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*Otrebor13* · 03-02-2021, 11:24 AM

There’s one way to make the sport extreme, and that’s changing the boards. Rather than the boards being smooth, we’ll make them jagged. Every single hit on the boards will be dangerous, anyone can get hurt just by sliding in to the boards, and the bounces off the boards are unpredictable and make for great entertainment. Pucks would be bouncing everywhere, teams would be losing players every shift and it would just end up being a brawl out there.

The best rule of all: If you end up injuring every player on the other team, you get an additional 2 points in the standings. People will want to go out there and hit everyone, they will try their best to get players along the boards. It would be a mess, but it would make for great TV. This would finally make it so goons/grinders would be a viable option to have in the SHL, and we wouldn’t be focused solely on scoring goals.

Huck24 · 03-02-2021, 11:50 AM

The SHL is going back to the basics. When the NHL was first introduced, the game was much simpler. There were no ads on the boards, no synthetic sticks, no massive goalie pads, heck, goalies didn't even wear face masks! This is what the SHL has decided to do, start out just like the NHL. All players will be provided the same 'equipment', which would consist of leather gloves, paper thin shin, knee and elbow pads. Only wooden sticks would be allowed, with the most minimal curves allowed. Helmets would be optional, but for goalies, only the old school Jacques Plante face mask would be allowed. Speaking of goalies, they would for sure have to adapt the most. The big pads that they wear today would basically be cut in half, they would have to work the hardest to get to their game where it was before the change. We wouldn't have to stay like this forever though, maybe ever season we could move up a decade, so in 10 season or so the game would get back to looking and playing like it does today.

Roamus · 03-02-2021, 01:35 PM

NHL has been picked up by the UFC. At first, the ufc didn't want to make changes to the NHL in fear of causing the fans to uproar. However, because Dana White and the UFC are both rich douchebags that tilt up when the smell of money come close. They have decided to implement some change in the NHL. At least, there were only minor changes like
1: fights are allowed but on certain condition (no skate kicks and 3 rounds of 30 seconds of fighting
But now, fans are starting to feel like the sport of hockey they once knew has changed too much in the last couple years. some fans are even starting to move to Russia for some original hockey.
Even after most fan migrated to another sport, the UFC figured that the fans were entitled and still tried to pursue their hockey/fighting sport project.
They implemented 2 fights per game in the octogon that would be build between the 2 penalty bench. The winning on the fight could get out earlier as the loser would take a 2min pen for shaming his team.

zaynzk · 03-02-2021, 01:58 PM

EXTREME HOCKEY. WHAT IS THIS!!! I KNOW ITS HOCKEY BUT EVEN MORE EXTREME. YOU KNOW PUCKS?!?!?!?! THEY ARE NOW REPLACED WITH BLADES. THATS 120% MORE POTENTIAL DECAPITATION CHANCE!!! Blades instead of pucks will allow hockeys "skill" attribute to be replaced with pure fear and power, as teams will have no choice but to avoid the blades instead of control the puck. I know what your thinking WHAT ABOUT GOALIES!!! well sucks to suck, Goalies are now even more insane as they will only be wearing shorts and a t-shit, and will be forced to use their body to stop the puck. I know i know Goalie deaths will go up significantly, and to that i say?? WHO CARES!??!!? people wanna see blood they wanna see fight and they wanna see goalies get strait up destroyed on camera, goalies suck all of them, and if we have to spend a fortune on insurance to make sure our fans are entertained than we will!!!!!

***trashae*** · 03-02-2021, 03:01 PM

YOU WANT XTREME?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I'LL GIVE YOU EXTREME!!!! After a series of tense negotiations where the executives over at the SHL's new cable affiliate were asking for things like sharks with frickin' lazer beams on their heads the two sides have some to an agreement on 2 changes to be made in the upcoming SHL season. The first change should come as no surprise after both parties decided to break the ice by watching Austin Powers. Rinks will be built on top of an aquarium featuring ill-tempered tuna where the ice will be no more than six inches thick below the goalie crease and no less than two inches at center ice. Additionally, the SHL has agreed to allow a modified stick for designated enforcers. Each team can have no more than one on their game day roster, but the designated enforcer will be permitted to use a stick that has a skate blade attached to the bottom of the blade of the stick.

