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The Cock Report · 03-28-2013, 10:33 AM

<div align="center">Cock Draft

Hello all of you Cock lovers. This is my completely unbiased (lolwat) and totally legit review of the draft. Now all of you douche doodles like to focus on recreates and get distracted by their big bank accounts. Some of you penis heads focus on builds, which is asinine. What I’m going to focus on is actual potential. Using February 3rd as the start date for my figuring (the day the Junior draft was announced) I’m going to go through and figure out who exactly is the best in the draft and make an appropriate ranking since the rest of you are too fucking dumb to figure this shit out. Oh and just so everyone is aware I went with the current bank accounts and the media and PbP deposits posted until this point. Ain’t no way in hell I’m doing extra math especially when I’m already mathing this up.

Now the way this is going to work is simple, I’m going to rank each player in five categories, finances, reputation, activity, build, and trending activity (who is getting better as the season progresses). After that I’m going to look at the teams who are going to be drafting and based on their needs and my calculations I am going to try and predict who they are going to take. Now this is not an exact science and despite this cold hard numerical evidence I present some GMs will think they know better than me and go off board. These GMs are dumb fucks who deserve to be lynched by their teams.

To start with I will go over the current financial situation of each junior. The juniors and the amount of money they have are in descending order.

Current Bank Rankings:

[Image: Table1_zps4733b332.jpg]

This is the most obvious and quick way to judge a player’s potential but not always the most accurate. As you can see there are some very active members like drodger91 and prikulis5 at the bottom of the list while inactives like OneManTeam sit near the top. These numbers are pretty self-explanatory, it’s how much money the player has right now to spend on training. That said, keep in mind that any recreates get carry over money from previous players and their old contracts, which brings me to my next topic of discussion.

The next way I’m going to rank the juniors is by how much money they have made through media, pbp, and graphics this year. For the record, Turd Ferguson is the only junior who does graphics this year and about half of his money has come from them. Now for the purposes of this article I used the day the draft was announced (February 3rd) as my start date for all calculations. There were a few juniors that made some money just before this date but that money is not included. This is also based on what the directors of given forums have posted in the deposit thread and not based on any unpaid articles that you currently have written.

[Image: Table2_zpsddeea6cd.jpg]

As you can see this list looks very different than what the current bank accounts show. You can clearly see that most of the recreates have earned the bulk of their money in the past while some new members have made a ton of money in a very short time period. One of the more impressive ones to me is JayWhy because he joined mid-season and is still second on this list. That means he has wrote a lot more articles than others in a very short time period.

Money isn’t everything though, especially considering this is a game we play for fun. I wanted to rank players based on their popularity but wasn’t sure whether to hold more weight in reputation or posts per day. In the end I decided to do the rankings by a combination of the two. Anybody who does not have rep or has under 1 posts per day is not included. Seth is also not included because his posts per day number is like madness and not real. I also list whether or not they are a recreate or a new member because that holds a lot of reputation weight as well.

[Image: Table3_zps44d7b576.jpg]

Now obviously most of the recreates are at the top. It’s a simple fact of online leagues that people who you are familiar with you are more likely to draft, despite their being statistical evidence proving they are not as good as other players. I think that Taylor Deen’s suspension hurts his reputation in this league even though he hasn’t seem to have taken too much flak over it, you don’t see him in most mock drafts. I ranked Macklemore AKA Ansev pretty low considering the amount of posts per day he has. I understand that there was a negative rep attack on him that led to his -21 but there is a reason they did that. I’m fairly certain that both the Las Vegas Kings and the Hamilton Steelhawks are refusing to draft him for locker room purposes, so for the point of this article this majorly hurts his reputation.

Reputation is not directly related to activity, contrary to popular belief. Now, with people like HFFO it is, but I would consider myself more active than Tim Bisley because I post more, however he has been around the league longer and has two very important jobs that thrust him into the limelight, hence him being ranked higher than me. Activity can be a fleeting thing and just because you are active doesn’t mean you are updating. All of this in mind I have listed every player who has logged on to the SHL in the past week and when their last update was as well as their current amount of TPE. Being online is dandy, but that doesn’t mean you are making your player better and it is important to remember that. Just to make a note, there are some variances in TPE that aren’t related to activity but rather when the player was created. Keep this in mind. Also I want you all to keep in mind these TPE totals were based off your update threads and if you don’t keep track of your own TPE I used whatever your player thread said.

