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**Lime** · 01-20-2020, 12:05 AM

WHAT YOU'RE REALLY LOOKING FOR

Svenson did a pretty good job with his draft analysis, but there was a little too much numbers and not enough good ol' fashioned eyeballing it.
What the heck is a Paq anyway? He says, "I'm not going to attempt to opine on experienced GM's draft choices and this is not meant
to be a draft grade article." Alright nerd, well I'm going to opine and I'm even gonna grade every danged pick in the first two rounds. I decided
to look at the draft in increments of 1 players drafted (1/10th of a round). This gives me the smallest sample size possible and is completely
useless for identifying trends.

1. Steve Harrington

The first overall pick obviously went to... Wait why does this say Chris Cerullo? Who the f-

Okay fine I guess I'll start over.

FIRST ROUND

1. Chris Cerullo - Colorado Raptors

This guy? Really?

[Image: PTl62IY.png]

Very funny hhh. Way to blow up my mock draft on the first pick.

Grade: F or F- or whatever the lowest grade I can possibly give is. A Z perhaps.

2. Magnus Liljeström - Detroit Falcons

I ain't even mad honestly, this dude is loaded. He's very active and his written like $100m worth of articles or something. Dude is gonna
bankroll his own team. Tig should just give him the GM spot.

Grade: A

3. Hiroshi Ohira - Colorado Raptors

I really didn't see this one coming. Didn't talk to him much before the draft. But seeing as hhh was just memeing to avoid picking me I'm
sure he didn't give it too much thought. Still a solid player though and worthy of a top pick.

Grade: B (I'm not giving an A for skipping me twice)

4. Steve Harrington - Newfoundland Berserkers

Easily the best player in the draft. Can't believe Colorado and Detroit threw the whole thing as a joke. JNH was the first GM to take things
seriously and drafted me immediately. Absolute genius move. Berserkers in 4.

Grade: SSS

5. Valentín Kalashnikov - Halifax Raiders

Just as predicted by the Scrabble Ranking System, Kalashnikov went 5th. He is always doomed to be in my shadow.

Grade: A (scrabble always finds out)

6. Jimmy Wagner - Carolina Kraken

I had this guy going 2nd in my original mock, right after me before I randomly started changing things. I'd say I got it
pretty close. I knew this guy would go in the first round. Easily one of the highest potentials in the draft. You can smell it on him. I mean I
wasn't smelling him. Somebody else told me what he smells like. Doesn't matter.

Grade: A

7. William Hartmann - Vancouver Whalers

Vancouver played their cards close to the chest in this draft. Picking Hartmann was a bold move. I think he slipped under my
radar a little bit. Certainly one of the better LW in the draft though.

Grade: B

8. Axel Meszaros - St. Louis Scarecrows

A recreate? In my draft? It's likelier than you think. St Louis must have been very confused when they managed to get
Axel with the 8th pick. Pretty much everyone had him going 1st and nobody would have suspected he'd drop this far.

Grade: A

9. Rocco Berni - Kelowna Knights

Teams have finally woken up to recreates being a thing and have started drafting. I think Danny was thought to go higher but
maybe Kelowna knows something we don't.

Grade: C for center

10. Danny White - Anchorage Armada

Rounding out the first round (haha get it rounding out the round) is a third top recreate. Another center too. So fun.

Grade: D because I haven't given one out yet

SECOND ROUND

11. Edward Williams - Detroit Falcons

Literally the only thing I got right on my mock. Thanks Ed.

Grade: A

12. Frederick Wanesly - Detroit Falcons

WAIT THEY GOT WILLIAMS AND WANESLY? YOU CANT PUT BOTH OF THEM ON THE SAME TEAM THAT'S BULLSHIT
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO AGAINST THAT

Grade:

[Image: PKREJHL.png]

13. Ethan Price - Anaheim Outlaws

Hey look Anaheim finally showed up. Why the cinnamon toast fuck did they take Ethan Price? Don't they know they don't get another
draft pick for like 8 seasons?

Grade:

[Image: dHIYIf2.jpg]

14. Bradley Barkov - Colorado Raptors

Trumpets out for Barkov

Grade: ?

15. Ambacas Cuddles - Carolina Kraken

16. Erben Kasius - St Louis Scarecrows

Grade: I swear to god I'm suing if I don't get that TPE

17. Jukka Timonen - Newfoundland Berserkers

Incredible pickup. A top defense prospect that fell through the cracks to a late 2nd round bargain. Another brilliant move from JNH.
Berserkers in 3.

Grade: A

18. Jack - Halifax Raiders

I'm not saying it.

Grade: D (you know why)

19. Chris de Siren - Anchorage Armada

The second best Chris in the draft, going in the second round. What if I told you there was a Chris drafted in every single round of the
draft this year? There wasn't but like what if I told you that?

Grade: Chris

20. Frans Eller = Carolina Kraken

Carolina does know this guy is a goalie right? Goalies don't score goals. Rinne notched his first like a week ago and that guy's been
playing hockey forever. How are they going to score goals?

Grade: F

THIRD ROUND

Sike I said I'd only do 2 rounds but I ain't done yet

21. Miro Slapskinnen - Vancouver Whalers

Totally thought this guy was going first round. Great value and great pickup.

Grade: A

22. Burlok Sulfurgold - Detroit Falcons

Another great pickup in an excellent draft for Detroit. I'd almost respect them if I didn't here fucking screeching coming out of that
locker room every 30 seconds.

Grade: guys shut the hell up

23. Jaska Seppala = Kelowna Knights

The recreate that time forgot. But the Knights apparently remembered.

Grade: A

24. Reid Sutherland - Detroit Falcons

I keep forgetting the Falcons have like 100 picks.

Grade: basically the only hope a Detroit team has had in 10 years

25. Trevor Johnson - St Louis Scarecrows

Literally who

Grade: ?

26. Michael Preeb - Kelowna Knights

27. Yompy Strearf - Anaheim Outlaws

Grade:
[Image: 311.jpg]

28. Lucas Hellquist - Halifax Raiders

Oh thank christ a name I finally recognize. Just for that you get an A.

Grade: A

29. Braden Lowrie - Anchorage Armada

ah fuck not again

Grade:

30. Zoltan Topalo - Detroit Falcons

and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming

Grade: and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming

And that's all I have to say about that.

[2x Draft Bones - 1100 Words]

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