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Gabriel Johnson, Darth Tamperus, and Bringing Balance to the Force
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Gabriel Johnson, Darth Tamperus, and Bringing Balance to the Force

Gather round and listen to the most epic tale of our time. Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the Force remained in perfect balance for centuries. However, as the rumblings of Simulation Hockey League emerged, a blip in the future of the Force began to rear its head. I'm sure the first season of the league was an exciting time for all, and in that excitement the creators of the league were blinded to the imminent existential threat to the league -- the Hamilton Steelhawks. Fifty two seasons down the line, the Cheathawks would find a loophole so powerful it is said that they could prevent their team from losing. The Force, sensing this great disturbance, would create a counterbalance in the form of the chosen one -- Gabriel "Gone Wild" @Gwdjohnson Johnson.

Many aeons ago, in the inaugural season of the Simulation Hockey League, the Hamilton Steelhawks were founded. At the time, no one knew what they would become, but the Force, with its omniprescence, would know that the day would come when the Hamilton Steelhawks would find the worst exploit of our time and cause massive destabilization of the league. To counteract this great evil, the Force conceived Gabriel "Gone Wild" Johnson, knowing that he would one day bring balance to the league once more. However, the Force works in mysterious ways, and just like in the massively popular Science Fiction film franchise, Star Wars, the chosen one doesn't necessarily take the most orthodox path in bringing balance. Gabe Johnson would take just as perplexing of a journey.

Before Gabriel was drafted, he showed massive promise on the Anchorage Armada. He was a young, innocent boy, asking if girls were angels and if SHL players played with "laser swords". In fact, it has been rumoured that Anchorage Armada General Manager, Rex Kirkby said this to his young protege: "I have taught you everything I know, and you have become a far greater hockey player than I could ever hope to be. But be patient, Gabriel. It will not be long before the awards committee gives you a Stevens."

Soon, however, when he was drafted by the Hamilton Steelhawks, it all began to fall apart. There, his innocence was quickly crushed by our now co-commissioner and simp lord, @nour, and he was made into the slimey, gutless man that he is today. Gabriel Johnson was the chosen one. It was said he would destroy the Hamilton Steelhawks, not join them! Bring balance to the league, not leave it in darkness! "You were my brother Gabriel, I loved you!" You could hear this sentiment echo across the league, even back in his home team of the Anchorage Armada.

This was an excerpt of a heart-breaking exchange between former teammates, when it was revealed to the rest of the league what a rat Gabriel Johnson had become after joining the Steelhawks:

"You're breaking my heart! I don't believe what I'm hearing... Rex Kirkby was right. You've changed" - Augustus @Ferda Wang

"I don't want to hear any more about Rex Kirkby. The league turned against me. Don't you turn against me." - Gabe Johnson

"You have allowed this evil, cheating team to twist your mind, until now... until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy." - Rex @Acsolap Kirkby

"Don't lecture me, Rex! I see through the lies of Simon Tremblay. I do not fear the Steelhawks as you do. I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new league." - Gabe Johnson

It was too late. Gabe Johnson had fallen as an upstanding member of the league, and in his ashes rose Darth Tamperus. Gabriel "Gone Wild" Johnson, in a stunning turn of events, turned on the very league he was supposed to help. Instead of stopping the Hamilton Steelhawks from exploiting the sim, he worked to enable them. Now, because of the work of Darth Tamperus, the league was destabilized to its very core, and a switch of simulation engines was needed.

However, the Force works in mysterious ways. Even though Tamperus turned on the rest of the league to help propel Hamilton to multiple Challenge Cups in their cheating ways, who's to say that this wasn't a part of the plan all along? Perhaps, even unbeknownst to Darth Tamperus, he was simply gaining the trust of the team, and allowing himself to be given a position of power within the organization. He could then perhaps work to systematically dismantle the whole franchise once he has gathered the courage to overthrow his superior, the chief simp lord @Hallsy.

Only time will tell what the Force has in store for Gabe Johnson and Darth Tamperus. We know the story doesn't end here, but how will Gabe eventually bring balance to the league? We have seen glimpses of the light side in his work to expose the player role exploitation by Edmonton and New Orleans, but surely that is not enough. If Darth Tamperus wants to complete his redemption arc, he will need to do much, much more.

