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Gerry Atrick reviews the SMJHL Rulebook. (2142 words)
#1

Hello ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, everyone else in the universe, etc etc.

My name is Gerry, Gerry Atrick, I know what you're thinking, that's one letter away from Gerry Hatrick, which is one letter away from Gerry Hattrick, which would be a pretty cool hockey name,
but that's not my name children, my name is Gerry Atrick. Back in my day we didn't need any fancy schmancy rules written in a big book, full of part 1. A) section 2 article 3 part 1. But I digress.
this is a new age, and with a new age comes new rules and responsibilities that come with that new age, and in this new age, it's polite to introduce ourselves to people, at any time, in any way,
before you try to stick it anywhere, but I digress. Now with these rules, that I've been informed I should know before I enter the league, I figured I'd take this time for I-self. I mean myself,
to go over every rule, in this big ol book we call life, around the league, at all times.

And in this book of life we'll learn to live, love and laugh, like my great grandson when he comes over to visit.
it's always such a hoot to spend time with my great grandson, he always tells me about his mein kampfs and his yu-gi-mons, and all the grills he likes at school, back in my day we didn't allow grills in school,
but that's just not the way the world works anymore, you can bring a grill anywhere, the beach, the movies, the line at the dennys that just seems to take 3 got dang hours to bring me my damn menu but I still end up
going there for my got dang breakfast omelette, you dang youngsters always taking your time to cook me a denver omelette, back in my day we had a sense of urgency, we knew we were going to die someday and it showed,
nowadays it seems like everyone moves in slow motion, which we didn't have back in my day, but I've been informed that's what it would look like to us back then. Anyways so at this dennys they usually let you get away
with asking for extra peanut butter cups for your toast in the morning, or even some marmalade, and you know agnus, the best waiter in the world always says to me, "gary" (She gets my name wrong but it's impolite to
correct people you know, and I'd just feel bad if I did it now anyways, she'd be so embarassed and I can't do that to the girl now, she's just so darned nice.) Anyways, she says to me. "Gary, What will you be having for
breakfast this morning hun? huh? bacon and eggs? waffles? or an old boot!" We take a moment and laugh, 'cause she made a little joke, you see they would never really serve an old boot, That would be outrageous and
honestly not that delicious. I had a friend back when I was young, his father was a very strict man, he always yelled at his son, like, he'd go, like. "Jim, john, james, you better, you better stop with all that
ruckus, or I'll you'll be having, some old boot for breakfast tomorrow!" And he'd laugh, I'd laugh, but deep down inside you knew he was going to be having boot for breakfast tomorrow, and that's just a sign of the
times, for jim, john, or james as I'd sometimes call him, he had to live off that old boot, because you see his father was so very angry, But that's just the times we lived in.

So, back to the rule book, as you can see here and like I said before, we have the rules, and in those rules, or, rather, what rules are comprised of, are things you can't do in this here league.
Now the first time I ever had to follow rules was when I was a boyscout back in my day, and I know I said we didn't have rules back then, but we did, they just weren't written, you know things like
dont marry your friends sister, unless she's super hot then it was ok. Don't steal from your mom or your pop, 'cause they won't like that too much then you'd end up eatin' boot. And also no startin
fires neither, that's not somethin you'd do in those days, at least at my age, you waited til your mom or pop took ya real early one mornin' and showed you how to light the woodstove, 'cause then
you'd know you's startin to grow up in the world, start bein a man, line up at a dennys at 6 AM for your denver omelette, real man stuff.

