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Barney and JRT Get Ice Cream A Tale of Epic Proportions
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*note:* I started writing this during preseason. I got distracted, then a week later picked it up again and worked on it off and on since then. Regardless, I’ve decided to keep the time period the same. Further, I asked a writer of my friend to do a few edits…which he started, but didn’t finish, so when the formatting changes about 1/3 through….that’s why.*

Stinson and JRT Get Icecream

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“Let’s celebrate!”

Barney launched himself into the locker room; he threw his helmet and pads into his locker with a satisfying clunk. He yanked off his jersey and dropped it unceremoniously on the tile.

“I want ice cream!”. Barney patted his naked belly. “We won! Hot damn. Go Knights!” He swung over to Serpe’s locker, sat down beside his goalie. “Man did the St Louis S’crows suuuuck it.”

Serpe nodded and put on deodorant. “I know, it’s only the preseason.” He thrust out his fist. “Kelowna!” he shouted.

Barney bumped his fist into Serpe’s “OWNS YA!”

Barney stood up, arms up “I wanna have a good time. Who wants Ice cream?” The room erupted in deep laughter

Trubechev chuckled. “Only you equate Ice cream with a good time.”

Barney pointed in Trubechev’s direction “You in? Vanilla? Choc- oh- laht?”

“Nah man, gotta go see my girl and her daughter.”

“Toki?” Barney walked over and patted his teammates shoulder.

“No, I have to practice my guitar” Toki held waggled his fingers. “Ice cream gets all over the place.”

“You and that band dream.” Barney chuckled. “You’d think playing hockey” Barney gestured in a wide circle and bobbed his head. “would be enough for a man, but nope. Alright”

Barney eyed the room. “Jay! Are! Tee!” He raced over to Jackson Rogers Tanaka and crouched down. “You half-japanese bastard. You want Ice cream, don’t ya?”

Jackson Rodgers Tanaka craned to look Barney in the eye. Stinson couldn’t tell if he was squinting. “Sure.” Jackson said curtly.

Barney spread his arms and spun on the tile. He smiled widely at the team. “See! At least one of you isn’t being a little bitch.” He fist pumped the air. “Ice! CREAM!”

Jackson pulled off his jersey and dropped his jeans. “Shower.” he said.
“Right. Then we get ice cream!”

Steam rolled up the cheap white tile in the shower room, but all Barney could think of was ice cream. It had been 2-3 days of high protein, high fat and no sugar. Brown rice and chicken. He was beside himself. But this win let him have his most desired thing. Ice cream.

“Oh man, I can taste it JRT.” he said, rinsing off the last of soap. He twisted off the tap and grabbed his towel. Wrapping it around him, he closed his eyes. “This diet is killing me man.”

“Well, if you hadn’t been so fat when we started.” Jackson Rogers Tanaka explained.

Barney glared at him, surprised at his uncharacteristic wordiness. “I’m not fat, you jap prick.” he chuckled and poked him hard with a finger. “I’m just bigger than a tiny Asian.”

Jackson Rogers Tanaka nodded and grinned. “Ass.”

Barney nodded. “Damned right. I’m allowed, I’m buying the Ice cream.”

Barney pulled on street clothes as quickly as he could, urging Jackson Rogers Tanaka likewise. Jackson Rogers Tanaka was always careful, but in deference to Barney he didn’t adjust himself in the mirror. They waved to the rest of the crew and said goodnight to the coach before slipping out the back of the arena.

They exited the arena and headed south, towards the Town center mall. Barney marveled at the ritzy Condo’s and boutiques. They passed a salon. Barney pointed it out. “This place, I think this is the new place that Trubechev’s girl goes to.”

Jackson Rogers Tanaka nodded.

He stopped and marveled. It was a nice place, inset below condo’s that went for four-hundred thousand. Barney whistled. “He must make real money, huh?”

He turned to see a huge banner for Kristian Eriksen. The first-round draft pick smiled behind perfect teeth, his hair neatly combed, his smug goatee smartly trimmed.

“Look at him. The jerk. Everybody’s golden boy.”

Jackson Rogers Tanaka. “He’s ok. Big forehead.”

“Yeah. Look at that forehead.” Barney jutted his chin out. “Only douchebags have huge foreheads.” Barney snorted and pointed at the nammer. “and I don’t see any ‘bounce where it counts.’” He stood straight, started crossing the street. “C’mon, let’s take a picture with our hero.”

Jackson Rogers Tanaka followed. Barney pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the two making faces. After posting to facebook, Barney squeeled. “We should draw a mustache on him!”

Jackson Rogers Tanaka shrugged. “After we proved we were near it? No way. Thought you wanted ice cream?”

Barney nodded. “Yeah, I guess.” he shuffled forward, feeling a little dejected. C’mon, it’s not far.” He skipped a bit. “Ice creeeaam!”

The Town Center Mall had been recently renovated, a digger was still parked on a flatbed trailer in the parking lot. The lot was otherwise empty, this late at night. Few cars, probably employees, dotted the asphalt.

“Mall’s closed” Jackson Rogers Tanaka said.

“Sure, but that new Cow’s Ice Cream just opened up, and it faces outward. It should still be open. “ Barney pointed. “There it is.”