Rancidbudgie · 03-02-2021, 03:17 PM

So, one day a billionaire got really slammed off of an 8-ball of cocaine in his mistress' love nest while she was out picking up some Popeye's Chicken for dinner, and he plugged in an old VHS (is was the only technology he could remember how to use at the time in his altered brain state), and put in the old classic "Rollerball". After seeing the first 38.6 minutes of the movie, the billionaire got the great idea: Why not do this on skates, like in hockey? Now, the SHL will have players chasing the puck around an ice-sheet version of an elongated roller-derby track, trying to score while simultaneously attempting to bludgeon their opponents to death using new-made equipment, like shorter and stockier hockey sticks, more wickedly pokey skate blades (with extra cutting blades on the sides and front), all while operating on a sledge travelling at high speeds. Players now have to re-create if their player does not survive the season, with a new mortality rate of about 44% in it's current format. Viewership then goes up about 1200%, so the loss of talent becomes negligible to the potential profits.

Thank you to Ham and Sulo for the sigs!

*puolivalmiste* · 03-02-2021, 03:24 PM

For ultimate chaos (and enterainment) we need 4 teams playing with 2 pucks at the same time. Every team has goal they need to score into and all teams are free to have their goalies on any net and can switch at any time.

***boom*** · 03-02-2021, 03:40 PM

The big change I'd make to increase viewership would be to make the boards much bouncier than they are now. Going back to retrieve dump-ins is now an adventure, as nobody's sure where the puck's going to bounce out to. I'd also eliminate the icing and offside rules. If someone wants to cherry-pick and the offense wants to run a bank pass play for a breakaway? Knock yourself out. As well, I'd replace the puck with a puck-sized Super Ball (the ones that bounce perfectly) for even more bouncy fun. Point shots on a power play would then become a scramble drill, as a missed shot means the ball could bounce anywhere, potentially even outside the blue line or onto the stick of a defender for a breakaway. Turning hockey into a mad tip drill on every play would amp up the extreme factor and turn games even more luck-based than FHM already makes them.

notoriousTRON · 03-02-2021, 05:46 PM

If the SHL is going to compete with the NHL on the national stage, they'll have to offer something different than the SHL offers. You're never going to beat the NHL at being the NHL, so in order to compete, you must differentiate. The first opportunity to differentiate that comes to my mind is to allow the sport to go back to the more physical roots of the past. Stop penalizing players for dishing out big hits. That's what the fans pay to see. "But what about concussions?" you might be asking. "What about CTE?" My response: shut up nerd. Big hits are awesome and any number of letters that you can string together won't change that. Survival of the fittest I say. Also, let's stop awarding penalty minutes for fighting. Fighting is an important part of the game and serves an important function. And also it's awesome. Let people drop the gloves if they want. Don't even get the refs involved. Hell, don't even stop play. Let the guys work it out while the clock runs.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Sig Cred: Carpy, ML, RainDelay, Donini & Geekusoid

*traphag* · 03-02-2021, 08:02 PM

In order to be a new and totally unique sport, the powers that be have decided it's not going to be ice hockey at all, it's going to be ROLLER HOCKEY. Yes, yes, y'all. No more ice skates, it's time to bust out your freshest rollerblades. And no more ice, we're gonna play this on cement. How's that for extreme? Of course using rollerblades makes it a lot difficult to stop and change direction and all of that, but who cares? We're going for EXTREME! And can you imagine fights when people go down on the concrete? EXTREME! You won't be able to beat the pace of this game. You're going to have people rolling around on their rollerblades everywhere and that puck, well I don't know if you'll be able to keep up! EXTREME! And the best part? Since there isn't ice you can play games anywhere, anytime. Outdoor events? No problem. You could even do it in Arizona in the middle of July, even though those pads would be hot out there. But that just makes it MORE EXTREME! Let's gooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

***hhh81*** · 03-02-2021, 08:23 PM

How will we spice up the game for cable?

