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*Toast* · 05-14-2020, 09:21 PM

TASK 1

It is the first post-season home game for the Newfoundland Berserkers and to celebrate the occasion the first 3000 fans in attendance will take home a figure of either of the team's mascots, Ty or Tez! There will be 1500 of each figure available and distribution will be random. Make sure you get to the game early as these will go fast! Both figures come in a Berserkers jersey and have a voice-box to yell "IT'S A F'ING BENCH!" whenever you want! Doors will open for the game at 6 p.m.. While quantities last.

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TASK 2

It's hard to say if the overall result of the first round would have been much different. Let's say it was Newfoundland/Detroit, Carolina/St. Louis, Anaheim/Kelowna and Colorado/Anchorage. I feel like we would still see Detroit and St. Louis advance and we see a change in the West with the second round matchup taking place in the first round. I still see Kelowna advancing as they did and Anchorage joining them. Overall, the changes here wouldn't effect the eventual Four Star Cup winners much, but it's hard to argue that this wouldn't be easier. I doubt we have two series that go to seven games meaning that the playoffs would advance more quickly. Regardless though I still see the Falcons making the full run no matter what changes would be made. I'd love a version of the post season where the Berkserkers win it all though.

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TASK 3
In this post-season comparison we are going to be comparing the rookie defense pairing in Newfoundland of Jack Klompus and PBJ Souppan to see how they fared in their first post-season.

Jack Klompus - Klompus had a fantastic game 6 against the Scarecrows where he managed to find the back of the net twice. The offensive defenseman would end the series with 5 points and a +2 rating, showing much better numbers than he did in the regular season. Klompus' 65 overall game rating places him in the top five for the team but he did have trouble keeping the puck, turning it over five times on the Berserkers.

PBJ Souppan - Soupy ends the series also with the +2 being on the same pairing. Soup could not get a tally on the board but does end with three assists. Souppan contributed big on the defensive side of the game as well, finishing the series with four takeaways and 10 massive hits.

Overall these two seem to still be developing their play and this duo will be feared for the next few seasons in Newfoundland.

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TASK 4
In a fight between a Falcon and Knight I will be siding with the knight. While the Falcon does have the advantage of flying and talons, I really can't see anything being able to match against a damn sword. The knight may be slow trying to keep up with his winged enemy, but one proper swing would be all that's needed to end this fight in dramatic fashion. Also the armour will protect the knight nicely. To even this fight we'll strip the knight of his armour and sword but give him wings and claws. The falcon has a much better chance in this scenario and provides us with one of the most exciting fights ever seen!

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TASK 5
It has been a long wait since the Berserkers were eliminated in round one. I have been pretty busy as I have bought my first house and have been working on moving everything into there. I'm lazy and still have boxes everywhere and things to unpack but I'll eventually get all that done. I'm quite looking forward to Saturday's draft as well and I'm looking forward to seeing what my SHL home is going to be. We also have the Juniors starting up and the IIHF tournament to keep us occupied. I'm hoping that the off-season isn't going to be long and we can get started on building the Berserkers into the biggest powerhouse that the SMJHL has ever seen. The team has the first-overall pick so it'll be exciting to see who is joining the squad. Until then I'm going to be doing my best to update Klompus to the TPE cap to make sure he has the best possible sophomore season.

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Skeleton Party · 05-14-2020, 11:33 PM

Task #1 - I'd have a rally towel created that says "Hope the Draft Pick is OK" mailed to all of our depressed fans while they sit at home probably doing meth or something. It would be light brown on dark brown because most of them are probably just going to wipe with it and then throw it in the garbage. After we broke their spirits with a race to the shitter at season’s end, we totally deserve it. I can hand-deliver the towels, and probably could have started handing them out during the last two weeks of the season since I sure as shit wasn’t playing goal.

Task #2 - Let me start off by saying that ultimately, none of it matters, because there’s no chance in the world that the Falcons don’t take home the Cup. In the East, it would not matter, because the Scarecrows and the Falcons are head and shoulders above the other Eastern teams. The Kraken and ‘Zerkers’ amazing goaltending is no match for either, so round 2 is a given St. Louis v Detroit. The West is a little more interesting. Anchorage Armada versus the Colorado Raptors is still a given, asshole boat team will win 11/10 times with that matchup. Knights are powerful, but the Outlaws were streaking pretty hard the last bit of the year there, and they have the firepower to steal a series. Realistically, this is the only change in matchup that I could see making things any closer or changing the teams who make their way to the finals.

Task #3 -
Is Scoochie Stratton’s Magnetic Bracelet a Performance Enhancing Device?

The SMJHL is all abuzz with the revelation that Anchorage Armada rookie goaltender Scoochie Stratton has been using a magnetic bracelet for the better part of the season. The SMJHL Competition Committee has been notified but will not comment, leading us to speculate how much the use of this foreign device will impact the outcome of the Anchorage/Anaheim series. When asked about it directly, Scoochie said that “we just got that there QVC up in the Alaskan Wastes, and they would deliver by sled dog. The ad said it would help my circulation so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try it out.” In this honest, non-biased reporter’s opinion, improving circulation seems like a performance enhancer. Unfortunately, we may not get to see how much of an impact this has, as Anchorage is scheduled to completely demolish the Outlaws in round one. We may need to wait until the matchup with the Knights to see if it has any impact. You can bet we’ll be there to give you all the latest.