The signature wooden sign of a tiny cone, with a giant pink scoop that threatened to spill, sat above the door. Barney picked up his pace and raced towards the door.

“Looks closed.” Jackson Rogers Tanaka said. “Lights’r’ off.”

Barney tried the door. Locked. He tugged at it a few times. Looked inside.
“Damnit.” Barney yelled.

“Told ya.”

“Who closes up an ice cream shop after a Hockey game?”
“It’s 10:30pm”

“I want ice creeeem”

“I know.”

Barney mewled and sat down, placing his hands in his head. “Shit.” he said. “Shit, shit shit.” he looked up at Jackson Rogers Tanaka. Jackson was leaning, hand on hip. Barney frowned. “No Ice cream.”

“Nope.” Jackson Rogers Tanaka replied.
“Well shit.”

“Yup.”

“It’s only 10:30!”
“Yup”

“On a Friday.”

Barney stood up and set his jaw. He made a fist. “I’m not ready for this night to end,” he clapped Jackson on the shoulder. “Are you, JRT?”

“No sir.”

“Then let’s make this night our bitch. Ice cream or no!”

Kelowna is a very simple town, Barney brooded. So how can a person get lost so easily? He and Jackson Rogers Tanaka had wandered about 6 blocks south and another 4 west. But the streets started to look the same, in this subdivision of small cozy houses.

“What do you think, JRT?”

“We’re lost.”

“I think we are. We got turned around a few streets back. Maybe if we went north we could backtrack.”

“Maybe” Jackson Rogers Tanaka said noncommittally. “You hear that?”

“Or maybe just keep going west? I live west, so-” Barney saw Jackson Rogers Tanaka crossing the street. “Where are you going? Hey, wait up.”

Barney jogged to catch up. “Hey, do you hear that? Sounds like a party.”
“it does.”

“If there is a party near-by, then by god and country we are going to find it.”
They began to peer behind houses, looking for signs of a party.

It was Barney who broke the silence. His stomach growled. “You think they’ll have ice cream?”

The two young defenders listened carefully and followed the sound to a house they estimated was about a mile away from the arena. This had to be it. They walked up to the door and knocked. And knocked again. And again. “Fuck, someone answer! We want to party!”.

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Jackson Rogers-Tanaka reached for the handle and turned. It was unlocked. He looked at Stinson and opened the door. Instantly they were greeted with a deafening roar as the full volume of the music hit them. They stepped inside. What they saw was a full-on high school party. There was beer everywhere and young girls doing shots as the boys cheered them on. Barney Stinson had spent his high school years practicing hockey and never really had a chance to go to any parties. He was only 2 years out of High school so he still felt a bit of a kinship with these kids. “Holy shit! Is that Jackson Rogers-Tanaka!” one on the boys yelled. “What are you doing here? Hey guys…this is Jackson Rogers-Tanaka from the Knights. He just got drafted here!”. “Are you a fan of the Knights?” Jackson Rogers Tanaka asked. “OH yes! The biggest!” exclaimed the boy. “Who is your friend?” Barney Stinson made a face. “What the fuck? I thought you were ‘the biggest’ fan! I’m Barney Stinson. I also play for the Knights”. “Ah. My bad man. I usually stop watching the draft after the 5th round.”

Barney flicked the boy’s ear and went for the keg. He was going to drink this sleight away. He grabbed a red Solo cup from the nearest girl to the keg, emptied its contents on the floor, and filled it up. He emptied the cup in one gulp, and then repeated the process thrice more. “Slow down there, buddy” Jackson Rogers Tanaka said, as he stepped up to the keg. He must have done a few shots before coming there because his face already had that red flush most Asians are known for. After consuming a beer of his own, Jackson Rogers Tanaka slipped away with a girl who couldn’t have been more than 17.

Barney made his way towards the sofa and sat down, content to just listen to the music for a while as his teammate straddled the line of inappropriate conduct. Jackson Rogers Tanaka was a smart man and surely wouldn’t put his career on the line for a one night stand, would he? Plus, he was only 18 so technically there was nothing illegal going on. No, Barney decided to just wait it out and see where the night would go. And that’s when he felt a hand on leg. Excitement shot up his leg as new sensations awoke parts of Barney that had never been awoken by another person before. He followed the hand up a petite arm, past dainty shoulders, and the cutest little beard. Wait. Beard? “You look lonely.” Barney’s suitor offered. “Why is a cute man like yourself sitting here all alone?”. Barney pulled back a bit and replied “I’m just waiting for my friend.” “Hmm…that’s what they all say” and the boy leaned in and kissed Barney on the lips, the course whiskers of his beard pricking Barney’s face. Barney jolted back and gave the boy a little push away. “I’m sorry, I don’t swing the way. You are a nice handsome young man, but I don’t think I am the right one for you”. Wounded, the boy left the couch and left Barney to sit and ponder what had just occurred. He had never been kissed before, and now his first kiss was from another man. He was surprisingly OK with it. While he didn’t particularly enjoy what had just occurred, this was a momentous occasion for a young man and at least now he wouldn’t have to go into the regular season having never been kissed!

