Police were called to the scene of the Minnesota Chiefs locker room at about 1:20 in the morning after the zamboni driver working the overnight shift smelled what seemed like death from the locker room. Daniel Bischoff @dylanjj37 was found with a knife in his chest with a note saying the knife was stolen from Igor Volkov's laboratory. As the chemicals to preserve the body were being transported to the area, Daniel's body went missing. It was later revealed that Daniel faked his own death, using foul-smelling ketchup stolen from Igor's laboratory in a failed experiment. Daniel is alive and doing well. Igor Volkov denies any involvement, claiming that the lab was broken into. He displayed the security cameras of his lab as proof.

Daniel Bischoff is potentially facing ten days in jail with a $10,000 bail posted.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

It is DISGUSTING to think that you could spread such blatant lies. I am ashamed to know you.

Oh, I was there when it happened. You took out a knife and "stabbed yourself to death" and made it look convincing enough to where the police were called on you later.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

You were there? Do you have proof?

Dude, the team locker room. I was in there. No further proof needed.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

You might have been there but I wasn't. I see no proof.

You were. You just don't remember it because you were unconscious for most of it.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

dylan would never do such a thing

Sebastien Regazzoni || C || Hamilton Steelhawks || 1276 TPE
Birthplace: Bern, Switzerland
Height/Weight: 6'3", 200 lbs
SHL Stats
S71 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 17 A: 25 PTS: 42 +/-: -23 PIM: 32 H: 75
S72 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 28 A: 31 PTS: 59 PIMS: 55 +/-: 7 H: 89
S73 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 24 A: 33 PTS: 57 PIMS: 34 +/-: -2 H: 81
S74 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 12 A: 37 PTS: 49 PIMS: 43 +/-: -8 H: 83
S75 || HAM || GP: 66 G: 11 A: 51 PTS: 62 PIMS: 39 +/-: 22 H: 66
SHL Playoff Stats
S71 || HAM || GP: 5 G: 2 A: 1 PTS: 3 +/-: -5 PIM: 2 H: 5
S72 || HAM || GP: 5 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 0 +/-: -5 PIM: 0 H: 7
SMJHL Stats
S67 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 25 A: 21 PTS: 46 +/-: -5 PIM: 6 H: 107
S68 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 20 A: 41 PTS: 61 +/-: 5 PIM: 30 H: 138
S69 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 20 A: 33 PTS: 53 +/-: -3 PIM: 18 H: 142
S70 || ANC || GP: 66 G: 12 A: 23 PTS: 35 +/-: -54 PIM: 28 H: 78
Career SMJHL Regular Season Stats
GP: 264 G: 77 A: 118 PTS: 195 +/-: -57 PIM: 82 H: 465
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S67 || ANC || GP: 5 G: 4 A: 1 PTS: 5 +/-: -2 PIM: 0 H: 11
S68 || ANC || GP: 10 G: 4 A: 3 PTS: 7 +/-: 7 PIM: 4 H: 24
Career Milestones
Drafted 20th overall by Anchorage, S67 SMJHL Draft
Drafted 4th overall by Hamilton, S68 SHL Draft
Voted Anchorage Armada captain, S69



