. I guess nobody really thought they'd have that much of an improvement; they went from a 224 goals for last season to 284 goals for this season, from 2 PPG players to 5 PPG players. So one could wonder how did they drastically improve in a single season? Well, they cheated for like half a season I guess.

Jimbo1990 · 01-19-2025, 07:01 PM

Written Option 2

A team that has had a drastic change in performance from last year to this is the St. Louis Scarecrows. Last season the Scarecrows were not the best team in the league but they were solid and could hold their own against some of the best teams. Overall they finished with a 36-24-6 record and were seventh in the standings heading into the playoffs. The Scarecrows banded together in the playoffs and beat the Ottawa Highlanders in five games before falling to the Carolina Kraken in five games in the second round.

This season the Scarecrows ended the season with a 17-42-7 record, placing 15th in the league standings heading into playoffs. The big drop in productivity mostly stems from some of the Scarecrows star players from last season moving up to the SHL. Louis Belanger, who ended the year with 92 points, was pulled up into the big leagues along with linemate Emile Dionne. Dionne scored 67 points in 66 games. The Scarecrows have some talented players on their roster but they are a young team. I expect them to start climbing the standings again next year as the players on their roster mature and progress.

(197 Words)

Steelflex · 01-19-2025, 07:03 PM

2: Maybe a bit of a cop out but if there's any team I'm aware of making big steps over the last season it'd be Seattle. After coming out of a rebuild we saw some positive steps forward last season with our team ranked 17th in average TPE with yours truly being the lowest earner on the roster as a 3rd year call-up. We put up a good fight throughout the season and just scraped our way into the playoffs on the back of 28 wins -- we were quickly bounced and had no choice to set our eyes on the future. With another wave up call-ups rounding out the roster, we were set to make some real noise and make a push for the playoffs. Thanks to the elite play of guys like Shadow Fenix (81 points, 31 goals 50 assists) leading the charge and a supporting cast of roleplayers who were happy to do their part, Seattle ended up finishing 5th overall with 39 wins (+11) and while they didn't advance past the first round, they put up a good fight and lost some close games. This team continues to earn well and work well together -- look for us to be in that #1 spot soon enough.

Vice · 01-19-2025, 07:34 PM

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