Code:
908 words, and come on this has got to qualify for some kind of creativity bonus this is a genius work of art if I do say so myself, even if I took some inspiration from a famous movie franchise

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#2
(This post was last modified: 08-01-2020, 06:02 AM by Ferda.)

broken heart?

you're fucking slandering my name you lil shit

not only are you portraying me as a friend of Gone Wild Johnson, which is false, but you're also a fellow teammate of the bigot himself

this article is fake news and you can tell very easily from the first few lines

you undermine all of the destruction this human bean has done to all of us

nobody turned against Gone Wild Johnson

Gone Wild Johnson turned the league against itself through his cheating, discrimination and disrespect of the SHL as a whole

go pump his redacted in the locker room instead of in the media kid

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#3

08-01-2020, 06:01 AMFerda Wrote: broken heart?

you're fucking slandering my name you lil shit

not only are you portraying me as a friend of Gone Wild Johnson, which is false, but you're also a fellow teammate of the bigot himself

this article is fake news and you can tell very easily from the first few lines

you undermine all of the destruction this human bean has done to all of us

nobody turned against Gone Wild Johnson

Gone Wild Johnson turned the league against itself through his cheating, discrimination and disrespect of the SHL as a whole

go pump his redacted in the locker room instead of in the media kid

[Image: 0uOiqwB.png]

[Image: gkv3B4p.png]

[Image: srJQn8n.png]

friends? lovers? I don't want to judge but there's no need to lash out even though he broke your heart

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#4

08-01-2020, 07:00 AMgoldenglutes Wrote:
08-01-2020, 06:01 AMFerda Wrote: broken heart?

you're fucking slandering my name you lil shit

not only are you portraying me as a friend of Gone Wild Johnson, which is false, but you're also a fellow teammate of the bigot himself

this article is fake news and you can tell very easily from the first few lines

you undermine all of the destruction this human bean has done to all of us

nobody turned against Gone Wild Johnson

Gone Wild Johnson turned the league against itself through his cheating, discrimination and disrespect of the SHL as a whole

go pump his redacted in the locker room instead of in the media kid

[Image: 0uOiqwB.png]

[Image: gkv3B4p.png]

[Image: srJQn8n.png]

friends? lovers? I don't want to judge but there's no need to lash out even though he broke your heart

Out of context quotes are the best aren't they?

You decided to take the quotes days before and after Gone Wild Johnson made his decision to leave a stacked Anchorage Armada team to start cheating the SHL.

I was jaded by his friendliness at the time and felt nostalgic about the short stint that we had as a defensive pairing together.

Find a new slant.

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#5

08-01-2020, 07:12 AMFerda Wrote:
08-01-2020, 07:00 AMgoldenglutes Wrote: [Image: 0uOiqwB.png]

[Image: gkv3B4p.png]

[Image: srJQn8n.png]

friends? lovers? I don't want to judge but there's no need to lash out even though he broke your heart

Out of context quotes are the best aren't they?

You decided to take the quotes days before and after Gone Wild Johnson made his decision to leave a stacked Anchorage Armada team to start cheating the SHL.

I was jaded by his friendliness at the time and felt nostalgic about the short stint that we had as a defensive pairing together.

Find a new slant.

I'm pretty sure my quote was from around the same time too. I get it, we all say things we don't mean when we're emotional. I don't mean to mince your words I'm just the reporter please talk to my boss @JSS from the crodie news network if you have any further questions

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#6

Quote:In fact, it has been rumoured that Anchorage Armada General Manager, Rex Kirkby said this to his young protege: "I have taught you everything I know, and you have become a far greater hockey player than I could ever hope to be. But be patient, Gabriel. It will not be long before the awards committee gives you a Stevens.

Imagine thinking I'd be kind to anyone, let alone Gabe Johnson. Every man and his dog that I've never interacted with or talked to on this site knows that Anchorage men bad and that I'm responsible for it.

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#7

you forgot the story of a dutch farmboy named mitchell

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#8

gwdCD

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