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ToeDragon84 · 09-01-2020, 04:11 PM

For the past 14 years Zdanke Beranek has been living in a dog cage made for horse size dogs, at the Slovak Medical University in Bratislava. His court ordered release this past Summer caught the attention of many in Bratislava and the major outlying regions. Slovak citizens expressed their concerns. Some small groups forming in protest outside the institute where he'd be freed during the days leading up to his release. It was reported dozens of buses each full of frozen millet bread (some buses with all types of animal parts, snake teeth, rat tail interspersed in the goods, but still nice millet bread) were driven to the University, as to attract more people to join in on the protests. When the day came a 400 kilometer long chain of magnetic driven coches (imported from Old Spain) had built up in order to get the millet bread. Beranek once a sensation on wave 480NL (an approved globally broadcasted neural link entertainment program) one of the top viewed networks originating in Slovakia, known for pitting man vs any wild animal left in the wasteland, was lost on his release.

On his own, seeing the mass number of people eating millet bread, handing millet bread to one another, being exchanged for... more millet bread? Was it millet bread for millet bread? Beranek just started to run. Run away, it couldn't be such a trade. Past the first truck of frozen millet bread, the second, it was all the same. They were just trading millet bread back and forth, what had his people become. Could they not see it's all millet bread.The protests for his release had been long forgotten, lucky for Zdanke. Everyone was fiending for millet bread. He could see it. Zdanke knew what fiending for millet bread is like.

Better millet bread, more pure millet bread, stronger, larger, more delicious pieces. Who knows, maybe if they go trade with that guy they'll get a piece without a rat tail. Or less rat tail. No time to waste on such thoughts, it was time to be tricked by an inter-dimensional demon for Zdanke. His mind raced. All he had had to eat for the past 14 years was indeed the millet bread, if he had anything else he might die. His body might reject it. It was time to go back and get some fucking millet bread to eat. Overcome with an urge to eat millet bread Zdanke got in line for millet bread. All these people frustrated him dearly. How was he going to get any millet bread to eat in a trade? They were only doing millet bread for millet bread, there was no way to join the game. What about the dog cage? Yes, in the university hospital where he'd been living in the past 14 years! He'd go there. There was always plenty of millet bread in there each day. And so Zdanke went back to the cage. There was however, no millet bread. Nothing. Not a scrape of millet bread to eat. What now? Zdanke remembered he's free to do as he pleased, but still the millet bread. He'd die without it! He must get some to eat now he thought.

Just then a rat scurried out from under the sleep tube he'd been provided 14 years prior. The rat stood up on it's hind legs. Gazing around, looking in places where rats do not look. Zdanke approached the rat and attempted to pick it up, which the rat did not seem to disagree with. It stabilized itself on Zdanke's shoulder and began whispering to him, as rats do. More of a squeak/teeth chatter set of sounds, but it made sense to Zdanke. Perfect sense. They'd find millet bread, the rat assured. She (it was a manly looking rat but a female as she explained on the way) guided him into the kitchen. Where all the millet bread they could eat was being generated. Zdanke grabbed as many loafs as he could carry. Broke off a small piece for the rat, and ran outside where he began trading millet bread for millet bread.

His was fresh baked he proclaimed, a crowd gathered around him. All shoving millet bread at his face, he only approved trades the rat agreed to. After 47 seconds of trading he had upgraded two of his more suspect looking millet bread loafs for two millet bread loafs with suspicious characteristics of their own. The rat insisted there was less rat tail and feces in the loafs, which gave Zdanke a fair bit of relief in his first minute of trading. After about 90 more seconds, and having eaten a bit of his newly acquired millet bread Zdanke began thinking to himself all this millet bread shit is nonsense. He had a vision, of playing some hockey in America and not being a millet bread slave, or whatever was going to keep going on here. This vision only lasted a few seconds though before a raging urge to eat more millet bread was upon Zdanke. Good thing he had some to eat just there, he fell back into his vision.

To go play hockey, smoke millet bread the entire way there he thought to himself. It'll be great. Zdanke, with help from the rat traded some millet bread (likely full of ground up bits of snake teeth) for a level 84 hyper-tube pass that'd get him to New York in 42 minutes. The rat tucked away in Zdanke's hoodie caught a few odd glares from passengers around him who had their cortex activity levels set below 2,000PFW.

In New York, Zdanke went straight to the Manhattan Rage and demanded millet bread and a spot in the SHL. Anyone who'd listen he'd list out his demands, 128 loafs per week was all he asked. To play pro hockey. It was all (besides millet bread) he could think about during the times his mind and body wre satiated enough by millet bread. The custodial staff weren't of any help and nobody would really look at Zdanke in the eye with a rat on his shoulder, so he asked kindly if the rat would just follow along. Behind in the shadow, and he'd pick it up every now and then and feed it millet bread, and get some help in further millet bread trades. If he could find anyone with millet bread, what about that he thought? No time, he'd better eat some millet bread then go find another team to beg to play for.

