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Seattle Man Spends 3 1/2 Months Working Solely on Reaction Time; Still Slow
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Mediocre_FredRegistered Senior Member Seattle Man Spends Three and a Half Months Working Solely on Reaction Time; Still Slow
Kirk Wilders, sports correspondent for The Seattle News, Now! Rumors of a Seattle based professional hockey player's odd training regimen were confirmed today during Seattle Argonaut player Fred Wanesly’s post game interview. The rumors began circulating earlier this summer when reports of a large, red haired man asking passers by to drop a tennis ball in front of him started surfacing. As the summer went on, more reports of the man, later identified as Seattle Argonauts player Fred Wanesly, started coming in claiming that he was challenging both children and the elderly to card games, such as Slap Jack, Blink, and Slamwich. When confronted and questioned why he was doing this, he would simply say he was “training”.
We talked to an employee at the gym Fred Wanesly trained at all summer and asked him about what Fred did when he came to the gym.
“He was at the front door every single day at 4:15 A.M., 15 minutes before we opened. He would come in, swipe in, and head straight for the locker room where he would remain for approximately an hour. He would then come out of the locker room wearing white over the calf socks, short running shorts, a tank top, sweat bands on each wrist, and a bandana on his head like he was in some sort of early 80s workout montage. He’d then walk over to the wall with the mirror on it and stare at himself really intensely for about 10 minutes. After that he would grab a tennis ball, hold it out in front of him, release it, let it bounce, and then wildly try to snatch it out of the air. He would do this until around noon, at which point he would return to the locker room, presumably for lunch. At 1 P.M. he would come back out and do the same thing until we closed at 9 P.M. He did this every day until his free one month trial expired.”
These sightings continued as the beginning of the SHL season approached. Some eye witnesses claimed to have seen a large red haired man paying some of Seattle’s homeless population to shine a laser pointer at a wall where the man would then try to “catch” the laser in what appeared to be an attempt to improve reflexes and reaction time.
Things started making sense, though, at the home opener for the Seattle Argonauts where Fred Wanesly, a large, 6’ 4”, 220 lbs, red haired hockey player, was lining up for more face offs than usual and was no longer in his normal position on the left wing. He confirmed in his post game interview that the rumors were true and that he had been practicing for his new position at center.
“As you all saw out there tonight, the rumors were true. I have spent the whole summer training for my position change from left wing to center. As soon as management had shared with me their intentions to play me at center, I knew I had but one thing to do: train my butt off. Working with experts I found on various online forums, I devised an extremely detailed and targeted workout that trained me to have the quickest reaction time as is demanded by the center position’s role of facing off. I believe the results speak for themselves.”
We are yet to see any significant results from Fred Wanesly’s training regimen. Be sure to follow The Seattle News, Now! for up to date information about all things Seattle. [609 Words Ready For Grading] ![[Image: Fred.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/853563288988942356/897997560273313832/Fred.png) ![[Image: PeZ8eh1.png]](https://i.imgur.com/PeZ8eh1.png) ![[Image: r2pSvNf.png]](https://i.imgur.com/r2pSvNf.png) |
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