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Formal Request: Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq is Looking for an Agent
#1
(This post was last modified: 04-14-2021, 05:42 PM by Pingy Pingu.)

Hello, This is a request from SMJHL and future SHL star, Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq.  He is looking for a reliable agent to represent and support his hockey career.  Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq is looking for an agent with the following professional skills which will be described below.

      Handling Contracts:  This skillset includes anything to do with/related to contracts within the SMJHL and SHL.  The agent must be able to negotiate a fair salary, accommodations and conditions associated with the contract.  The salary must be fair to the experience and performance of the player, Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq.  Any conditions that are placed in the contract must not interfere with Monsieur Pingy's hockey career and must not impede him from progressing to better achievements.  The agent, upon discussing with team managers, must be able to generate a contract satisfiable to Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba, Esq.

  Equipment and Training:  This skillset includes any equipment and training that is required to keep Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq in top physical condition.  The agent is to have correct measurements of Monsieur Pingy's anatomy so as to have equipment that is ergonomically correct and customized to Pingy's needs.  The agent is to schedule any specialized training for skating, fitness, shooting, and any hockey building skills that will help to advance his career.


    Handling Payments:  This skillset includes handling the money that is payable to Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq. from any and all SMJHL/SHL related activities.  Due to the nature of this job, there are large sums of money that need to be dealt with.  The agent is to accept payments, including salary, on behalf of Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba and assure that the money is being organized in a professional manner in the way of accounts and investments.  The agent is to make sure that Monsieur Pingy's expenses do not exceed that of his income.  Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq reserves the right to take control over his monetary assets, cash and cash equivalents should the agent be terminated or another situation arise.

        Transportation:  This skillset includes any activities that involve transportation.  The agent shall be in charge of making sure Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba is to arrive to his games in a timely manner, as well as securing transportation for his family should they need it and to any events that are related to the SMJHL/SHL.

          Scheduling:  This skillset includes organizing Monsieur Pingy Pingu's schedule.  Pingy has a busy job and The agent has a responsibility to make sure he is organized and on top of his scheduled games and events.  The agent is to make sure Monsieur Pingu is aware of upcoming training, games and practices so he can prepare accordingly.

        These are all the responsibilities that are required by the agent.  You will be paid well and receive the full benefits of working in the SMJHL/SHL.  Please contact @[email protected] if you are interested and/or have any questions.  Thank you!

513 words ready for grading (I actually spent time on this so yes it is media and its fucking gradeable)

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"Bring back Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba esq. And I mean bring him all the way back. I want every thread on this forum that involves even a modicum of salt to get razed to the ground by our most notorious shitposting penguin. I want every thunderdome to drown in ABAGABA spam and a signature that doesn't end. I want the userbase of this fine league to cower in terror, slinking about the forums and making as little noise as possible for fear of attracting the Shitpost Slenderman. When some poor immigrant from the NFL sim blunders into the forum and makes an angry post about how his player slipped to the early second round despite having done ALL the rookie tasks(!), let the veteran survivalists stare in horror and pity while the newbie rages. They will know it is only a matter of time before @Pingy Pingu descends upon his post like a ravening wolf and obliterates his tread, reducing it to a radioactive waste-dump of unintelligible spam. They will not interfere, for Pingy is our immune system. Because he can take it. Our Dark Knight of Shitposting"

Sig credit to @WannabeFinn @JSS @Mordaciious @Mayuu @TommySalami
                                              Falcons banner credit to @karey
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#2

applied



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Retired players:
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#3

ph

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#4

Counter proposal: you be my agent

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UsaScarecrowsBlizzardSpecters | [Image: specterspp.png][Image: spectersupdate.png] | TimberArmadaSpectersFinland

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#5

applied

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Fuck the penaltys
ARGARGARHARG
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#6

Apple lied

Drafted 2nd round 21st Pick by the Winnipeg Jets in S55 SHL Entry Draft 
GM of the UCORCAL in the WJC S55
S55 WJC Gold Medalist GM/Player for UCORCAL
Management Role for Russia in the IIHF
Recent Management Role / Head Coach for Winnipeg Aurora in SHL 
CO-GM St. Louis Scarecrows S57-S60
GM of the St. Louis Scarecrows S61-S72
S72 Challenge Cup Champion
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#7

This isn't pingy, there's no way our pingy spells this many words properly.

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#8

My offer for these services is 90% of your salary and media earnings.

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Jean-François Bokassa
Armada

Proud Father of Johnny Wagner-Svenson

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Sweden Raptors pride
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#9
(This post was last modified: 04-14-2021, 08:05 PM by hhh81.)

I think I know a guy

Platoon Elk Elk Platoon
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#10

Applied

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#11
(This post was last modified: 04-14-2021, 10:13 PM by Ruggsy.)

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Handling Contracts: Honestly an ape could do this part, more money = good (not a monkey though, monkeys are cringe at business)

  Equipment and Training: Now im not trying to assume your environment, but I figure your a cold type penguin. I'm sorry I dont know too much about yall cause im just so fucking rich from all my major business deals on the beaches of tiuhana that I havent seen snow in forever.


    Handling Payments:
With a simple investment to my fund you will be seeing 2-58% gains quicker then you can score a hatty, our agency has the record of most functional white boards in one location and you know what that means? more IDEAS in one location. MORE IDEAS = MORE MONEY

        Transportation:
no your rich now, wake your damn self up and drive to the games in your porsche lazy bones or get a uber I aint yo daddy

          Scheduling:
Organization is my specialty. I only sometimes miss a deadline, but I always also in a much more real way have never missed a deadline in my life. Its just how I am. Kind of like a mix between joey tribbiani and mark zuckerberg but idk thats just what my talents are.
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