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Completely Arbitrary and in No Way Meaningful Prospect Showcase Awards
#1

(x2 Draft Media, word count: 1020)

As the title states, this is a list of awards from the prospect showcase that I have made up! Some are stats that I find interesting, and some are just for my (and hopefully your) entertainment… Mostly because I am 2 rye and cokes deep on my flight, and I’m having fun. Without further babbling to get my word count higher, lets jump right into it!
 
Hot Hand (Highest shooting %): Straight forward, this prospect couldn’t miss. They acted like Ovi after getting a high stick to the face the other night – they just couldn’t miss.

Congrats to Erben Kasius, winner of the Hot Hand with 47.06% shooting on 17 shots. Didn’t shoot much, but goalies couldn’t solve them!

Snake Bitten (Lowest non-zero shooting %): Also straight forward, this guy couldn’t buy a goal. The monkey everyone seems to be pulling off their back is hanging on tight.

Congrats to Burlock Sulfurgold, “winner” of Snake Bitten with 4% shooting on 25 shots.

Foxiest Trotter (MVP of the Foxtrot Trottyfoxes): Simply because I love that name. I may have been playing for the Delta Planes, but whoever came up with that whimsical name has the key to my heart.

Congrats to Luke Niemi, winner of the Foxiest Trotter with 19 points – far and away the MVP!

Come at me Bro: (Highest FO%): Minimum 20 faceoffs (to get those pesky wingers outta here) this person is a verifiable Jarret Stoll in the faceoff dot. Does anyone else remember the 13/14 NHL playoffs when it seemed like he couldn’t lose? Me too.

Congrats to Johnathan Hunt, winner of Come at me Bro with a 63.16 FO%.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: (Best Name – 100% Scientific): Not going to lie, I am a little biased towards Reid Sutherland here… but I ain’t no homer. Vladimir Khristorozhdestvensk feels a little too much like they sneezed while typing in their last name, but boy would I love to see that on a jersey. Despite tempting options like Ligma Broomstick, I am going with Mohammad Cuddles because I like the the ring to it and it made me chuckle.

Congrats to Mohammad Cuddles, winner of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Boomshakalaka: (Most Hits): I think we can all appreciate the bruisers who go out and just want to crush the competition. It is so much fun to watch, almost as fun as saying Boomshakalaka.

Congrats to Mars Vendetta, winner of Boomshakalaka with 45 hits. The player with the next most hits had 11 less! Mars must have had a vendetta indeed!

Provin you Wrong (4th Liner with the most Points): I know that everyone played equally. But there is still a mental toughness that it takes to overcome playing on the 4th line.

Congrats to Dusty Bender, winner of Provin you Wrong with 15 points. Way to outperform the expectations!!

JR Smith Shoot it and it Might go in: (Lowest G/shots): Minimum 30 shots. Fellow basketball fans will know what I am talking about. Basically the player who took it too seriously when the coach said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Congrats to Ferda Shoresie, winner of JR Smith Shoot it and it Might go in with a 0.05 G/Shots. Shooters shoot.

Hot Potatoe: (Most Giveaways): Also known as the Codi Ceci award. Heaven forbid you hold onto the puck.

Congrats to Jakob Rizzo, winner of the Hot Potatoe with 40 givaways. Better start a bakery with all those turnovers, Jakob.

Bad at Sharing: (Most Takeaways): Bad at sharing in the best possible way. Defensive minded forwards for the win!

Congrats to Vladamir Khristorozhdestvensk , winner of Bad at Sharing with 18 takaways. I wonder if opponents got confused trying to read his jersey when he was stealing the puck?

Good Try, Sport: (worst +/-): In my attempt to make up an award that my player might actually win (without it being sexiest man alive – a shoo in) I stumbled upon this… yay?

Congrats to myself (Reid Sutherland), Tad McMinn, and Garth Garver, winners (and linemates) of Good Try, Sport with a -21 rating…yikes.

Black and Blue (Most shots blocked): Always painful when a skater tries to play goalie. But we love them for it. Who needs teeth?

Congrats to Yompy Stearf, winner of Black and Blue with 27 blocked shots.

Swiss Cheese (Worst GSAA): Stolen from my other article (shameless plug here), This measures the goals saved above average. Negative means you let in way more shots than an average goalie. Go get em next time.

Congrats to Joe Simpson, winner of Swiss Cheese with a GSAA of -12. Next in line had a -6.4, so we know Joe had a rough showcase. Sample size probably plays a big role here.

Look at what I did Ma! (Closest to 0.0 P/20 without being 0.0): Turned out to be everyone who scored exactly 1 point… which I guess shouldn’t be surprising, yet here we are. At least they got on the scoresheet, right fellas?

Congrats to Aron Nemeth, Tad McMinn, Ryuuji Minamino, and Magnus Orrsen, winners of Look at what I did Ma! with 0.13 P/20.

Perfectly Balanced, as all Things Should Be (Exactly 0 +/-): To my surprise, only one line managed to pull this off! Thanos would be proud.

Congrats to Harry Howes, Paul Atredies, and Love Beck, winners of Perfectly Balanced, as all Things Should Be.

Wildcard (Team with Largest difference in +/-): Because we all know the key to success is having one line carry the whole team… right?

Congrats to Delta Planes, winners of Wildcard, with a difference of 47! The next highest was in the 20s. Glad my -21 could be of help for something…

The Best Defence… (Goalie Tandem with the most points): Self explanatory. Even the goalies were getting in on the action!

Congrats to the Delta Planes duo of Zach Attack and A Jobin, winners of The Best Defence… with 3 points total. I guess we should have seen it coming with the last name Attack right?


And that concludes my first ever (and possibly ongoing) arbitrary awards! I look forward to doing more for actual seasons with larger sample size. Thanks for reading!

Thanks Wasty, Carpy, JSS, TurdFerguson, Geekusoid and Awesomecakes for the sigs!
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#2

Cody Ceci awards oof...



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