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Another Season, More Lessons (x2 Media)
#1
(This post was last modified: 04-08-2021, 10:25 PM by nyumbayangu.)

Humans.

Such a fascinating species.

When the biosignature from earth was first detected on Sardang, the species was given barely a second thought. It was assumed that the blobs of talking meat, burdened with low IQs and frail bodies, would simply become a nutritional planet for one of the much more aggressive races in the galaxy.  The file for the humans was digitally stored away and decades passed before they were looked at again.

It wasn't until someone ran across the files again in a review process that the Sardangians took a closer look.  For some reason the earth had remained untouched by their neighbours, and inexplicably, their neighbours had not even revealed to them that they existed.  As far as the humans knew, they were alone in the Universe.  It was odd.  Why had a race such as the Slardonotamps not simply moved in and blended up the humans for their flesh farms?  As far as the Sardangians knew they could have easily taken over the planet and everything living on it within days.  Something had held them back....but what.

This was a question that the Sardangians had only just barely begun to contemplate before Narboza was rudely detoured to the planet via a malfunction on his ship.  Being disconnected from his planet except through one way communication, he had decades now to try and discover it for himself.  In his short time thus far he had discovered only more riddles.  They were a species of contrasts. Yin and Yang - a human idea that crept its way deep into human history, but one that permeated so much of what it meant to be "human".

For every Big Brother there was a Survivor
For every Dogecoin there was an Ethereum
for every Toronto Maples Leafs team there was a Montreal Canadiens team.

The lowest of the low was accented and juxtaposed by the it's exact opposite.

The darkness and the light.

Narboza had already learned so much about the easy things. Human physiology, their scientific advances, their history.  That stuff was merely what scratched the surface of humanity.

Why were they so violentally tribalistic over things like sports, and then so wonderfully altruistic when it came to things like "paying it forward" in fast food lineups?  It was a puzzle that was going to take years, if not decades, to piece together.

For now though, Manyhands worked away on his second big experiment.  In front of him lie a human body, it's chest rising and falling with a rhythmic beauty, even as it lay in a comatose state.  The Sardangians second set of hands worked away as they dug deep into the left knee of the specimen.

[/url][url=https://media1.tenor.com/images/f7c26f16f2b7bffab115c99400879ffc/tenor.gif?itemid=20043768]https://media1.tenor.com/images/f7c26f16f2b7bffab115c99400879ffc/tenor.gif?itemid=20043768

The knees were a remarkable piece of human physiology.  While Narboza understood how they worked, he wanted to become intimately familiar with every piece of sinew and muscle that it was comprised of.  From time to time he would remove a piece, licking it to explore its taste, or perhaps dropping a piece into a machine that analysed it's specific attributes.  

As it turned out it was the knees that drew an outsider to the earth in the past. The explorer class lifeform known as the Leithor race sent a scout to the earth in the 1960s according to the earth calendar.  As it happened, this scout also managed to come across a young human athlete named Robert Orr, and, unbeknownst to the rest of humanity, he began experimenting on the young man's knees over the course of several weeks.  The Leithor sent Sardang their data on the young man which included a foot note.  It read,

"Most experiments were completed successfully and without incident, though extreme cold on one evening in December caused an issue with the young human's knees to become permanent.  Needed to use telekinesis to cause an incident to cover up the damage."

It turns out another human named Marcel Pronovost was blamed for the damage, and the rest, as the humans like to say, was history.  Shortly after the Leithor scout left, never to return to the earth again, and shared very little about what else they may have discovered that may have influenced that decision.

Narboza sniffed as a puff of smoke wound its way up from the human's knee cap and he paused the microsaw he was holding in his third hand.  He was very pleased with his selection, as this specimen's knees were in excellent condition.  He glanced over to look at his candidate list that flashed away on the display on the wall.

Alexander Selich, Andreas Kvalheim, and Aaron Wilson all still remained on the display, and for now would stay there.  This human, the one on his table, had more than sufficed for his needs.