Mitchell van der Heijden || C || Philadelphia Forge || 925 TPE
Birthplace: Alkmaar, Netherlands
Height/Weight: 6'2", 205 lbs
SHL Stats
S54 | NOLA | GP: 50 G: 8 A: 10 PTS: 18 PIMS: 16 +/-: 0 H: 24
S55 | NEW | GP: 50 G: 15 A: 19 PTS: 34 PIMS: 14 +/-: 2 H: 70
S56 | NEW | GP: 50 G: 16 A: 11 PTS: 27 PIMS: 26 +/-: -17 H: 65
S57 | NEW | GP: 66 G: 20 A: 28 PTS: 48 PIMS: 10 +/-: -37 H: 62
S58 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 22 A: 38 PTS: 60 PIMS: 22 +/-: 25 H: 92
S59 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 21 A: 37 PTS: 58 PIMS: 29 +/-: 37 H: 101
S60 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 49 A: 50 P: 99 PIMS: 6 +/-: 14 H: 97
S61 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 30 A: 57 PTS: 87 PIMS: 10 +/-: 49 H: 122
S62 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 48 A: 38 PTS: 86 PIMS: 8 +/-: 32 H: 105
S63 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 30 A: 51 PTS: 81 PIMS: 18 +/-: 47 H: 103
S64 | HAM | GP: 66 G: 30 A: 43 PTS: 73 PIMS: 8 +/-: 9 H: 103
S65 | PHI | GP: 66 G: 13 A: 37 PTS: 50 PIMS: 20 +/-: 25 H: 134
S66 | PHI | GP: 66 G: 15 A: 24 PTS: 39 PIMS: 30 +/-: -19 H: 116
S67 | PHI | GP: 66 G: 8 A: 27 PTS: 35 PIMS: 20 +/-: 4 H: 140
Career Regular Season Stats
GP: 876 G: 325 A: 470 PTS: 795 PIMS: 237 +/-: 172 H: 1338
SHL Playoff Stats
S54 | NOLA | GP: 17 G: 7 A: 5 PTS: 12 PIMS: 4 +/-: 1
S56 | NEW | GP: 6 G: 0 A: 3 PTS: 3 PIMS: 4 +/-: -4
S57 | NEW | GP: 5 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 1 PIMS: 2 +/-: 0
S58 | HAM | GP: 19 G: 3 A: 7 PTS: 10 PIMS: 2 +/-: 2
S59 | HAM | GP: 11 G: 2 A: 5 PTS: 7 PIMS: 0 +/-: 4
S60 | HAM | GP: 10 G: 2 A: 3 PTS: 5
S61 | HAM | GP: 19 G: 9 A: 16 PTS: 25
S62 | HAM | GP: 14 G: 7 A: 12 PTS: 19
S63 | HAM | GP: 25 G: 10 A: 12 PTS: 22
S64 | HAM | GP: 17 G: 7 A: 17 PTS: 24
S65 | PHI | GP: 7 G: 4 A: 5 PTS: 9
S66 | PHI | G: 7 G: 1 A: 2 PTS: 3
S67 | PHI | GP: 7 G: 0 A: 4 PTS: 4
Total SHL Playoff Stats
GP: 172 G: 55 A: 93 PTS: 148
SMJHL Stats
S50 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 14 A: 14 PTS: 28 PIMS: 6 +/-: -1 H: 21
S51 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 20 A: 27 PTS: 47 PIMS: 17 -/+: 11 H: 15
S52 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 25 A: 28 PTS: 53 PIMS: 29 +/-: 7 H: 62
S53 | ANC | GP: 50 G: 26 A: 26 PTS: 52 PIMS: 24 +/-: 12 H: 109
Total SMJHL Reg. Season Stats
GP: 200 G: 85 A: 95 PTS: 180 PIMS: 79 +/-: 29 H: 207
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S50 | ANC | GP: 11 G: 1 A: 4 PTS: 5 PIMS: 0 +/-: -6
S51 | ANC | GP: 12 G: 5 A: 7 PTS: 12 PIMS: 2 +/-: 7
S52 | ANC | GP: 6 G: 2 A: 2 PTS: 4 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S53 | ANC | GP: 7 G: 0 A: 3 PTS: 3 PIMS: 0 +/-: -1
Total SMJHL Playoff Stats
GP: 41 G: 8 A: 16 PTS: 24 PIMS: 2 +/-: 1
Accolades
Won S51 4 Star Cup with Anchorage
Won Silver Medal with Switzerland, S51 IIHF
named best forward, S51 WJC
named to second team all SMJHL, S52
named Anchorage alternate captain, S51/S52
named Anchorage captain, S53
named first team all SMJHL, S53
won Ideen Fallah Award (SMJHL Awards Committee MVP), S53
named SMJHL All-Star, S51-S53
won S54 Challenge Cup with New Orleans
scored Challenge Cup-winning goal, S54
named New England alternate captain, S55
#15 retired by the Anchorage Armada
Challenge Cup winner with Hamilton, S58/S61/S63
SHL All-Star, S60-S63
Karpovtsov and McDonald winner, S60
Sarmad Khan winner, S60
Ron Mexico winner, S60
First Team All-SHL, S60
Gold medal winner with Switzerland, S65
Member of the Triple Gold Club
SHL Hall of Famer
Draft Things
drafted 11th by Anchorage in S50 SMJHL Draft
drafted 13th overall by New Orleans in S51 SHL Draft



