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DaftRaincloud · 10-14-2019, 09:06 PM

Jonas Larsen's back is in extreme amounts of pain from carrying the San Francisco Pride with his one point and one assist from the fourth line. As I write this the Pride are currently both number one in the Western Conference and number one in the SHL power rankings. Is it merely a coincidence that this is happening the season that Jonas Larsen finally gets the call up? Many, perhaps most, would say "Yeah, that's a coincidence" but I? No. To cope with the constant spinal strain Jonas gets two hours of massage MINIMUM five days a week. He has quickly made friends with fellow massage parlor patron Robert Kraft. After the massage is over Jonas will usually spend another hour or so soaking in his living room hot tub. The warm water and jets help relieve the tension throughout his body and get him ready for another busy week of carrying the San Francisco Pride to success.

5ympathies · 10-14-2019, 09:19 PM

The only part of my body that hurts is my back due to carrying the entire New England Wolfpack on my back. Once I retire, it seems likely that I'll lose the ability to walk and will have to move around on the flatbed version of Charles Xaviers' wheelchair. It's essentially going to be a hoverboard. All of my money earned, whether it be from contracts, or media, or even the occasional pod is being spent on researching this futuristic vessel. It's going to be strapless, the only thing holding me onto the bed will be a magnetic field, attracting to the iron in my body, which I will have to maintain by consuming copious amounts of spinach every day. If you want to get in on the potential profits from this, or just want to see science blossom in beautiful ways, send me your money any time. Every little bit helps and together, we will be able to protect my future back.

Thanks to JSS for the signature

Mika_Kandinsky · 10-14-2019, 09:34 PM

Mika is in his first year in the SHL and the schedule can be brutal. Luckily the training staff in Toronto is top notch. Access to top end doctors and trainers helps alleviate so much of the little aches and pains a player experiences along the way. Currently, Mika has a little shoulder pain from taking a few hits in the big leagues. Mika is no small player, but he's not too physical usually. So he's got a few bumps and bruises in the upper body area. He's been icing and spending time in the hot tub to help alleviate some pain in his shoulders and arm. On top of that, he usually has a little bit of vodka at night to help him sleep and dull the pain if he has some when trying to sleep. The training staff is doing a great job making sure these minor injuries don't effect his on ice performance.

*Good_Ole_Kimmy* · 10-14-2019, 09:49 PM

You know, I can't really explain why it's brought up so much but Skao Anazibf is almost always talking about his dick. Whether its his dick just hurting, or when he decides to be dramatic, he claims that his dick has fallen of completely. I can not comprehend how he always a genital pain. He goes to see Detroit's physical therapist almost every week and I'm not really sure what they are doing in there, but he really seems to like it. The worst part is that he is almost always slacking off and saying "oof ouchie ouchers my balls hurt!!!!" while holding an ice pack on his berries. It's even gotten to the point where we had a team intervention for him, Khabib was first to speak saying "dude you're really masking us uncomfortable when you talk about you dick hurting, you describe it in such detail that it makes all of our balls hurt, its like when you see someone on a skateboard grinding a rail and falling right on the cock and taters." The entire room agreed with his words, here's to hoping nour can fix his dick.
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nubbedindaribs · 10-14-2019, 09:58 PM

The most fragile part of Bobby has to be his shoulder. "Made of glass" the doctor said, right before dropping him and shattering both of his shoulder joints resulting in destroying any cartilage in those joints.

Nowadays Bobby dislocates his shoulders every time he cellies hard. And he cellies hard every time. The trainers have to keep his shoulders taped into his sockets in between periods.

He has constant aches and pains that he has to manage using more...herbal methods (much to the chagrin of the league). The trainers do a great job stretching out his shoulders before and after each match, but at this point he'll be plauged with it throughout his life.

Will this impact his playing career as he progresses? Bobby doesn't think so: "I'm going to score through any pain. It's what I do". Bobby guarantees that these injures will not keep him off the score card any time soon.