[Image: Table4_zps5f81193c.jpg]

I left out two players who haven’t updated yet but have been online in the past week. As you can see some prospects touted very highly like Haan aren’t as good as previously assumed. Also some under the radar prospects like Aittokallio and Karlsson are much better players than previously assumed. The most interesting players here for me are prikulis, Snappy, and Taylor. All are touted relatively high, but there is something interesting this list shows. First off, Prikulis is expected to be the second best goalie in the draft but all evidence points to him being third best. Despite this I have heard from many people who expect him to be drafted before Aittokallio, which frankly makes no sense. Then we have Haan who is a projected top five pick and according to my calculations, isn’t even one of the top six players. Taylor is very active on the forums, especially in leafs fan la-la-land, but it appears he doesn’t pay as much attention to his player. His forum activity will certainly raise his draft stock, but is he really better than OJ Simpson?</div>

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
TL;DR VERSION

The Cock Report · 03-28-2013, 10:35 AM

yeah psych
I was trying to preview post and I hit post instead

i like poop

***Ace*** · 03-28-2013, 11:27 AM

Well I liked what I saw babyyy, lol

JayWhy · 03-28-2013, 11:28 AM

Quote:Originally posted by Ace@Mar 28 2013, 10:27 AM
Well I liked what I saw, lol

I definitely enjoy this blank space. It's quite the statement, don't you think? Such great artistry, or whatever it is.

An old man's dream ended. A young man's vision of the future opened wide. Young men have visions, old men have dreams. But the place for old men to dream is beside the fire.

Thanks to Jackson, Copenhagen, and Harry Hans!

GOING DOWN IN STYLE. TOAST4LYFE

Gifter of Bikes · 03-28-2013, 11:29 AM

It's a bit stark, but I think he sums up the draft class rather nicely. :ph34r:

The Cock Report · 03-28-2013, 11:49 AM

first post up, waiting a bit before next post

Serpe x 13 · 03-28-2013, 11:51 AM

Also noted. Made In China.

***Ace*** · 03-28-2013, 11:51 AM

Quote:Originally posted by Ace@Mar 28 2013, 10:27 AM
Well I liked what I saw babyyy, lol

Hey Jmanpenis I was not trying to seduce him. <_<

The Cock Report · 03-28-2013, 11:51 AM

Now the next thing I want to look at is point tasks. We all know that the easiest and quickest way to better your player is to do point tasks. This holds true in most every league and especially for juniors. So Iâ€™m going to list the number of point tasks each junior has completed this year. I wonâ€™t list any prospects that havenâ€™t completed any or that are inactive currently simply because this is long as fuck already and Iâ€™m not even halfway done. I considered also listing how many points each player has earned from point tasks but I decided it doesnâ€™t matter as much what specific number of points you earn, but rather how often you do work to earn points. This said, I think itâ€™s also fair to note that in both point tasks where extra points were available for best written piece this year, Ferguson won. Other than that the amount each person received from the point tasks was fairly close to the same.

[Image: Table5_zpsddb37ecc.jpg]

So this ranking looks similar to what many would expect, the higher ranked prospects have completed more point tasks than the lower ranked ones. Keep in mind also that any prospect who comes in the middle of the season doesnâ€™t have access to the PTs that already closed and thus is at a disadvantage. This in mind there are two extremely interesting names on this list for me. The first is residential Viking Mark. Now I personally know Mark from some EHM leagues but this is his first STHS league and he only joined on 3/8/13 so he has completed every point task available to this point and from our earlier rankings we know he has been very busy writing articles. Coming in so late he doesnâ€™t have the same amount of time to impress as some amazing people like me, but he is a making a name for himself in the short time he has been here and is really setting himself apart from other late joining members like Ben Booth. The other interesting name on here for me is again Haan, but not in a positive way. Despite being here all season long he has only completed one point task. This may explain why his TPE is so much lower than what some would expect, but it doesnâ€™t make you rest any easier. As a junior I have completed all but one point task and I know for a fact that jmanpens never makes the PTs longer than 400 words. If her canâ€™t even write 400 words for 5 TPE what will motivate him to improve4 his player in the future?