Task #4 - A Falcon versus a Knight would be an overwhelming victory for the falcon, no ifs, ands, or buts. Here comes Mr. Knight, prancing around on his horse. Here comes Mr. Falcon, dive-bombing out of the sky at 242mph. I don’t care what you are wearing, you are going to get knocked on your ass by a glancing blow, and you are going to suffer more with any hit that makes its way through your armor. You have no chance to evade something flying 355 feet per second at you out of the sky. Once the falcon has made its attack, it can just soar back up and get ready for another assault, impervious to anything that the knight could do. Then, when the knight was looking up, trying to defend the next attack, another knight would probably kill him while he wasn’t looking, or he’d die of bubonic plague or something like that.

Task #5 - First thing I’m focused on is getting sexy and powerful for the WJC. I’m playing for Team World this year, and it is super exciting. I’m getting to meet lots of great people and I’m really excited to try and medal. I know it’s an uphill climb but I’m going to do my best.

I really feel lost when it comes to where I want to go for the SHL. I’m kind of just taking it a day at a time and answering anyone who comes knocking, trying to let them know who I am and what I’m all about. I’m sure that the GMs know better than I do where I’m going to make an impact, so I’m just going to see where I land.

Lastly, I’m working on hard to returning to form so that I can backstop Vancouver like I did in the early season. I want to steal games again and be the guy they can depend on. That last bit of the season really bummed me out, and I’m out to prove that was just a fluke.

Frick_Nasty · 05-15-2020, 03:15 AM

1. For whatever reason, the Anchorage Armada let Bork Lazer be in charge of the playoff game fan item giveaway. So, Bork Lazer got together with the crew and made a special sign. The one where it has two handles and when you pull on the handles it displays a message on the inside. Well Bork Lazer thought it was a great idea to put a message on the inside that say No Simps. This is to make it where the team will know they are not Simps and will not sit back and let the other team come into their home arena and dominate them and have control, but rather the away team is the simps and we have nothing to do with them.

2. Honestly, I think if the Anchorage Armada and the Kelowna Knights were flip flopped the Anchorage Armada would have made the playoffs. I think the Armada would have beat the Colorado Raptors with ease as well. Having that time to rest and take on whoever it is whether it is the Kelowna Knights or the Anaheim Outlaws we would win that series being way more rested. I think even if we played the Anaheim Outlaws again, we would beat them this time around. I do not think they were the better team. In fact, I totally believe they just had the luck of the draw from the sim this time around. I look forward to next season when we play them again because I fully intend on beating every single of them to a pulp. Also, their goal horn is annoying as hell and very stupid. 99/100 times we crash any team put in our way just happened to have that 1 time.
3. PBE affiliate

4. Who would win in a fight a falcon or a knight? Hear me out but I think the falcon would win this fight. If you have a dude in full chain mail armor and a sword trying to attack a flying falcon, they are not going to be able to hit the agile falcon. I am sorry but I do not think a knight would have the dexterity to land a hit. I think given enough time the falcon will be able to get its talons into the eye holes of the knights helmet and gouge them out leaving the knight blind and bleeding from the attack. I think the knight will succumb to the wounds and die a slow and painful death.
5. What is Bork Lazer doing to prepare for the Simulating Hockey League season 54 draft? Bork Lazer is currently training and playing for the world junior cup united states team. There was some confusion as He though he was going to go train with Germany but the league forbids him because they did not want to risk Bork Lazer impregnating the entire female population in Germany. They would not be able to resist his Chad like charm. Bork Lazer is instead smashing American folk who use proper contraceptive. He is also smashing fools on the ice as well. When not with the junior united states team Bork Lazer returns to his home in anchorage where he parties with his fellow previously rookie teammates and pound beers and workout. Bork does not condone lifting heavy weights while intoxicate but Bork Lazer is not a normal human being and can do whatever the fuck he pleases.

CrazyMojito · 05-15-2020, 04:54 PM

Task #1 – Create a fan giveaway item to be handed out at one of your team’s playoff games (can be a rally towel, foam finger, bobble head, etc.

When I think of playoff giveaways, I always think of rally towels and that’s just what Maine is going to be giving away during their first home appearance of their made up playoff run. Just imagine the arena filled with drunk fans (Mainers love to drink) and they are all whirling their towels, spilling beer, smacking each other, all the while not giving a shit cause they are cheering us Timber on. The towels would be brownish gold and inscribed with “I BLEED SAP” using the lighter green team colour. Our logo would be featured prominently underneath the text. And because Mainers like to drink, there will be a small QR code that can be scanned to redeem one free beer. The louder and drunker the better.

Task #4 – Who would win in a fight between an actual falcon and a knight? All Variables for said fight are up to your discretion.

I cannot think of any scenario where a bird could possibly defeat a man inside of his steel plated armour. I mean what chance does this falcon have against a man trained in war. How is a falcon going to find this knight’s weak spot and critically injure him? A knight has an assortment of weapons at his disposal and what does a falcon have? Speed, talons, a beak? The only way a falcon is going to defeat a knight is using the element of surprise and catching the knight when he isn’t garbed in armor, but that would be a bitch move.

