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5ympathies · 01-20-2020, 12:09 AM

Someone in the Team Canada disc asked for it and so I have delivered. My money has been drying up and I'm in despo need of funds so here I am again recycling the same trash I post every two months. To the ladies, I'm sorry but if I filter you out it means I make less money because I'll have less words, so you're all getting thrown in here indiscriminately. Hopefully the Anchorage locker room doesn't hate me for this.

The average male erection is not 5.5 inches like most believe, it is actually 5.1 inches. The average height for males 69.7 inches. While height doesn't correlate directly to penis length, some dude used it as an acceptable measure in his reddit post and so I will too.

Code:
Table 1: Predetermined/Assumed Variables (Erections)

Variable    Measurement (in)

Avg Height Man    69.7

Aroused Male    5.1

Code:
Table 2: Erection Percentages

Human                 Male %

Erection Percentage  7.32 %

If you're confused, all that this means is 5.1 is 7.32% of 69.7. Going forward, taking 7.32% of height will determine penis length for a player. Now this is one way for length to be measured, but it only takes height into account. Shouldn't weight factor into the calculations at all? Slowpoke decided that 0.1% of a player's weight would be added to their total erect length in order to add greater amounts of variations in the final lengths.

All of the following lengths are in inches and pounds.

This post is about newly drafted SHL players, but for ease of data entry I used the SMJHL teams they played on prior to being drafted.

