S60 PT #1: Wikipedia Edits

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S60 PT #1: Wikipedia Edits

JKortesi81
SHL GM
S32, S40, S42, S45 Challenge Cup Champion

#301

06-27-2021, 10:40 PM

ISFL PT

gurbs
Bank Manager
Posting Freak

#302

06-27-2021, 10:41 PM

First-Name Last-Name an absolute overrated shit show. I have covered FN LN so extensively in this column over the last few years that people are probably pretty tired of hearing it. My argument is that general managers treated Last-Name like a 70-point player, even though he never hit that mark. Supporters of Last-Name talk about how Last-Name was never the clear-cut number one guy in Toronto, or how he was on a bad team in Toronto. How many 55-point seasons does a player need to get before people start treating him like a 55-point player? Maybe it’s time to realize that he can’t make his linemates better and doesn’t produce on the power play. People are finally coming around to it, but it took years for people to figure it out. Last-Name should have an award named after him…. Mr. Overrated

juke
Registered
Senior Member

#303

06-27-2021, 10:46 PM

Jukka Timonen is a Finnish right defenseman playing in the simulation hockey league. He is most known for constantly living in the shadow of his Swedish defensive counterpart in his draft class, Magnus Liljeström @roastpuff. Not only was he drafted multiple places behind Liljeström in both the SMJHL and SHL entry drafts, but he's also notorious for losing public scoring bets between the two every single season. Perhaps his most famous play is hitting the post with 30 seconds left in a tie game during the playoffs, just for the opposing team to collect the ensuing rebound and take it down the ice to score the game winning goal. Conspiracy theorists have studied Timonen's career as the closest science-based evidence we have of real jinxes, as the Rage - coming off a Challenge Cup victory - have not win a single playoff series since drafting him, and his former Juniors team the NL Berserkers won the Four Star Cup the second they got rid of him as well.

dogwoodmaple
Registered
Posting Freak

#304

06-27-2021, 10:50 PM

Dogwood Maple is an American hockey player who consistently underperforms relative to his skill level. After being a first round pick for the Maine Timber, Maple failed to advance passed the second round of the playoffs and constantly caught L's as a member of the Timber. Dogwood's best contribution to the entire Maine franchise lies off the court, in fact. With such a scant resume for accomplishments, goals, and assists, his greatest achievement was coming up the horrendous Maine Timber jingle that is constantly posted in the game streams. Dogwood was also selected in the first round by the Hamilton Steelhawks and has posted a paltry 5.0% shooting percentage so far during his time in Hamilton. While the Steelhawks had high hopes for their young first round pick, it looks like Maple could be on the trade block soon if his bad playing style that plagued the Timber continues. In his spare time, he enjoys walking on the beach, listening to music, and doing everything he can but improving his hockey skills. While some general managers have mentioned Maple's name when it comes to all-time busts, that belief is only widespread in the league and not universal.

(197 words)

CD12
Registered
Member

#305

06-27-2021, 10:55 PM

Mars Stanton is a defensive defenseman, mainly because he exhibits no offensive skills, that currently plays for the St. Louis Scarecrows of the SMJHL. He was passed over multiple times by every team in the S59 SMJHL Draft before finally being selected 26th overall by the Scarecrows. In his rookie season, Stanton helped the Scarecrows to a dismal 20-40-6 record, the second-worst record in the league, scoring just 16 points and finishing with an atrocious -10 +/- rating.

Despite many experts projecting Stanton as a potential first round draft pick in the S60 SHL Draft, Stanton again slipped into the second round of the draft where he was mercifully drafted by the Toronto North Stars, mostly out of pity. He was lucky to be offered the league minimum contract by the North Stars, and, because he offered no value to the team, was immediately sent back to St. Louis for a second season, where he has so far only shown the most modest of improvement from his terrible rookie season. Stanton is very likely to be left unprotected in the SMJHL's upcoming expansion process, though it remains to be seen if an expansion franchise would even want him. With his terrible play at the junior level, it remains unclear if Stanton will ever even make it to the SHL.

marco999
Registered
Senior Member

#306

06-27-2021, 11:01 PM

Kaapo Kampainen is an absolute softie who can't stand up when it matters. He's definitely the worst captain in Outlaws history, I don't even know what he did to earn that C on his jersey, but he sure wasn't deserving. Completely unable to generate any offense, he's boring as hell to watch on the ice, puts me to sleep every time. The worst thing he performs way better with his national team, I guess we know where his heart is when he played in Anaheim. I honestly can't think of a more boring era in Outlaws history than when Kampainen was on the first line. He's literally the worst. He completely disappeared in both playoff series (spoiler alert, we lost both series) and went straight back to Finland afterwards. Talk about giving back to the community.

He's now a member of the Edmonton Blizzard since Season 60 and he's even worse than before. A liability both on offense and defence.

HanTheMan_
Trading Card Team
Senior Member

#307

06-27-2021, 11:01 PM

Devin Basher is the stinkiest man on earth and currently an active player in the Simulation Hockey League, (SHL) and plays for the Hamilton Steelcocks.

Devin Basher was born in Poomarket, Ontario where he learned to play hockey and played for the Poomarket Reddicks.

