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visceralpotamus · 01-29-2021, 06:37 PM

When young pasta watched the Canucks on the TV, amidst all the furor and excitement that the hockey crazy market provided, his eyes were focussed in a different direction than most. Instead of watching the svelte Markus Naslund snap wristers into the net, Thundering Todd Bertuzzi separate opposing players' souls from their bodies, or Ed Jovanovski bomb the puck from one end of the pond to the next…. Young Pasta the Turtle was watching the steady performance of Murray “The Bear” Baron. Pasta eagerly absorbed all of Baron’s best attributes. The crease was always clear. Defensive assignments were always completed. Errant pucks were corralled and efficiently distributed. No glamour, and the only glory came from Canuck victories. Pasta took this mentality to every level of hockey. His Peewee coach loved to see Pasta drop to the ice and absorb point shots. His Midget goalies loved the fact that forwards never had an opportunity to obstruct their vision. All of his coaches appreciated the no drama, business-only approach Pasta brought to the locker room and the bench.

His team-first mentality meant that if coaches needed him to be a bit quicker, Pasta volunteered for bag skates all month. If they needed a bit more strength, Pasta took up permanent residency in the weight room. If his positioning was off, he was glued to the computer reviewing film.

Indeed a group of his development coaches are eagerly anticipating his upcoming SMJHL draft. While they know his lack of flash might result in him being drafted a bit later than he deserves, they know that the impact he will have on his team will be disproportionately greater than his draft stock.

We managed to get some quotes from some of the coaches responsible for Pasta the Turtle’s development:

Penne Tortoise: Pasta was the first on the ice, and the last one off. I had to miss multiple evening engagements because he literally wouldn't get off the ice. Exhausting.

Linguine C. Tertel: Most players celebrate goals and start whooping and acting a fool. Pasta would be solemn until the final whistle. If it was a win, he would crack a wry smile before heading into the locker room to start reviewing the tape

Farfalle Box Turdle: The boys would be getting all fired up in the locker room talking about goals and hits. Pasta would be in the corner with his D partner celebrating how they diverted a 3 on 2 with solid positioning and fundamentals. Kinda weird, but can’t argue with results.

Spa Gettyturt-el: Pasta is the glue that holds championship teams together. Quiet, but reliable, especially when the game is on the line. Never wore the C, but he was who the guys rallied around when times got tough. He aint gonna win many beauty contests. Or personality contests. Or like, spelling bees or whatever. But he is sure as [expletive] will win a battle in front of his goalie.

To continue reading, please subscribe to The Athletic. Free lifelong membership to any GM who drafts Pasta at the 1.01

601 words

DollaBill · 01-29-2021, 07:39 PM

Got that good buzz going, huh?

Nhamlet · 01-30-2021, 12:20 AM

01-29-2021, 06:37 PMvisceralpotamus Wrote: To continue reading, please subscribe to The Athletic. Free lifelong membership to any GM who drafts Pasta at the 1.01

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