Put frickin’ lasers in the freakin’ pucks!

Like Rocket League before it, put plasma energy rocket boosts on the ice and add sensors in the player’s skates. When a player skates over one of the boost spots, it loads rockets in the player’s skates they can activate for an extra speed boost.

Allow players to add biometric/cybernetic enhancements to themselves and still play. While the NHL tries to keep everyone clean and play at parity, why should the SHL? We’re already broken as fuck (it’ll get better with some time, I believe it!) We all know players like Michael Fitted and Augustus Wang are full of every possible drug known to humanity already. Why not take it a step further, let people play coked up and partially-android-like with a robotic kneecap (replaced after an injury) or super vision from android eyes. How crazy would that be?

Oh, but goalie equipment gets reduced 15% in size and they are banned from having any body modifications. ALL THE SCORING.

Maybe allow for Battlebot matches during intermissions? Come for insane hockey, get another ridiculous show on ice!

How are those for bonkers ideas?

BasedMinkus · 03-02-2021, 08:33 PM

Hockey is an already extreme sport. You are on ice skates going as fast as a car while also trying to avoid getting hit by someone moving at the same speed you are. However if we want to keep our TV contract, I have a few ideas that may make it more extreme. First is, lets crank the heat up in the arena and let the ice turn to crap. Bad ice leads to extreme chances at injury and it would be funny to see people fall. The second thing I would do is allow the fans to throw beach balls at the guys as they are skating because....well beach balls are fun. Finally I would get rid of the netting that protects the fans because the only way to show the cable execs why extreme hockey is dumb, is to have the fans sue. Let hockey remain as it is, a tough and exciting sport.

157

Naosu · 03-02-2021, 09:03 PM

Hockey is alright a very intense sport, but here are a couple of things to make it more extreme and gimmicky. First off we're going to get rid of the ice. Unfortunately having razor blades on your feet are a little too unsafe for players with the following stuff added. We'll be switching to roller hockey as it still involves skating and is very close to ice hockey, more so than floor or field. Next charging and checks to the head will be allowed. Sorry to the star players and concussion awareness that's finally happening, but we need to improve viewership at all costs. I'm not sure how to explain this one well in words but finally we will be adding a small rubber cylinder-shaped attachment to the top end of everyone's stick. There will be specific metrics it needs to comply with but there will be some customization opportunities. The purpose of it will be for jousting and whacking other players. Checks with the wooden part of the stick will still incur slashing/cross-checking penalities but anything aside from tripping is fine with the new attachment.

FinnRhys · 03-02-2021, 09:35 PM

Code:
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I think to make the SHL more extreme that we need to institute a few rule changes. First, I think we need to get rid of offsides. This will open up free skating and should increase offensive production. Second, I think the area of play for powerplays should be extended to the red line, and additionally, if the defense is able to clear the puck passed the red line then player in the sin bin should be allowed to come out of the penalty box and the penalty will be over. I think with the increased space you will see more free flowing offense and with the risk of the penalty ending early you will see more teams on defense pressing, which should open up more passing and shooting lanes. Finally, my final extreme change would be to reward fights between players. Normally when to players fight they both go to the penalty box afterwards. With my change, the winner gets to return to the bench and not serve a penalty, hence, you actually get rewarded for winning a fight.

FINN RHYS

[Image: hockey__27674.1518661372.1000.1200.jpg?c=2]

***Faelax*** · 03-02-2021, 11:24 PM

The equipment change I have in mind is a pretty simple one, but one that would have a profound impact on the league. My suggestion is that we add a second puck to the game at all times. Think about what kind of shenanigans that would cause. Defenseman have to make some difficult decisions on the fly of whether to jump in on the play in the offensive zone or try and track the second puck to make sure it stays out. The passing plays that could come when one team controls both pucks would be insane, and would fill the highlight reels for the rest of time. While it would lessen the impact of two way players, the excitement of more high scoring games would be a great way to make sure the stands are filled every night and people are tuning in at home to watch the excitement of two puck hockey every night.

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