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Serpe x 13 · 01-13-2020, 10:08 PM

1. Oh baby. An all expense paid trip to Hamilton. Just kidding who even knows where Hamilton is???? I sure don’t. I am taking my trip to see games one and two in the city of Edmonton, as much as I would like for these games to be in New Orleans and myself to be playing in them, this will do. As much as I loved spending Eggy’s money, I will glady spend SDCore’s money. The first thing I want to do when I fly in is to go the nicest restaurant in the city and eat as much as I can. I don’t want to drink much as I want to remain sober to be able to watch game 1 later that night. After game one is when things get freaky deaky. I will be drinking the sun comes up in the morning. I had a long season and I want to enjoy my off season and don’t tell my girlfriend about this.

2. I like this alternative reality thing because I would have the Specters winning everything as we should have. The Specters would have swept every team until playing the cheating Hamilton steelhawks. All three lines would have clearly dominated their opposing lines and it isn’t even close to being a fair playoff for any other team. In this alternate reality the Specters fall down 3-0 to the cheating hawks until a magic wish is granted to Jimmy Sloathface who asks for the invisible cloak which is granted to him. The Stupid cheating hawks cannot see him on the ice, and he scores 21 goals over the remaining 4 games to make the Specters the season fifty one SHL champions of the world. The cheating hawks are then punished by the league right after the game 7 and are banned from the shl forcing them to play in the little cheater’s hockey league.

3. Both teams will join together to help the fundraising efforts for the SHL’s new sim engine. They will come together to ask fans and fellow league members to donate to be able to build our own sim and index and no need to go buy a sim. The teams will look for money, developers, and marketers to help further grow the SHL and make it the best league on the planet if it is already not. The end result of the fund raisers are unknown at this time but hopefully by season 53 the league would get a new sim engine and be able to attract a new crowd of sim internet hockey peoples which would add to the already outstanding gang of peeps. Both teams hate each others guts and this comes into play during the fundraiser. There are a lot of trash talking from each teams, throwing around cheater chants and what not.

4. If the specters had caught a case of the injury bug and the coach had asked me to put on the pads and play goalie; I am not sure if I could do that. My goalie @SlashACM is the best goalie in the world and I am not sure I could play at the outstanding level that he does. But in this case if I don’t play then my team would have to forfeit the game and I really really really don’t want that to happen as we are making a push for a deep run in the playoffs. My player build is built to be offensive but one of my best talents are blocking shots; during my SMJHL days I would play top minutes and lead the team and the league in blocked shots. I am not afraid of using my body to save pucks from going In the net and now I will have a blocker and pads.

15a. The team with the advantage in net would be what ever team tommy tuck is on. He is playing amazing and is a very emotional player on the ice. He knows when he needs to make an outstanding save to pump us his team to rally them and try to swing the momentum of the game.

18. PM sent to PT director

***notorioustig*** · 01-13-2020, 10:11 PM

Task 5. After a fairly long time of being a massive disappointment, Tig Murphy is going to take this opportunity to revel in the fact that he was able to win a championship and finally achieve something of substance in his career. It has weighed on Murphy for quite some time that after being an early pick in the SMJHL and SHL, he was only ever putting up moderately decent results, causing him to do nothing but work even harder each offseason. With two superstar-level seasons and now a cup ring under his belt, Murphy believes he's earned the right to rest on his laurels and coast. He begins regression next offseason and is unlikely to win an award ever so fighting hard to prolong his career and stat-pad isn't something he's in it for. He won't stop working, but he's going to enjoy his victory and recent successes and try and remember what gave him the passion to get there in the first place, and try to get back to that space mentally.

Task 4. If we suffered some injuries or other unfortunate circumstances in Hamilton, we're fortunate in that we have great pipeline of young defenders all working to be stars. I wouldn't feel at all uneasy about slotting on the wing, likely with team dad @DrunkenTeddy as my centreman. I've developed into a top goal-scoring defenseman, so I can only imagine this would translate into me being a top sniper on the wing who also happens to have a strong defensive conscience. I've always styled myself as an offensive player anyway, so moving up to a more offensively-oriented position with less responsibility would actually be a lot of fun in some ways. Knowing that I'd be leaving a position of strength and would be receiving slick breakout passes from guys like @SecondSucks22, @golden_apricot, and @FourFour as well as awful breakout "passes" from @Gwdjohnson is actually exciting, now that I think about it. Fuck it, I'm moving to LW @"ThatDamnMcJesus"

Task 6. I think @Narconis definitely has goaltending awards in his future. He's been our rock in net forever and an underrated goaltender in this league throughout it all. He's parlayed this into a great season where we led our conference and eventually turned in what absolutely should net him an award for playoff MVP, as he absolutely stole games for us. Our 12-2 record would have looked more like 2-4 or something similar if he hadn't stood on his head and carried us through a ton of one-goal games including two overtime wins in the final before a deciding 3-2 victory in game 5. Frankly it boggles my mind that he wasn't being hailed as the obvious MVP outside of Hamilton, although there were certainly extenuating circumstances that would have caused that. Make no mistake, Geezus Kryyst is our lord and saviour, and is fully deserving of a playoff MVP as well as being a contender for goaltending awards in the future. Geezus saves.