Barney Stinson felt a tap on his shoulder and he awoke with a jolt. There standing before him was Jackson Rogers-Tanaka grinning ear to ear. “Well, well, well,” Barney slyly said. “It looks like someone got laid.” The grin on Jackson Rodgers Tanaka twitched for a second but then returned. “No, but she touched it! She really touched it!”. Barney gave Jackson a high five and he stood up. He checked his watch and saw that it was almost 11:30. He was still feeling a bit tipsy from the beers he drank earlier on an empty stomach, but his nap rejuvenated him. “You still up for some ice cream, JRT?” he asked. “Dude, absolutely. Let’s get to stepping.” Barney stood up and the two Knights silently slipped out of the party without anyone noticing. Awkward goodbyes were never Barney’s thing. They stepped out into the brisk evening air for the next leg of their journey.

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They didn’t get more than a handful of steps out into the street before a kid on a dirt bike clipped Barney with his handlebars and tumbled headfirst. Jackson Rogers Tanaka rushed to the kid’s aid while a stream of curse words flew out of Barney’s lips. “Barney! Hey…watch your mouth! It’s a kid.” “Well, fuck him. Little fucker damn near broke my hand with his huffy.” A primal scream erupted from Barney’s lungs; a howl of pain that caused several darkened windows to suddenly glow with light as curious onlookers peeked out the window. Barney picked up the kid’s bike and launched it with all his might into a nearby tree where its spokes tangled with and stuck to the branches. The bike hung there like a Halloween skeleton, swaying back and forth. With a look of triumph and a smirk on his face, Barney turned to face Jackson Rogers Tanaka and the young boy, who was finally sitting up. Miraculously he wasn’t crying despite a grotesque and bloody wound with a small shard of bone sticking out the kids shoulder. He had a broken collarbone. “Well, he looks alright. Let’s go, JRT.” Barney said impatiently. Jackson Rogers Tanaka looked at his teammate incredulously. “Are you kidding me? We need to get this kid to a hospital!” “What the fuck for? It’s not my problem, “ Barney replied. Clearly annoyed, Jackson Rogers Tanaka asked the kid if he could walk. The kid nodded. Jackson helped him to his feet and tried to rub the dust off his pants. That’s when he noticed the sharp pain down his arm from the broken collarbone. “Motherfucking cock fucking cock damn fuck damn cock bitch shit fuck damn, that hurts!”. Jackson Rogers Tanaka’s eyes grew to a size wider than they had ever been, clearly shocked by this foul mouthed little boy. “And you were worried about MY language, “ Barney said laughing. “You know what, kid? I like you. Let’s get you to a hospital.”

With their new companion in tow, Barney checked his phone for the nearest hospital. Neither of the players still had a car, and Kelowna didn’t have taxi’s. Two miles. Two freaking miles. The players had already walked a fair distance, not to mention playing 3 periods of SMJHL hockey. For a moment, Barney considered pushing the boy and making a break for it, but he had second thoughts. Perhaps Jackson Rogers Tanaka was a good influence on him after all. They started off in the direction of the hospital, two men and a bloody child.

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It was a slower journey than Barney would have liked, but he was surprised at how much he enjoyed it. The little boy was 11 years old, he had found out, and came from a pretty well off family. He was smart too. The boy’s father was “not bad” and his mother wasn’t “much of a cunt”, and the boy said he loved his family. He even had two younger brothers that he was very proud of “protecting”. Barney felt there was something strange about the things this boy said and Jackson Rogers Tanaka clearly felt the same way, as they periodically gave each other sideways glances. Barney rubbed the kid’s head and they continued on their way. They continued to chit-chat and the boy excitedly told the players about his wonderful life. He didn’t even seem to care that his bike was nowhere to be seen. Eventually the trio made it to the hospital and a young nurse hurriedly whisked the boy away for medical attention, but not before Barney pressed a crisp $100 note into the boys palm and Jackson Rogers Tanaka made sure the medical bills would be taken care off. As they were not the boy’s family, the two were not allowed to accompany the boy, but they nurse assured them that she would get ahold of the boy’s parents. “Well, nothing left to do but go get that fucking ice cream,” Barney finally said.

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They stepped out of the hospital and made a bee-line for civilization. Jackson and Barney had no sooner made it the nearest intersection when they heard two sharp blasts from the horn of a nearby car. “What the fuck? We’re not even in the intersection. Get a fucking a move on. Assholes!” Barney yelled. The car did not go. Instead, the car slowly rolled up and a window slowly rolled down to reveal two beautiful young women in their early 20’s. “Hey boys, need a ride?” one of the girls asked. “I’m Renee, and this is Brandi. What brings you to the hospital?”. Jackson Rogers Tanaka piped up and began to explain about the boy until Barney elbowed him in this stomach to shut him up. “Oh, we were just dropping off a friend,” Barney said. “We’d love a ride.” The two players jumped in the back of the car and the girls asked “where to?”. “Are you two hungry, we sure are? I know a place with some amazing tacos.” The girls agreed and the car drove off.

The quartet made their way to a favorite spot of Barney’s in downtown Kelowna on Bernard Avenue. It was a dirty one block radius crawling with the worst type. “You will never find a more retched hive of scum and villainy,” Barney remarked. Jackson Rogers Tanaka, who had never seen ‘Star Wars’, didn’t get the reference. If it wasn't for the Wednesday's specials and a surplus of sluts, this place would be nothing less than an Arcade Fire concert screening Wes Anderson films.
After a few corners, they arrived at their destination, ‘Gus' infamous taco truck’. Barney offered to order, so Jackson Rogers Tanaka and Brandi decided to go around the corner to get a case of beer. This also gave Barney a chance to gauge the possibility of sex with Renee. Sex seemed pretty probable, but then again it always does, yet rarely comes to fruition.