Task #5 – It’s officially the offseason. Whether you just won the cup or didn’t make the playoffs, it’s time to take a break and look toward the SHL draft. Tell us how you’re spending your time.

After what I would say was a disappointing end to Maine’s season, I have been taking the chance to take a step back and regroup. I feel that maybe if I put in a little more effort into my training, maybe Maine’s fortunes would have been different. I am making sure I dedicate more time to getting better through training and want to focus on increasing my bank account to help my talent grow. As exciting as the SHL draft is, it’s not realistic for me to make the jump for a few seasons yet. Right now my focus is on helping Maine make the playoffs. When I am not training I am watching all seven seasons of Paw Patrol, as many Disney kids movies as possible which means two. Frozen and Frozen II. I am enjoying tea parties, and playing ponies. My days also include playing with Play-doh, trying to colour in between the lines, and building abstract towers with Mega Blocks.

Jericson · 05-15-2020, 10:20 PM

1. Against their better judgement, the St. Louis Scarecrows decided to let rookie defenseman Elwulf Jericson design a fan giveaway item for the second round. Working with the fan experience department, Jericson designed a bobble head to be given away during the first home game of the second round. This bobblehead featured a scarecrow upon his perch cradling what appeared to be a dead bird. When the figurine was shaken, a faint bird cry could be heard along with an eerie laugh. It was determined by the front office that this was too scary to be an actual giveaway and the team quickly put together red and gold rally towels with the words "No Birds Allowed" printed in black on them. Nobody knows what happened to the bobbleheads.
2. The only way that the first two rounds could have ended up differently was if Detroit and St. Louis played each other in the first round instead of the second round. Given the eventual outcome of all 3 series, a first round matchup of Detroit and St. Louis could have changed the entire playoffs. Newfoundland would have easily advanced to the second round while Detroit and St. Louis battled it out to 7 games. With a better rested goalie, St. Louis could have taken game 7 and advanced to face Newfoundland in the semi finals with the possibility to advance to the finals. However, had Detroit beaten St. Louis in round 1, they would have gone on to face, and eventually beat, Newfoundland in 5 games. Entering into the playoffs, Newfoundland was on a downward swing that a round 1 victory would have only temporarily set aside. They would then collapse against Detroit taking game 1 and then losing the next 4.
3.

4. Let's start with some basic information and assumptions. First, the falcon in question will be a full grown male Peregrine Falcon. These animals measure in at a maximum of 23 inches, 2.2 lbs with a wingspan of 3.9 feet. What sets these birds apart though is their maximum flight (diving) speed of 240 mph, making them the fastest bird and fastest animal. Now, compare that to a medieval knight. A knight was typically a high-born male raised in military environments. As such, they were trained in many things including swordsmanship, horse riding, and chivalry. As such, they were typically given a sword, armor, and lands to steward over. Now, if we put a falcon against a knight we can come to a very quick conclusion, and that is that no matter how fast the falcon is, it has no way of mortally wounding the knight. Even if we strip the knight of all armor, a falcon simply doesn't have the means to mortally wound a human. Injure yes, but not kill.

5. Unfortunately, we had an early exit from the post-season. It was a disappointing end and was bittersweet considering the number of players most likely being called up to the SHL next season. Even so, it was time to move towards the next season. After exit interviews with the organization and determining off-season goals, Elwulf went home to prepare for the upcoming SHL draft. Ever since being eliminated, he has received a few phone calls from scouts asking about his personality and drive. As the draft draws ever nearer, he just waits patiently at his childhood home in Maine for the day that draft begins. Not a whole lot has changed at home so he continues to help out the family in anyway he can. Primarily doing lots of work around the house to help get things in order for the upcoming tourist season. That was a dreadful time but it was a necessity for the state's economy. His family always prepared lots of knickknacks to sell at local shops so he spent his time cutting wood. The draft couldn't come soon enough.

Cobbenstein · 05-16-2020, 09:22 AM

1. At the Maine Timber’s first playoff game we would give out flannel shirts with the teams logo on the lapel. You have heard of a white out or a black out for the crowd at a playoff game, but the Timber will have a lumberjack out. The flannel will be red and black, have 1 chest pocket and a small Timber logo. Whatever team we play will have to come out onto the ice and realize that they are surrounded by a fired up, rowdy, unified crowd of lumberjacks who are ready to chop the legs out from under their playoff hopes.

2. I do not think that the playoffs would have played out differently with different matchups. The Detroit Falcons were a powerhouse this whole season and I do not think that anyone would have been able to stop them. I suppose the number of games won and loss may have changed throughout the various series, but the Falcons were too good to stop. I also do not think that the matchups on the other side of the bracket would have changed anything either. Kelowna was just too hot going into the playoffs. The semi final may have changed depending on the early matchups. We could have ended up with an Armada versus Kelowna semi had they not been eliminated earlier, but I think that Kelowna would have prevailed no matter who they faced. So to me it feels liked this Kelowna versus Detroit final was inevitable. They were the two best teams.