Task 8.

The Steelhawks fly onto the ice,
With steely blades for wings,
A loss or tie will not suffice,
For only wins the crowd sings.

On defense they face a shot,
But never fear for Geezus saves,
The puck whipped up without a thought,
The offense now begins in waves

Murphy passes it to Rob Phelps,
The puck flies surely home,
They've scored again against these whelps,
In this field of ice they roam.

The shots they take all to top shelf,
Epstein didn't kill himself.

Task 9.

Hamilton has won
The cup is now theirs to hold
Steelhawks now shall reign

Task 18. PM sent

Grapehead · 01-13-2020, 10:52 PM

PM sent

tedlamotors · 01-13-2020, 10:54 PM

1. The only thing the city of Edmonton is good for is their gigantic mall that they have. Buuuuuuuut, it is a pretty darn big mall they got and SD’s got that BAG. I could most definitely clear out every store and gift some things to my teammates and friends around the league. Gucci, Chanel, Fendi, Supreme, Bape, Nike, Adidas, and probably Bauer (it’s Canada smh) stores will get raided, and I’m sure there’s a couple of cars lying around that are being given away in some contest, so I guess I’ll just magically buy them all with a nice load of cash. I’m sure Daniel Bischoff doesn’t want me carpooling him to practice every day so that’ll be his reward for winning a 4-Star Cup. Then there's that slip ‘n slide, and I guess I could find something in @”TheHockeyist”’s lab to throw in the water. Maybe I’ll just say I jumped off the top rope and made a big splash, but again, SD’s got a bag, so he’ll just pay for the damages.

4. Well, I’m a dman with 40 scoring. Gibbles is an ambitious man, but even if every active Chief left, I doubt he’d let me be a forward. So I guess I’m going in net with that logic. At 6’3, I guess I’m a large enough human to stop pucks flying at 90mph from going in a net, right? I got 83 skating and 86 puck handling, so getting around in the crease shouldn’t be too much of a chore and my rebound control will be pretty good. My endurance is less than 80 though, so I’ll probably break my arm or something after like five shots. Only a flesh wound, or something like that. Besides, with Segi, Moore, and Volkov in front of me though, I’m pretty sure Markus Tegernako and I would make the best tandem in the SHL. The real question is how cool will my goalie mask look, cause I’m most definitely gonna take pride in that.

5. Just about 99% of people are gonna say something along the lines of “getting some training in” like they’re Ash from Pokemon on some “I wanna be the very best” shit. A few of you might do some sightseeing, fish, or do god knows what. But in between looking like a fool on the ice and stopping by the Saloon to say hi to some Outlaws, I miss my bed man. The second the IIHF tourney ends, I’m packing my bags, putting my phone on do not disturb, and hibernating until preseason. My hair is turing gray, my forehead is getting bigger, there’s some weird bumps on the back of my neck, and snot continually hangs from my nose to the floor. Management can take over my social, announce whatever contract extension or trade they want, but until preseason hits, I only want my smelly bed and my teddy bear. Congrats to everyone who gets drafted in advance, both SMJHLers and SHLers, goodbye to everyone retiring, and hopp schwiiz.

6. This is probably an unpopular opinion due to circumstance, but I could see Aaron Wilson winning the Jeff Dar award in the near future. The past two seasons, he’s done really well in all aspects. In S50, the guy put up 41 points in 50 games, and that number only increased in S51, with 57 in 50. The guy’s underlying numbers are also really good, with a 55.13% CF% (off zs% less than 50%), expected +/- of 19, and nearly 400 steals in S50, and those numbers only improved in S51. He might not be a PK player, but that shouldn’t undermine his defensive play in 5v5.

