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McCloud to retire next season
#1

P. S. - I arrived late to watch the game against Hamilton because of a cashier. Even though we lost, I sure as hell won't let anyone be down, so here's an unscripted retirement post.

Yoshimitsu McCloud sits on a chair during a post-game interview. He seems surprisingly peaceful and has decided to go without his mask for once.


I stand here a man that has certainly tasted defeat again. To most people, this would be a moment of disappointment, a moment where they shall then go home and grief over the end of another season that could have been much more. Regardless of where you end, that feeling is almost universal, the bottom dogs, the team that could've won had the puck fell the right side, the team that gambled everything and is now counting their pennies for the years to come and those who were happy to be there, who arrived merely just to try and gouge someone's eye out. And that last one was us, yes; arriving with nothing but the taste for blood and an uncontrollable urge to send the Blizzard to the middle of the desert without a ticket back home.

Surely someone's gonna ask that definitive question - Is this what you spent your nights before the playoffs doing, cursing Edmonton?

To quote my user's homeland sayings, I'll say this: YES, BITCH, I DID! They got outdone - we fucking reverse swept them back to the middle of nowhere! And the best bit is that I wouldn't have given the slightest little more of a damn if it was either Edmonton, Atlanta, Chicago, Seattle, Minnesota or San Francisco. It would've been awesome just the same, having a blast with my mates for longer in the playoffs is a fucking grand time and I sure as shit wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

But now you must be thinking, oh, but the Steelhawks took you down. Yeah, they did. Wanna know the fucks I give? Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nadie. None. Nothing. The number of good FNaF games in the world. The quality of anything Sword Art Online related. The number of brain cells present in the entirety of Brazil's governmental core. We fucking won one, that's pretty goddamn motherfucking good if you fucking ask me!

Now this guides me to the next point - my retirement. Yes, it is with certainty that I hereby announce that I am retiring next season. But you wanna know what? I'm not sad about it. Fuck no, I'm ecstatic, because it means I get another season to have a go at this whole fucking thing again, hopefully, to drive the point fucking home eleven feet deep to the point where you might as well declare it a sovereign state in the middle of the goddamn Indian Ocean. You'll be able to plant food on it, you'll be able to raise cattle on it, you'll be able to visit it during summer, you'll be able to surf on its' pristine beaches, you might even find your eternal lovemate there - but that's only because I'll be here one last season to make sure that this team gets another play-off win on their books and celebrate until the moon sinks faster than confidence in the New York Jets' organization does every start of the season.

If you ask me why I'm retiring, I could just say that my skills have deteriorated and that I haven't been in the right state of emotions to work hard towards improving against the rather quick decomposing of those. But since I'm in a great mood today, I'll say fuck it and instead state that the reason I'm retiring is that I want to pursue new challenges in my life, in preference those who involve drinking the blood of menstruated vampiresses and punching fascist pricks on the jaw until their head makes a perfect 180 and their chin faces the fucking sun. I would be lying but fuck it if it wouldn't make for a fun post-playing career.

For my career, I'll say that it ranks adequately between as cool as landing a 720 No-Handed Barspin to Superman on a fucking Barbie tricycle to as peaceful as my place whenever the local sports club (ran by absolute cunts) gets pounded by some random wank ass soccer team out of Quito. I enjoyed it a lot and would gladly do it again if I had the chance. I thank the Anaheim Outlaws for being the best junior club a rookie could ask for, I thank the San Francisco Pride for giving me a chance at playing for them in spite of my short-comings, I thank the Baltimore Platoon for having me around after that as a healthy member of the locker room and I thank the Winnipeg Jets for trading for me in spite of whatever backhanded comments the media would later make about it. I also thank the Republic of Ireland for having me represent them in the international rinks and allowing me to have such a quality honour.

You must be thinking that my career was lacklustre for the lack of single accolades, prizes, tickets to Disneyland or whatever, to which I say... biiiitch. Here's a PSA that you all should keep in the back of your minds and extend that advice to future generations. Do you know who ranks players by stats and accolades? Tossers. Kids on Reddit. Media writers.

I howled at the moon, watched hockey games during heaven-breaking storms, gave out about my cousin's inability to keep her panties up on trips to the favelas, complained about my mother's terrible behaviour, bagged a fuckton of Pokémon, shared loads of music I like and factoids about random games from the 90s, drew the original Outlungus logo on a hockey jersey, watched the Sharks bottle a game live, cracked loads of jokes, fucked up three FHM titles, got to enjoy a Mania with folks and, above all else, got introduced to some wonderful people everywhere. Might not be the sort of stuff you can enshrine at some Hall of Fame but I couldn't give less of a shit, I had a lot of fun and that's the sort of shit you take with you to your grave, not some piece of data on the interwebs.

Because in the end, if you didn't have fun, then what the fuck was the point of all of it? So there we go, that'll be it from me, I'm retiring next season. I promise effort and a will to go out with a bang and if you're not down with that, I'll make you go out with a bang. Get these words, keep them in the mind, printed in 3D. We'll be back. Peace.

Quote:Words: 1180

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Scarecrows Dragons Czechia
Player Page - Update Page
Outlungus
Former Players: Yoshimitsu McCloud (LW, #64) - Outlaws pride Platoon Jets Aurora Ireland
Won a Four Star Cup once, knew ninjutsu, picture editors hated him, never tried free agency
Anton Harrier (LW, #90) - Battleborn Rage Ireland
Won WJC gold, liked skateboarding a lot, went to the finals with Manhattan, kept his seat glued in LR
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#2

Jets Jets Jets Jets Jets Jets Jets
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#3

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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norway                             IIHF Team Norway                          norway
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#4

Heart

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#5

Youse a good guy Thunfish, hopefully your final season is a good one.

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Agent of Nick Brain: Center/Right Winger - Winnipeg Aurora
Agent of John Torrance: Advisor to the General Manager - Winnipeg Aurora
Agent of Anatoli Terrorov: Head Coach - Colorado Raptors

Nick Brain Player Profile: http://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=91326
Nick Brain Update Thread: http://simulationhockey.com/showthread.php?tid=91332
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#6

You're a stand up guy Thun and I'll never forget our time in Anaheim together. I hope to see a new player after McCloud hangs em up but if not, we've always got discord.

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[Image: qGhUIfY.png]  Outlungus   Usa Monarchs  [Image: PlcJv9V.png]
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#7

I LOVE YOU AND YOUR AMAZING VOCABULARY THUN. I HOPE I CAN CONTINUE TO LEARN NEW WORDS FROM YOU IN THE FUTURE.

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