He started off his career in the SMJHL on the Vancouver Cum Whales, where he played for 5 seasons, his starting season being S53. He was officially drafted in S54, going 12th overall. Not first lol get fucked so bad. In S56, the season Vancouver won the Four Star Cup, he scored the overtime winning goal.

In S55, he was drafted 7th overall not first again lol you're so shit to what was known as the Minnesota Chiefs, and now has been rebranded to the Mayosota Monarchs in S56. This same season, he was traded to the Hamilton Steelcocks where he now plays.

He plans to stay playing with the Steelcocks despite having a small dick

boom
SHL GM
pure of heart, dumb of ass

#308

06-27-2021, 11:07 PM

William Hartmann is possibly the most overrated and overdrafted players ever to set foot on a hockey rink. He was drafted in the first round of the SMJHL draft by the Vancouver Whalers for his potential as a physical force. He proceeded to hit everything that moved in his rookie season while providing absolutely nothing of value to the primary goal of a hockey team, which is to actually score goals. He didn't improve when he hit the SHL (after being somehow drafted in the first round again by Edmonton), being unable to hit the broad side of the barn on his way to a five-goal season. Hartmann's final trick was to convince the entire fanbase he was good by giving them false hope, riding the coattails of Jon Forty-One and Barrett Blackwood to a 28-goal season, then completely regressing back to the mean once separated from those two. Hartmann has been equally useless in international play, never managing to contribute much to the Swiss side.

Trautner
Registered
Posting Freak

#309

06-27-2021, 11:08 PM

Michael Scarn is a complete loser failure idiot of a branch manager in Seattle. Michael Scarn ran away from the paper industry at the age of 48 to pursue a career in iced hockey. What a loser. Only the weak willed give up on their lifelong career, and that is exactly what Michael Scarn did. Michael Scarn went on to play for several teams in the Simulation Hockey League, including the Winnipeg Jets, the Buffalo Stampede, the Hamilton Steelhawks, and the Seattle Argonauts. Each of these teams had success in spite of Michael Scarn's presence, who undoubtedly did a terrible job managing each of these branches which don't even sell paper. Michael Scarn is much much worse than the capable, smart, alpha male, dominant, insatiable manager Dwight Schrute who is the manager of the most powerful branch, located out of Scranton, Pennsylvania. Now that is a real branch manager to admire.

Tayjay
Registered
Senior Member

#310

06-27-2021, 11:10 PM

PBE affiliate

Your Mothers Favorite Goalie
Registered
S29, S32, S40, S42 Challenge Cup Champion

#311

06-27-2021, 11:12 PM

LPLL Wikipedia:

Luc-Pierre Lespineau-Lebrunette is a washed up hockey player who plays for the Baltimore Platoon in the Simulation Hockey League. His most common position on the team is in sitting in the penalty box or on the bench. He was drafted by Chicago in the second round of the S51 as a charity case, but was let go by the team after it was determined the team would simply be better off having only 17 skaters on the roster. He then was signed in Baltimore, who coincidentally ever since his signing, the team has never had any success in the playoffs and is a perennial lottery competitor. The only trophy LPLL has won is the Turd Ferguson trophy, a very fitting name for a player with such a shitty play style. When asked about how he liked the performance of LPLL on the team, the coach of the Baltimore Platoon said "who?" and walked off the podium.

Guriinwoodo
Registered
Member

#312

06-27-2021, 11:14 PM

(Edited by Guriinwoodo)

Nor Dekes - Born in Quebec City, Quebec, Canada

Height - 140cm

Weight - 200kg

Nor Dekes is a goaltender for the Quebec Nordiques. Having joined the squad shortly after their postseason championship; Nor Dekes insured that the future of Quebec is going to be regular season success followed by postseason woes and upset fans. Much like his favorite NHL (now defunct) team the Colorado Avalanche; he is sure to wow you with some flashy moves and solid play during the first 4/5ths of the season. Then, just as you've finally let down your walls and decided to trust again; he'll stomp your dreams under-heel and cackle maniacally as he does so. 'You like that don't ya bud'. Unfortunately for you; you do. Otherwise surely you wouldn't come back year after year just to face that same soul-crushing defeat again and again and again. Nobody is that dumb, not even you. You're a closeted masochist so stop whining and take those big daddy Ls on the chin like a good little fan.

JSS
Registered
terrible at skribbl

#313

06-27-2021, 11:16 PM

RedCapeDiver
Registered
Elmo Shrug

#314

06-27-2021, 11:17 PM

I would like to think that Adam hasnt done much to garnish to much hate on himself so far in the league, he isnt a dirty player and doesnt get to many penalty minutes or into many fights. But surely his team, The Texas Renegades, winning the Challenge Cup managed to garnish a few salty fans from Buffalo or Hamilton to tarnish his Wikipedia Page, with some false and some not so false information.
The first thing they probably added wasnt even a lie, Adam has done his best to keep the fact that he lead the league in giveaways the past two season, but now its in large font and bolded that he is great at sharing the puck with the other team.
The other thing that is probably changed would be them switching his nationality from Norwegian to either Finnish or Swedish. As much as he loves his scandinavian brothers thats probably one of the most insulting things they could do