The food arrived, but Jackson and Brandi had still not returned. Call it intuition, or a psychic scream, or what-have-you, but something went off in Barney and he took off around the corner leaving Renee and the food behind. "Where are you going!" Renee yelled. He didn't have time to answer, shit was going down and he was going to help it. Barney ran towards the kerfuffle around Jackson Rogers Tanaka and made it there just in time to see a tall, skinny, awkward looking man taking a swing at his good friend Jackson Rogers Tanaka. Barney didn't need an explanation or reason to start handing out cans of whoop ass, as this was plenty reason enough. He dove into the group of people fist first until he reached that tall awkward face. His pock marked skin felt soft against Barney’s rugged knuckles. It was a little too late to realize 'Awkward Skinny' had friends. Things went dark for a bit after this.

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As Barney came to his senses, he glimpsed around to assess the situation. Things weren't looking good, but they weren't looking bad either. Jackson Rogers Tanaka landed some quick jabs that sounded like double bass pedals from a metal band. The scrappy bastard had chosen his guy and he was going to take him out. At some point Renee had arrived because she was sitting on a random car hood with Brandi. They appeared to be cheering on the events that were unfolding. Then a random Joe appeared out of nowhere with a handful of fists for both Jackson and Barney. Now this 'Random Joe' did not know Jackson Rogers Tanaka. He did not know the rage that hid behind him. He did not know that Jackson Rogers Tanaka was a cool guy, a man who was quiet unless provoked. With his fist up in the air he went around taking names and handing out prizes. 'Random Joe' and 'Awkward Skinny' turned their attention to the one taking out their friends and surrounded him. Barney watched as Jackson was surrounded by seven guys and a midget. Barney was just about to jump in when to his surprise, Jackson Rogers Tanaka somehow looked unfazed. He looked over at Barney and gave him a wink. Barney nodded back. He understood.

'Random Joe' jumped on top of 'Gang Midget' and began swinging his arms. Gang midget struggled to keep his balance but managed to charge towards Jackson. As Jackson mouthed out "What the fuck?!' he dove to dodge this 'one and a half man turbine'. The midget couldn't control his direction and ran right into a wall. 'Awkward skinny' busted out in a maniacal laugh and pointed at Jackson. His five remaining henchmen rushed Jackson. They covered him entirely with punches and grunts. If Barney didn't know any better, it looked like a Japanese gangbang without pixels. Barney looked at the girls who nodded in agreement. He had to get in. But just as he decided to join the fun, Jackson burst from within sending all five of them to the floor. Shirtless, Jackson stood up and pointed at 'Awkward skinny'. "You!" He began, "You wanted a fucking beer, we gave you a fucking beer!" The fab five quickly recovered and tried their luck again. Awkward skinny kept laughing. Something was clearly wrong with him.

The five fucks took their swings and kicks, but these were no match for Jackson’s quick turns and ducks. He was dancing around the punches, it was a beautiful sight. Eventually, they stopped their futile attempts to touch Jackson. "Is that all you got?!" Jackson Rogers Tanaka teased. The gang had nothing left. It was Jackson's turn. To say he knocked them out fast is an understatement. He walked through them and delivered punishment in a fury. He made his way towards that tall awkward skinny fuckhead that had started it all.

It was pretty clear this was Jackson's fight, but before he started unloading, Awkward skinny crumbled down to his knees and begged for mercy. Not even Jesus would have listened to that prick, but Jackson swallowed what was left of his pride and turned away. The crowd that had gathered cheered and chanted his name. “JRT! JRT!”. He walked taller than before and began making his way back to Barney. Just then, 'Awkward skinny' pulled out a full bottle of Asahi and pitched it towards an unaware Jackson Rogers Tanaka. Barney tried to yell out to Jackson but his expression warned him faster and Jackson majestically turned around to quickly catch the bottle. He promptly opened it up and chugged it like a legend in the making. "No Japanese would ever throw out a bottle of Asahi" Jackson laughed.

With the gang of idiots fully dispatched, Barney, Jackson Rogers Tanaka, Brandi, and Renee could finally enjoy their tacos and beer. They were amazing and everything Barney had said they would be. The tortillas were handmade and freshly grilled. The salsa was the perfect blend of fresh tomatoes, garlic, habanero, and cilantro. The pulled pork almost melted in their mouths releasing the most amazing smoky flavor that was perfectly complemented by the perfect blend of artisanal cheeses. These tacos were nothing to fuck with. Luckily, they were paired with a delicious craft beer that Jackson Rogers Tanaka had selected. Barney couldn’t read the name on the label, but he was in heaven. Based on the silence from the group broken only by the occasional sigh, the others agreed. This was an amazing late night snack, but it occurred to Barney that he still wanted ice cream. This night had begun with that quest, and nothing would deter him from accomplishing this goal. “Who’s up for ice cream?” he asked the group. The girls responded enthusiastically, and Jackson Rogers Tanaka could only shake his head.
The car sped triumphantly out of the parking lot kicking up a few errant pebbles and bits of trash that had been neglected by the area business owners in charge of keeping the lot clean. With the mass of unconscious bodies behind them, Barney finally took a moment to comment on what had just gone down. “Soooo, Jackson…. mind telling me where the fuck THAT came from?” At 6 foot 5 inches, Jackson Rogers Tanaka was one of the tallest players on the Knights, but he had never really shown an excess of aggression. Sure, he played defense like any skilled hockey player would, but the level of pain Barney had just witnessed dispensed impressed him. As a matter of fact, Barney was sporting a rather uncomfortable erection that both excited him and confused him. And scared him. Sure he wasn’t ATTRACTED to Jackson Rogers Tanaka, was he? Barney shook his head. No, he would not confuse blood lust with attraction. He had just witnessed the most epic beat down of his life and was grateful to not have to line up on the other side of Jackson Rogers Tanaka. Barney felt bad for whomever may incur the wrath of Jackson Rogers Tanaka should they drop gloves in a game.

