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ThisSeemsFishy · 07-16-2020, 07:17 PM

HELLO FRIENDS! TURG HERE TO RANK ALL OF THE TEAMS IN THE SIMULATION HOCKEY LEAGUE IN ORDER OF WHICH TEAM TURG WANT TO PLAY FOR! TURG WAS TOLD LAST TIME THAT HE WAS A LITTLE LATE RANKING THE TEAMS! BUT TURG IS SURE THAT HE IS ON TIME THIS TIME!! TURG HAS SPENT TIME IN THE OFF SEASON TO WORK ON TURG SPELLING SO BE NICE TO TURG! TURG TRYING HIS BEST!

FIRST, A LITTLE ABOUT TURG! TURG WAS PICKED IN THE 4TH ROUND, 38TH OVERALL BY ANCHORAGE ARMADA! TURG PLAYED HARD ALL SEASON AND GOT 14 POINTS FOR HIS TEAM! TURG WANT MORE POINTS! TURG NOT DO SO GOOD IN PLAYOFFS BUT WE NOT TALK ABOUT THAT! TURG EXCITED FOR DRAFT SO LET US GET INTO THE RANKINGS!!

TIER:ABSOLUTELY NOT THERE IS NO WAY

TEXAS RENEGADES

TURG NO UNDERSTAND THIS TEAM! WHY TEAM NAMED AFTER TIK TOK APP SONG? IT JUST DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. CHANGE NAME AND TURG WILL CONSIDER PLAYING! ALSO JERSEYS MAKE TURG SLEEPY! TURG SEE JERSEYS AND THINK TURG TURN INTO DOG! WHERE ARE THE COLOURS? WHERE IS THE FLAVOUR? TURG NO WANT! NEXT!

RENEGADES RATING: 1/10

WINNIPEG JETS Jets

TURG COULD NOT PLAY FOR THE JETS! TURG HAS TO FLY NAKED! IF TURG PLAY FOR JETS TURG HAVE TO BE NAKED ALL THE TIME! TURG DISTRACT EVERYONE ON THE ICE AND THAT WOULD JUST BE NOT FAIR! TURG ALSO THINK NAME, LOGO, AND JERSEYS BORING!! TURG FEEL LIKE HE HAS SEEN’T THIS ALL BEFORE!

JETS RATING: 2/10

NEW ENGLAND WOLFPACK

TEAM NAME CONFUSES TURG! WHY THEY HAVE TO REBOOT ENGLAND! ENGLAND JUST FINE THE WAY IT IS! NO NEED FOR NEW ENGLAND! STOP TRYING TO REBOOT OLD THINGS TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY! JUST MAKE YOUR OWN THING!! ALSO ENGLAND PRETTY FAR! NOT SURE WHY THEY ARE IN SHL WITH THE OTHER TEAMS! UNIFORMS ARE ACTUALLY VERY NICE THOUGH! TURG LIKE!

WOLFPACK RATING: 3/10

TORONTO NORTH STARS Stars

WHY TORONTO CALL THEM NORTH STARS! THERE ARE THREE TEAMS MORE NORTH! BUT THEY ARE NOT NORTH JETS! OR NORTH DRAGONS! OR EVEN NORTH BLIZZARD! TORONTO JUST FULL OF THEMSELVES! JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE TORONTO TEAM DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO HAVE TWO NAMES! TURG ALSO THINK GM ML IS A STINKY STINKY MAN! TURG VERY NOT SURE ABOUT PLAYING HERE!

STARS RATING: 3/10

TAMPA BAY BARRACUDA

WHERE DOES TURG EVEN BEGIN WITH TAMPA BAY BARRACUDA? FOR STARTERS, THEY DIDN’T EVEN WIN A SINGLE GAME!! NOT EVEN LOSE IN OVERTIME!! THAT IS BAD!! FOR TWO, BARRACUDA ARE SCARY ANIMALS, TURG AFRAID OF SCARY ANIMALS! AND ALSO, TURG HEAR THAT BARRACUDA USED TO BE SEATTLE RIOT! THAT MUCH COOLER NAME! WHY BARRACUDA OUT OF SEATTLE? SOMEONE TELL TURG!

BARRACUDA RATING: 0-50

CHICAGO SYNDICATE

TURG NOT KNOW WHAT SYNDICATE MEAN! BUT TURG ASSUME IT IS THOSE GUYS WHO WATCH MY LITTLE PONY, BASED ON THE LOGO! ONLY GUYS WHO WATCH MY LITTLE PONY WEAR HATS LIKE THAT! ONE TIME TURG WATCH MY LITTLE PONY JUST AS A JOKE, NOT FOR SERIOUS! TURG ACTUALLY ENJOY THE SHOW! VERY FUN TO WATCH! TURG FAVOURITE CHARACTER IS FLUTTERSHY! TURG LOST TRAIN OF THINK! OH YEAH SYNDICATE BAD

2/10

TIER:MAYBE A LITTLE SMALL CHANCE TURG PLAY HERE

BALTIMORE PLATOON Platoon

TURG NO UNDERSTAND WHY THERE ARE TWO EAGLE TEAMS IN SIMULATION HOCKEY LEAGUE! STOP SHARING LOGOS! PLATOON CATCH A BREAK BECAUSE THEY WON CHAMPIONSHIPS BEFORE OTHER EAGLE TEAM MEANING THEY ARE BETTER EAGLE TEAM! BUT PLATOON STILL ON THIN ICE!! AND WHAT IS IT WITH NAVY AND RED TEAMS WITH ROUND LOGOS?

