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***hhh81*** · 06-04-2020, 07:48 PM

SHL Onion: BadWolf deposed in hostile SMJHL takeover

In the midst of crisis and fear around SMJHL expansion, a group of masked simulationhockey.com users laid siege to SMJHL headquarters in Portland, Maine today.

Their only demand was a repeated chant of “Justice for the silenced. Free our champion! Depose the pretender!” for at least an hour. Police passed by several times and kept going because…. Wtf is simulation hockey?

In a shocking betrayal to some, newly-minted Head Office intern @jeffie43 opened a side door to let the protesters in.

Within minutes, the league offices had been ransacked and SMJHL Commissioner was taken hostage. @BadWolf was locked in a sanitation engineer’s closet on the second floor, as the protestors lifted up their champion, @Inf1d3l as the new Commissioner and Grand Poobah.

Simultaneously, strikes occurred at the team offices in Newfoundland, Detroit, Colorado, Maine, Carolina, and Anaheim. Under threat of harm, GMs of those six teams voted to install Inf1d3l as new league commissioner during an emergency Zoom call. The vote passed 7-3. Johnny Hamilton @hhh81 was also taken captive from the Raptors team facility. Rumors hold that Inf1d3l is forcing him to join Head Office against his will.

@SDCore was unavailable for comment.

For more on this story, tune into the 8pm Onion News Network broadcast.