Jackson only laughed. Barney continued to prod Jackson Rogers Tanaka, peppering him with questions such as “Where did you learn that” and “No, seriously… where the fuck did you learn that?”. Jackson continued to deflect Barney’s questions and eventually Barney gave up. Or more specifically, he was forced to give up because all of a sudden a white cloud of smoke began billowing out the hood of the car. This didn’t look good. It was far too late to call a tow truck, and they were pretty far from the arena. They were already way over by Okanagan Lake and walking back to the arena was out of the question. To their credit, the girls didn’t panic. Had a similar situation happened to Barney, he is certain he would have been cussing up a storm, but the girls acted like they didn’t even care. Instead, they just started walking in the direction of the beach, first grabbing what remained of the case of beer from earlier. Barney and Jackson could only follow as the girls sat down in the sand and handed each of them a beer.

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Barney took a deep swig off the beer and inhaled deeply. Growing up in Milwaukee, Barney was never too far away from the refreshingly clean air of Northern Wisconsin, but it was nothing like the Kelowna air. For some reason Canadian air just smells… cleaner. Besides, it really WAS a nice night, and despite all the hijinks that had occurred tonight, his adrenaline was still pumping from the game. If he felt this great after a pre-season game, he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to win during the regular season. The lake reminded him of home. It was beautiful. It reminded him of the lake front property his parents owned on Lake Winnebago that he spent a large portion of his summers at. He contemplated whether he could find a similar property on Okanagan Lake. Barney made a mental to himself to ask Jackson and the other Kelowna Defensemen if they’d be interested in finding a property to rent. It would sure help pass the time in Kelowna!

Suddenly Barney felt strange. He wasn’t sick… but he wasn’t well. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He turned his head to look over at Jackson Rogers Tanaka, who was lying on his back grinning. Barney blinked a few times to try and regain his senses, but the strange feeling persisted. “Oh, I see you’ve finally met Molly”, Renee giggled. Barney was confused. “Who’s Molly?”. Brandi laughed. “You’ve never heard of Molly?” “No, I haven’t. Who is she?” Barney asked. “Oh wow, your night is about to get special. Molly. MDMA. Really? You’ve never tried Molly? I slipped some into your beer as a surprise”. Barney’s face froze. “Wait, are you talking about drugs? Shit. JRT and I are professional hockey players. If we get tested our careers are fucking over.” “BEFORE THEY EVEN STARTED!” Jackson Rogers Tanaka howled with laughter. Renee added, “Well Mr. professional hockey player, if your career is over…you might as well enjoy it.” There was something in the tone of her voice and the look on her face that Barney couldn’t help but find agreeable. “Fuck it.” He said.


Barney floated near Okanagan Lake, the tide of tourists and street merchants tugging him and Jackson Rogers Tanaka away from each other. Renee linked her arm in Barney’s, and as he turned to smile at her, Brandi did the same on Jackson’s left. Barney was slightly bemused; they looked like some sort of awkward eight legged insect, but it felt right. They were like Robin Hood and his merry band on some kind of a quest. The analogy comforted him, because he was scared of being alone.
The come up was very subtle. The first thing he noticed was the warmth exuding from his body; like waves crashing on the face of a cliff. Each was slightly more noticeable than the last and they reverberated through his body as he walked along the high street. It was the simplest of pleasures. Barney’s chest heaved as each breath sent bouncing shocks of pleasure through to his extremities. Renee and Brandi bounced gaily along beside the hockey players, and there was something about the formation that made Barney feel like he was being led through a threshold into another realm.
The colors came next; sharp vivid colors that seemed to almost bleed into one another. They were overly saturated, like some sort of comic book drawn in thick, bold hues. The simplest thing became breathtakingly beautiful; the shimmer of light on a puddle, the glowing street signs above cheap hamburger shops, the shining faces of people around them. Looking to his side, Barney felt his heart jump up into his throat as he realized how beautiful Renee looked in the moonlight. Her skin was pale, but more than that, it seemed to glow from the inside, and the effect made her look incredibly angelic.
The group had been walking for some time now, and had reached a 24-hour bookstore. Without saying a word to one another, with their arms still linked, the four marched into the bookstore. A warm wave of air seemed to welcome them inside, beckoning them towards the multitude of books that lay on the tables and shelves. The store had the distinct smell of a new library. You could feel the presence of hundreds of minds locked in between sheets of paper, patiently waiting to be opened so they could tell their story.
Renee and Brandi let go of their respective “date” and dispersed into the store, drawn to some books by an author Barney had no knowledge of. He took a moment to enjoy the atmosphere, deeply inhaling the aroma of new books as he found himself carelessly running his eyes over titles and authors, his mind still stuck on the beauty of the scene he had just left near Okanagan Lake. And then a single title caught his eye, and he was so surprised to see it that he gasped with delight.
‘Maniac Magee’ a young-adult book centered on exploring themes of racism and homelessness. It follows the story of an orphaned boy looking for a home in a Pennsylvania town. He becomes a local legend for feats of athleticism and fearlessness, and his ignorance of sharp racial boundaries in the town. He first read it as a child of eleven; it was the first book he ever truly loved, and the first book he had ever read that WASN’T by Matt Christopher. As he picked it up, a huge wave of memories flooded his mind; reading it for the first time as a young boy, reading it again his first summer away from home at hockey camp, discussing it with his English tutor and host mother. He felt like he had come across a piece of his past; a little piece of the jigsaw that made him the person he was today.
There was something about this ‘Molly’, it gave him the most prominent feeling of purpose. Every word he uttered every action he performed; all of it felt so meaningful. Picking the book up in his hands, a delightful calm washed over his body as he came to the conclusion that in this very moment, he was exactly where he was meant to be in life.