3. The two teams in the Four Star Cup Finals are both fantastic teams in their own rights, but they could not be more different in their pre-game prep. We will start by discussing the Kelowna Knight who have a much more normal prep. They go through the motions you would expect an average hockey team late in the playoffs to do. Little superstitions like wearing the same pairs of lucky socks that they feel may have helped them win the previous game, not shaving their playoff beards, or always doing the same routine as they hit the ice for the pre-game warm ups. On the other side of the ice though, the Detroit Falcons have a much different pre-game ritual. The whole team comes out onto the ice and before any pucks are dropped or any warm ups occur, they form into a big circle. This circle includes every player on the roster and their entire coaching staff. They then break out into this cacophonous, slow building skree like noise. In these so-called “Skree-Circles” they just stare into the center like they are trying to perform some sort of actual ritual. The whole thing is off putting to see live, but they have been a very strong team this year, so maybe there is something to it.

4. There is a lot of things to consider when knight and falcon fight. Things like, what kind of weapon does the knight have? How big is the hawk? Okay, I said a lot of things, but those are really the only two I can think of. If the knight is a trained bowman then it will make quick work of a falcon. If the knight has a sword though, it will still be able to kill the falcon, but its much much harder. As for the falcon, well its best shot is to fly away because falcons do not really people as a rule of thumb. Even bare handed if the knight can catch the falcon, the knight will win. So really there is not much to consider in this fight I suppose. The only time it does not end in favor of the knight is when it is on the ice. While falcons are not known for their skating, they will beat knights at hockey.

5. This off season I decided to stay in the Maine area. I want to get a chance to not only explore and get to know the area better, but I want to keep training with our staff at the Timber facilities. There are quite a few things I want to work on in my game this off season and I figured that sticking around in Maine was the best way to do it. I like to go on early morning runs on the hiking paths outside of town and then stop at this little diner downtown for breakfast before I head to the rink to work on my skating. I run all the usual skating drills and then I start work on my puck handling. Puck handling is one of the biggest things I want to work on this off season. After I finish my on ice workout, I get some lunch, and then hit the gym to work on my strength and conditioning. After that I either take the rest of the afternoon off or I try to watch some video. I wanted to keep a fairly steady routine to what we do during the regular season and keep working hard.

peej2189 · 05-16-2020, 04:10 PM

Task #1 - Create a fan giveaway item to be handed out at one of your team's playoff games (can be a rally towel, foam finger, bobble head, etc.)
Requirements:
- WRITTEN: Write a 100 word blurb about the item, including details on the game where the item will be given out.
- GRAPHIC: Include a picture of the item and at least one SMJHL logo; must look like you at least kinda tried.

You better believe it, a bobble head of the best goalie in the league! Frans Eller can soon be yours if you get a ticket to the game! Dressed in our beautiful alternate jersey with his insane mask on top of his head. This bobble head can be won by 100 of those who buy a ticket! After the first goal has been scored in the game there will be a drawing of random seat numbers in the arena. If you are in that 100 you will receive the bobble head shortly after!

Task #2 - How would round 1 have gone down if the team matchups had been different? Which teams would be advancing to round 2? Would it have been more evenly matched? Less?
Requirements: 150+ words.

We here at Carolina got swept pretty easily by the insane Falcons, however I think if we got matched up against Newfoundland we might have been able to get into round 2. Detroit still would have beaten St. Louis just like they did in round 2. Now in the other side of the bracket, if you get Anchorage and Kelowna against each other it might have been an upset for the knights. With Anaheim and the Raptors I think it would have been a pretty handy sweep from Anaheim though. Detroit would still have been moving into the finals and crushing whoever they faced, an absolutely stacked team this season.

Task #3 - Write a magazine style article or make a magazine cover featuring a player comparison from any series matchup. You can compare player stats, etc. or get creative and compare their pregame superstitions or whatever.
Requirements:
- WRITTEN: 150+ words.
- GRAPHIC: Team logos and player renders plus an article blurb or tagline.

ELLER VS. JOBIN
A match-up of the ages, two fantastic goalies go head to head in this one-sided round 1 series. Eller this season in 40 games went 16-21-3 with a save percentage of .920, an absolutely astonishing number. It is clear that Eller is in that elite group of fantastic goalies. While Jobin was sitting pretty this year with 33 games going 26-5-2. Just based of the wins, it seems like Jobin is the clear winner for keeping the puck out of his net, but looking at the other statistics it is clear that Eller has worked his ass off. Jobin is lucky to have an older group surrounding him, this allows him to make those saves when they are critical for the win. Eller on the other hand is dealing with a very young group of players. He is the anchor for this Carolina team. It will be interesting to see how these two play out through this series. Will Eller's outstanding ability be able to stop the Falcons from getting goals? Or will Jobins ability at making saves when it counts drop the Kraken out of this playoff?

Task #4 - Who would win in a fight between an actual falcon and a knight? All variables for said fight are up to your discretion.
Requirements: 100+ words.

Well I think this depends a lot on the type of helmet the knight is wearing. If it a more closed face helmet like the knights logo... That falcon is gonna get chopped. However, if you get a knight that has lighter armor, that falcon might be able to find some holes that it can cause massive damage. At the end of the day though, 99% of the time that knight is going to take their weapon and slice right through the falcon. No questions that the knight will win.

