Create Account

91,633 Miles Traveled by the Boat Gang
#1
(This post was last modified: 06-30-2020, 10:52 AM by Wearingabear.)

On the Road with the Armada:

91,633 Miles (147,469 Km) was traveled by the Anchorage Armada during this year's campaign. That's an average of 1832.66 (2949.38 Km) miles for every game they needed to play. The furthest distance they traveled to play a game was across the continent from Anchorage, Alaska to St. Johns, Newfoundland a total of 3652 miles (5877 Km). The shortest distance was a quick flight from Denver, CO to Anaheim, CA while on a road trip, that distance totaled a mere 862 mi (1387 Km).

The numbers on this are staggering and have to have an effect on these players traveling so much. The team spent approximately 188 hours flying this year, roughly 7.83 days. Almost 8 full days spent on a plane this year. That's more than most people spend in their entire lives, but that's how the story goes for the Armada. This also leaves it so the team has a lot of time to bond, get to know each other, watch movies, gamble, play pranks, etc.

We haven't calculated out the distances that other teams have traveled, but we can guarantee that most teams don't fly on average almost 4 hours every time they need to play. It makes the difference between Kelowna and Vancouver enviable. The roughest part of the Armada's schedule had to of been two back to back home and away series against the Maine Timber, where they put in 13,456 miles (21655 Km) just for 4 games. That's 27 hours of flying for those 4 games.

We were able to join the Armada for a few of these road trips, and these are some of the things we saw.

-TURG TURG had his own chocolate fountain with him, it's apparently a miniature version of the one he has in home somewhere in the Rockies. He also refuses to wear clothes on the plane, as he believes they will suffocate him. What can you say, the guy is a man of principals and he plays damn good hockey. You just kind of get used to seeing his TURG TURG hanging out. We just hope none of that hot chocolate lands down there on his TURG TURG.

- An intense poker game between some of the Armada's veterans. We're pretty sure Pojo Biscuit had some cards up his sleeve or was counting the entire time. He came out over $15K on top during one trip.

-Chris de Siren played an immense amount of pranks on the Armada rookies, none of the graphic, sexual stuff that some players had to endure. But fun shenanigans, switching up name tags on bags, placing frozen mackerel in backpacks. He once made the rookies hide in the overhead storage bins after take off, only to have them scare the poor stewards on the plane.

-During one of the flights, de Siren stole goalie Scoochie Stratton's phone, and changed Bork Lazer's contact info so his number was texted when Stratton was really trying to reach a girl he was seeing at the time. Bork took off with this and had all sorts of fun with Scoochie. He started telling him that he wanted to take part in a three way with her best friend, and then changed his mind. Bork had to the fun idea to send some inappropriate pictures to Scoochie, which ended up being his ass crack a red thong to get Scoochie excited. Scooch was telling everybody about their conversation for days before Bork wore the same red thong on the plane, and bent over in front of Stratton. I think this might have been the cause of a bit of a losing streak for the Armada.

Once the boys were back in Anchorage, Schoochie took a shit outside, let it freeze, and then grated it into Bork Lazer's car's heater. That car was immediately donated to the team's annual demolition derby that it held.

-Sven Gunnarson was always sneaking drinks on the plane, he also took part in a lot of hi jinks towards the other players. There's also rumors that he took acid before his best game of the year, but nobody on the team wants to confirm or deny that happening.


Then you have all of the video game tourneys, movie marathons, constant re-watchings of The Office.

Then there's the not so glamorous parts of travel. The early flights across the continent, leaving their wives, girlfriends, and families behind for days at a time. The non stop meals out at restaurants can really mess with the player's training regimens at time. One secret we were let in on was that a lot of the players try to have kids in the middle of summer, July and August time, before the training camps start up. This means there's a lot of sexy time happening during October and November, which can be difficult with the amount of travel the Armada have.

The team's nutritionist attempts to keep players on track during road trips, but also realizes that it's not always possible for players to eat the same way they would at home. Some players keep bags packed full of snacks, protein powders and bars. The players also want to have fun in the cities they're playing in, eat at some of the area's great restaurants, which is fun, but not always the healthiest meals. Luckily the players get to play in cities like Vancouver who are known for their sushi, or Anaheim which has almost any type of cuisine you want. When they stop in Denver, it's all about the steak houses. Newfoundland and Maine is all about the richer, seafood heavy meals. Lobster pies, clam chowders, fish and chips, braised beef with shrimp, the boys can't get enough of those, especially in the cold winters that the Northeast has to offer.

The Armada almost always try to get on the plane right after a game so they can be in the next city in the middle of the night, which gives the players an opportunity to get some quality sleep. It's a bit rough for players to wake up, get on a plane for 5 hours, and then be expected to jump off in a different time zone, get a practice in and play the next day. The jet lag can be rough on the bodies. The Armada management hope that the extra, uninterrupted sleep makes an impact on the team's play.

We hope that next year the league decides to give the Armada some what of an easier schedule, but ultimately there's no way around a long and arduous travel schedule when you play in Anchorage.

Dictated, not read by Dick L. Slapper

Ready for grading, Thanks @ThisSeemsFishy for the TURG update.
Reply
#2

Armada

[Image: XmBYo1D.png]



Player Page | Player Update
[Image: 401.png] [Image: S42cup1.png] [Image: r-Wt4-AB350oooo.png]
Reply
#3

You forgot to mention that TURG refuses to wear clothes on flights. He believes they will suffocate him way up in the air.

Dildo’s Lost Son

[Image: uJQKILT.jpg]
Reply
#4

06-29-2020, 09:59 PMThisSeemsFishy Wrote: You forgot to mention that TURG refuses to wear clothes on flights. He believes they will suffocate him way up in the air.
Fixed, thanks for the reminder.
Reply
#5

Once the boys were back in Anchorage, Schoochie took a shit outside, let it freeze, and then grated it into Bork Lazer's car's heater. That car was immediately donated to the team's annual demolition derby that it held.

@Frick_Nasty lmao

[Image: honkerrs.gif]
Reply
#6

07-01-2020, 03:40 PMhonkerrs Wrote: Once the boys were back in Anchorage, Schoochie took a shit outside, let it freeze, and then grated it into Bork Lazer's car's heater. That car was immediately donated to the team's annual demolition derby that it held.

@Frick_Nasty lmao

literal gold right there and totally on brand
Reply
#7

Scoochie got his ass beat that day btw lmao @honkerrs

[Image: LUN5D1E.gif]
Reply
#8

Quote:Once the boys were back in Anchorage, Schoochie took a shit outside, let it freeze, and then grated it into Bork Lazer's car's heater. That car was immediately donated to the team's annual demolition derby that it held.




lmao

[Image: Snoopdogg.gif]
   [Image: I3BTEQc.png]         [Image: canada.png]       [Image: 16PgOBm.png]
Reply




Users browsing this thread:
1 Guest(s)




Navigation

 

Extra Menu

 

About us

The Simulation Hockey League is a free online forums based sim league where you create your own fantasy hockey player. Join today and create your player, become a GM, get drafted, sign contracts, make trades and compete against hundreds of players from around the world.