Rublic · 10-14-2019, 11:32 PM

As the player that has lead the SMJHL in hits the last 3 seasons I see my fair share of injuries. Throwing your body around does a number on both the player getting hit and the one throwing the hit. The game of hockey demands a lot from your body. When you are throwing hits all over the ice that often puts you out of position so it requires that much more energy to get back into position to ensure you are not a liability. Shoulders and lower back are the two areas that Atlas Rush suffers the most injuries. Rush uses his shoulder while throwing the hit so it is usually susceptible to injuries. Because he is also throwing around his body weight Rush is forced to put his body off balance. This also can cause his back to tweak which if happens could keep him out a few games. Atlas has to ensure he does his daily routine of stretches to ensure he limits the opportunity to injure himself.

TheHockeyist · 10-15-2019, 12:01 AM

No injuries in this universe? Igor swears that is horribly wrong, as he vividly remembers being in the hospital for a few days back when he played with Vancouver due to a lab accident involving glass and burns. Like, chemical burns. They were only minor though. Hmm... hypothesis time. Igor wonders if he is misremembering this thing or what. To prove his theory that injuries exist in this universe, he gets Geoff Moore @Leppish, an unwilling teammate and prepares to drop him from the height of eight kilometers to see what happens. Before dropping him, Igor calculates terminal velocity is reached in the first kilometer. Thus, Igor decides to drop Geoff from a much safer height of two kilometers. No air resistance or parachute is provided to break his fall.

Of course, doing prior research and knowing that a drop of even ten meters can lead to very lethal injuries, Igor has not cleared this with the ethics department. The fall is scheduled in the next hour. We will see if Geoff survives. The result will prove what happens in the SHL universe one and for all. Igor hopes Geoff is seriously injured as that would prove his hypothesis that injuries exist in this univers- wait, did I mention that he didn't clear this with the ethics department?

That's a bad thing, right?

SecondSucks22 · 10-15-2019, 01:00 AM

I am currently dealing with 2 different kinds of pain. The first one is physical. As some may know Brenton @treesap has been wanting to fight me since he joined the J. He was so upset that we ended up on the same senior team that the team agreed to look away so that he and i could have a completely unsactioned fight during practice one day so he could get everything out of his system. Having a 4 inch 70 weight advantage on him, I can say the only part of me that hurts after that is my knuckles, but theyre healing nicely, I feel bad that he has had to learn to play with one eye while the swelling goes down tho... The other pain is a metaphorical pain. @Nokazoa is just, at all times, a pain in my ass, no one has been able to suggest a way of dealing with that though, so I will endure as time goes on.

*Carpy48* · 10-15-2019, 02:05 AM

Being a goalie Harry Carpet has had all kinds of different injuries and pains in his career (luckily none of them have been serious so far). This season has been particularly challenging since he's had to face more shots than any other goalie in the SHL and obviously trying to stop them all (no matter how sometimes) will cause some pain here and there. Most of his problems earlier this season have been hip-related, but thankfully Toronto's training staff has been able to work on it with him trying out different stretching methods to help with general flexibility. Harry doesn't take his position as a starting goalie for granted so he's making sure to do everything he can to prevent injuries particularly with the increased work load this season. Together with his trainers and coaches they're continuously working on things to really find out what exercises help the most and sometimes these are just minor details like his positioning on the ice.

Zach · 10-15-2019, 02:41 AM

As one of the most physical players in the league, Archer also has a target on his back and both of these traits can't come without a bit of pain. Archer's whole upper body is, as on queue for this time of the season, covered in black and purple bruises from his activities on the ice. Although Archer is usually the one throwing the hits, it's not always as pretty as it may look and can leave plenty of its marks. As well, despite Archer seeming totally not phased by any of the hits he takes or dishes, he can commonly be found in the back with the trainer after games getting iced and receiving some electro stimulation treatment. At night, he refers to heating pads and anti-inflammatory pills as he lies awake in pain and agony. Archer also just happens to be a regular at the local massage center.

