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i was thirteen years old

Thirteen years old. I was thirteen years old when I joined the SHL back in August 2015 and created my first player, Carson Shmyr, named after myself. It has been over four years of mischief, friendship, but most of all an appreciation for the game and this community. It's what kept bringing me back, time and time again, despite the incessant pleas of (most) people to keep the doors shut on me. And it served me right, I deserved it. The thing I can't fail to appreciate about this website every single time I come is the way it has made me feel over the years. During those first three years, there was a lot going on for me, and the SHL was a place to vent and grow as an individual in an atmosphere where I could pretend. It was an extremely important part of me growing up, despite how sad that may sound. I have been here for EVERY major milestone of my teenage life, and many of the people on this site have been there to celebrate (or condemn) alongside me. @thiefofcheese you inspired me to give legitimate appreciation for the people who have done so much for me. I'm going to start all the way at the beginning.

@ThatDamnWalrus you were the first person EVER to interact with me in this community when you signed me as a late free agent to the Colorado Mammoth back in S24. You were like a mentor to me, guiding me along the way and showing me how to not only build a player but use the site. That locker room made me a number of my first friends on the site, most of whom are long gone. Without you showing interest in my player, there is a very strong chance I wouldn't have been on this site at all. Even though I eventually went inactive on you and disappeared for a brief period of time, you were more than ready to welcome me back. I appreciate that tremendously.

@Leafs4ever likewise, you were the first SHL GM to look at me. You drafted me with the final pick of the second round in S26 and I was so happy to be in Winnipeg. Again, while I went inactive, being drafted at all was a big reason for me eventually returning. It gave me the experience that I would come to love so much (too much at one point) and inspired me to keep coming back to this site. Your dedication to this league is unrivaled, and you're absolutely incredible in all that you do. 

@Gifter of Bikes upon my return to the SHL, you picked right up where Leafs left off and drafted me in the first round of the SHL draft on my new player. You were a huge contributor to my success and drove me to continue to write and excel on this site. The S27-S30 Riot locker room was one of the best I was ever in, and there were so many supportive people there that helped me through some really difficult times. I may have been a kid, but I had my issues (clearly). You never judged me, and always left room for me in everything you did, even putting your own reputation on the line to defend me when you traded a player who was causing an issue with me in the locker room due to my multi allegations, and I burnt your trust. I haven't ever had an opportunity to thank you or to apologize, but this is it.

@JR95 I still remember the day you joined the site, because you were the first player I ever mentored. You were gungho and enthusiastic, and it made me feel like I could actually do something to help people on this site. Giving you the jump-start allowed me to really have an idea of responsibility, and you've gone on to become a better member of this community than I ever will.

@Pris when you jumped into the SHL, I knew you would be a huge member of my online family. You, with ease, became my "older sister" and honestly as much as I joke about it and laugh at the cringey conversations we had on Discord, you are a huge reason for me being the person I am today. You helped me through so much in my relationships and mental health, and pushed me to be a better person and make better choices. You never questioned me, and only stood beside me as support. You didn't judge my actions and I appreciate it tremendously. 

Now we have a brief recess for storytime so you can understand the scope of this thank you and why it's so important to me. Following S31 (approx. August 2016) I entered high school. I had just come off a cross Canada trip where I took a bus from Victoria to Halifax doing volunteer work with a group of thirteen other teenagers. A mission trip. I entered high school as a normal kid, and just kind of lived life. A video of me singing in the cafeteria at my school went viral, and it launched me into a whole different world. I didn't cope with this newfound talent very well, and let it get to my head. I took on an ego, and became self-obsessed and fell into my own work. I moved schools two times in two semesters and couldn't find a place that I fit.

I started at a new school in August 2017, and hadn't been around the SHL site for nearly a year. I had made small attempts to come back to the site but had never really found my footing again. I was disconnected from the community, and no one cared to have me back. That winter, I fell into the deepest hole I have ever been in. I hung out with the wrong crowd, got arrested and expelled from my school, and started doing heavy drugs. I was fifteen years old, and I was throwing absolutely everything away. I attempted suicide on November 25th 2017, and was hospitalized. I was then diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and much later borderline personality disorder. I desperately needed some positive community. 

I found that community nearly a year later when I returned to the SHL with Nickolas Klaus. I was still very much in my hole, but had come out of drugs and alcohol and made it out the other side (I haven't touched any drugs in 2 years on Jan 1st 2020!). While it was a hostile environment at first, I came to be welcomed back in. I went undrafted into the SMJHL, but signed with the Kelowna Knights as a free agent thanks to @Thunder39 who I already thanked in my WFT. Now we're caught up to speed.