PLATOON RATING: 4/10

HAMILTON STEELHAWKS

THE OTHER EAGLE TEAM BUT WORSE! TURG KNOW THE STEELHAWKS RECENTLY WON TROPHY! BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR LAZY! GET DIFFERENT LOGO! TURG A FAN OF COLOURS THOUGH! REMIND TURG OF ARMADA! GOOD COLOURS! ALMOST GOOD ENOUGH TO RANK STEELHAWKS AHEAD OF PLATOON! ALMOST!

STEELHAWKS RATING: 3.9/10

BUFFALO STAMPEDE

TURG ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE COLOURS OF BUFFALO! GREEN AND YELLOW GOOD COMBO! TURG NO CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS! YELLOW IS A GOOD COLOUR! GOOD JOB BUFFALO! THE ONLY THING KEEPING BUFFALO FROM BEING HIGHER IS THE NAME STAMPEDE! BUFFALO STAMPEDE NOT SCARY! JUST LEAD THEM OFF A CLIFF! DUH!

STAMPEDE RATING: 4.5/10

MINNESOTA CHIEFS

TURG START OFF BY SAYING COLOURS REMIND TURG OF CHRISTMAS! GREEN, RED, AND WHITE ARE CHRISTMAS! TURG LIKE CHRISTMAS! TURG NOT LIKE NAME THOUGH! TURG NOT TRUST IT! THE ONLY CHIEF TURG TRUST IS CHIEF KEEF! MAKE CHIEF KEEF YOUR LOGO AND TURG ON BOARD! IN FACT, TURG MAKE A MOCK UP OF CHIEF KEEF JERSEY!

CHIEFS RATING: 5/10

TIER:OH YES TURG LIKE THIS!

LOS ANGELES PANTHERS

TURG REALLY LIKE THE LOGO, UNIFORMS, AND COLOURS! VERY NICE SET AND VERY UNIQUE! ONLY ONE OTHER TEAM WEARS TEAL! THAT IS GOOD! TURG HEAR SNOOP DOGG REALLY LIKE THIS TEAM TOO!

PANTHERS RATING: 6/10

EDMONTON BLIZZARD

TURG NOT A FAN OF THE CITY OF EDMONTON OR THE LOGO! BLIZZARD SHOULD LOSE THE SAUCY FURRY LOGO AND GO BACK TO THE YETI! VERY GOOD AND SCARY LOGO! THE COLOURS ARE VERY GOOD AND MATCH VERY WELL TOGETHER THOUGH!

BLIZZARD RATING: 6.5/10

TIER:OH GOD YES PLEASE LET TURG PLAY FOR YOUR TEAM! TURG LOVE IT!

SAN FRANCISCO PRIDE pride

SAN FRANCISCO PRIDE HAVE ONE OF TURG’S FAVOURITE UNIFORMS IN THE WHOLE LEAGUE! VERY NICE COLOUR COMBINATION! VERY NICE LOGO ALL AROUND! TURG LIKE A LOT! GOOD WORK SAN FRANCISCO!

PRIDE RATING: 7/10

MANHATTAN RAGE Rage

TURG A BIG FAN OF MANHATTAN RAGE! MAKE TURG THINK OF FLAILING ARMS AND LEGS AROUND IN A CROWDED PLACE! TURG HAVE A LOT OF RAGE SO TURG BE A GOOD FIT! RAAAAAAGE! RED AND BLACK ARE GOOD COLOURS AS WELL!

RAGE RATING: 8.5/10

CALGARY DRAGONS Dragons

DRAGONS ARE TURG’S FAVOURITE ANIMAL IN THE WHOLE WORLD! THE COLOURS ARE RED AND BLACK WHICH AGAIN, ARE GOOD COLOURS! THE ONLY THING KEEPING THE DRAGONS FROM BEING TURG’S NUMBER ONE IS THE DRAGON IS SO SEXY! WHY DOES TURG ALWAYS WANT TO FUCK THAT DRAGON?

SEXY DRAGONS RATING: 9/10

NEW ORLEANS SPECTERS

THE NEW ORLEANS SPECTERS ARE TURG’S TOP DRAFT SPOT! TURG WOULD LOVE TO PLAY HERE! BLACK AND PURPLE ARE VERY SPOOKY COLOURS! AND THE LOGO MAKE TURG SHIT HIS PANTS! VERY SCARY! TURG THINK NEW ORLEANS IS A FANTASTIC CITY TO BE IN TOO! TURG HOPE NEW ORLEANS CONSIDER DRAFTING TURG!

SPECTERS RATING: 10/10

WELL THAT ENDS TURG’S DRAFT RANKINGS! TURG REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE DRAFT AND CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHERE HE ENDS UP! AS LONG AS IT IS NOT TAMPA BAY! GOODBYE EVERY BODY!!