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Gaia Mormont · 04-07-2014, 09:10 PM

WHO HAD THE GOAT?

This was over heard earlier this weekend when a Dump Truck pulled up outside the Seattle Local Arena.

The team trickled in and out to clean out their personal belongings amidst a strange version of a repo reality show. At one point, a car, that appeared to have been lived in for quite some time was removed from a back corridor of the arena.

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The person owning the car did not claim it.

Team Captain McZehrl was there most of the day, seemingly trying to avert the press from the worst of the trash that was being removed metaphorically or not, from a dismal season by the Seattle Riot.

He himself was found to have stuffed in the back of his locker a collection of ether soaked rags that is anybody's guess as to what they were used for. He denied it was ether, but when he sniffed a rag to prove it, he instantly passed out and shortly after he regained consciousness he had to be reminded that he was in fact, still in Seattle, Not in the bed of a blonde German line dancer.

Daniel Merica, coming off a great season, strutted in like he owned the place, removing his sunglasses in his best David Caruso impression and told the reporters gathering around him, to very politely, "Fuck the hell off" He left a short time later with McZerhl's home jersey and a can of gasoline. He refused comment and drove off in an over-priced American gas guzzling sports truck. Have a great off season Merica. Why? Because Merica.

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Daniel Passarella, Peter Parker and Wes Mucyk spent most of the day removing empty bottles of alcohol. They are planning on putting a down payment on a downtown Seattle penthouse with the money they made from the recycling returns. Likely though, they will just buy more beer.

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Goalie Dustin Rose made an appearance with his back-up, Marshall McPherson and signed autographs for the kids gathering outside. The two of them were last seen heading west on the sunny side of the street, their worries on the doorstep and each of them had a bluebird on their shoulders.

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Snowden Manning and Joey Langdon went in the back door avoiding the crowds, and were seen leaving some time later with something rolled up in a carpet. When questioned, Langdon mysteriously replied, "the car was messed up when we got here... and as for your Grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that."

Interesting...

A number of other items, that were unclaimed and rooted through by the fans gathered around the dumpster included,

~A series of matchbooks from Stripper palaces across Western Canada and Western United States.

~ A copious amount of Subway wrappers with crusty meatball sauce in them.

~ A goat that had passed away some time in the pre-season.

~ A live goat surviving off the mold in the shower and various scraps of vegetation from Merica's locker

~ A number of discarded chocolate milk containers with dead rodents in them. (Fetish much?)

~ A Starbuck's barrista who had been chained to a cappuccino machine in the back office. She seemed fine for her experience, and said to tell Claude Perron she would be thinking of his frothy foamy mustache. (?)

~ and finally, a series of SHL pucks that had been partially digested by a bovine or an ungulate of some kind. Possibly Brojled is better able to score if there is bullshit on the pucks. We shall see what he can do next season when they are clean at the beginning of each game.

When let into the locker room at the end of the clean, "DIE! Bodnar! Die!" was seen carved into the back wall. This was either our German friend McZehrl encouraging the up-coming rookie in his native language... Or someone has it out for him.

Good luck Bodnar. You may or not need it.

And, at the end of the day...

NO one claimed the goat.

Or the trampoline...

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