As the Regular season in the SMJHL has drawn to a close, we have gained a special insight into the playoff preparation for the 3rd place team. Falling short of the bye week, the Newfoundland-based team has drawn the much-maligned, although recently hot Maine Timber. On paper, the Berserkers should be a team that is in the middle of a rebuild, yet they are positioned as a top seed in the playoffs. How will this mix of rookies and seasoned vets manage the days leading up to the start of the playoffs?

We pull up to the recently established Zerk House, standing alone against a scenic maritime background, intensity and focus is in the air. The crisp ocean breeze whips across our face as we knock on the door and are welcomed into the house by Ham and Juke, the general manager and the assistant GM. The atmosphere is very mellow, complete with calm atmospheric music and the sounds of players working out in the gym, rehabbing with physios, and performing some film analysis. “Captain Vaseline Podcalzone is completely in charge of the atmosphere around here. Everything from setting the tone during workouts and being the last guy out during film sessions, everyone looks up to him. He is even responsible for the ‘Beeg Vibes’ playlist that is always playing.” We catch a glimpse of the hulking Russian, who is leading a focussed meditation session with some of the rookies. We see Vaseline sitting with his back to a massive mural of Thatcher Demko, surrounded by Sam Savage, Aleks Balcers, and Pasta the Turtle. We are able to listen as the mantra seems to be a recitation of Demko’s save percentage during his heroic bubble performances. It feels a bit culty, but the energy is palpable. We ask Ham about this - he takes a heavy sigh and admits “we didn’t go out looking to make this a Canucks heavy locker room. It just kinda happened. Like a virus, it spread through the locker room. They keep begging me to take over as GM for the Canucks, it's weird.“ We were intrigued, and performed an official survey of the team and confirmed that 63.6% of the team identified Demko as their favourite player - the remaining 36 simply admitted that they were too focused on their SHL aspirations to follow the NHL.


We were able to sit with a group of rookies to get a feel for their experience after a full year in Newfoundland. Slavakov Vladimirashenko, an aspiring two-way forward, as well as a trio of defenders: Sabarro Torretta, Aleksandrs Balcers and Pasta the Turtle.

The Athletic: What is a highlight of your time with the Berserkers?

Slavakov Vladimirashenko: Getting the hit that led to the OT game-winner against Colorado

The Athletic: Is that something that is a big part of your game?

Slavakov Vladimirashenko: Yea, I’ve been working on my Strength Screening, Strength, Offensive and Defensive Read. One of the stats that matter most to me is how many hits I’m able to rack up.

The Athletic: What about the rest of you?

Sabarro Torretta: my 3 point game, not bad for a 3rd pairing, rookie d-man!

Aleksandrs Balcers: Scoring a hat trick early in my rookie season and kicking Kelowna/Quebec’s butt the most

The Athletic: You two have combined +84 on the season, good for tops on the team, as well as top in the league. To what do you attribute your early success in the J?

Sabarro Torretta: plus-minus is always a stat I am keeping an eye on. It means when I am on the ice good stuff happens.

Aleksandrs Balcers: Takeaways are a big part of my game because it’s all about turning defence into offence

The Athletic: How about you Pasta? You were one of the biggest hitters on your team - was that a goal of yours?

Pasta the Turtle: Yea I mean my biggest goal was able to come in and contribute. I was paired up with Matty Sandeen, who is just so dominant. I was just focused on doing my job and letting him light it up. The hits were a nice way to see my contributions show up on the stat sheet though.


We rejoin the GM’s as we walk through the rest of the house. They show off their state-of-the-art recreation facilities, as we see a group of Zerkers playing Valhiem together as a way to blow off steam after a tough workout. As we are being guided we are able to ask Juke what a highlight of his year was. He smiles coyly and replies “being team dad.” Despite the admiration and respect, we can see the players have for him, when we asked him what kind of advice he would have for his young players he quickly replied “my advice would be 'why are you trying to follow garbage go look at one of the good players and develop like them.'” Comments like this made it clear to us that this was a tight locker room and thrives on positive energy and a great sense of humour. We were eventually able to sit down with a few of the vets, including team captain Vaseline Podcalzone, Bas O’Bigbers, and Leon Athanasois.

The Athletic: We’ll start with the same question we asked the rooks: what's a highlight of your time in Newfoundland?

Vaseline Podcalzone: Winning the Four Star Cup as a fourth line plug

Bas O’Bigbers: Scoring all 3 goals of a hat trick against St. Louis in the final 10 minutes of the 3rd period in a game that we were losing in.

