(word count 867.)

---

In a completely unexpected political development, the White House was subjected to a hostile takeover today from a renegade faction known as the Inactive Players Party of America.

The heretofore unknown group marched on the White House today and, finding it surprisingly bereft of any sort of security personnel for some unknown reason, just sorta marched in and took everything over, throwing various people out of windows and raising a banner of party leader Cleo Green on top of the House, before doing wheel snipe cellies on the White House lawn in front of a joyous crowd.

"We're broke, we're mad as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore!" said new American Secretary of Defense Mark Stewart, while absentmindedly adjusting his diamond-encrusted platinum Challenge Cup ring on his middle finger.

The reason for the party's sudden uprising and forcible entry into American politics appears to be related to the welfare of various people termed "inactive free agents" by the Simulation Hockey League. A large group of said players found their employment terminated going into the league's 53rd season due to changes in roster rules set forth by the Head Office. The decimation of what was said by some to be a $80 million gravy train led to the inactives taking to the streets in protest. Finding much support amongst the downtrodden in American society, they formed an official political party with lightning speed, electing veteran San Francisco Pride forward Cleo Green as its first-ever leader.

The original plan was to enter as an independent party in the upcoming 2020 federal elections, however, the more hysterical and aggressive members of the party demanded quicker action, and led the fateful uprising into the White House grounds. Now that they've succeeded, its expected that Cleo Green will be forcibly elected "President-For-Life", and will lead American efforts to bring their brand of justice to the SHL.

Various members of the party made themselves available for interviews detailing specific issues they've had with the SHL over the years. Former Tampa Bay Barracuda defenseman Michael Owens broke down in tears talking about his time in the league, where he was paid $500,000 a season, a sum, Owens noted, that was barely enough to cover the mortgage in his beachfront 8 bedroom property in Tampa, let alone decent food. Owens also got emotional when he talked about the traditional Barracuda hazing ritual, which was said to involve a full body shave, a spraydown of the genitals with pure capsacin, and being forced to play "Pin The Tail on the Seattle Rioter" while blindfolded. When confronted with the veracity of his financial claims, including proof that Owens had a sum of 5.5 million dollars tucked away in a secret Swiss bank account, Owens shrieked like a banshee and accused the reporter of being a biased agent of Tampa Bay's front office, before throwing a string of weak-ass punches at everyone within hittin' distance.

Former New Orleans Specters forward Chuck Bernstein also broke down crying when retelling a story of how he was forced into a cold room by New Orleans Specters personnel, in order to create Challenge Cup merchandise for the team for free as part of his "team duties". After the Specters loss to Buffalo in the Cup finals, said merchandise was shipped off to Africa, in order to be donated to  starving children that are only slightly less destitute than the average inactive.

Some inactives weren't even "lucky" enough to make a roster and experience such treatment. Enforcer Big Mean Cole told gathered reporters about his treatment in the world of hockey, being rejected in both the SHL and SMJHL drafts despite his physical gifts. Cole put it down to discrimination.

"ITS CLEAR THAT THE SHL IS DISCRIMINATORY AGAINST PSYCHOPATHIC PEOPLE WITH AGGRESSIVE TENDENCIES AND A HISTORY OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOUR AND STEROID USE!" screamed Cole. "I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN THIS WAY, I JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT WHEN I HAD THAT ENFORCER LABEL PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD AT BIRTH! I AM A HUMAN BEING JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, AND I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH SOME RESPECT AROUND HERE!"

When asked for further clarification on his remarks, Cole proceeded to break our reporter's neck, stomped them into the dirt, and flew into a red-faced rage involving a lot of spittle, before being tranquilized and hauled off by federal medical personnel.

After the formalities of the hostile takeover were completed in surprisingly quick fashion, President-For-Life Cleo Green stepped out to address a crowd of 3 million** onlookers with his inauguration address. Green promised the onlooking inactives that they would one day drink from the river of prosperity, fuelling speculation that the National Guard will be paying a visit to the property of Luke Thomason to get said river drinking water. Various iconic past SHL stars (known as "actives") were then hung in effigy as the crowd cheered.

*-not actually 3 million, probably like 300000 or something lol

It is unknown what the SHL's response to the current crisis will be, other than blaming Head Office for everything as usual.

Agent of Nick Brain: Center/Right Winger - Winnipeg Aurora
Agent of John Torrance: Advisor to the General Manager - Winnipeg Aurora
Agent of Anatoli Terrorov: Head Coach - Colorado Raptors

Nick Brain Player Profile: http://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=91326
Nick Brain Update Thread: http://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=91332

Patrick perry Jr