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***Benpachi*** · 04-10-2021, 01:57 AM

First article, be gentle. 2x Media Please.

Employing some custom algorithms I designed in a secret sub-basement at MIT, I have crunched the numbers on the upcoming draft class and come up with the following results (math and calculations in conclusion):

1st Overall: Roderic Banes
2nd Overall: A Big, Hot and Stinky Dookie
3rd Overall: Literally Everyone Else, I Guess?

Let's break this down.

You want dynamic offence? Got it. Big, fast, agile, strong on his feet. Give him the puck and point this big, sexy Canuck Mac Truck at the net. He's big like Thornton, and fiesty like Hansen. He's the bastard love child of the Big Ben clocktower and Brett Hull's Darkest Timeline Clone.

You want a team player? Passing and puckhandling clinic going on: set up a fruit stand, because he's going to have apples for DAYS.

He's got the stamina and and positioning, with stickchecking, to work the penalty kill, and the speed and offensive skills to be on the powerplay. There's room to grow. Regression is literally impossible.

You want intangibles? Roderic Banes can milk a yak during a high-altititude blizzard. How does that factor on the ice? There's only one way to find out and it rhymes with Shmirst Shmoverall.

He's got that X-Factor: a literal treasure trove of potentially league-shattering nicknames. Roddy B. Rodman. HotRod. Roddy the Body. Roddy the Hotty. Icky Ricky. The. List. Goes. On.

This guy is locker room prozac. He drops one liners, he makes memes, he's here to learn. He's a lean, efficient hockey machine operating on the simple principle of: money goes in, hockey comes out.

Draft Roddy the Body 1st overall. Or don't. That's your perogative.

***Benpachi*** · 04-10-2021, 02:08 AM

04-10-2021, 01:57 AMBenpachi Wrote: 2x Draft Media please.

LordBirdman · 04-10-2021, 11:10 AM

This guy can milk a Yak in a blizzard, watch out!

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