Task #5 - It's officially the offseason. Whether you just won the cup or didn't even make the playoffs, it's time to take a break and look toward the SHL draft. Tell us how you're spending your time.
Requirements: 150+ words.

I have been doing a lot of catching up on real life things. I just finished my second to last semester in college, working 35 hours a week changing my entire university from Fluorescent to LED lights. Mostly just rewiring things in the fixtures. I am also trying to figure out how I should prioritize my time in the SHL. I need to find a valid way to make money and actually dedicate some time to doing so. I lacked that quite a bit this season as a rookie. I also took some time discussing with a few of my teammates and coaches how to best allocate my TPE for my 350 build. I am trying to be similar to Evander Kane, and I think we have a pretty solid setup. Good luck to everyone in the draft!

*thevoicelesscreator* · 05-16-2020, 07:18 PM

Create a fan giveaway item to be handed out at one of your team's playoff games (can be a rally towel, foam finger, bobble head, etc.)

You asked for years – begged and pleaded. Now we can affirmatively say yes, we’re heard you Beserkers! Introducing, the Newfoundland Berserker throwing axe, in three different shapes, and 4 different materials! Made with your choice of plastic, wood, aluminum, or high-carbon steel, these nifty souvenirs feature a perfectly safe and a not-at-all lethal blunt edge, and are made to be perfectly balanced for your throwing needs. Throwing hats when we score three goals? That’s for chumps. Now you can throw your very own Berserker brand throwing axe! As a gesture of good will, you will be able to find your very own throwing axe underneath your chair at every home playoff game. You can also purchase them at our team store! Don’t be a fool, be a Berserker, with your very own Berserker brand throwing axe!

Task #4 - Who would win in a fight between an actual falcon and a knight? All variables for said fight are up to your discretion.

I’ve spent too much time thinking about this very question, and the answer is… Well it’s the knight, duh. This is assuming a few things of course: 1. The knight is armored; 2. The falcon is the average size of regular adult falcon; 3. Neither of them have any support from anyone or anything else – this is a one on one duel to the death.

In this situation, there is absolute 0 chance that the hawk bests the knight. While the knights from history certainly not as well geared as film and pop culture would have us believe, they had enough protection to defend from most light missiles. Which means that the claws of a falcon would certainly have no chance. If the knight was an accomplished archer as well, this might as well be a game for him. Because there’s no way that falcon poses even a remote threat.

Task #5 - It's officially the offseason. Whether you just won the cup or didn't even make the playoffs, it's time to take a break and look toward the SHL draft. Tell us how you're spending your time.

Offseason time! It’s been a rather difficult season for me, so it’s back to my roots. Going back to the Ontario Lakes Hockey League to grind out some games. Getting back to fundamentals has always helped my game when I’ve struggled, and this time is no different.

A lot of guys like to get away from hockey. Take a break from the game and come back fresh. Not me though. If I’m not on the ice, then I’ll be in the weight room, and in the film room. I had once thought that I might be able to make the jump to the pro-level sooner rather than later. They seems but a distant pipedream now. It’s obvious that I have a lot to learn.

I’ve been in touch with my agent, and I’ve made it very clear to him that any teams that want to draft me can talk to him. Until the day of the draft, I’ll be working hard on my game. The day of, I’ll be with my family. All that matters right now is getting better.

Task #2 - How would round 1 have gone down if the team matchups had been different? Which teams would be advancing to round 2? Would it have been more evenly matched? Less?

Our team this year in Newfoundland was a very good squad. Young, eager, and all hard workers. We earned that 3rd place finish in our division, and we earned that playoff sport. We earned that chance to take St. Louis down, and we very nearly did it, taking them all the way to Game 7. However, what if it we we’re the 4th place team? Or what if we beat St. Louis?

Well the answer is quite simple. We would’ve be destroyed. No matter what had happened, we would have run into the sawmill that is the Detroit Falcons. It wouldn’t even have been close. In our division series, Detroit were 3-1 against us with a goal difference that would shame most teams. So I’d like to think that they would have beaten us in 5 games. But realistically a sweep would be very possible.

All in all, I am very glad that the matchups went the way they did, and even though Newfoundland were bounced out of the first round by St. Louis, it was a very good series. Perhaps the best of the playoffs.

PBE Affiliate

***Wally*** · 05-17-2020, 09:57 AM

Code:
Task #1 - Cause its needed in goal.
[Image: Goalie-Vest.jpg]

Task #2 - I don't really see much of a difference in who would advance. Detroit faced with any one of three teams out of the East would have had their path to the championship. St. Louis proved to be a tough matchup, but was beatable. If either the Scare crows or the Berserkers were paired with the Timber then they both would have slipped through to the second round accordingly. As for the west, Kelowna was waltzing regardless of who was in their way in the similar fashion that Detroit would. I don't think much changes except for either 2/3 having that equal possibility to get through to the second. The season itself saw a couple teams rise to the top and really time will inject parity into the league. This season however was pretty by-the-book and didn't have as many surprises that we would tend to see from Simon T.

