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(This post was last modified: 05-25-2020, 05:28 PM by Mack.)

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300

Is 300 pounds too fat to play hockey?

It's 2020 and being down with the thickness is pretty much a requirement now. That being said how thick is too thick? When it comes to pro sports we see athletes of all shapes and sizes. In the SHL size does play a role but it has been shown that both big and small players a like can make a difference. We even have women playing with men in the same league. Most of the players are in peak physical condition and you can clearly see how they made it this far. That being said there is a few questionable body types around the locker rooms of the big and minor leagues so let's take a look at them.

The first heavyweight we are profiling today is @Noble Nickolas Klaus. Nickolas Klaus is a center for the Baltimore Platoon. Weighing in at 300 pounds and standing a mighty 6 feet 11 inches, Klaus is a big boy. He has played 7 season in the SHL already and last season he was averaging over 25 minutes a night. That's right...300 pounds and this dude is skating 25 minutes a game. What kind of diet must this monster be on to maintain this sort of weight? Well as it turns out Klaus has actually started a bit of a trend. He is the only 300 pounder playing in the SHL right now BUT there is 7 players in the SMJHL who are at 300 pounds! Three from this most recent draft class and four from the S54 class.

Goalie Walrus Walrus from Canada is currently a prospect but doesn't have a team right now in the SMJHL. Maybe he needs to lose a few pounds before someone will take a chance on him. He is 6'11 so he literally just covers most of the net standing there. @ThePandaGod

@Fizzy Malik Wilkins is next up. He is a left shot right defenseman from Thunder Bay Canada. He has been on active on the forums with over 40 posts already but unfortunately he has not found a team yet. He is from this most recent draft class and I wonder if teams again are just too shy to take a chance on all of this. He is also 6'11.

Next we look at someone on an active roster as we see Grapefruit Lizard from Fredrikstad Norway. Again this monster is 6'11 and tips the scales at 300 pounds. He is about to enter his 2nd season with the Scarecrows of the SMJHL. He plays center and amazingly his best attributes to his game are his Speed and his ability to Get Open. Pretty amazing when a 6'11 300 pound man can get open so easily. This guy has lots of room to develop and he shows that you can play in this league even at 300 pounds. @Frostbite

Our final tall boy at 6'11 300 pounds we have @Bongo Adam Friedland. From Great Britain this dude loves to eat weird stuff. But he has stamina for days and he is one of the best fighters in all of hockey. It's amazing to think someone would drop the gloves with this guy? 7 feet tall and 300 pounds on skates...no thanks.He is great in his own end and can really pass the puck as well. I could see him making it to the SHL and who knows...at his height he might even put on some more pounds to really fill out. I could see him up to 325-340.

Now we have a bit of an anomaly on the list. At 5'11, 300 pounds is Biggs Secksy. The Detroit Falcons player is new to the league and looks like Barolo Colon. He is from Espoo, Finland like so many players in our league seem to be. He is different because he is a full foot shorter than the previously mentioned players. Their bodies are so tall that 300 pounds fits them pretty well. But this guy is starting to get really chunky. His belly fat is clearly unhealthy and hindering him at this point. He needs to hit the gym a bit if he hopes to make a name in the SHL one day. Maybe he has ties to WannaBeFInn so he could end up in Buffalo. @BadLck

Simon Takshak @GeckoeyGecko is Danny Devito on skates. 5'0, 300 pounds. That's right. Five foot nothing, three hundred pounds. From Jakarta Indonesia this Kelowna Knights right winter has just finished his first season in the SMJHL. He is a screening machine as once he gets in front of the goalie he can't be moved. Most goalies can easily see over him so his team just keeps shots low and the goalies are lost. Unfortunate he does end up blocking most of the shots himself as he is so fat. He can really throw the body though. He is like a bowling ball when he crashes into the boards shit just explodes. It's a yard sale every time and you can literally see the fear in the eyes of opponents when he is cannon balling towards them.

Slimey Snail @FleshBagSoup is the same body type as Takshak. 5'0, 300 Pounds of fun. This defensive defenseman from the Czech Republic wears number 69 and very good in his own end. He can check you through the boards if you aren't careful as once he is going full speed nothing can stop him. Not even himself...The board will stop him but just pray you are not in between him and them when it happens. Also finishing up his first season in the SMJHL it seems that the league is beginning to flourish with fat talent. Sorry if I missed any of you fatties.

