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*CementHands* · 04-14-2020, 02:34 PM

During the isolation it is no secret that Karl enjoys parading around the house in nothing at all. It wasn't a surprise when he showed up on the video chat with WKP management wearing nothing but a leopard pattern thong, and a pair of cowboy boots. What was surprising was an extraordinary look of weight gain. He must have been 20 lbs over playing weight!
Following up on the off season meeting, management imposed a strict workout routine where he had to stream his workouts for them to watch, because he was clearly lying to their faces when he claimed to be keeping up with the workouts.
Much to their horror Karl figured out that he could open up his stream to the masses, and they would pay him tips to do things such as doing a handstand, putting a shoe on his head, or eating a banana in a single gulp.

It was around this time management thought it would probably be better for humanity if they let Karl slim down in peace and trust he would be at weight at the start of camp.

*slothfacekilla* · 04-14-2020, 04:19 PM

Unfortunately for me my pet Roomba, Rupert, has been barging into my room while I am on my video conferences with my teammates. Even if I close and lock my bedroom door he is able to get in somehow. Often times I will not even notice that he has crept into my room because I have to pay very close attention to the meetings (I have a tough time focusing while not in an actual room with my coaches and teammates). Then all of a sudden... bam! Rupert is knocking into crap in my room and making all sorts of noise to disturb me and my teammates. Sometimes he will cruise by in the frame behind me and play silly songs as a sort of video bomb. Sometimes the coaches laugh but I can tell they are getting sick of him crashing our meetings. I do think they are amused when he scares me though. Some of my teammates have even taken to photoshopping roombas into their meeting backgrounds as a joke. I am glad that they are finding it amusing at least!

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reid · 04-14-2020, 05:30 PM

Given the stay at home orders over the last while, zoom and teams meetings have been the Falcon's go to. At least twice a week, we have a team wide call where our GM @notorioustig cries and tells us everything that is bothering him, because he is so fragile. We are there to support him obviously, because that is what friends are for. Most of the other shenanigans that happen in our calls are Burlock picking his nose with the camera still on, or Zoltan trying to hypnotize us with his funky cult. Occasionally someone will do that annoying thing where they leave their mic unmuted so that every time they breathe or their dog barks in the background their camera pops up and we see them staring into the camera unknowingly. I have had to turn my volume down due to all the SKREEing that goes along with a 24-2-2 start though, as the girlfriend has been annoyed! [160 words] Falcons

Nokazoa · 04-15-2020, 12:45 AM

Jerppu · 04-15-2020, 09:13 AM

We had a interesting video call with the Raptors players and staff. Everything went well until someone managed to figure out that the video call was not set to private. After couple of minutes we had people coming in left and right. Our video call link was leaked and put on Twitter so hundreds of fans came pouring in and it was just a shit show after that. Just imagine multiple people shouting on top of each other wanting a few seconds of fame. Some of them just shouted "Go Dinogang!" and some advertised their social media accounts and some tried to get under our skins with their opinions about our team and the season so far and how should we trade and/or fire from the team. Mostly positive though. It was a pretty funny accident after all, nobody took it too seriously but I'm sure next time we schedule a video meeting the makes sure it is a private session.

Mika_Kandinsky · 04-15-2020, 10:21 AM

Video conferencing is all the rage these days. In the before times, no one really cared that you could video call your friend whenever you wanted to, but now it is becoming an essential tool to stay connected with friends and families. With this new trend of using video conferencing, there are sure to be a few slip ups and faux pas that one might not think of when using the services. For instance, it's not uncommon for someone to jump into the call and have a ton of background noise going on in their surrounding, which causes everyone else on the call to start a feedback loop because no one really understands that you have to have earbuds in so your mic doesn't pickup the incoming audio and feed it back into the loop. Then sometimes you'll get into a call and be chatting and all of a sudden your teammate on the other end (@ml002) will get up and completely forget that they weren't wearing any pants on that particular day, so you end up getting a good eyeful. In general, the team is pretty young and understands the technology well, but communicating with your parents all the way in Russia is pretty difficult. They don't realize they shouldn't just call at any time of the day. Where before with regular calls people were able to understand boundaries, but now with video call, it seems those have gone out the window.