Code:
Task #3 -
[Image: Mag-cover.jpg]

Task #4 - Definitely a Knight in real life. Too much armor on the warrior for any bird to inflict enough damage. However the knight would need something different than your basic sword. Too heavy to swing freely and at the speed needed to defend one's self, I tend to think that stunning the bird with the shield would give the knight the ability to slow down to inflict the killing blow. I don't really see any facet of this being won by a falcon, as the task at hand is much too difficult to strike for any prey that is attacking through the air. Possibly removing armor would give a much more even playing field... and then I could see a knight win.

Task #5 - I trained... and trained... and trained some more. It is officially time to get to scraping as much as you can and continue to evolve and develop. We now have commitments to a big league team and with that comes responsibility of consistency and diligence. You not only have a team excited... but a franchise... a city fully excited at the possibility of what you can bring to an organization. I've been preparing and when my time comes in coming seasons, I will be ready when my number is called. Another intangible to the full scope is the blending into a new locker room, yet staying committed to the task at hand. While the draft is important we need to stay mindful of where we are at now. Without focus, opportunity will be missed. What can't be forgotten is that we have even more guys depending on the development in the Js. We have a championship still to win.

bbp · 05-17-2020, 02:36 PM

Task 1

For a fan giveaway I’m making dog bandanas. Anyone who works in sports retail knows that bobble heads and those kind of give away items are expensive. Foam finger give aways? People buy those. Those are high value items to sell. Rally towels are over done.
We want the dogs to be out in force showing off our team colors with a cute logo in the bottom corner and stripes of our team colours. Recognizable and adorable. That is what we are going for. This is great marketing because it will draw the eyes of people who would normally look away from traditional sports adverts. It is a give away with long term marketing in mind.
116/100

Task 2

Naw

Task 3

Niccolo Livius. He is a fourth line winger for the Newfoundland Berserkers and one of the only proud Italian players in the SHL. Being from Italy we thought we’d talk to him about what Italians are truly famous for food.
We will compare his answers with fellow teammate Red Arrow from the USA.

Question One: What is your favourite pasta dish and why?

Livius: I love any pasta dish if the noodles are home made. That is the key. Using the correct flour and crafting the noodles by hand can make any pasta dish amazing. Even just pouring oil on home made noodles is amazing.

Arrow: I like meat sauce.

Question Two: What is the best topping for pizza.

Livius: There is no “topping for pizza” because without the topping there is no pizza. It is one and the same. It is sacred. However ignoring the ignorance of the question… The answer is pepperoni. The sauce can change the pepperoni is constant.

Arrow: I like cheese.

Italy vs Murica

169/150

Taks 4

Falcon vs a Knight? Well I would say that the Falcon is an ideal candidate from the animal Kingdom to defeat a Knight. A Knight in full plate armor has few weaknesses. Bludgeoning weapons could cripple them sure but the key to killing a knight in full dress is a dagger between the plates. A falcon’s talons are perfect for this. They can target the eyes which are the most vulnerable place on a knight. Falcon’s love to attack the eyes anyway so this would come naturally to them. The approach would be tough for a falcon but many falcons dive at tremendous speeds… in all it is an easy decision... I choose the Knight. Duh.
116/100

Task 5

With the draft looming I think I’m going to take it easy. Training is for the weak. I know that no one cares about me in the SHL so why should I get myself all worked up for the draft? Why work super hard before it only to lose motivation when I get drafted last? I think I’ll wait till after the draft to start working out. Use the motivation of being skipped over time and time again to push myself into next season.

I could say that I am excited to see where I end up but I really do not care. My home is Newfoundland and I plan on playing here for as long as I can. The SHL is a distant league for me. A league I likely will not succeed in and honestly could not care less about. I’m a juniors kid through and through. I’m here for the Four Star Cups.

156/150

@JNH

***honkerrs*** · 05-17-2020, 09:38 PM

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Task #1 - Create a fan giveaway item to be handed out at one of your team's playoff games (can be a rally towel, foam finger, bobble head, etc.)  

Requirements: 

- WRITTEN: Write a 100 word blurb about the item, including details on the game where the item will be given out.

- GRAPHIC:  Include a picture of the item and at least one SMJHL logo; must look like you at least kinda tried.

The Bork Lazer light up boxing gloves were the item of choice that the Armada gave out during the playoffs. One of the toughest guys in the league fans have fallen in love with the Bork and his hard nosed play style. These boxing gloves are also light up ones so when the lights went out in the opener it was an awesome scene in the Anchorage arena with everyone wearing the flashing gloves. Anything that can increase the production value during the intro of the playoffs creates a major hype for the team and the gloves definitely did the trick on the first night of the playoffs.

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Task #2 - How would round 1 have gone down if the team matchups had been different? Which teams would be advancing to round 2? Would it have been more evenly matched? Less?

Requirements: 150+ words.

Honestly I think the Round 1 matchups were pretty fair overall. I think all the teams ranked two & three in each conference would’ve easily beat each ranked four team. The Anaheim Outlaws and Anchorage Armada series though was definitely going to be the closest one I thought on paper beforehand, and it ended up being that way as well. The series split was fifty fifty in the regular season and the goal spread was incredibly even, except for a big blow out win by the Armada. The Anaheim Outlaws had a slight advantage in the forwards, with about a 10 TPE on average advantage on the Armada. Then the Armada had about a 50 TPE average advantage on the Outlaws. While the Goalie TPE difference was massive in favor of the Outlaws. So pretty evenly matched teams and it was definitely a fight until the end. If 100 games were played I truly believe it would’ve been 50 wins for the Armada and 50 for the Outlaws

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Task #3 - Write a magazine style article or make a magazine cover featuring a player comparison from any series matchup. You can compare player stats, etc. or get creative and compare their pregame superstitions or whatever.

