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Walter Burkes Move to Cali
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Walter Burke has found himself going from couch surfing in rural Ontario to suddenly lacing up the skates in Anaheim and going out putting up minutes in a place that doesn't even see real ice 99% of the time. To say he's confused wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination but, realistically, he's about as clued in as Miss Marple.  So what's he doing now that he's in California? Has his training changed?

Walter, hows your life changed since you moved down to California?

Not much changed except you can't get a double double to save yourself. It's all decaf this and half mocha that and some kinda thing that just comes in a tiny little cup, don't even know what it is. Plus I can't find an LCBO anywhere so I've been slowly losing the buzz I've had since I arrived. I can't even ask what's going on cause they're all speakin weird and you can't even get all dressed chips. All in all it's been a riot so far. And I can bet you dollars to donuts it's gonna get harder before it gets easier.

Well that's... one way to put it. How have you been finding your hockey?

These boys are quicker than spit and they go like a hot damn. You think you're doing okay, you know, you're in a good spot and they just blow by you. I dropped the gloves last week and by the time I picked em back up the line had changed twice and my name was mud. It's not like back home, these boys don't care for dust ups. They care about three things, wheels, wheels and wheels. So I've been working on the ol speed, bought myself some of them roller skates and been going everywhere on em. Dropped a whole carton of eggs first time out when I hit a corner but my other choice was get flattened by one of those Ford F150's, now that's a hell of a truck [Editors Note: Walter believes he's legally obligated to mention the Ford F150 in interviews. He is not]

So what's the next stage look like for you?

Just playing a bit of shinny with the boys, y'know, get that puck moving. We had a hard time there lost a couple games on the bounce, shootout with Quebec which no one ever likes to lose, y'know, they don't even have real poutine over there. Not to mention you heard about their moving day? Only ever moving on Canada Day? I mean that's as mad as a bag of spiders. Followed that up with just a good ol fashioned hurting courtesy of Kelowna, not to take anything away from those boys but it hurts pretty bad when you're the Canadian boy getting it from the other spots y'know? You wanna win those. So we've just been moving it around, keeping the puck moving in praccy. Physicality needs a big step up as well, right now we're going out there and couldn't hit the broad side of a barn door so that's the next task. I've been workin on my front door, gonna get a cat flap in next and go to town on that y'know. Don't think there's many smaller kinds of doors but I'll keep hitting em till we're pulling up some W's.

Well Walter that's hands down the most insane thing I've ever heard. Finally, outside of hockey, what are you liking about California?

Well the dollars pretty good right now and unless your brain is scrambled egg cause you've not worn your bucket then you know what that means?

[[He taps the side of his head]]

50c frostie is basically 30c once you take in the ol dollar to dollar there so who's winning out of that deal? Walter, not Wendy.

Thanks Walter, that's been about as enlightening as watching gorillas groom another.

Thank you

Join us next week for more excerpts from the hockey version of the Manson diaries


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