In Buffalo Zdanke ran out of millet bread and died for 6 minutes, though was revived by a nearby medic named xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969. But having no millet bread to eat Zdanke died again on the spot. Immediately. xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 spent four weeks reviving Zdanke and feeding him different vegetables. His body would reject them, desiring nothing but the millet bread. The rat had been long dead, far past the alloted revive time... Zdanke finally was able to live, for short intervals. For a few seconds at first. Then minutes. It took about a year of carrots for Zdanke to finally last longer than an hour. xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 celebrated by feeding Zdanke some millet bread.

Imported from Slovakia. This was a terrible mistake

Zdanke just wanted to go play hockey, he'd try and get signed by Buffalo, he talked about it every time he'd be alive. But after having some of the millet bread, Zdanke was set back to only living for a few seconds at a time. Buffalo wouldn't take him, his only thoughts as he broke back into reality for 4 seconds one day. He knew. Not like this. Once xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 got him back up to a few minutes of sustained life before another revive, Zdanke basically gave up on his dream to play in the SHL. He'd never make it he knew it to be true. xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 was a nice medic and all, but he needed better.

During a day where Zdanke was alive for a total of maybe 3 hours straight, he had a nice conversation with xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 pertaining to getting him to a better medic. It was time for xXxXxShadow_Sniper69_420zzzZZZzzz69696996969696969666 to save Zdanke, and his chance at playing hockey in the SHL one day. They found xXxXxShadow_Sniper69_420zzzZZZzzz69696996969696969666 reviving pigeons at a park, a great medic they felt. The care he had with those pigeons was a great sign for the future Zdanke thought. Zdanke was fed from xXxXxShadow_Sniper69_420zzzZZZzzz69696996969696969666's own garden, all kinds of soybean and lentil soups, some mustard seed ground up pigeon that basically gave Zdanke about 2-4 hours of life before his body craved millet bread/rejected his previous meals to the point he'd collapse. But not always die immediately. He was improving.

Anyways, 2-4 hours is long enough to play a hockey game they supposed, and so Zdanke, accompanied by his medics went to the Stampede, demanding a contract. The man who was in the team shop, named Phil was a total waste of time, not even worth buying the autographed baseball they were selling. Why did they autograph a baseball it's a hockey team, it made no sense, but Zdanke had to have it for some reason. What a stupid thing to steal he thought. After dying in the concourse and being revived, Zdanke was consulted by his medics. They thought Buffalo might offer a contract if he got on the ice right then and now, with the fresh life of brussel sprouts in him.

No go, there were some people who said to join a men's league, and something about smelling like death. Zdanke left Buffalo. For the first time in years. He had been dying and getting revived continually there, but there's no reason xXxXxShadow_Sniper69_420zzzZZZzzz69696996969696969666 and xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 could just revive him wherever they went. On to Toronto Zdanke went, to ask to play for the North Stars. What a great SHL team he thought during his alive hours nearing the arena. They'd surely let him play.

Nobody was there, so they just drove through during one of the times Zdanke died off a piece of corn from 4.2 hours prior. A record long time of sustained life! He could do it, his confidence was back. Zdanke was going to make it.

Baltimore, what hte fuck are we doing here Zdanke continually remembered saying to himself one day. Tampa... Tampa, holey fuck. Zdanke was alive for like 3 hours in Tampa and saw some weird shit that day he'll never forget. Over the course of about 6 weeks Zdanke and his medics visited over a dozen SHL teams, attempting to get on one of the teams. And none. None! Zero of them would have it. He died twice in the meeting with Calgary, who then explained to the medics (desperately trying to revive at the same time and blocking each other from properly using their 8ir3029r life re-instance kits), why they couldn't sign him. Notifying xXxXxShadow_Sniper69_420zzzZZZzzz69696996969696969666 and xxXxxShadow_Sniper420_69xxXxx_xXx69696969 they're dealing with an 6'9" 265lbs 18 year old elite talent who needs to go play in the minors first.

Everything makes perfect sense now.

Matteo · 09-01-2020, 04:31 PM

***JKortesi81*** · 09-01-2020, 04:54 PM

Best work of art since Homer wrote The Odyssey.

ToeDragon84 · 09-01-2020, 07:23 PM

09-01-2020, 04:54 PMJKortesi81 Wrote: Best work of art since Homer wrote The Odyssey.

How do you have so many cups wtf is this

LordBirdman · 09-02-2020, 10:27 AM

Inspiring tale of life and death, carrots and millet bread

Mack · 09-02-2020, 10:35 AM

09-01-2020, 04:11 PMToeDragon84 Wrote: The rat stood up on it's hind legs. Gazing around, looking in places where rats do not look.

This is the key to exit the rat race. Thank you for spreading sacred knowledge.

***JKortesi81*** · 09-02-2020, 11:20 AM

09-01-2020, 07:23 PMToeDragon84 Wrote:
09-01-2020, 04:54 PMJKortesi81 Wrote: Best work of art since Homer wrote The Odyssey.
How do you have so many cups wtf is this

They were on clearance at Dollar Tree. Scooped 'em up.

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