Requirements: 

- WRITTEN: 150+ words.

- GRAPHIC: Team logos and player renders plus an article blurb or tagline.

Was Name Redacted actually made in a lab or is he something else? That is what reporter Honkers Chonkers is here to research today. While doing research for this report I decided to first interview his management on the Vancouver Whalers. GM Mills said this about Name Redacted “Sometimes, I just don’t get it. The puck literally just directs itself into his mitt sometimes. I swore to myself I was just seeing things at first, but then it kept happening.” Teammate Ryosuke Sato also said “It’s quite strange that after games we just never seen Redacted leave. I feel like after we hit the showers he seriously just has apparated and we don’t see him again until the next game. It’s unbelievable”. Very interesting quotes I received from the Whalers. Then just looking at his outter worldy stats, such as taking on 30 shots/ game and still playing 44 games, there can be only one conclusion about Name Redacted. He is an alien sent here to do one thing, and one thing only, save shots.

[Image: 41zlwg.png]

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Task #4 - Who would win in a fight between an actual falcon and a knight? All variables for said fight are up to your discretion.

Requirements: 100+ words.

Ok I’m going to take the least popular choice here and go with Falcons. The reason why? Well have you actually seen the Detroit Falcons logo? It’s freakin huge. It definitely gives me those steel type pokemon vibes from that one pokemon I can’t remember in the Gold version. If that is the case then when a Knight tries to use his tiny little sword on this steel massive bird it would just dink off and wouldn’t even make a dent. On top of that the logo is so freakin’ huge that the bird could just carry the knight off a cliff. Easy win for the bird

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Task #5 - It's officially the offseason. Whether you just won the cup or didn't even make the playoffs, it's time to take a break and look toward the SHL draft. Tell us how you're spending your time. 

Requirements: 150+ words.

Well this is quite a bit different offseason for Scoochie than normal. Usually, on top of training, Scoochie would be going to concerts with his friends all over the place. Gotta travel where the funk is. But now with quarantine going on he’s currently slowly furnishing his new home up in Anchorage. Since the season started so quickly he didn’t really have time to gather things up to make his house more comfortable and it basically has been looking like a college apartment. The first thing he did was upgrade the workout room significantly, so he could get his grind on while there’s no gyms open. The next thing though was definitely install an out door hot tub. The hot tub has been great to both survive the cold Alaskan temperature and be able to recover from long days training. What’s next? Well maybe a sauna will fit pretty nice as well , this Texas guy is freakin freezing.

*Count Chocula* · 05-18-2020, 06:09 PM

Task #1

During the Knights first home game (game 3) each fan in attendance will be given a rally towel. They will be distributed to each seat in the stadium prior to opening. The unique design will depict a Knight slaying a Falcon in honor of the playoff matchup. There will also be a raffle available for all in attendance. Everyone will automatically be entered to win based on their seat number. One lucky fan, if chosen will be able to take home their very own miniature pony. It is the chance of a lifetime for one fan to become an actual Knight and charge to victory with Kelowna.

Task #2

Had the standings been a bit different heading into the post season the matchups would have been much different. A first round matchup between Detroit and Newfoundland would have yeilded much different results. With a strong finish to the seasons, the Berserkers were looking like a dangerous team. All of their games past the all star break were essentially playoff games already. Detroit on the other hand was cruising into the post seaso halfway through the season. We've seen it happen plenty of times where one team hasn't acclimated to the playoff atmosphere and it's spelled disaster. Had the Berserkers faced off against Detroit in the first round, they would have caught them off guard with their entensity and likely upset the cup favorites. It's just a shame they fell short in game 7 against St Louis as even a 2nd round matchup would have been just as exciting to see.

Task #4

This wouldn't even be a fair fight. Knights are the pure of heart, protectors of virginity, slayers of dragons. What could a mere falcon do to defeat a knight? With their steel plated armor and arsenal of weaponry a knight would kill a falcon in a heartbeat. A precisely aimed arrow would drop the bird from the sky. A swing of his sword would slice the bird in half. A trust of his lance would skewer the bird, ripe for a spitroast. And the cowering bird would never outrun it's horsebacked opponent. The knight is the most superior infantry unit throughout history for a reason, because of their pure killing ability.

Task #5

With the upcoming SHL draft on the horizon I am sitting at home and training, waiting for the phone to ring. I feel like I had a solid season for a 3rd pairing defenseman on a deep team. 16 points through 50 games isn't bad for a rookie. I added 2 points in 7 playoff games as well. I would say that is a fair showing for a rookie, yet not one single call from any agents or coaches to interview me. I feel like whoever does draft me is going to get one angry player. I know I'm not a 1st round talent, but I should at least be a 2nd rounder worthy of some team's interest by now. I am going to make all the teams that pass over me regret their decision and get some scouts fired in the process. I know I'm going to have a long and successful career and I'm surprised no one else feels the same.

