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***Benpachi*** · 04-15-2021, 09:19 PM

SportsNOW ActionDesk
Max Power, host

We spoke to Roderic a few days after the exciting S59 SMJHL Entry Draft, where he was selected 25th overall, top of the 3rd round, by the Carolina Kraken. We caught up at his multi-million dollar basement suit in New Westminster, Vancouver. Roderic fixed me a drink, and we chatted about the draft.

"It was exciting! I was hoping to go higher, but hey, astronauts the world over have said the same thing, right? Overall, it's like a dream come true. And with a life like mine, sometimes it's hard to know when I'm actually awake!"
He pinches himself for emphasis, and laughs, showing off his flawless teeth.
"I'm really quite excited to join Carolina. I hope to be able to find my feet quickly and be able to contribute offensively, with my speed and playmaking. My moms always said I had the natural athleticism of an Amazon warrior."

I ask Roderic to tell me about his family, and how they took the news about the Kraken signing.

"Mom and Mom were pretty broken up about it. I mean, they're super happy for me, but it's a long ways away, and I'm their only kid."

I comment that Roderic seems to be quite close with his family.

"Oh yeah! They're my best friends. They've stuck by me through it all. They even supported me when I dropped out of Hand Model College to pursue a career in Pro Beach Volleyball. I'll never forget that fight. 'You'll ruin those perfect cuticles digging through the sand!' 'You think you'll find work hand modelling with callouses?' It got pretty heated. But they stood by me, and I went on to win Rookie of the Year playing for the Tofino Beachcombers."

I ask Roderic to comment on his three subsequent seasons as winner of the Gengershilin Bobnokov Girshgenlishin Memorial Award for Tightest Abs, and how that might translate to his performance on the ice.

"Well, I'm not too worried about it, to be honest. It's just kind of my thing, yaknow? We all have our bears to cross. Some people are born short, or with cancer, or in Prince George. Me? I was cursed with the tight and rippling muscles of an Olympic Gymnast, flowing raven locks, the steely gaze of a wizened mariner, and an ass that just won't quit."

I fact-check all this immediately. He wasn't wrong.

"Still, I'm solid on my feet, and I think that's going to become one of my strongest strengths on the ice."

I ask Roderic how preparations for the move were going.

"It's a process, yaknow? Honestly I'm just making lists at this stage. Number one is all the furniture I'm gonna have to buy once I find a place in Charlotte, have you checked out rental prices there? I'm due for a serious upgrade in the digs department. Other lists too: my top ten favourite speedos, and my top six emergency speedos to pack in my carry-on in case they lose my luggage. It's a lot to go through."

I ask Roderic what he's going to miss the most about Vancouver.

"Oh my god, there's so much. The beaches, the surfing, the craft beer, throwing loonies at American tourists who get scared of coins. But honestly, I think it's time for a change of scenery."

At this point Roderic glances nervously at his phone. I ask him if everything is all right.

"Oh yeah, it's all good. The police made me sign some Non-Disposure Agreement, but you work for a sports magazine, not a newspaper, so I'm pretty sure it's okay to tell you what's up."

I am pretty sure it's not, but I'm not about to tell him that.

"So a few months back I was doing chest and abs at the Y, and I picked up a flyer for a local club. I figured I'd fit right in, since my middle name's Ryan. Turns out, I misread their recruiting literature. Preeeety badly, to be honest. I figured things were off when, at their first meet, I was the only Ryan. How can it be A Ryan Brotherhood if no one's named Ryan? Anyway, thing's got weird and honestly kinda racist. I decided to bounce, but I tripped over a big picture they had of some dude with a weird moustache, and spilled a keg of Bud onto the fusebox. Everyone freaked out, and thought the cops were coming, and it was totally crazy. One of the dudes left a laptop behind. I didn't get his name so I turned it in to the police and here we are. The guys have been super weird about it. They keep calling, and I don't think they believe I'm getting it drycleaned to get the beer out."

I try to get things back on track, and ask Roderic what he wants to bring to Carolina off the ice.

"I really want to expand HVAC!"

I assume he doesn't mean what I think he means, and encourage him to go on.

"The Himbo Validation Aid Center. My charity project. We mainly campaign to raise awareness about the prejudiced and hurtful representations of Himbos in media. Despite what Hollywood and Netflix would have you believe, not every musclebound, gorgeous dum-dum with a heart of gold is the same! We are a diverse group, and the one-dimensional caricature you see on the big screen is only propagating harmful stereotypes."

I thank Roderic for his time and leave him to his packing.

What will his rookie season hold for Roderic Banes? Likely many surprises. He hopes to crack the roster and start putting up points, but in the competitive league, and with an impressive rookie class to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with, will Roddy B stand tall, or be lost in the shadows? Keep checking back as we follow up throughout the season.

***sve7en*** · 04-15-2021, 09:35 PM

:zoomeyes:

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