@JSS holy shit man thank you for picking me up in free agency. I thanked you in my WFT but you deserve a whole second segment. I feel like I've genuinely become close friends with you through all of our super late night discussions, and I couldn't imagine not having made that connection. You're one of my favourite people on this entire site and it goes without saying that you're incredible member of the community. I literally love you, like no homo since I'm bi, but I love you.

@Fantobens mister captain right here, Fanto you're an awesome guy. A true leader in the locker room, you've kept my head up and supported my stuff as it's come. You've been an awesome voice and a great figure for me to follow.

@Jenny @BoucherFan12 @sköldpaddor @jcfbey01 @twils @Kalakar @MCP_ @ztevans @MantoRune @Rankle @XLeafer @mcgriddleluver I love you guys all so much. You're literally the reason I wake up in the mornings, no joke. The first thing I do is see what y'all are up too. I want to spend every single moment in this league with you guys.

And now I have to thank one last person, someone who I don't show real appreciation for enough.

@Jepox holy shit man we've come a long way. Probably hundreds, if not thousands of hours playing the NHL Games as kids, or simulating on UHS, or trying out EHM and having no idea what we were doing, or playing mini sticks in your basement, or shooting a puck around on the rink at our school, or playing with and against each other in hockey, or having rivalries between my Bruins and your Leafs, or recording podcasts for the SHL, one thing has kept us together our entire lives and that was hockey. This game is incredible, but you are so much more incredible. You are one of the most sincere and closest friends that I have, and I trust you with everything. 
You've defended me countless times (sometimes when I was right, and sometimes when I was wrong), you've given me opportunity, you've laughed at my stupid jokes and dumb plot lines for my characters, you've repped my music and my story. I can't thank you enough, I love you. For real.

And so it brings me to the end. Thirteen years old. Now, I'm seventeen. I've fought through addiction, self-harm, substance abuse, mental health, suicide, sexuality, and crime. I've built a career on entertainment, growing a social platform of over 100,000 people and spreading my message of happiness and positivity through both my music and my videos. I've had the chance to share my story on big stages in front of big crowds, and met some incredible people. I've played Team Canada lacrosse and represented my country with ferocity. One thing has remained constant though, and that is this community. 

I love you all.


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where is my shoutout, i am the best moderator of lacrosse smh my head

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Hearing some of the stories from when you were younger, it’s almost like you’re a different person. I can honestly say that even though I didn’t know you when you were going through your issues you’ve come out the other side a different person. A better person.

And this is not an age thing but a person thing, I’m proud of you. A lot of people on here are.

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(This post was last modified: 12-04-2019, 04:23 PM by bluesfan55.)

i was also thirteen when i joined the shl cool

also thanks for being nice to me when i joined the nsfl, helped me adjust to the league a bit more

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12-04-2019, 03:43 PMFantobens Wrote: Hearing some of the stories from when you were younger, it’s almost like you’re a different person. I can honestly say that even though I didn’t know you when you were going through your issues you’ve come out the other side a different person. A better person.

And this is not an age thing but a person thing, I’m proud of you. A lot of people on here are.

Thanks Fanto <3 It feels like that to me to, a hell of a lot has changed.

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12-04-2019, 04:20 PMbluesfan55 Wrote: i was also thirteen when i joined the shl cool

also thanks for being nice to me when i joined the nsfl, helped me adjust to the league a bit more

For sure homie, i gotchu

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S50 Challenge Cup Finals Game 7
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Knights General Manager Kelowna Knights Knights

This is awesome. Can you link your music? I’d like to check it out.

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“I was thirteen years old”

Title of your sex tape

(any b99 fans?)

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ty wasty/jss

in the third grade I thought I was gay

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12-05-2019, 12:37 AMnykonax Wrote: [Image: flat,750x,075,f-pad,750x1000,f8f8f8.jpg]

thank you @nykonax for helping me with my redstone door on minecraft that one time after calling me broke once he found my secret base. Also for all the work you did for the SLL. Also for being so damn cute.

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12-05-2019, 01:13 AMGood_Ole_Kimmy Wrote: in the third grade I thought I was gay

Then in ninth grade I realized I was half way right

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12-04-2019, 11:42 PMthiefofcheese Wrote: This is awesome.  Can you link your music?  I’d like to check it out.

For sure!

Spotify Artist Page
My favourite song i've made

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