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drunk media rampage
#1

Stumbling to the stage, Justin Keahi in the next player for media.

"I'm here, ask me questions," he slurs as he props himself up against the podium.

"Are you drunk?" the first question is asked as Keahi can barely focus on the reporter?

"Of course I am, how else am I supposed to get through this season. Are team is barely competitive, how else am I supposed to get through this season?"

Many of the reporters are unsure how to process this information, but some know that this is the only time to get actual answers from the the Barracuda winger.

"On a personal level, how do you think the season has gone for you this year?" asks one reporter in the back of the room.

"I have five goals and seven assists. I'm on top of the world. I'm a top contributor to the team on ice and I'm playing the sport I love. Everything is going great for me this season and I can't wait to see how I'll be in a couple seasons when we have all our players developed and we are kings of this league. You think we are
surprising people now, talk to me in three years when we'll be the top dawgs in this league."

"Speaking of the future, how do you think the Barracuda will fair the next few seasons?"

"Did you not hear me? These next few seasons will be huge for us. We'll show some huge improvement. Trust me, five seasons from now we'll be fighting. We are fighting now, but five seasons from now we'll really be fighting. We can only go up from here. We aren't going to be like San Francisco where we are trash all our lives and sign very questionable contracts. We are here to compete, we aren't going to be bottom feeders the entire time we are here."

"Do you miss juniors at all?"

"Not at all. The way I see it, I wasted two good years of my SHL career wasting away in that league. If I had the choice I'd be playing in the SHL right after I was drafted. I'm not one of those players that can wallow away their careers in the juniors for four years. I need to be playing meaningful games. Even if I'm on a team that doesn't have any hope for the next few seasons of seeing post season action. If I'm in the juniors, I'm just wasting my healthy games. As I get older, do I really want to regret spending an extra season in the juniors when I could be adding to my SHL career?"

"Do you think you'll develop into a core piece of the Tampa franchise?"

"It all depends on if the General Managers like me. I believe I'll be a solid player in the SHL, it doesn't matter the team. If the Tampa General Managers think I can be a core piece, then I know I'll be worth keeping. Right now, I'm playing to prove that I deserve to be in the SHL. I'm here to play hockey, and contribute. I can't just coast by and hope I have enough of impact to be worth to keep around for another season. What I do for this year might define what type of player I'll be for years to come, what type of contracts I get. I only have once chance to make a good impression, and I hope I make that good impression. Am I going to be the best rookie? Probably not, but I'm here to compete and develop. That's what I'm here to do, so that is what I will do. I think that's all the time I can stomach, thanks for coming to this press conference and not wasting my time with questions that I've answered a hundred times before."

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~670 words

Sven Holmberg

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#2

Cheers

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Thanks to @sulovilen, @the5urreal, and @sve7en for the sigs!
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#3

beauty

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Fuck the penaltys
ARGARGARHARG
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