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***sköldpaddor*** · 03-12-2021, 01:36 PM

Hey everybody, it’s me Gunnar again. So…that didn’t go as planned. I’m still not sure what to say. I had really high hopes for this season (how can you not, coming off a championship?) and things just didn’t quite pan out the way we imagined.

It’s weird but the hardest part for me about missing the playoffs isn’t that we won’t get to play for the cup again…although obviously that sucks beyond belief. The hardest thing for me at the moment is just that I was absolutely not ready to stop playing hockey yet. I have worked so hard this year to stay on top of regression, to play up to my own standards and to prove that I still have it in me to compete at a high level here, and I think I’ve done alright at that (I was two points short of last season’s regular season total, but that’s still pretty close). And having to just go home and sit down and watch everybody else keep playing, that’s just…it stings like you wouldn’t believe. I think it hurts even more as I’m getting older, because I know I’m not going to be able to do this forever and every minute I spend not getting to play feels like a minute I will never be able to get back.

I could spend a lot of time complaining about the playoffs layout and all that but the truth of the matter is people only bitch about that when it isn’t going in their favor and I’m not going to do that. The system is what it is, we all know it, we all play in it. It’s obviously so devastating when it comes down to the wire and all you have to do is win a couple of games and you just can’t get it done, but you know, there were at least seventeen other games we could have won besides the ones that we had to win yesterday. We could have put ourselves in a much better position and we didn’t, so I’m not going to sit here and whine about how the system screwed us or whatever. We’re not the only team to miss the playoffs. We’re not even the only really good team to miss the playoffs.

It’s going to be a long offseason, but I think it’ll give me a chance to really focus on training and trying to up my game for next season. I have a lot of ground to make up - it’s hard to really get better these days. Feels like I spent the entirety of this season trying to get back to being the player I was at the end of last season, and I don’t think I quite made it there. So I’m going to be working on that. I still don’t feel like I’m at a point where I am losing ground I can’t make up, so I’m not thinking about retiring or anything, but I do have to put significantly more effort into keeping up with the younger guys than I used to, and that’s pretty tiring.

This off season, I’m going to do all my usual off season stuff - worlds is on the horizon, so it’ll be good to get back with the guys from Sweden again for our annual check-in. I am also going to be going back to Sweden for a couple of weeks this summer again, and spending some time with some friends there as well as in North America (Barry I am coming for that scotch).

I am also keeping a close eye on a couple of the kids I’ve been mentoring back in Sweden. I think there are a few who are getting really close to being ready to make the jump to juniors over here, so I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some of those guys (or girls!) make their way over here in the next few seasons. I’m not going to do the scouting work for you or anything, but we’re building something pretty special there - there are some kids who are just getting close to being at a pro level who I’ve been working with for ten years now, so it’s pretty crazy and absolutely a privilege to have gotten to watch them grow from little kids into actual honest to god hockey players. It’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve gotten to do in my life, and it sort of feels like the whole thing is really close to coming full circle here as I am in the back half of my career when theirs is just beginning.

Today I am just sitting out on the balcony at my condo and drinking some coffee while Poppy and Maxim play with really obnoxiously loud squeaker toys in my living room. It is sunny and cool here in Chicago this morning, which is just the way I like it. I think we’re supposed to get some snow later in the week maybe, but spring is in the air and I am ready to take a deep breath and move along past the disappointment. It’s still going to suck for a while, watching the playoffs go on without us, but I am more than just a hockey player and there is plenty of stuff I can do with myself in the meantime, plenty of ways I can be productive.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a very safe and successful playoffs - especially the Toronto North Stars. I wish more than anything I was still playing, but if I can’t, the least you can all do is get Carpy a cup after all this time. And just enjoy every minute of it, because I swear it feels like time goes by a little faster every single day, and there’s nothing I can do but hold on and try to enjoy things as much as I can while I’m still in the game. Because I’m not ready to let go yet, I’m just not. I’ve never been good at letting go, not even when it’s things I know aren’t meant for me, there’s this fiery, demanding thing in the heart of me that just never wants to let up, always wants more from me, never wants to let me rest. I don’t know if I will know for certain when it’s time for me to take a seat for good, to let this part of my life go…I’m not sure if I’ll see some sign and think “ah, yes, it’s time now.” But what I do know is that I am absolutely certain that I am not done yet, that regardless of how this season didn’t go the way I was hoping, next season still could, and I have a lot of hockey left to play.

I promise this blog isn’t going to just turn into a yearly reassurance that I’m not retiring - I’ll have plenty of other stuff to talk about, but the more I see people talk about how it’s a new era or how guys my age are becoming irrelevant faster and faster, the more I feel like I have to prove that wrong.

I am not finished here, and I will see you all next season.

Be well, be safe, be happy.
-Gunnar
[x]

P.S. I am trying to put together a D&D group. Please let me know if you want to play vampire D&D.

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***SDCore*** · 03-12-2021, 01:43 PM

I'm making chili later, if Gunnar wants to bring the pups over to play with saoirse :eyes: If we can't be playing hockey we might as well have chili...

***_Blitz_*** · 03-12-2021, 03:59 PM

Vampire D&D as in playing a vampire or hunting vampires?

charlieconway · 03-12-2021, 04:02 PM

03-12-2021, 03:59 PMCapt_Blitzkrieg Wrote: Vampire D&D as in playing a vampire or hunting vampires?

i just assumed vampire the masquerade

***sköldpaddor*** · 03-12-2021, 04:09 PM

vampire D&D = Curse of Strahd (which for those who do not know is a pre-written kinda dark gothic vampire adventure with lots of dracula-esque spookiness)

which i will be DMing as Gunnar and in which the participants will be hockey players playing D&D, via a mixture of discord for voice/video and roll20 for maps and visuals

***_Blitz_*** · 03-12-2021, 04:15 PM

03-12-2021, 04:09 PMsköldpaddor Wrote: vampire D&D = Curse of Strahd (which for those who do not know is a pre-written kinda dark gothic vampire adventure with lots of dracula-esque spookiness)

which i will be DMing as Gunnar and in which the participants will be hockey players playing D&D, via a mixture of discord for voice/video and roll20 for maps and visuals

That is some deep RP. Count me intrigued.

*gurbs* · 03-12-2021, 04:21 PM

03-12-2021, 01:36 PMsköldpaddor Wrote: Anyway, I hope everyone has a very safe and successful playoffs - especially the Toronto North Stars.

Much love Jess Smile

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