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

ANA    Bale            74    207    5.4168    5.4242

ANA    C.T. Carragher    72    200    5.2704    5.2776

ANA    Grant Thurber    70    190    5.124    5.131

ANA    Rhys Pritchard    74    215    5.4168    5.4242

ANA    Strom Chamberlain 74    260    5.4168    5.4242

Anaheim Average: 5.34

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

ANC    Sergi Potvinov    74    190    5.4168    5.4242

ANC    Wishy Woo Woo    73    183    5.3436    5.3509

ANC    Shelby Schmackers 72    205    5.2704    5.2776

ANC    Ulrik Bergstrom    71    211    5.1972    5.2043

ANC    Ryan Cvitovich    74    185    5.4168    5.4242

ANC    Cyril Vyskoc    71    189    5.1972    5.2043

ANC    Casimir Blaszcyk 76    222    5.5632    5.5708

Anchorage Average: 5.35

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

CAR    Abhik Patel    77    220    5.6364    5.6441

CAR    Velveteen Dream    76    225    5.5632    5.5708

CAR    Stirling MacTavish 71    194    5.1972    5.2043

Carolina Average: 5.47

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

COL    Matthew Anderson 71    185    5.1972    5.2043

COL    Bryce Turner    71    191    5.1972    5.2043

COL    Samat Beibitzhanov 75    220    5.49    5.4975

COL    Simothy Drunkebird 66    183    4.8312    4.8378

Colorado Average: 5.19

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

DET    Guy O'Shea    75    220    5.49    5.4975

DET    Jmac NCheese    73    200    5.3436    5.3509

DET    Luke McMaster    71    190    5.1972    5.2043

DET    James Manzi    80    200    5.856    5.864

DET    Cal Labovitch    73    202    5.3436    5.3509

DET    Oleg Igorevich Burov 76    210    5.5632    5.5708

Detroit Average: 5.47

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

HAL    Stefan Alfonso    74    220    5.4168    5.4242

HAL    Braedon Crowe    72    200    5.2704    5.2776

HAL    Dank Jelly-Ouuh    75    220    5.49    5.4975

HAL    Izzy Dudemiester 74    210    5.4168    5.4242

HAL    Matthew Brundt    73    195    5.3436    5.3509

HAL    Olli Saarinen Jr 74    181    5.4168    5.4242

HAL    Simon Moreau    73    210    5.3436    5.3509

HAL    Jeffrey Santiago 70    151    5.124    5.131

Halifax Average: 5.36

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

KEL    Cillian Kavanagh 76    205    5.5632    5.5708

KEL    Todd Matthews    75    217    5.49    5.4975

KEL    Luke McSquirrelly 74    210    5.4168    5.4242

KEL    Noah Nystrom    76    230    5.5632    5.5708

KEL    Adam Scianna    74    225    5.4168    5.4242

KEL    Morgan Forestier 74    204    5.4168    5.4242

KEL    Oscar Cordero    75    208    5.49    5.4975

KEL    Theo Golury    72    190    5.2704    5.2776

Kelowna Average: 5.46

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

NEW    Ferdanand Akwuegbu 70    195    5.124    5.131

NEW    Vladimir Sergachev 71    200    5.1972    5.2043

NEW    Lucifer Morningstar 71    198    5.1972    5.2043

NEW    Thor Bergdahl    74    215    5.4168    5.4242

NEW    Riley Kuse    74    200    5.4168    5.4242

NEW    Filip Franciszek 74    189    5.4168    5.4242

NEW    SLATT Potts    71    195    5.1972    5.2043

Newfoundland Average: 5.29

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

STL    Danny Marston    74    205    5.4168    5.4242

STL    Mega Tron    76    215    5.5632    5.5708

STL    Trey Nets    73    215    5.3436    5.3509

STL    Borys Franciszek 78    228    5.7096    5.7174

STL    Jebany Franciszek 74    210    5.4168    5.4242

STL    Ryszard Franciszek 78    240    5.7096    5.7174

STL    Blake Faux    74    225    5.4168    5.4242

St. Louis Average: 5.52

Code:
Team Name Player Name    Height    Weight     Erect    Weight Adjusted

VAN    Nicholas Corrigan 71    185    5.1972    5.2043

VAN    Sven Yxskaft    71    187    5.1972    5.2043

VAN    Austin Powers    68    185    4.9776    4.9844

VAN    Sabo Tage    76    205    5.5632    5.5708

Vancouver Average: 5.24

If we're being real scientific with it, you should be cautious of the data for teams that have less rookies; specifically Carolina, Colorado, and Vancouver. Higher amounts of data would of course mean nothing because this is made up math correlating with real variables that have more made up data.

The top three teams in order of largest to smallest are:

1. St. Louis (my enemy) with 5.52 in
2. Carolina (rip Montreal)/Detroit both tied with 5.473066667 in exactly
3. Kelowna (my old stomping grounds with 5.46 in

Compared to my data from two seasons ago, Carolina dropped from first place with 6.10 inches and Detroit increased from third at 5.55 inches. St. Louis at that time was fourth lowest and Kelowna appeared to have been middle of the pack at fifth largest.

On the other end the three smallest in order of smallest to largest are:

1. Colorado with 5.19 in
2. Vancouver with 5.24 in
3. Newfoundland (rip Lethbridge) with 5.29 in

Four months ago Colorado was second with 5.77 inches, Vancouver near the middle at 5.54 and Lethbridge, now Newfoundland, was still third at 5.25 inches.

It's been a minute since I did one of these, but it's customary for me to include some sort of graph for people to look at and so I will continue with that trend.

[Image: JJYDJ2Z.png]

If you don't understand what colour goes along with what, they are in the same order as listed above.

Cool, hope you enjoy seeing this again in four months. Maybe two, depending on how my money situation is.

Code:
2x Draft Media, WC: 1266 + research?

Thanks to JSS for the signature

***sve7en*** · 01-20-2020, 12:11 AM

what

DeletedAtUserRequest · 01-20-2020, 12:13 AM

01-20-2020, 12:11 AMsve7en Wrote: what

5ympathies Is giving you the hard facts.

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***Briedaqueduc*** · 01-20-2020, 12:14 AM

Finally I've been waiting for this

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5ympathies · 01-20-2020, 12:16 AM

01-20-2020, 12:11 AMsve7en Wrote: what

money talks

Thanks to JSS for the signature

Zomp · 01-20-2020, 12:19 AM

O_o

Nerio · 01-20-2020, 02:42 AM

always thought kelowna had a real solid locker room

*Ferda* · 01-20-2020, 02:59 AM

daddy told us not to be afraid of our dicks

RedCapeDiver · 01-20-2020, 04:34 AM

Code:
COL    Simothy Drunkebird 66    183    4.8312    4.8378

At least hes not first in everything
@Esso2264

Duff101 · 01-20-2020, 05:26 AM

RIP

hey google is 2.5 inches average penis size

Credit to Geck, Ragnar and Juni for sigs

Esso2264 · 01-20-2020, 09:22 AM

01-20-2020, 04:34 AMRedCapeDiver Wrote:
Code:
COL Simothy Drunkebird 66 183 4.8312 4.8378
At least hes not first in everything
@Esso2264

For a bird thats pretty big

Vik · 01-20-2020, 10:45 AM

Wat

EricNCSU · 01-20-2020, 11:12 AM

Mega Tron living up to the name and skewing averages like a boss...

Slowpoke · 01-20-2020, 11:41 AM

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

Wallflower · 01-20-2020, 10:50 PM

my penis is nowhere near that big honored for biggst on the team though

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