Iâ€™m coming to the end of my outright lists. My next one is all about jobs. Jobs give players reason to stay in the league and some even give players extra money. Even if you donâ€™t get paid for a job youâ€™re doing you still are more likely to stay active than someone without a job. Also keep in mind that for every job several people apply, so of a few applicants these players were in fact the best options for the position. Obviously thatâ€™s important to note because either their application was impeccable, their activity has been better than the others thus far, or itâ€™s a combination of the two.

[Image: Table6_zps9fed48d8.jpg]

Now just for the record I did not include Seth on this list because I was unsure if he would be retaining his job after he has already declared that he will be less than active because of school. As expected anyone who has a job is a highly touted prospect, but I did learn something from this list I did not previously know. I think of all the jobs listed Junior Commissioner is obviously the most importing and taxing one, yet it is unpaid. Obviously a Junior Commissioner is highly respected around the forums and his previous commitment to the league will raise his draft stock, but it wonâ€™t help him financially.

Now Iâ€™m done all of my basic member related lists and I want to focus on builds for a few seconds. First Iâ€™ll go over skaters because there are obviously more of them. Based on personal experience I have selected what I hold to be the more important attributes. I will list the top five players in each of these attributes and what their ranking in this attribute is. Hopefully this will help us to decipher who actually has the better player builds and for what position. The reason I am putting all skaters together instead of forward and defense is because it is widely accepted in the league that you can change your position if need be.

JNH · 03-28-2013, 11:53 AM

Quote:Originally posted by Ace@Mar 28 2013, 10:51 AM

Hey Jmanpenis I was not trying to seduce him.  <_<

Who? Me? I din't do anything!

CourageTheCowardlyDog · 03-28-2013, 11:56 AM

just for the record, I'm waiting on something before I post the rest
Person said they would be in class until 12 I think so waiting for them

**OrbitingDeath** · 03-28-2013, 11:57 AM

Great analysis

**RomanesEuntDomus** · 03-28-2013, 12:02 PM

Taylor retired his current player if i remember correctly, just saying Smile

Edit: Oh and great work of course!

CourageTheCowardlyDog · 03-28-2013, 12:03 PM

Quote:Originally posted by OcAirlines@Mar 28 2013, 11:02 AM
Taylor retired his current player if i remember correctly, just saying

Edit: Oh and great work of course!

yeah Jaywhy told me when I was already halfway finished
this is the last i talk about him though

The Cock Report · 03-28-2013, 03:27 PM

The first attribute I want to go over is checking. Checking according to the STHS manual is how likely he is to attempt to check a player with the puck. This relates only to hitting and does not involve stick checking. Players with high checking are also known to take more penalty minutes, similar to how players with high penalty tend to hit less.

[Image: table999_zps9a55849c.jpg]

The top four in checking are all defenseman. Eustachian has taken on an identity as a big physical defenseman as has Hadrada. Buchesner has less of a strong hitting identity despite being second in checking ratings because of where his other attributes are allocated. The most interesting one here is highly touted center Johansen. From my research he seems to be the only real power forward in this draft, the fact that he is good and active is just an added bonus.

The next attribute I consider to be actually important to your player’s success is skating. Skating is widely considered to be the most important attribute in STHS and in my experience it can make a world of difference. According to the STHS manual what skating does in theory is allow you to avoid more hits. Why it’s so important though is because it is part of the decision making formula. High skating means when your player has the puck he is more likely to move successfully to a better point on the ice, whether he be lining up for a shot and trying to avoid a block, or avoiding a check to make a pass. It’s extremely important and considering many players know this I expect many people to have high skating ratings. For this reason I’m going to list the top five and will list anyone who is tied with 5th place.