Leon Athanasios: Signing here. Ham and Juke were great to talk to and made me really want to join the team. I've had a blast since then.

The Athletic: What is some of the advice or guidance you have passed along to some of the rookies on the team?

Vaseline Podcalzone: Physical attributes are great for two-way and power forwards for sure, more fun to have a nice checking and hitting guy. They’re the solid building blocks from which you’d add some offence to your player

Bas O’Bigbers: Get your defensive side of the game done quickly. I've not focussed on offence much since entering the league. Since then I've focused on defence and physical attributes.

Leon Athanasios: Just listen to your GM. They know best.

The Athletic: You have all been drafted to an SHL team, and have had exposure to their locker room and training camps etc. What is your sales pitch to the rookies as to why they should hope to be drafted by your team?

Vaseline Podcalzone: The Argos are a fun group! We’re also getting better every season as a recent expansion team, and there’s a lot to be excited about.

Bas O’Bigbers: Rookies drafted by the New England Wolfpack should be excited to have a lively locker room at all times since half the locker room is in Sweden.

Leon Athanasios: Buffalo Stampede have colourful discord roles and everyone is in a perpetual state of simply ✨vibing✨

As the team finished wrapping up their final film sessions of the day, we had a chance to speak to the architect himself, Hamlet. When asked his highlight of being a Zerk, he went back to his playing days: “Winning the Four Star Cup in S55 in my last season of junior.” We also asked him what advice he gives to the youngsters in his charge “Keep up the grind but also recognize it's a long term project. Slip ups happen and that's okay.” The team had prepared a talk from a few alumni to help the players prepare for what they hope is a deep playoff push. We were able to sit down with a few of them before they spoke to the team.

The Athletic: Ok same question for you guys. The highlight of your time as a Zerk?

Patric Twist: Our S55 Four Star cup! That team was very very tight. That's why so many of us are still around the locker room

Martijn Westbroek: When Manhattan saved us from another year of Jukka Timonen

Jack Klompus: S55 Four Star Cup win

Steve Harrington: 4-star cup definitely.

The Athletic: You guys have a chance to help this fresh batch of rookies develop. What is one piece of advice you are hoping to pass along?

Patric Twist: I would focus on building a fairly balanced player in Juniors and wait for the big league to really specialize. Strength will definitely serve you well though.

Martijn Westbroek: Uh just honestly do you. Look at the successful players in the league and take pieces of their builds. But stay unique and find a build that works for your team & how they play. There's no one skill or attribute, it all depends on deployment.

Jack Klompus: Don't ignore physical attributes early on. They can save your team and make sure you're holding the puck.

You are all currently playing in the SHL. What is a reason rookies should hope to be drafted to your team?
Patric Twist: Atlanta. Because we're a fairly new team that came in, via expansion a few seasons ago and we're currently restocking for our next competitive window. We already have a lot of great earning prospects and we shouldn't have an uber deep bottoming out like some other teams in the league have had during their non-competitive window. I also love our branding.

Martijn Westbroek: Chicago...Cause we're the best around. And uh, cute turtles.

Jack Klompus: Minnesota is starting to see the results of a long rebuild and should be a strong team as our younger players get older. Rookies coming in now would be core parts of a Cup contender.

Steve Harrington: you get to experience the thrill of great lakes hockey

The Athletic: We see the GM’s hiding in the back - why should rookies want to join your SHL affiliate?

Juke: Easy division. Jokes aside it's a good LR, we have a good roster that can still reasonably make playoffs in the Atlantic for the coming seasons, and JY does a solid job of retooling on the fly to avoid the true down/rebuild seasons

Nhamlet: Chicago is the most recent cup winner, a lot of familiarity with the Berserker crew and other great characters.


We had the experience of seeing a driven and competitive hockey team during this tour. Lead by experienced and knowledgeable GM’s, a committed group of rookies, high profile veterans, and impressive alumni mentors. Of course, it isn’t always sunshine and roses. This is a team that has had its fair share of turmoil and conflict. A locker room splitting debate about the properties and definition of pasta and noodles. Half the locker room suggests that pasta and noodles are distinct categories, while another group pontificates that the words are interchangeable. Sensing a locker room on the verge of civil war, The GM’s drafted a carbohydrate expert to resolve the conflict. Pasta the Turtle entered the locker room and quelled the conflict, explaining that these two categories are distinct with some overlap. He drew a Venn diagram, prepared a steaming pot of spaghetti for the boys, and the team never looked back.


We look forward to seeing what this carb-loaded powerhouse will pull off this playoff, and in the coming years.

Words: 1902