The other day I was doing my morning workout when my parents decided to video call. So I answered to see what they wanted. Well they made the call, put the device down and then forgot they had called. So it was just a stream of them watching TV. I tried getting their attention but they couldn't hear me. I thought it was pretty funny so I left it on for a while. I guess it was good to see them. Then in the middle of that, @Carpy48 gave me a call so I answered that. He just wanted to chat about his morning coffee and he was still drunk from the night before. So, you know, it's interesting times for sure.

C9Van · 04-15-2020, 11:45 AM

Well, this is a little embarassing to say the least but Jon Forty-One on a conference call accidentally had a lot of the followers in the cult he is in walk in the background of his Edmonton mansion and a couple of them had blood on the robes they were wearing.

In the cult he is a part of you have the chosen children which will have a name like Jon does as Mr. Forty-One which is a highly limited position but anyone can be a follower. Those are mainly helpers and devoted people and unfortunately they were caught on camera clearly...Working on the meat to give the the local butcher shop he is not all that far from. Yeah. Totally.

Luckily the Blizzard faithful did not comment about it nor ever bring it up again cause Jon is already not a pleasant person to deal with when he is pissed off so you can only imagine in other more serious cases.

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*NorwegianDemon* · 04-15-2020, 11:59 AM

Every week, the team trainer holds training session where all we need is a single yoga mat. Everyone needs to film themselves so the trainer can correct their positioning if he needs too. Since a lot of my teammates have pets or young children, a lot of funny situations ensued. Two of my teammates had their dog getting under them while they were doing push-ups. Another one had his cat climbs on him while we were doing the plank. We also had a toddler who came running into the screen of another teammate where he was followed by the family dog and his mom who finally grab him and got him out of sight. Another day, we had a team meeting where we look at video sequence from our recent games. Everyone was well dress with most of the player wearing shirt, until one of my teammates adds to get up to get something to drink and we saw that all he was wearing was a shirt with his underwear letting to a burst of laughs from everyone.
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BarnabasCollins · 04-15-2020, 12:08 PM

Kata Vilde was hanging out with the boys these past few Friday nights playing poker on Poker Stars. We had quite a cast in there with Mike Izzy, Slappy McDoodle, Lil Manious and others. The evening primarily consisted of all of us busting the stones of Esa Parmborg. Turns out the Parmborg isn't all that good at poker and he's typically the first one out at the tournaments. He has also been called onto the carpet for his eating habits and habit of typically wearing half of what he eats. It's been quite a fun time with the winner getting to name the next tournament and decide the next food trophy that will be given to the winner. Vilde is the only multiple time winner, having won the tournament on two occasions. It's all in good fun with alot of ball busting and some silly last few hands where all the cautious folks go all in at the last couple hands trying to snag the prestigious trophies.

JT3 · 04-15-2020, 02:52 PM

Panthers had a video call the other night and I was disgusted by some of the acts of Theo Morgan. While on the video call dude straight up showed himself pissing in the shower like the absolute mongrel that he is. Leblanc, Winter and I being the enlightened folk of the team told him he was an idiot and don't understand why he wouldn't just pee in the toilet. He said to 'save water'. Nah dude you're just nasty.

Anyways, the boys have just been chilling and playing some fun games over video chat like Cards Against Humanity and Jackbox. I usually win cause I am the best. McZ's answers usually always consist of something to do with BALLS. Winter always give's some long drawn out response that are never funny. Dayudie always includes those frog emojis with all of his answers. So yeah nothing has really changed since the quarantine other than being on video chat instead of in person.

Credits to OrbitingDeath, Tweedle, Incite, Wasty, and Slothfacekilla for sigs!

Player Profile | Update Page

ml002 · 04-15-2020, 05:09 PM

The St. Louis locker room has been in good spirits since the quarantine started, and a lot of that is helped by modern technology, but that hasn't stopped the team from pulling its usual antics with each other and with the front office staff. The boys are always trying to get each other to click links that go to places no person should, and to see things that no one should either. But to the matter at hand, the boys always game together on Saturday nights, as we all know Saturdays are for the boys, and were deep into a session of COD Warzone, when Zapo had to use the restroom so they took a break to wait for him to get back, but he forgot to turn off his camera before he left. Zapo had forgotten his webcam had enough of a view of the bathroom to see the toilet, everyone on the call got a good look at Zapo's bare ass. It was dead silent in the call when he got back until Lizard said, "Gettin a little pasty on the backside there eh Zaps?", and everyone burst out laughing.