Tomasnz · 10-15-2019, 02:55 AM

PT2 playing hurt

I have spent most of my career being a body blocking goalie. And for years I have dealt with the bruising up the side of my torso, the creaking knees from the repeated crouching, dropping, back to crouching, back up, down up down.

One of the things I have been working on since coming up to the shl is my glove speed and reboubd control (Big thanks my Austin O-line couch for helping me take my hand skills to another level in the off season), so now I can add my shoulders to my pre game tape routine.

Shout out to sports tape! And the amazing physio team(s) I have been working with for years. "Shoulders- knees and ankles, knees and ankles".

This is probably my most painfree season to date though. Even with football in the off-season, the impact of having an amazing back up in Scotty, means I am getting three times as much rest as other shl goalies, which means I am better rested, fresher and playing in less pain. Gotta love a great backup.

***golden_apricot*** · 10-15-2019, 07:25 AM

What hurts? Ill tell you what hurts. My back huts, a lot. Its one thing to have to carry the load of the team on offense or defense but can you imagine having the be the guy that takes all the penalties for your team? Like seriously, can someone on this roster maybe slash someone or board them? We got guys on our team getting jumped since everyone else in the league thinks we are soft. It was fine last year but now the team only seems to be performing well when I carry them to victory from the box. I really hope this does not continue long terms and people start to get it together and toughen up so maybe I can get on the score sheet another way. Since our training staff is almost nonexistent ive had to deal with this myself so it has not been healing great. I think out GM told the guys we have come in once a week or so for massages to just massage our gluts because they are basically only jiggling our cheeks to make a clapping sound. Real strange and does nothing for my back but Ill deal with it for now I guess.

**OrbitingDeath** · 10-15-2019, 07:45 AM

Vorian Atreides has felt a lot of pain in the past, but that what doesn’t kill you only makes your stronger. With him being immortal, pain only strengthens Vorian further. All the pain he receives from playing hockey is just temporary and it goes away, he will not notice anything of it once the next game starts. Most of the pain from the hockey games does come from the fights and all the times he took shots to the head. While he just stands up and moves on, this certainly is the most painful part of hockey. In order to not notice too much of it he just tries to avoid fights completely.
So far the training staff has helped him with this and Vorian managed to avoid fights altogether so far this season, so hopefully this trend will continue. After all the wars he fought in the past, he is not here for violence, but to enjoy himself while playing hockey, being smacked in the face is not enjoyment at all for him.

SlashACM · 10-15-2019, 09:03 AM

Early in preseason we were doing our normal one timer drills and Smyth was dishing the puck to Williams for one-timers. Cain was feeling pretty good and blocking most of them until Williams sends one low and Cain gets a stick on it and ramps it right up into his groin. He was wearing a cup but it hit at such an angle that it still caused immense pain, especially because the cup pinched his testicles. He immediately left the ice and though he would return for the rest of preseason and the start of the regular season, he wouldn't look the same after this injury. His right testicle has swollen up to 3 times the normal size and does not fit comfortably in any underwear or protective gear. Every move he makes on the ice agitates the injury and he has not looked the same since this unfortunate incident.

UrsinZ · 10-15-2019, 11:58 AM

Ursin Zimmermann got a lot of bruises on his body from blocking a lot of shots. And there's currently one which is hurting the most and thats the thumb on his left hand. Last game Ursin blocked a shot with his left thumb. For the first two days after blocking the shot he couldn't really move his thumb luckly the thumb wasn't broken! Currently the thumb hurts a bit and has the color blue but besides that Ursin doesn't really have any hurting bruises on his body. A lot of this is thanks to the training staff and the medical team which ensures the players well beeings and watch out for the smallest injurys.
The most pain Ursin once felt was when he fell onto his chin which resultet in a laceration on his chin. He had to get some stitches in. But thanks to the medical team there's only a small scar left.

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