15.

d. From Hamilton, I’d have to give it to Hugh Jazz. I don’t know what it is, but it just sounds cool and has a ring to it. If it rolled off the tongue, it’d get even more brownie points, but oh well. From Edmonton, I’d have to give it to Tony Pepperoni. It rhymes, it has a nice pizza topping, it has an even amount of syllables...I mean, what more could you ask for?

e. I’d probably have Aaron Wilson discover a new strategy for me to use. A lot of you will call it shameless and you’re probably right, but you know what? The hustle is real and it got Hamilton a Challenge Cup. Just cast some spell over HO when talking to them about implementing it in the sim and voila, you have yourselves a nice advantage.

18. Sent to @PT Director

***ProjectSaint*** · 01-13-2020, 10:55 PM

1.
EVO: I'll be honest, I am not keen on watching either team live. nothing against EDM, but I did root against them before when they faced NEW last time they were in the Challenger Cup Finals. As for HAM, I'm quietly growing a little bit of a distain for the management there, thanks to controvesies going on there. So what I did with my ticket is this:
I got a few EDM home tickets, before handing it off to a small group of friends and their parents in the UK. I had a pretty nice conversation with them, and got to know more about them being hockey fans but not being able to front the cost to see an SHL game. Well now they get to watch it from the best seats in the house, so I hope they enjoy it very well, and all at SD's expense, so that was nice. As for myself, I just spent the Championship Week watching the game with my Texas teammates. (168 words)

3.
Konrad Blazej: I have to admit, this came right out of the blue, but when me and the reporting crew in Hockey & Tea heard about this (admittedly, we have not been advertising as much..............we suck at advertising articles), we knew that we had to get answers on this. So me and Henry (who was on camera duties this time) flew over to Edmonton a few days before game one to get an understanding behind all this. As it turns out, Hamilton's star defenseman Tig Murphy tweeted Toni Pepperoni over hosting a fundraiser for Cancer Research, to which Pepperoni retweeted. This news spread all around the SHL. The fundraiser was set up 2 days before Game 1, and out of nowhere, $57,000 was donated within the first 3 hours. There are even plans, presented by Murphy and Pepperoni of course, to display a banner dedicated to beating cancer. This can be seen as one of the most heartwarming pre-game events to happen, and in the CC finals non the less. Kudos to the boys for this. (176 words)

4.
EVO: HAHAHAHA, this brings me back to my SMJHL rookie days, when the former GM Sebastien Frost and now current GM Johnny Hamilton didn't know what to do with me. Now, its well known that my primary position is RW, however, I have made it very open and clear that I would not mind playing anywhere on ice. It's that mindset of mine that has lead to me playing as a C for S51. However, back in my rookie S51, Hamilton asked me: "If the situation ever arised, would you be willing to play as a defenseman?" To that question, I just laughed and and went: "Hammy, I would go right into net and grind my way to be your starter if you asked me that, let alone playing defenseman." To this day, if anyone asked me to play out of position, my anwser will simply be "Sure thing coach." Yeah, I can be a weird guy when it comes to my position, like I'm Milner. (166 words)

5.
EVO: Alright, this is one I really had to think about since I am no longer an SMJHL player, but a fully fledged SHL player. Now, other that the usual grinding, trying to improve myself and become a better player, one of the things I undertook is coaching and management lessons. Now as much as I like to continue as a player, I know that I have a limited SHL shelf life, and its most likely going to be shorter that those like Crudelli, Kandinsky or Spector. So I'm taking moves to my future pretty early, such as management. The afformentioned Johnny Hamilton asked me if I would like to join his management team. Now I've been keeping contact with the Dino boys, so I have no issue with that. I have also helped with scouting, since I have contacts around the hockey world. Obviously, I'm now a Player-Coach, but I still prioritise my time on the ice, since that will be more limited than me as a manager. Next up would be me heading back to Nigeria to see my family. Its been a long time, and I do wish to spend quality time with them. (197 words)

7.
EVO: I have been talking about this for a very long time, but one of the things I would like to see the SHL do would be to expand to new horizons. The world isn't just the North American continent. I have proposed ideas to expand to places like London, and I am very invested in other plans such as ones to expand to Germany, Norway, Sweeden, Russia, Finland, Switzerland. Hell, I have even been trying to get Africa invested in ice hockey, since of course I originate from Nigeria. I really do think that expansion outside of NA would bring alot of fans, players and pubicity to the HO. And of course, knowing the HO, I can already see dollar signs in their eyes, their mouths drooling at the chance of gaining more revenue and money. I mean can you blame them, the opportunity would be endless. I would certainly have a blast being able to travel from a game in Dallas to another game in Paris, Berlin, Moscow, Londeo, even Tokyo comes to mind.

9.
Quick onto the ice,
Life breaths and the victor weaps
For its a Raptor Raptors

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