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Alexei Rykov Camp for Consenting Adults
#1

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2x Draft Media. 1,605 words. Ready to Grade
Alexei Rykov was excited to enter his junior year of the SMJHL and to celebrate that he decided to bring the new draftees of the Carolina Kraken on a camping trip to the Carolina coastline in hopes of raising spirits, impressing the Carolina team culture, haze the ever-loving shit out of some draftees, and appease the spirit of Terry Bradshaw (Peace be upon him). To start with before they started their trek to the coast Alexei wanted to tape two 4-star cups to each hand so that he could start his pregame drinking. TO his much dismay after winning their second cup and found it was the same cup with their names just engraved again on it. So never fear the clever and resourceful Russian ordered the finest craftsman he could find to create him a second cup. After having averted this near catastrophe he filled one cup with Bourbon and the other with Vodka in honor to give the nod to the two noble traditions he was bringing together American and Russian drinking. After taking huge gulps from each Alexei then proceeded to have Velveteen Dream, Casimir Blaszczyk, Abhik Patel, Stirling MacTavish, Alyx Sabor, and Reezy Breezey take shifts in having both cups taped to their hands and drinking constantly until relieved. And thus, the noble tradition of Edward Forty Hands had become Edward Four Star Cups.

Eventually after several hours of pregaming Alexei had the draftees put in a limousine alongside him and they began their drive to the coast. Alexei began to make it very clear this would not be just a bonding exercise or cultural exchange it would be a test of endurance, mental fortitude, and ancient Russian hockey practices. Once they arrived on the coast after taking several detours for Alexei to pick up essentials such as lil’ Smokies that he had become obsessed with a Carolina BBQ there was also the need to bear repellant and wanted a strong butane lighter as well to make the trip as he stated memorable. Finally, it was time to begin the initiation rites and Alexei immediately demands that everyone take the biggest rock they could find and follow him to the ocean. Velveteen Dream, Casimir Blaszcyzk, Abhik Patel, and Stirling MacTavish began immediately to grumble that Alexei stunk of booze and the idea seemed poor as the light was quickly fading and they had not set up the tents yet. Alexei sternly chided them and assured them that the poor children would have plenty of time to snuggle up like babies in their tents later. Alexei then began to throw his giant rock into the ocean and would then swim out to retrieve it and start again. At first, the draftees were ok to please the young Russian but then after an hour and the sunlight beginning to dwindle. Alexei kept barking orders for there to be more drinking and more stone tossing but then finally Velveteen Dream had enough he was a first round draft pick and didn’t need this nonsense in his life so he threw his stone one last time into the ocean and quietly walked back to his tent in hopes of finding some solace in an area with less drinking and less archaic Soviet training methodology. Eventually, the stone throwing ended and at this point, Casimir appealed that he had enough for the day and Alexei just grunted and then proceeded to lead the rest for a run through the woods.

