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Luffy Richard Releases a Statement
#1

"I want to thank you all for coming to this gathering, and thank you to my roommate for driving me here. Kay Bee, you're awesome. I'm sorry your date was cut short when she climbed out the bathroom window to escape your talk about pet rocks. She does not know what she is missing out on. Or maybe she got a glimpse and the tip of that iceberg was not something she wanted to sail towards, am I right folks?"

"You are a dick, and you are talking to yourself. No one is here."

"Oh you, such a kidder. Anyway, I know you all are here to celebrate the record I broke today in the game where I sniped that sweet goal top shelf on the Schooch. Please hold your applause. I want to thank my mom and dad for liking my siblings more than me and driving me to the great heights I have achieved here. Now please, please hold back your excitement!
     "Now I have worked hard since the end of last season. I have put in the hours and trained as if my life was on the line. I skated. I did pushups. I climbed up mountains with baby goats on my back. I drank tea of the minty variety all to put myself in the best shape that any Luffy on the North Stars has ever been, and that is a verifiable fact. All of you reporters can check that on your google machines or whatever the heck you use in this dystopian simulated existence we have been forced into. Seriously, we do not talk enough about how we are just little electronic blips that must follow arbitrary rules decided by people we cannot even see because we do not even have real eyes! If I bench pressed a million pounds I would still have seventeen strength instead of being superman."

"You are ranting."

Shut up nerd! Okay fine I will get to the point. I Luffy Richard have scored as many goals as I had points all last season. And that is called growth. Good day everyone!"

(350 words)

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#2

Luffy Richard is the GOAT unquestionably

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#3

Go More! Woo!

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Thanks @enigmatic, @Carpy48, @Bayley, @Ragnar, @sulovilen, & @dasboot for the signatures!



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#4

Schooch absolutely destroyed

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Signatures by Vulfzilla, Jepox, Jess, rum_ham, Ragnar, and myself
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[Image: tkMQzhf.png] [Image: tdKmZA0.png]


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