Joseph Lombardi || RW || Anchorage Armada co-GM || 969 TPE
Name: Joseph Lombardi
Position: Right Wing
Birthplace: Voorhees, NJ, USA (transferred to Ireland)
Height: very short (5'3")
Weight: 145 lbs
SHL Regular Season Stats
S38 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 13 A: 9 PTS: 22 PIMS: 6 +/-: -10
S39 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 12 A: 8 PTS: 20 PIMS: 8 +/-: -10
S40 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 14 A: 15 PTS: 29 PIMS: 7 +/-: 9
S41 | MIN | GP: 50 G: 7 A: 6 PTS: 13 PIMS: 0 +/-: -3
S42 | MIN/SEA | GP: 47 G: 14 A: 20 PTS: 34 PIMS: 6 +/-: 4
S43 | SEA | GP: 50 G: 20 A: 26 PTS: 46 PIMS: 8 +/-: 5
S44 | SEA | GP: 50 G: 18 A: 17 PTS: 35 PIMS: 18 +/-: -16
S45 | SEA/TOR | GP: 50 G: 20 A: 20 PTS: 40 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S46 | TOR | GP: 50 G: 25 A: 23 PTS: 48 PIMS: 0 +/-: 0
S47 | EDM | GP: 50 G: 17 A: 23 PTS: 40 PIMS: 10 +/-: 26
S48 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 21 A: 17 PTS: 38 PIMS: 10 +/-: 5
S49 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 6 A: 20 PTS: 26 +/-: -8 PIMS: 13
S50 | SFP | GP: 50 G: 15 A: 11 PTS: 26 PIMS: 10 +/-: 15
Career Stats
GP: 647 G: 202 A: 215 PTS: 417 PIMS: 96 +/-: 14
SHL Playoff Stats
S38 | SFP | GP: 5 G: 1 A: 1 PTS: 2 PIMS: 6 +/-: -3
S39-S40 | SFP | Missed playoffs
S41 | MIN | GP: 6 G: 1 A: 2 PTS: 3 PIMS: 0 +/-: 0
S42 | SEA | missed playoffs
S43 | SEA | GP: 6 G: 0 A: 6 PTS: 6 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S44 | SEA | missed playoffs
S45 | TOR | GP: 5 G: 2 A: 2 PTS: 4 PIMS: 0 +/-: 1
S46 | TOR | GP: 7 G: 2 A: 7 PTS: 9 PIMS: 0 +/-: -1
S47 | EDM | GP: 6 G: 1 A: 1 PTS: 2 PIMS: 0 +/-: -3
S48 | SFP | GP: 6 G: 0 A: 0 PTS: 0 PIMS: 0 +/-: -4
S49 | SFP | missed playoffs
S50 | SFP | GP: 4 G: 0 A: 0 PTS: 0 PIMS: 0 +/-: 0
Career Playoff Stats 
all you need to know is that I was shit
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S35 | STL |  GP: 50 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 1 PIMS: 2 +/-: -1
S36 | STL | GP: 50 G: 10 A: 7 PTS: 17 PIMS: 4 +/-: 0
S37 | STL | GP: 44 G: 16 A: 15 PTS: 31 PIMS: 8 +/-: -4
Total Stats: GP: 144 G: 27 A: 22 PTS: 49 PIMS: 14 +/-: -5
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S35 | STL | GP: 7 G: 1 A: 0 PTS: 1 +/-: 1
S36 | STL | GP: 6 G: 2 A: 2 PTS: 4 +/-: -1
S37 | STL | GP: 13 G: 4 A: 10 PTS: 14 +/-: -3
Total Stats: GP: 26 G: 7 A: 12 PTS: 19 +/-: -3
Things I've Done
Selected 40th overall in S35 SMJHL Draft by STL
Selected 30th overall in S36 SHL Entry Draft by POR
Won some team awards with the Crows, but no cup
won Presidents Trophy with San Francisco in S38
won a silver medal with Ireland (S38)
won two bronze medals with Ireland (S39, S41)
won a shit ton of golds with Ireland (S42-47)
was traded by San Francisco to Minnesota before S41
Traded to Seattle by Minnesota before S42 Trade Deadline
traded to Toronto by Seattle before S45 trade deadline
signed a one year, $6 million contract with Edmonton
signed a one year, $4.5 million contract with San Fransisco
named Pride alternate captain for S48
won president's trophy with SFP (s50)
writes haters guides where I shit on every team

ty to @High Stick King @EvilAllBran and @Ragnar for the sigs

Or would he?

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

Dylan can't die. He still owes me $218.88 for sandwiches he ate.

Dylan can't die.  He still owes me $218.88 for sandwiches he ate.

I PAID YOU FOR THAT! And you still owe me a skate tying.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

Dylan can't die.  He still owes me $218.88 for sandwiches he ate.

I PAID YOU FOR THAT! And you still owe me a skate tying.

Fair.  See you whenever I get called up.

I PAID YOU FOR THAT! And you still owe me a skate tying.

Fair.  See you whenever I get called up.

Igor offers to meet Strom when his schedule is convenient, and maybe meet Strom prior to or just after one of his SMJHL games. He also offers that the reverse could be true, and Strom meeting Igor in Minnesota.

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)

As the chemicals to preserve the body were being transported to the area, Daniel's body went missing. It was later revealed that Daniel faked his own death, using foul-smelling ketchup stolen from Igor's laboratory in a failed experiment.

Ah, no wonder they found out. You need to use goat blood, don't they teach kids nothing at Ninja School?

Player Page - Update Page

Former Players: Yoshimitsu McCloud (LW, #64) -
Won a Four Star Cup once, knew ninjutsu, picture editors hated him, never tried free agency
Anton Harrier (LW, #90) -
Won WJC gold, liked skateboarding a lot, went to the finals with Manhattan, kept his seat glued in LR

As the chemicals to preserve the body were being transported to the area, Daniel's body went missing. It was later revealed that Daniel faked his own death, using foul-smelling ketchup stolen from Igor's laboratory in a failed experiment.

Ah, no wonder they found out. You need to use goat blood, don't they teach kids nothing at Ninja School?

Who knows!

S48 Four Star Cup Champion (Vancouver Whalers)