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monochroma · 06-03-2021, 04:54 PM

So, a couple days ago I found out that my player, Leons Briedis, actually shares a name with a Latvian poet. So, I figured that in honor of the real life Leons Briedis, who apparently died in February of last year (hopefully that's not an omen of some kind...) I would try my hand at writing some poems. So, here's a poem about every team in the SMJHL, as well as an extra poem about the league itself. I present to you:

The SMJHL
A small collection of poems
By Leons Briedis
(the imaginary poet/hockey player, not the real poet)

--------------Anchorage Armada--------------

Alaska’s the largest state in the US

And with your team’s performance I sure am impressed

Such a lovely place deserves the finest, nothing less

And I think that that could be me!

Its natural beauty truly knows no limits

But it’s not all about the outside, it’s about what’s in it

I’d love to join you; I’m sure we’d kill it

I quite like the cold, you see!

--------------Maine Timbers--------------

The greatest team from the Pine Tree State, Maine

Gotta say, your branding sure lives up to that name

Your states lovely lobsters have brought it some fame

And, of course, your hockey team, too!

The northeasternmost of the contiguous states

Filled to the brim with nice forests and lakes

Pick me and I’ll ensure that your net’s always safe

I’d love to be a Timber, it’s true!

--------------Vancouver Whalers--------------

A land of forests and rain

Though some of your sports teams feel nothing but pain

The Whalers are on top of their game

Always reppin the blue and green

When I’m on the ice I for sure won’t be quiet

I’m sure being a Whaler would be a real riot

Moving to Vancouver? Yeah, I’m down to try it

It would be a real dream!

--------------Kelowna Knights--------------

A city whose name I’d never heard

Until the Knights came in and rocked my world

The newest champions, spread the word!

And they follow me on Twitter, too!

I would gladly join the round table

And make your defense even more stable

Your forwards I will help to enable

The green Knights leave their foes feeling blue!

--------------Anaheim Outlaws--------------

Anaheim’s known for its culture and weather

Disneyland, sports, the Convention Center

I must say, I do think we’d look quite good together

So why don’t you give me a shot?

For me a team like the Outlaws seems like a good fit

Further boosting your defense would be nice, wouldn’t it?

I’m a player who brings strength, bravery and grit

And my slappers are hard as gunshots (i’ll rhyme shot with shot if i want, fuck you)

--------------Nevada Battleborn--------------

Nevada; a place where anything goes

Your crimes are forgotten and sins are ignored

It's the Silver State, but I'll bring you gold

I'll bring wins in, but enemies I'll keep out!

I'll protect your net like it's Area 51

The season's a formality; we've already won

Get me on board and it'll be tons of fun

And isn't that what hockey's all about?

--------------Carolina Kraken--------------

The team representing Charlotte, NC

The Tar Heel State - though I don’t know what that means…

The Kraken, though, they really are quite the beasts

A team that does not know defeat!

But every team needs a backline for hits and puck clears

So consider me - a player who always plays with no fear

Take me in the draft and your defense will be top tier

And the Kraken will be released!

--------------Detroit Falcons--------------

Sure, Detroit may not be known for the best of things

But from what I’ve heard the Falcons are on the upswing

Take to the skies and spread your wings

I’m sure that playing here I’d enjoy!

Based in a city built on music and cars

If you choose me, I’ll make sure we go far

I’m not one to give up, always shoot for the stars

And bring the Four Star to Detroit!

--------------Quebec City Citadelles--------------

Note: For some fucking reason I thought it would be a great idea to try to do this in French. I speak it at a conversational level, but I'm definitely not fluent, so this poem is probably an incoherent, grammatically incorrect mess. But at least I tried, right?

Les Citadelles, les étoiles de La Vieille Capitale

Les soldats québécois, forts comme une tempête tropicale

Il y a beaucoup d’armes dans leur arsenal

Pourquoi pas ajouter une de plus ?

Votre dialecte est un peu difficil à comprendre

Mais j’ai les aspirations très grandes

Je suis l’homme que vous voulez pour défendre

Votre but; vous avez ma confiance absolue !

Translation:

The Citadelles, the stars of La Vielle Capitale (a nickname for Quebec City, according to Wikipedia - directly translates to The Old Capital)

The quebecois soldiers, strong as a tropical storm

There are many weapons in their arsenal

Why not add one more?

Your dialect is a bit hard to understand

But I have very high aspirations

I am the man who you want to defend

Your net; you have my absolute trust!

--------------St. Louis Scarecrows--------------

The St. Louis Scarecrows, a team to be feared

The present may not be great, but your cup window’s near

A city of rowdy fans, all drunk on beer

And I see you’ve got the first overall!

I do hope your state doesn’t live up to its name,

But if you take me, I’ll bring you great fame,

To miss out on such talent would be a true shame,

I’d smash all your enemies like baseballs!

--------------Newfoundland Berserkers--------------

Newfoundland, an island of happiness and heart

The city of St. John’s, well known for its art

Would be a great place for my career to start

With the Berserkers, a team oh so fierce!

The island’s name so unpronounceable (seriously, how tf is it pronounced? because i totally thought it was new finland)

The dogs that come from it so redoubtable

We’ll produce leads so insurmountable

Our opponents’ hearts I will pierce!

--------------Colorado Raptors--------------

Oh, Colorado, the Centennial state,

With your mountains so tall and hockey team so great,

Though for the Entry Draft there’s still time to wait,

I won’t mind at all if you choose me!

Your logo’s got the funkiest colours in town

There’s no team that the Raptors can’t take down

If you select me, I’ll bring us the crown

Who knows, maybe I’ll even bring three!

--------------To The SMJHL--------------

As the days go by, and the draft comes near

My junior league debut is almost here

I’ll approach it with courage, not with fear

To show the SHL scouts what’s up!

Whichever team picks me, I’ll be grateful

Once I find a team, I always stay faithful

Whether I’m in the US or the land of the maple

I will take home the Four Star Cup!

Hope y'all liked that. PS: I did try to do proper formatting with spaces between each poem but it just didn't want to work, oh well. Unlucky.

*lmao* · 06-03-2021, 05:04 PM

06-03-2021, 04:54 PMmonochroma Wrote:
The island’s name so unpronounceable (seriously, how tf is it pronounced? because i totally thought it was new finland)

don't worry, it is new finland

monochroma · 06-03-2021, 05:09 PM

06-03-2021, 05:04 PMlmao Wrote:
06-03-2021, 04:54 PMmonochroma Wrote:
The island’s name so unpronounceable (seriously, how tf is it pronounced? because i totally thought it was new finland)
don't worry, it is new finland

it is? i've heard new finland, new found land, nyoofin land

***sköldpaddor*** · 06-03-2021, 05:12 PM

magnificent, truly a work of fine art

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