Login

BloomeyGB · 06-04-2020, 09:00 AM

325 words, ready to grade

It's lovely day down at the Maine Cricket ground. A group of our favourite hockey players sit in a cold, damp dressing which reeks of sweat. Hans Hammersmith stands on an empty beer carton:

"Remember guys, this is a team building exercise and I in no way whatsoever condone Bloomey's idea of fun."

"Look, it's fine. Trying a new sport is always an adventure. We went over the rules about 50 times, literally nothing can go wrong".
Leo "Bloomey" Bloomfield muttered from the doorway. He was all kitted out in official USA Cricket officiating gear, having somehow obtained a Level 3 qualification the previous weekend.

* * *

A small crowd of reporters gathered outside the field, waiting eagerly for another Hockey team to fail at a different sport.
After winning the coin toss and electing to bat first (not knowing what that meant, but it sounded cool), the Timber opening batsmen Valentin Kalashnikov and Patrick Shepherd took to the crease.

"Play!" it was only a hoarse croak that left Bloomfield's mouth. Even he could not be prepared for what was to come.

The Timber innings lasted approximately 18 minutes.
The very first ball, Kalashnikov went for a massive swipe, missing of course and getting clean bowled.

"He bounced it! He's not supposed to fucking bounce it!" The angry Russian came bearing down on Bloomfield, who stood perpexled. It took quite a while to convince Kalashnikov that he was indeed out.

It was thanks to Jax Gracie that the Timber edged to the pathetic score of all out for 9 runs.

The opponent, Maine Cricket Club, knocked down the total in 5 minutes. As the teams returned to the dressing rooms, there was a sense of success in the air. Although it was a massive sporting failure, the team was united. Against Bloomfield and his "stupid shitty ball bouncing games" of course.

"Yeah. Let's just stick to Hockey for the time being".