The average American dude is around 5'9, 198 according to a super fast google search I did with no follow up research. So if we take a look at the body types below we can see a better idea of what these dudes look like naked:


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Final Thoughts:

I do wonder what these kids moms are feeding them nowadays. I hope those same moms come to these games and let me know. Is this trend towards fat players something we will see more of in the FHM era? Will 6'11, 300 pounders become the new norm? I would welcome it. I do think the 5'0, 300 pound boys need to step into a fucking sauna or something though. Come on boys what is going on here...
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First SHL goal on first SHL shot in first SHL game.

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#2

quality media

Thanks Wasty, Carpy, JSS, TurdFerguson, Geekusoid and Awesomecakes for the sigs!
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#3

05-25-2020, 05:28 PMMack Wrote:
[Image: 4tyus25.jpg]


300

Is 300 pounds too fat to play hockey?

It's 2020 and being down with the thickness is pretty much a requirement now. 


I don't think that's true at all. The SHL appears to work in the complete opposite way of the NHL for some reason.  Of the top ten prospects going into the 2020 NHL Draft, only four are above 5'11 and none of them weigh more than 215 pounds.

Even if you expan to the actual  NHL, only four of the top ten players in points at the moment weigh more then 200 pounds (Matthews, Draisaitl, McKinnon, and Eichel.)  McDavid, Panarin, Pastrnak, Marchand, Kucherov, and Kane all are below two hundred pounds.

A very telling race is the race for the Calder Trophy were the two favorites Huges and Makar who  5'10, 170 pounds and 5'11, 187 pounds respectively.

What's also telling about that race is that both of them are defensemen which is a position that is traditionally thought to be played by larger players so that shows a noticeable evolution toward smaller, faster players at the moment.
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#4

05-25-2020, 05:59 PMSouthie Wrote:
05-25-2020, 05:28 PMMack Wrote:
[Image: 4tyus25.jpg]


300

Is 300 pounds too fat to play hockey?

It's 2020 and being down with the thickness is pretty much a requirement now. 


I don't think that's true at all. The SHL appears to work in the complete opposite way of the NHL for some reason.  Of the top ten prospects going into the 2020 NHL Draft, only four are above 5'11 and none of them weigh more than 215 pounds.

Even if you expan to the actual  NHL, only four of the top ten players in points at the moment weigh more then 200 pounds (Matthews, Draisaitl, McKinnon, and Eichel.)  McDavid, Panarin, Pastrnak, Marchand, Kucherov, and Kane all are below two hundred pounds.

A very telling race is the race for the Calder Trophy were the two favorites Huges and Makar who  5'10, 170 pounds and 5'11, 187 pounds respectively.

What's also telling about that race is that both of them are defensemen which is a position that is traditionally thought to be played by larger players so that shows a noticeable evolution toward smaller, faster players at the moment.

Yeah the teens getting drafted in the real NHL are not going to match the size of SHL Frankensteins. That being said my quote about 2020 thickness was about internet culture/society not the NHL. As a Flames fan I have Johnny to cheer for so I hope this little guy can lift the cup.

[Image: dVy6XWn.jpg]
[Image: 9POiosr.png]
First SHL goal on first SHL shot in first SHL game.

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#5

05-25-2020, 06:15 PMMack Wrote:
05-25-2020, 05:59 PMSouthie Wrote: I don't think that's true at all. The SHL appears to work in the complete opposite way of the NHL for some reason.  Of the top ten prospects going into the 2020 NHL Draft, only four are above 5'11 and none of them weigh more than 215 pounds.

Even if you expan to the actual  NHL, only four of the top ten players in points at the moment weigh more then 200 pounds (Matthews, Draisaitl, McKinnon, and Eichel.)  McDavid, Panarin, Pastrnak, Marchand, Kucherov, and Kane all are below two hundred pounds.

A very telling race is the race for the Calder Trophy were the two favorites Huges and Makar who  5'10, 170 pounds and 5'11, 187 pounds respectively.

What's also telling about that race is that both of them are defensemen which is a position that is traditionally thought to be played by larger players so that shows a noticeable evolution toward smaller, faster players at the moment.

Yeah the teens getting drafted in the real NHL are not going to match the size of SHL Frankensteins. That being said my quote about 2020 thickness was about internet culture/society not the NHL. As a Flames fan I have Johnny to cheer for so I hope this little guy can lift the cup.

I also disagree with that.  I think it depends heavily on the social circles you travel in.
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#6

stellar media

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e
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#7

I liked this!!

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    [Image: d9J5DHT.png]        norway      [Image: d9J5DHT.png]
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#8

God damn
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