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Player Tribune: IIHF isn't Racist, its Specist
#1

As I reflect on my time representing Canada Red in the World Junior Championship, I feel disheartened. Not because the tournament was disappointing from a results perspective (it was). But because I am not able to truly represent what I am. Let's rewind a bit...
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I came into this world as a wide-eyed naive reptile. I was born in what I identify as Turtle Island. Yes, this is North America's real name and I'm tired of pretending it's not. We are living in a human-centric world, and it is time for me and my reptilian brothers to fight back. Humans have divided the world into random sections and force those who happen to have hatched out of their eggs to represent their interests. Well, I ask you fellow SHLers: Where is my Canada Red passport? Where is my ability to vote? How many Reptiles do you see running for Government in Canada Red? If this idea seems absurd to you, then I suggest that I shouldn't be forced to represent a country that doesn't represent me.
As I glance around the Canada Red locker room, I see massage therapists, but I don't see shell-scrubbers. I see showers, but I don't see a heat lamp to help me regulate my body temperature. This lack of support for different bodied athletes sends me to flashbacks of high school days... Bullies would stuff my locker with straws and call me names like "Sal Monella" and "Squirtle" (after an unfortunate bathroom incident). 
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I am hereby calling for the IIHF to finally recognize a Reptile Team. A team that would expand across the silly boundaries you silly spongy humans created. A team that would be welcoming to all of the animals in our league who must overcome adversity just to play the game we know and love. All my Fish and Bird brothers are welcome. All the walruses and other non-human mammals - welcome. Insects and other Arthropods are welcome. We will have an inclusive dressing room that will meet all of your needs. A place where you will feel proud representing not the human kingdoms, but the ANIMAL KINGDOM.
This is not to say that I have anything but love for my teams (Newfoundland  Berserkers and Edmonton  Blizzard ) or my linemates in Canada Red. Y'all are amazing. This is about getting to represent your affiliation during IIHF play. I think it is beyond time that the governing body extended its culture of inclusion to allow an exclusively non-human team to compete for IIHF glory. 
My call to action? Please tag all players in the league who do not identify as human to join me! Our voices must not be silenced!

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#2

no taxation without representation

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#3

@Julio Tokolosh join him in the animal kingdom.

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#4

penguins are better don't @ me

For all inquiries regarding Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq please contact his agent @Fitted2106.
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"Bring back Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba esq. And I mean bring him all the way back. I want every thread on this forum that involves even a modicum of salt to get razed to the ground by our most notorious shitposting penguin. I want every thunderdome to drown in ABAGABA spam and a signature that doesn't end. I want the userbase of this fine league to cower in terror, slinking about the forums and making as little noise as possible for fear of attracting the Shitpost Slenderman. When some poor immigrant from the NFL sim blunders into the forum and makes an angry post about how his player slipped to the early second round despite having done ALL the rookie tasks(!), let the veteran survivalists stare in horror and pity while the newbie rages. They will know it is only a matter of time before @Pingy Pingu descends upon his post like a ravening wolf and obliterates his tread, reducing it to a radioactive waste-dump of unintelligible spam. They will not interfere, for Pingy is our immune system. Because he can take it. Our Dark Knight of Shitposting"

Sig credit to @WannabeFinn @JSS @Mordaciious @Mayuu @TommySalami
                                              Falcons banner credit to @karey
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#5

I may not be a reptile, but that doesn't mean my voice should be silent. Those that are not allies in this movement are enemies of it. I support you @visceralpotamus. We need proper representation for those that do not believe in our archaic human systems.

[Image: TommySalami.gif]


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#6

04-14-2021, 05:52 PMTommySalami Wrote: I may not be a reptile, but that doesn't mean my voice should be silent. Those that are not allies in this movement are enemies of it. I support you @visceralpotamus. We need proper representation for those that do not believe in our archaic human systems.

YEA YOU TELL EM SALAMI

For all inquiries regarding Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq please contact his agent @Fitted2106.
[Image: unknown.png]





"Bring back Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba esq. And I mean bring him all the way back. I want every thread on this forum that involves even a modicum of salt to get razed to the ground by our most notorious shitposting penguin. I want every thunderdome to drown in ABAGABA spam and a signature that doesn't end. I want the userbase of this fine league to cower in terror, slinking about the forums and making as little noise as possible for fear of attracting the Shitpost Slenderman. When some poor immigrant from the NFL sim blunders into the forum and makes an angry post about how his player slipped to the early second round despite having done ALL the rookie tasks(!), let the veteran survivalists stare in horror and pity while the newbie rages. They will know it is only a matter of time before @Pingy Pingu descends upon his post like a ravening wolf and obliterates his tread, reducing it to a radioactive waste-dump of unintelligible spam. They will not interfere, for Pingy is our immune system. Because he can take it. Our Dark Knight of Shitposting"

Sig credit to @WannabeFinn @JSS @Mordaciious @Mayuu @TommySalami
                                              Falcons banner credit to @karey
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#7

04-14-2021, 05:51 PMPingy Pingu Wrote: penguins are better don't @ me
We are stronger together. Penguin and Turtle fighting side by side!
Join me!

[Image: visceralpotamus.gif]
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#8

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#9

04-14-2021, 06:01 PMvisceralpotamus Wrote:
04-14-2021, 05:51 PMPingy Pingu Wrote: penguins are better don't @ me
We are stronger together. Penguin and Turtle fighting side by side!
Join me!
ok you convinced me

For all inquiries regarding Monsieur Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba Esq please contact his agent @Fitted2106.
[Image: unknown.png]





"Bring back Pingy Pingu Lunga Gumba esq. And I mean bring him all the way back. I want every thread on this forum that involves even a modicum of salt to get razed to the ground by our most notorious shitposting penguin. I want every thunderdome to drown in ABAGABA spam and a signature that doesn't end. I want the userbase of this fine league to cower in terror, slinking about the forums and making as little noise as possible for fear of attracting the Shitpost Slenderman. When some poor immigrant from the NFL sim blunders into the forum and makes an angry post about how his player slipped to the early second round despite having done ALL the rookie tasks(!), let the veteran survivalists stare in horror and pity while the newbie rages. They will know it is only a matter of time before @Pingy Pingu descends upon his post like a ravening wolf and obliterates his tread, reducing it to a radioactive waste-dump of unintelligible spam. They will not interfere, for Pingy is our immune system. Because he can take it. Our Dark Knight of Shitposting"

Sig credit to @WannabeFinn @JSS @Mordaciious @Mayuu @TommySalami
                                              Falcons banner credit to @karey
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#10

any excuse to take players away from canada

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Fuck the penaltys
ARGARGARHARG
Kraken|Barracuda|Uk
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