There was a loud shout. The sound of books hitting the floor and adults running. Barney turned his head and saw the girls fleeing with Jackson Rogers Tanaka in tow. Apparently they had made a mess because chasing them was an angry bald-headed man in his mid-40’s with a comb-over. They sprinted past Barney and out the door. Barney had no choice, so he tucked the copy of ‘Maniac McGee’ into has pants and ran after them, trying to keep the group in his sight without raising the suspicions of the bald-headed man. Barney saw them duck into a door a half-block ahead of him, but the bald man must not have noticed because Barney saw him stop and begin to look around. Without thinking Barney grabbed the closest chair to him at a restaurant patio he happened to be by inadvertently joining a table of 3 drunk and aggressive college boys clearly out for a night on the town. Barney smiled for a moment and ignored their “Dude, what the fuck!’s” and as soon the bald headed man had passed, Barney got up and made his way to the door he had seen Jackson Rogers Tanaka and the girls go through. It was a dueling piano bar. “Not a bad hiding spot” Barney thought to himself as he climbed down the steps to the bar below.

[Image: pete-s-dueling-piano-bar.jpg]

It was dark, with an illuminated stage in the front with two baby grand pianos facing each other being whaled on two expert showmen. The crowd was huge and lively, but despite all that it didn’t take much to find Jackson Rogers Tanaka and the girls. Jackson’s size clearly helped him stand out in a crowd. Luckily the bald man didn’t check here. Regardless, Barney was relieved to catch up to the group. The Molly was still in full force and the stage lights were really beginning to trip Barney out. He couldn’t help but stare in between moment of legitimately enjoying the show that was going on in front of him. He decided he wanted to stay a bit, so he offered to buy the group a round of jagerbombs. This was welcomed by the group and by the time Barney returned Jackson Rogers Tanaka had managed to force a few guys out of a darkened booth and he and the girls were sitting waiting. They downed their drinks and waved a bar girl over for another. And another. And another still. Renee suddenly declared that she had to pee and that Brandi had to go with her. The boys scooted out to let the girls go. Once they had left, Jackson Rogers Tanaka turned to Barney and said “I can’t feel my body!” as his head lazily rolled around. It wasn’t long before the girls got back and they pulled the boys out on to the floor to dance. Barney wasn’t much of a dancer and always felt like he had two left feet. But not tonight. Maybe it was the Molly, maybe it was the sense of freedom and excitement that poured out of every pore of Renee’s body. He didn’t know for sure, but tonight, Barney felt like he could dance. And dance he did! He danced and cheered and sang along with the pianos. The girls and Jackson Rogers Tanaka did too.

Then a thought popped into his head. How would they get home? How would the girls get home? Shouldn’t they call a tow truck? Barney relayed these thoughts to Renee but she dismissed him. Barney pressed on a bit more and that when Renee cracked a devilish smile and said “It’s not our car! We stole it!”. Barney was shocked. And impressed. He suddenly found a courage like he had never before and he pulled Renee in closely and planted a deep, wet, sloppy, inexperienced kiss. It was his first kiss. From a girl that is. He pulled back and waited to see Renee’s reaction. To his joy, she pulled him back in and Barney felt her tongue slip inside his mouth. Barney wrapped his arms Renee and awkwardly tried to find a home for his hands. Renee reached up and pulled his left hand down and placed it squarely on her firm ass. Barney was excited. He opened one eye and noticed that Brandi and Jackson Rogers Tanaka were engaged in similar behavior to his right. Brandi pulled back a bit and led Barney back to their booth. She pushed him in first and then straddled the young defensemen who was beginning to wonder if he was going to score. Brandi reached down and grabbed one of Barneys hands and pulled it between her legs. He slipped his hand up and was surprised to find an empty net. There was nothing to stop him and he slipped a finger inside her. Her wetness was something new to Barney. Clearly this was a night of firsts. He hungrily pawed at his belt and stumbled over the buckle. Once he finally opened his belt he undid the button and unzipped his pants. This was it. Barney was going to lose his virginity. This was the best night ever!