Finding a way to capture this human had been much trickier than his last attempt. Perhaps it was due to age, or perhaps there was something in Norwegian blood, but it was almost as if he suspected something was up. Initially Narboza asked the veteran player if he would be willing to come by and give him some personal training tips.  Due to his advanced age, the human was reluctant to travel, citing something about a pandemic or virus that was threatening to him.  Narboza thought it likely to be a ruse, but was unwilling to let his quarry go so easily. Instead he suggested he come down to his arena himself, and set up an appointment in Prince George, where he was running a hockey school for little whelp humans.

They setup a time to meet after the last of the kids, and their families, had left for the night, and Naborza suggested they head to the gym so he could get some suggestions from the human on how best to perform a few of his workouts.  Even still, though Narboza had travelled all the way from Vancouver to Prince George on a Greyhound bus (another interesting human experience!), he seemed a little curious as to why a Sardangian was asking a human for workout advice.  Narboza waved one of his many hands and made up some comment about how ex-teammates had always appreciated his advice ... or something similar.  It seemed to have worked, and eventually the human led the way to the gym, unlocking it for the pair since it was after hours.

As the door quietly shut behind them both, Narboza sprung into action.  With a light neurotoxin hidden inside a spit dart, Manyhands quickly shot it into the neck of the older human, dropping him nearly instantly. He dashed quickly to his side to be sure the human would not be damaged, and with a flick of his wrist activated the particle transporter to move them both to his ship in a flash.

The next couple hours was a smorgasborg of information for the Sardangian as he inspected the knees of the human in every way possible.  The time passed so quickly, and as Narboza glanced at a watch that one of his human teammates had given him, he saw that it was time to wrap it up and restore the human back to it's original form.  Synthetic pieces, produced in one of the machines on board, were cut to size and then reassembled into place using nanobots.  "This will not be like the Leithor debacle my friend.  You will not even know I was here."  A few moments later and the flesh was being fused seamlessly around the kneecap.  Since the skull was never breached, the issue of mindwiping was a little bit more complicated, but an insertion through the nostril did the trick quickly enough.

"Well Mr Anders Christiansen, it has been a pleasure getting to know you.  Your contribution to Sardangian knowledge will be noted along with the names of others."

A quick nod to the comatose man, along with the press of a few more buttons on the particle transporter, and they were back at Anders' home.  He laid the human on the bed and then with a blink - was gone.

Season Two was finished and Experiment Number Two had been completed.  Another step towards the perfect SHL player had been taken.  Onwards.

@Tomen 
@aaronwilson
@raymond3000
@NorwegianDemon

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Signature courtesy of sulovilen.  May his name be exalted in Sardangian lore.
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#2

where do I sign up to get probed

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#3

Should your services be required you will be notified. Though ... you may not remember it.

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Signature courtesy of sulovilen.  May his name be exalted in Sardangian lore.
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#4

Do you know how humans have sex www.pornhib.com

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#5

Indeed. I was informed about storks by a few Whalers!

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Signature courtesy of sulovilen.  May his name be exalted in Sardangian lore.
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#6
(This post was last modified: 04-08-2021, 08:02 PM by Keven.)

@nyumbayangu for your reference to get the gif to appear in the article you have to use this link instead:
https://media1.tenor.com/images/f7c26f16...d=20043768
[Image: tenor.gif?itemid=20043768]

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Thanks to @enigmatic, @Matteo, @sulovilen, @zeagle1, and @TheOPSquid for all the sigs!
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#7

I do not understand this human voodoo. I tried it several times and ways and it is still broken. No matter, I can still continue my research without knowing that magic.

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Signature courtesy of sulovilen.  May his name be exalted in Sardangian lore.
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#8

04-08-2021, 07:39 PMnyumbayangu Wrote: Indeed. I was informed about storks by a few Whalers!

You can't have sex with birds, that's illegal

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UsaScarecrowsBlizzardSpecters | [Image: specterspp.png][Image: spectersupdate.png] | TimberArmadaSpectersFinland

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#9

you are amazing

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#10

Amazing as always

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#11

an incredible read. always fascinating to learn about what's going on in the offseason with Narboza

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Thanks to @sulovilen, @the5urreal, and @sve7en for the sigs!
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