Alexei took a brisk pace and quickly dived into the woods yelling for everyone to keep pace as he didn’t want anyone to get lost. At one point during their meandering through the woods, they came close to the camp and at this point, Abhik decided it was time to abandon the mad Russian and went back to camp and decided to hang with the other sane refugees from what was quickly becoming apparent an evening without planning or thought put into it. Finally, Alexei stopped the run in the middle of a clearing and proceeded to begin to disrobe down to his underwear much to the shock and nervous chuckles of the remaining draftees. Alexei loudly declared it was time to recreate First Blood his favorite film and the greatest pinnacle of American cinema. At this declaration, Stirling quickly reminded everyone he had a conference call and really needed to head back to camp to which Alexei merely nodded before the crazy glint in his eye returned as he observed Sabor and Breezey the lone two left for the recreation. Alexei began to go over the rules in the next five minutes Sabor and Breezey would attempt to hide in the woods and Alexei would hunt them down. Sabor and Breezey looked at each other uncomfortably and then just shrugged and stood there staring at the Russian. Out of nowhere, Alexei produces a handgun and proceeds to rapid-fire it into the air to which Sabor and Breezey scatter into the woods with cries of fright emitting as they realized that the young Russian might have had a full psychotic break.
Alexei proceeded to cover himself in twigs and mud and then tossed the cap gun back into his backpack and the hunt was on! Sabor is panting heavily he can’t even begin to comprehend what is going on and was that a real firearm? Why would anyone let Alexei go out to the coast by himself with these kids? Why was the abduction not enough? Is there anyone out there? He really shouldn’t have split off from Breezey. Eventually, Sabor stopped running and started panting heavily trying to catch his breath and wondering what in the world he had gotten himself into. Training camp was just in a couple of days why in the world would Carolina let this happen? Sabor rested against a tree and started pondering what he was thinking of getting himself involved in this nonsensical farce and how he should have chosen a sensible career like accounting. Then suddenly out of the pile of leaves surrounding the tree that Sabor was resting on popped up Rykov who immediately put Sabor into a headlock. Alexei whispered into Sabor’s ear, "Хорошо. Очень хорошо!” Sabor eventually wrestled away from Alexei who then proceeded to produce a can of hairspray and a lighter and then immediately set poor Sabor’s hair on fire. Sabor in an utter panic went sprinting through the woods screeching loudly for help and that someone needs to stop that damn Russian.

Breezey was just quietly walking through the woods this point trying to figure out how to make it back to camp and why hadn’t he been smart like the rest to head back to camp. Suddenly Breezey heard an eerie noise that sounded like a mix of a screeching cat and a panda caught in a garbage disposal. Breezey felt like the sound was getting closer but was having a hard time pinpointing what the sound was exactly. Breezey stopped at the nearby stream and was wondering what was going on in his life to put him in a position in the woods with a drunk Russian who wanted to play Rambo. Then suddenly Sabor burst out of the woods with his head engulfed in flame as he jumped headfirst into the stream. Breezey let out a horrifying screech of his own and burst into a full sprint in a northerly direction and did not proceed to stop until he hit a roadway. Sabor dug himself out of the stream and heard Alexei calling out from the somewhere in the woods and Sabor himself proceeded to run as far in the opposite direction from the voice.
Alexei eventually plodded back into camp where Velveteen asked where Sabor and Breezey were. Alexei merely shrugged and stated, "Я горжусь работой, которую мы здесь сделали!” and then flopped into his tent collapsing the whole thing underneath him and went into a deep sleep. Velveteen Dream, Casimir Blaszcyzk, Abhik Patel, and Stirling MacTavish proceeded to hold council with themselves about what to do about their missing two draftees. Eventually, it was agreed they must be fine as there is no way Carolina management would let anything too crazy happen. Eventually morning came and to everyone’s surprise, Alexei was already up sipping tea and wearing sunglasses. When asked what happened he merely shrugged again and stated it was best if it wasn’t brought up to anyone. When pressed further on Sabor and Breezey he referred that they had found better offers and this organization wasn’t exactly what they were looking for. Alexei further made it clear that the discussion of the details of the night should not be shared widely with management otherwise it would be unfortunate for him to have to make amends for not finishing his recreation of First Blood. The cryptic remarks and the weird sudden allusion to First Blood were confusing but Velveteen made it clear to the other draftees that it was probably best not to ask and just hope that training camp was a much more smooth and soothing experience in comparison.

Eventually, the campsite was torn down the limousine taken back home and a quiet evening that will never be spoken of again was finished. Also, if anyone has seen Alyx Sabor or Reezy Breezey please report so to your nearest law enforcement agency as they are missing, and we are worried about their safety. Also please tell them that Alexei is sorry and that he really will not watch any more Rambo movies in the future before excursions. Also please don’t tell anyone about that night. Thanks!

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#2

We really like taking our rookies on camping trips. Good traditions Kraken

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Credit to Vulfzilla for the awesome render pic
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#3

I wish i could terry emoji here

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2x 4Star Cup Champ s49 s50

1x commissioners excellence award s 50
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