[Image: black1.gif]

Barney felt a sharp pain his shoulder and he tried to open his eyes. He could only manage to open his eyes a sliver as his head was pounding and it was bright. “Hey Stinson! Wake up!”. Barney tried to compose his thoughts and make sense of what was happening. Suddenly a wave of memories came crashing back and Barney tried to open his eyes a little more. Standing above him was the 6 foot 1 inch frame of his Finnish teammate, Toki Wartooth. Toki was brandishing a brand new stick and cruelly smacking Barney with it on various parts of his body. “Get up. We has practice.” He said with a thick accent. He continued to painfully poke and prod Barney all the while urging him to his feet. Barney was confused. This didn’t seem right. Where was he? With his eyes finally adjusted, Barney shielded them with his hand and looked around, his mouth agape. To his astonishment he was sitting with his back propped against a park bench outside of the Arena. Jackson Rogers Tanaka was lying just a few feet away. This didn’t make sense. How the fuck did he get to the arena? What happened the rest of the night? Where were Brandi and Renee? Did he have sex? These were important questions Barney did not have an answer for. To make matters worse, Barneys head was throbbing with the ferocity of a Game of Thrones fan who had just had the ‘Red Wedding’ spoiled for him. Jackson Rogers Tanaka did not look much better. If what Toki said was accurate, and a quick glance at his cellphone confirmed he was, they had practice in 45 minutes. Somehow he and Jackson Rogers Tanaka needed to get their shit together and be productive in practice. Barney didn’t want to feel the fury of Coach Kez Kincaid.

Barney and Toki helped Jackson up and to regain his bearings. Mercifully Toki had a few bottles of water on him and the two players downed them with large gulps. Bad idea. No sooner had it gone down when the liquid came right back up and onto the concrete. “Amateurs.” Toki complained. “Drink it slower.” This time Barney and Jackson Rogers Tanaka took it a little easier and the water stayed down. It helped too. Both players admitted they both felt a bit better.

Slightly more hydrated, the group made their way towards the player entrance of the arena. They walked through the door and Barney was immediately stopped by a security guard. “ID please”. “No problem” he replied. Barney pulled out his wallet to retrieve his Player ID card, but the card was not there. He looked again. What the fuck? Nothing else was missing from his wallet. Not the money, not his pictures, and not even his credit cards were missing. The only thing he could not account for was his Kelowna Knights Player ID card. He turned to Jackson Rogers Tanaka who seems to have suffered a similar fate. Unsure what to do next, Barney called out for Toki who was a few strides ahead already beyond the security gate. “Toki!” Our IDs are gone.” Toki turned and begrudgingly came back for his teammates. With a little too much force, Toki clapped his hands on the shoulders of Barney and Jackson Rogers Tanaka and pulled them through the security gate. “They is with me”.

Once inside the arena they made their way towards the player dressing room when Barney stopped. “Wait!” he yelled. “Ice cream! We didn’t get ice cream”. Jackson Rogers Tanaka cocked his head to the side and angrily shouted “Dude…fucking drop it.”. Barney stepped back stunned. He’d never seen Jackson lose his temper like this. Sure, he’d witnessed the man unleash hell fury last night, but he had always kept his emotions in check. Barney held up his hand and said “Wait right here!” and he disappeared around the corner. He returned a few minutes later with his hands behind his back. Triumphantly he presented Jackson Rogers Tanaka and Toki each their own cup of ‘Dippin’ Dot’s’.

Barney took a huge spoonful and poured the cold little pellets into his mouth. He had earned these ‘Dippin’ Dot’s’. They came with an epic story unlike anything he had ever experienced before. They were like that heavy sigh after a huge Thanksgiving dinner. They were like that moment of silence right before you know you’ve won an argument. They were like that cigarette after mind-blowing sex, or at least he had heard. He still couldn’t figure out if he’d gotten laid the night before. But one thing was certain, these were the best God-Damned ‘Dippin’ Dot’s’ he had ever tasted.


Code:
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Pics: 9

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#2

TLDR

Aurora Knights Aurora Knights Aurora Knights Aurora Knights Aurora Knights
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RIP Dangel. See you on the other side, brother
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#3

Quote:Originally posted by Ace@Aug 6 2014, 09:06 AM
TLDR

Yeahthat

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#4

I cant believe I read that all. And I dont have a big forehead Angry

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#5

*reads whole thing*

I....

Okay some racism

Molly, rave

Woah, never fuck on Molly. Every time after that will feel like shit.

And... dream?

Wait...

What

:unsure:



Oh and FWIW, dream endings are WOAT story endings. Always feel like a shortcut ending to what was a great story Tongue But great read though dude, crazy time must've gone into this.

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#6

Quote:Originally posted by Ace+Aug 6 2014, 11:06 PM--><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='QUOTE-WRAP'><tr><td>QUOTE (Ace @ Aug 6 2014, 11:06 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->TLDR[/b]

Good for you.