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
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mxman991 · 04-15-2020, 05:19 PM

If you have your webcam on, don't forget. That is what Al Kayhall learned while on a team call last week. Mid way into talking about strategy for beating Anchorage Al decided that he was bored. I mean, the strategy is almost always, score and prevent them from scoring. The rest are minor details. So growing bored he decided to start looking up something he heard Thicc talking about a few weeks in the past from a standup on Netflix he saw. He started googling "Do dolphins fuck humans?". This would not have been a problem really, if it were not for three things. 1. Al has a mirror behind his desk in his library where he normally takes his calls. 2. His camera is disconnected from his computer, and is actually slightly to the side, so if you look carefully, you can see what is on his screen. 3. Al does not much like reading and prefers seeing pictures if he can avoid reading. These three things led to Thicc seeing what Al was googling and loudly laughing and saying see Al! Dolphins fuck Humans all the time bro! The strategy session ended up breaking down. Anchorage won.

LordBirdman · 04-15-2020, 07:24 PM

To help kill the time over the past month, Sven has been hosting team workout classes via video. The classes are based off of prison workouts that Sven learned in Swedish juvenile detention. Many are probably unaware of this fact due to Sweden’s general reputation for social justice and high standards of living, but Swedish juvenile detention halls are plagued by gang violence, drug abuse, and systematic corruption. Under this intense pressure, Sven emerged hardened and beautiful... like the diamond in the rough so many believe him to be. While serving his time from age 11-13, Sven learned to perform excruciating full-body workouts in his 7x7ft. cell.

[Image: Security_prisontower-157414889.jpg]

[Image: Security_prisontower-157414889.jpg]

King Carl Youth Rehabilitation Center. Jokkmokk, Sweden.

Today, Sven uses his prison training regimen to help the Colorado Raptors stay in shape during the quarantine. The workout includes push ups, sit ups, squat jumps, and toilet wine. Toilet wine is optional but when brewed with protein powder makes an excellent prison workout shake. In fact, Sven doesn’t do modern weight training under normal conditions. He sticks to his prison workouts and toilet wine workout shakes and really focuses on training his hockey skills. Maybe that's why he sucks this year.

Blastmeaway · 04-15-2020, 08:33 PM

In a recent video conference that Czech Management was holding, regarding the status of the upcoming S53 Tournament. Due to the current ongoing pandemic in other parts of the world the Czechia Federation announced to the team that this season would be a new sheet of ice. @efiug, who tuned in too early, or maybe too late doing some weird bat like shit. When we confronted him and asked him about it he claimed he was "Practicing for a play down at the Blanford Recreation Center."

@ImShiny was the first one to hop on the 'e' train as we continued to try and hold a meeting while ignoring efiug. After the initial recap notes about Marbles, Battle Training, and Kids Hockey, we were able to get down to the meat of our meeting. By the time things were wrapping up the boys were telling each other to inhale pee and all the other meme bullshit that goes around was just like normal.

Shout out to ml002, schultzy, slashacm, tedward!
[Image: blastmeaway.gif]

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09-05-2018, 10:04 PMBeaver Wrote: Wow look what the PT affiliation has done to our pristine league.

12-19-2018, 12:31 AMBeaver Wrote: I personally blame the PT affiliation for handing out massive amounts of free TPE to all these players, inflating the TPE they're at when they get called up.

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***hhh81*** · 04-15-2020, 09:42 PM

Darrow hasn’t particularly found any of it funny, but his teammates are having a riot. As part of some forced team bonding, the Buffalo Stampede have initiated a regular Jackbox game night, streamed through Google Hangouts. While he’s gone from relative unknown young Euro to one of the best players in the world, Darrow still retains his aversion to technology. Last week captain Monkey D. Luffy noticed Darrow hadn’t signed in and asked teammate Alexander Selich to drive over to Darrow’s apartment and get him into the Jackbox room (as he hadn’t returned any of the team’s calls). Selich banged on the door and explained to Darrow—through the door—how to log into Jackbox and Google Hangouts with the team. Once inside, Darrow played the games, losing Quiplash and Drawful to hilarious results. He did nearly win Trivia Murder Party, but Cedric Robinson pulled out the win in the end. Augustus Wang and Aron Hernadivic’s trash talk failed to affect the unflappable laggard, Darrow.

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