MrRuihu · 05-18-2020, 07:58 PM

Task #1

Attention Kelowna Knights fans attending the first (Home) game of the finals versus the shitbirds, The Detroit Falcons. If you're among the first 1000 fans to the main entrance,
you will receive your very own piece of Kelowna Knights collectible, Fully Functional armour or weaponry! (Limit 1 per fan) You will receive.
(1) Sword, Perfect for stabbing or slashing pesky shitbirds that are flying around screeching like they've got a brain parasite.
(2) Chainmail, to protect you from those stinky birds, Those stupid birds can't even use weapons anyways.
(3) Plate Armour, Perfect for protection from most forms of assault, Who would mess with you with a suit of plate armour? it's freakin armour.
(4) Helmet, Helmets are cool, It's a full faced helmet, so you can hide your face while you assault a random person.

Task #4

Is this even up for debate? If it is, A knight will always win. I'll bring a knight, I happen to know some fans in possession of some wicked sick knight armour,
You bring a falcon. Hell, bring 5 falcons, there's no way they win. Falcons do what, fly? I can make a knight fly, chuck him in a trebuchet, he'll hit the falcon out of mid
air and land in the lake, he'll probably drown in the lake but that shitbird is still dead, isn't it? that's called a big ol W, boy, top shelf.
plus a knight doesn't even have to do anything, a falcon will hurt itself trying to even touch a knight, he's got thicc armour and he's ripped, by his own choice, not the falcons.
And now, Knights have got a taste for falcons, you know? they say, We've had falcon, and now we want more. they start creating traps, just to catch falcons.
they herd them up and start hunting down every last one, even keeping some for breeding more and forcing them into a life of sending messages like a shitty pigeon
or being used as the other white meat, cheaper than kfc ever was.

mdubz · 05-18-2020, 11:24 PM

Task 1: Since there is a large military presence in Anchorage, the Armada have a lot of military appreciation nights. One of the give aways that people love the most at these military nights are the squishy military equipment. The Armada have done many different types thought the years, including B-52s, Abrams Tanks, F-14s, among other things. These items are almost like stress balls, which both the military members and general public seem to enjoy. Unfortunately, Mitchell van der Heidjen seems to score hat tricks on a lot of those nights, so people have to get them at the beginning of the night and again at the end.

Task 2: I think the results would have been pretty similar, though I think Anchorage would have moved on to play against the Kelowna Knights in round 2. Detroit still would come out victorious against the Berserkers, although Detroit does not end the series with a sweep, as I think this goes to 5 or 6 games. I think St. Louis also comes out on top again, but this series also goes to 5 or 6 games, probably 5. This means that the Eastern finals go to 7 games still, although I think St. Louis could pull out a victory against a Detroit team that is maybe a little more tired. In the West, I think Anchorage takes out Colorado in 5, and Kelowna beats Anaheim in 5 or 6. This makes the Western finals go to 6 or 7 games, as I think Kelowna and Anchorage were a good match up. I would hope that Anchorage would win, as personal bias, but I really don't know how it would turn out.

Task 3: For today's article in SHL weekly, we will be doing a comparison of the Eastern Conference Finals goalies. From the Detroit Falcons, we have A Jobin, and his backup, Thor Odinson. From the St. Louis Scarecrows, we have Elizabeth Doyle, and her back up, Richard Majors. Both Odinson and Jobin posted a Goals Allowed Average of under 2 in the regular season, at 1.47 and 1.92 respectively, while Doyle's was higher at 2.64 and Majors let in 3.26 goals per game. Odinson had the highest save percentage out of the group, at .927, while Doyle edged out Jobin in this category by .003, at .904 to .901. Majors was second to last in the league, only saving .896 percent of the shots he faced, barely edging out Scoochie Stratton for that last position. Just based on these 2 sets of stats, with as bad as Majors was in both categories, the edge has to go to the Falcons in the goaltending department, although Detroit's excellent defense definitely helps with the GAA.

Task 4: I would look at this battle as a single knight in armor against a single falcon. This is a tough fight to call, as I am assuming that the knight is in full armor, which is both a blessing and a curse for the knight. The armor helps the knight out a lot as it protects him from the falcons talons and claws, but it's going to obscure his vision and make it difficult for him to be able to see the quickly moving falcon to land hits on him. In the end though, I think the knight lands a lucky hit and wins this battle.

Task 5: After Anchorage's unfortunate first round exit, Alexei Petrikov decided to throw a going away party for his teammates that were moving up to the SHL. Since Petrikov likes to cook in his spare time, he decided to make a 5 course meal for the whole team, and made some really interesting dishes. The team loved all of the dishes that he had made, including some regional dishes designed for his leaving teammates. The finale was a 3 tiered cake that wowed the whole team, with a vanilla cake, a chocolate cake, and a lovely red velvet cake for the outgoing players. All of the players loved it, and even the general managers from Anchorage agreed that it was a wonderful send off for players like Mitchell van der Heidjen, who was an integral part of the S53 Armada team, and will be missed. Petrikov is continuing to improve his cooking over the off season, as well as training.

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