Quote:Originally posted by raymond3000@Aug 6 2014, 11:33 PM<br />I cant believe I read that all. And I dont have a big forehead Angry

Oddly enough, for some reason my buddy who proofread it changed that part. Originally it was MUCH more playful, like general ribbing...unfortunately I didn't have the original version because it was on Google docs...so I stuck with the more bitter sounding version, even though the intention was silly.

<!--QuoteBegin-JNH@Aug 6 2014, 11:46 PM
*reads whole thing*

I....

Okay some racism

Molly, rave

Woah, never fuck on Molly.&nbsp; Every time after that will feel like shit.

And... dream?

Wait...

What

:unsure:



Oh and FWIW, dream endings are WOAT story endings.&nbsp; Always feel like a shortcut ending to what was a great story Tongue But great read though dude, crazy time must've gone into this.
[/quote]


Racism: Maybe it's different where you are from...but at least where I grew in Wisconsin we talked a LOT of trash to our friends and racial terms were not off the table. It wasn't meant as ACTUAL racism, but rather to show that JRT and Barney were becoming quick friends....and that Barney is a vulgar asshole.

Molly: I've never done Molly...it just keep reading about it on Facebook.

Dream: My intention was that he passed out. Too much alcohol and drugs. I also thought the idea of him not knowing if he got laid or not was kind of funny. I'm sorry the ending was disappointing :(

Time: Yea...it took WAY longer than I anticipated. I figured one long ass article would take less time than a bunch of small ones for the same payout. I was wrong.

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#7

Quote:Originally posted by Narconis@Aug 6 2014, 09:58 AM


Racism:&nbsp; Maybe it's different where you are from...but at least where I grew in Wisconsin we talked a LOT of trash to our friends and racial terms were not off the table.&nbsp; It wasn't meant as ACTUAL racism, but rather to show that JRT and Barney were becoming quick friends....and that Barney is a vulgar asshole.

Yeah it's understandable, but just in general "Jap" is to a Japanese person what the n-word is to someone who is African-American.

Quote:
Dream:&nbsp; My intention was that he passed out.&nbsp; Too much alcohol and drugs.&nbsp; I also thought the idea of him not knowing if he got laid or not was kind of funny.&nbsp; I'm sorry the ending was disappointing :(

It wasn't disappointing, just took a 90 degree turn near the end. It was a good ending, just was like Blink for a bit haha.

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#8

:lol:

cray cray

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#9

Quote:“Man did the St Louis S’crows suuuuck it.”



Started reading, immediately left. 11/10 would not read again.

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#10

Btw, 10/10 would read Matt Christopher reference again Smile


Been thinking of doing this type of article for a while, did one like this about a year ago... Maybe I should start up another Hmm ITS A NOVEL! :lol:

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#11

Quote:Originally posted by StormShaker+Aug 7 2014, 12:24 AM--><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1' id='QUOTE-WRAP'><tr><td>QUOTE (StormShaker @ Aug 7 2014, 12:24 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteEBegin-->



Started reading, immediately left. 11/10 would not read again.[/b]

11/10 eh? At least someone liked it!



<!--QuoteBegin-JNH@Aug 7 2014, 12:29 AM
Btw, 10/10 would read Matt Christopher reference again Smile


Been thinking of doing this type of article for a while, did one like this about a year ago... Maybe I should start up another Hmm  ITS A NOVEL! :lol:
[/quote]


You have no idea how happy it makes me that someone got the Matt Christopher reference. I must have had like 100 of those books as a kid.

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#12

That disappointing moment when you realize you aren't capable of reading 7000 words....

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Please take care of it. Here are some helpful links just in case.

Algonquin College Student Support Services - 613-727-4723
Crisis Text Line - Text 'HOME' to 741741
Distress Centre Ottawa and Region - 613-288-3311
Good2Talk - 1-866-925-5454
Kid's Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868
Mental Health Hotline Ontario - 1-866-531-2600
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

Click here for a list of crisis centres within Canada
Suicide Prevention Resource Centre
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

If you have the contact info to your local mental help centres, let me know!

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#13

Quote:Originally posted by r1c3bowl22@Aug 7 2014, 12:56 AM
That disappointing moment when you realize you aren't capable of reading 7000 words....


Small chunks, yo. Small chunks.

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#14

Quote:Originally posted by Narconis@Aug 6 2014, 10:33 AM


11/10 eh?&nbsp; At least someone liked it!






You have no idea how happy it makes me that someone got the Matt Christopher reference.&nbsp; I must have had like 100 of those books as a kid.

Haha, between those and Screech Owl books (love Roy MacGregor), those were the books that made up my childhood. I read... a lot :lol:

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#15

Quote:Originally posted by JNH@Aug 6 2014, 11:12 AM


Haha, between those and Screech Owl books (love Roy MacGregor), those were the books that made up my childhood.&nbsp; I read... a lot&nbsp; :lol:

Screech Owls!! Nish was my hero Smile

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Please take care of it. Here are some helpful links just in case.

Algonquin College Student Support Services - 613-727-4723
Crisis Text Line - Text 'HOME' to 741741
Distress Centre Ottawa and Region - 613-288-3311
Good2Talk - 1-866-925-5454
Kid's Help Phone - 1-800-668-6868
Mental Health Hotline Ontario - 1-866-531-2600
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

Click here for a list of crisis centres within Canada
Suicide Prevention Resource Centre
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

If you have the contact info to your local mental help centres, let me know!

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