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S60 PT #1: Wikipedia Edits

affilation https://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/...t&p=330281


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“LETTER TO ZAKKIRA DIPOROV”


Dear SHL world, Zakkira Diporov is a garbage of a player and he will never amount to anything. He switched to a sniper and still can not score goals. The player we know as the “BIG RUSSIAN” of old. Is not a thing and will never be a thing. It never caught on when you tried to tell the league you are Zakkira BIG RUSSIAN Diporov… We have watched you grow from a 6th round pick to a second in the DRAFTS…. But you are not worth being a second round pick now. I am proud to say you would not go in the second round if we did a redraft of your class. You would have to go to the 5th round or undrafted. You are no good goal scorer. You used to hit good, now you can not even do that good. This letter I am writing to you because I want you to see how big of a disappointment you are to this team and the rest of the SHL. 


(170 words)

Drafted 2nd round 21st Pick by the Winnipeg Jets in S55 SHL Entry Draft 
GM of the UCORCAL in the WJC S55
S55 WJC Gold Medalist GM/Player for UCORCAL
Management Role for Russia in the IIHF
Recent Management Role / Head Coach for Winnipeg Aurora in SHL 
CO-GM St. Louis Scarecrows S57-S60
GM of the St. Louis Scarecrows S61-S72
S72 Challenge Cup Champion
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Nikolai Evans is an American-born professional hockey player who represented Russia in international competition. The son of Simulation Hockey League Hall of Fame inductee Zach Evans and former professional hockey player Ekaterina Rudnikova, Nikolai Evans is largely regarded as one of the most disappointing second-generation players in the history of sporting competition.

Evans was drafted first overall in the Season 46 Simulation Hockey League Entry Draft by the Hamilton Steelhawks. Evans played for the Steelhawks for two seasons, tallying just two goals and 25 points over 100 games. Ultimately, Evans played 450 games for three teams in his career, including the Steelhawks, Tampa Bay Barracuda and Texas Renegades, with 205 points in those games.

Evans was part of the Tampa Bay Barracuda team which blew a 3-0 series lead against the Calgary Dragons in the Season 50 Challenge Cup Finals. In Season 52, Evans tricked voters into naming him the Most Improved Player in the league after a 17-goal season, but then proved he hadn't improved at all by scoring the same number of goals over the next three seasons combined before finally retiring from professional hockey and removing his stench from the league.

Zach Evans[/b] | Player Page | Update Page
Nikolai Evans
| Player Page | Update Page


(This post was last modified: 06-26-2021, 10:55 AM by goldenglutes.)

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Signatures by Vulfzilla, Jepox, Jess, rum_ham, Ragnar, and myself
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(This post was last modified: 06-26-2021, 11:13 AM by spooked.)

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(This post was last modified: 06-26-2021, 11:25 AM by rum_ham.)

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[Image: ddIlIkT.png]Colin Lambert ll Left Defence ll Barracuda[Image: NA3IV5m.png]

J.J. James Jamerson Angler is a absolute amateur who can only look good when his team is doing all the work. Give him the puck and he will lose it straight away.
One of the things almost nobody knows, J.J. James Jamerson is not even his real name. He is Called Joe Poopface Angler. Poopface comes from a family of Football players. Poopface still couldn't get trained in Football to even catch a single ball, thats why the family decided that he should give hockey a try. He couldn't score anything in his college years and in his rookie years he only scored goals when the puck would bounce of his stick completely by accident. The only reason why he made it this far into the SHL is because his parents are rich and basically bought his way into the league. Without his parents Poopface would be a complete waste of oxigen consuming material. He should not be in the SHL and we can only hope that the Head Office of the SHL will kick him out soon because his performance is nothing short of absolute garbage.

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artermis,Feb 2 2017, 04:11 PM Wrote:9gag pretty lit tho

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StarsnorwayRenegades // PLAYER PAGE || UPDATES \\ RenegadesnorwayStars

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Cal "Name Redacted" Covid is an edgy, shitty goaltender for the Manhattan Rage of the SHL who makes everyone's life worse by existing. He spent 4 seasons ruining the Vancouver Whalers of the SMJHL by undoubtedly always being the worst active goaltender on the roster. He did the same for Team World in the World Junior Championships for two seasons, before switching over to team UCORCAL for his final two years. In his first year at UCORCAL he lucked into a WJC gold medal, dragged there by a much better goaltender in Thor Odinson. The following season the same thing happened in the SMJHL, with a much better rookie goaltender in Jon St. Ark yanking the team across the finish line for the season, and a dominant team in front of him winning the Four Star Cup.

In the SHL, Name Redacted has done nothing of consequence. Peter Larson put on a complete clinic for the first few years and Name Redacted didn't learn a single damn thing. In season 60, Name Redacted was such a horrible teammate and friend that everyone over 1600TPE left the team.

He has not been nominated for any individual awards because there's no "Biggest Piece of Shit" award.

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As you might know, Jay Sink's biggest hater is Seattle Argonauts/Carolina Kraken forward Daud Ramza. Given what we know about Ramza, there are no lows he wouldn't stoop to in order to discredit and defame Jay Sink. While not at all false, he'd be sure to reference the fact that Ramza was taken with the pick before Sink in the S58 SMJHL Draft and take time to talk about Ramza, because that's the type of person he is. Anchorage's back-to-back finals appearances with Sink on the team? Well, they would've won without him.

The worst and most damning thing Ramza might write is that Jay Sink does not actually love his fans. The gift cards he throws into the stands after games? Not activated. Just bits of plastic. The free pizza Anchorage fans receive paid for by Jay Sink? Not actually paid by Jay Sink, paid for by the Armada organisation to boost Sink's image in order to sell jerseys. The hour he spends taking selfies with fans after every game? It's not even him. It's a body double. These are the kind of despicable, unthinkable lies Ramza would write. (191 words)

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FR Finn-Rhys (born February 18) is a garbage hockey player best known for attempting to take off another player's head during the SHL Finals and not living up to expectations. Finn-Rhys started his SHL career in Edmonton where he never quite lived up to anyone's expectations, and after basically single-handedly losing the SHL Cup for the Blizzard, was shipped off to New England where he put together a few decent seasons that were too little too late. A native of Switzerland (by way of Alaska), Finn-Rhys wasn't even good enough to play for the USA and so had to ride on the coattails of his grandparents who were able to extend Swiss citizenship to him. Even with that, Finn-Rhys only made the Swiss team because there weren't enough players at his position. Indeed, the Swiss federation even toyed around with moving some forwards to play defense rather than have Finn-Rhys suit up for the squad. All around, Finn-Rhys is widely regarded around the league as the worst high-earning player in league history.

WolfpackBlizzardRaptors  raiders Switzerland  FINN RHYS  Switzerland raiders Raptors Blizzard Wolfpack


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Daud Ramza was born on the wrong side of the Thames on the 26th of April xxxx*. Born to a life of luxury and leisure, he's never had to work for anything in his life. One would expect someone raised so poorly to be a spoilt brat, yet Ramza's early years show he was a spoilt, entitled delinquent. He regularly found ways to south London to terrorise the good people there, and used his hockey pedigree to get away with many infractions. His SMJHL career started when he was drafted with the eleventh overall pick by the Carolina Kraken. They could have picked him at number two, but decided he wasn't worth it. And he has since proven his worth by continuously putting up mediocre seasons. Even worse, in the SHL Entry Draft, he couldn't even go first overall! Only the best players go first overall, and Ramza has proven he is not elite.

*(I used xxxx because I don't know what date the SHL is currently in. Either way 154 words not including this rambling)

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