[Image: Table7_zps28114c16.jpg]

As expected, many of the top forwards in the draft have a very high skating rating. Some surprising ones up there who probably just created with good skating and have yet to update. When looking at this stat I found most players had about 80 points in it. There were a few players who only had 75 or 76 but the vast majority of prospects had about 80 points in skating. Another interesting thing I took note of was that all of the defensemen in the draft have at least 80 skating. Of those defensemen, OJ Simpson is the only one with a skating rating over 80 and he sits at 82.

Now I thought about doing Strength as a top attribute, but after some serious consideration decided that it is truly only a top stat for centers and players intending to hit a lot. One could argue the same for checking, but checking is more directly related to the game play than strength is. I decided our next important stat was going to be puck handling. Now puck handling is often mistaken for being a factor that is all about dekes and pretty goals. While puck handling can help you score, that is not the attribute’s primary purpose. Puck handling controls many things, according to the STHS manual. Having higher puck handling increases the likelihood of your player avoiding hits or losing the puck when hit/poke checked. It also has a high factor in shot blocking and poke checking on defense. Of course puck handling is also used for deflections, passing, and scoring as well. Puck handling is also a part of the decision making formula in STHS, so having high puck handling is very important regardless of whether you are a playmaker or a sniper. There are debates as to which attribute is more important in STHS, skating or puck handling. Personally I think they both hold an equal amount of importance in the game and having high ratings in both is essential for any player who wants to play well.

[Image: Table8_zps9cf04536.jpg]

What I noticed with this attribute is that forwards clearly hold more value in puck handling than defensemen. I personally think that is because of the overly common misconception that puck handling is only about fancy moves on offense. I think that any defenseman who realizes how important puck handling is to defense has a slight advantage over those that still subscribe to the old school of thought. I also noticed that it was much less common for players to have high puck handling than it was for them to have high skating, despite the actual importance of both. Again I think this is largely because many members think that puck handling is only for fancy offensive plays and they may not realize that they really need it no matter what style of game they play.

Passing is the next attribute I want to look at. Passing is pretty self-explanatory in what it does but many people seem to forget how important passing is to even the most defensive of defensemen. If you can’t make a successful up ice pass leaving the zone, you can’t be a great defenseman in STHS. You can get away with it and be a good one, but you will never be great. This said, it is probably equally as important for offensive forwards, although some forwards can get away without it. Generally even if you are building a pure sniper it’s good to put just a little bit of your points into passing that way you’re not playing like Alex Ovechkin before he stopped tearing things up with goals. Passing is obviously also a part of the decision making formula.

[Image: Table9_zps4c21b4f5.jpg]

When I was researching this attribute it came to my attention that we have virtually no pure play makers in this draft. I personally prefer to focus on playmaking myself when building a forward, but to each his own. What this means for the draft though, is that many teams will be forced into taking snipers even if their team has a spot open on a line with a sniper and a grinder and they need a playmaker. While this doesn’t seem too bad, it can put added value onto players with high passing who are expected to go in the second round.

My next stat is scoring. I could write you a whole paragraph on mumbo jumbo about scoring, but I don’t think you need an explanation. Remember that scoring is also a part of the decision making formula.

[Image: Table91_zpsfab59c0e.jpg]

See what I mean about this being a sniper heavy draft? Most of the forwards in this draft identify as snipers. Reinhart is probably the most notable one who doesn’t as well as Johansson. I personally find it insane how much this draft is focused on scoring and thoroughly hope that we do get a new update scale soon because juniors coming in should already have a 95 in scoring.

My final attribute I want to look at is another obvious one, defense. The higher defense you have, the better defense you will play. Defense strongly weighs on shot blocking and takeaways, which we no longer track. Defense also effects passing and is part of the decision making formula. The biggest mistake you could make as a forward is to not put any points in to defense. Even if you want to be an all offense forward, with no defense you will make ill-advised moves, like trying to deke through 4 defenders at once instead of dumping the puck in. Now obviously defense is more important for defensemen because…do I really need to explain why?

[Image: Table92_zpscbbc44dd.jpg]

Now something interesting I noticed while collecting this data was that Bauer seems to have put all of his attention into the right attributes. There are two clear cut top defenders in this draft and it’s no shocker that both are on the top of this list. I think the difference between Eustachian and Buchesner comes down to one thing, do you like balanced defensemen or defensive defensemen?

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