So yeah, we were in the boy scouts, and back then they'd let you carry a knife, you didn't need no fancy badge or nothin, they'd say "Go ask your pop's for a knife, make sure it's sharp and ready to cut things,
it needs to be sharp enough for whittlin and cuttin rope and last you at least 2 days without goin dull." 'cause you see back then, when we went campin', we went campin' boy-o. two whole days, just us in the woods.
they'd say "Find a spot out of sight from all of us adults, and you kids find a good source of water, get your tent setup and meet back here for instructions on how to fish." Now you see, I had already known how to fish,
my pops showed me when we's was real young, how to find a worm to throw on your line and tie it real good so them fish ain't getting away, no sir. Back in my day we didn't have no bobbers so you see, we'd use real small dry pieces of wood
to see when it went under, at least that's how my pops taught me, he always knew how to do little tricks like that. One time I was fishin and I thought I'd caught a rock, you know what that means? that's when your line gets caught
under something, and you gotta go out into the water to get your line out, anyways that's what happened to me, so I caught that rock and my pops looks at me and says, he says, "Go on over to that point on the shore, just to the left,
try to get it out without going in the water or ma' will be awful mad you soaked your trousers for no reason, seeing as you ain't caught a fish yet boy." So I make my way to the point, as fast as my little legs could carry me,
and I just started yanking at it, as hard as I could, harder and faster, over and over, until finally I felt it come free, Or so I had thought at the time.  'cause you see, it hadn't been a rock all along, it turned out to be something
they call a sucker fish, which is basically just a giant junk fish that eats things off the bottom of the water, anyways I'd caught myself one of those, although I didn't know it at the time, so I was hollerin' to my pa'.
"I got it, I got my line unstuck pa'" and he just laughed, shaking his head at me saying good job Gerry, that's my name by the way, I dunno if I'd mentioned that, anyways yeah he's laughing, enjoying me being so excited, when finally that
sucker splashes right in front of me, I was so shocked, you shoulda seen the look on my face, my pa' dropped his beer and came runnin, it only took em' I think about 3 seconds to reach me, and he finished reelin' it in on account of my
arms being so tired, I was just little you see. So we get that thing home, and my ma just laughs and laughs when we bring home this junk fish, Of course I'd have been so let down if she didn't cook the fish her big strong Gerry had caught,
so she cooked it and we ate it. Now in my mind that thing was the best gosh darn thing I'd eaten in my life, that's the way it feels when you earn something on your own, but my ma' and pa' couldn't eat much more than a few bites, I later
found out they had chicken for dinner after I'd gone to sleep, which now that I think about it, is totally fine, that's just something you did for your kids back in those days, no hurt feelins or nothing.

So the scout leader calls us all over, and he says. "Now boys, the adults will be sleeping in these 3 tents right here, we know you know how to make a fire, we'll teach you how to catch some fish and then you'll be responsible for catching
and cooking your own dinners tonight, how's that sound?" Now of course we were all super excited to do that, to show off to our friends how great of fisherman we'd be, how fast we could light a fire, who would be fed and sleeping before the others.
Now of course, my father had taught me all about fishing, long before any of these kids had even begun walkin' I reckon, so you best believe when I threw that line in the water that no longer than a minute had past that I'd had a fish on my line.
He wasn't the biggest fish I'd reckon, at least by todays standards, you kids got all these gigantic fish now a days as I'd been catch and releasin so many fish that you got to see them only after I'd seen em as babies, I do declare.
So anyways, we hoist that fish up after a few minutes of battling back and forth and by god, we might've just ate him raw then and there to be the fastest kids to catch and eat, that night. But we didn't, we brought that little guy
back to the fire and cooked him up real nice. Even had a nice can of beans to go with it, "Delicious" my tentmate said, as we finished off the rest of them baked beans.

So, we come back to scouts, and at this time we showed up with our knives, all proud, Jim, the boy from earlier, I told you about him, right? well anyways he comes back with a bright red handled knife, that thing looked
like he took it right out of his moms kitchen and brought it along, it was gigantic. "It was all I had" he said, which was understandable, him eatin boots and all. So I brought out my trusty swiss army knife my pa' had gave me,
"Be careful with this, your great grandpa had this back in WW1, and now I'm trusting it to you." So you best believe I had that thing in my sight at all times, for my entire life, and I'll pass that on to my grandson one of these days.
So we start with whittlin this little stick, they say. "make it into a spearhead" So we can go do some huntin later on. So we did that but we never really ended up doing any huntin', a bunch of kids trying to do hunting with a spear is no good I tell you.
you'da heard em comin from a couple of miles away, "kids aint no good at huntin'" I heard a man say at the huntin store one time, we'd go there for all sorts of things, lures, lines, scopes, rifles, one time my 'pa let me try a shotgun he'd just bought,
and let me tell you, that thing kicked like an angry mule, bucked me real good, left me sore for weeks and I ain't ever wanna touch that shotgun of my pa's no more, no sir.

So where were we? Oh yes, the rulebook, lets take a look here.



GM & Team Rules
Conflict of Interest
Any member of a team’s management team may not transfer money from their personal bank account to any other player unless it is for a job, such a graphic signature. Management must give HO prior notice for approval. Payment for these jobs may not exceed $4.0M each.

Lets take a second here, 4 Million dollars for a picture? what are you, da vinky? But anyways, I totally understand not giving money to players all willy nilly, it makes richer owners able to make their players better,
and that's just no good for the league.

And with that, we'll be taking a little break from doing the rulebook today, I feel we've covered a lot and learned a lot, and we still have a couple weeks to go here before I get drafted anyways so what's the rush.
Thanks for joining me in my look at the rules and I hope to see you in my next edition.
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