S60 PT #4: Identity Theft
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enigmatic
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After a particularly drunken party, Jasper Maximov lost his phone. He was so drunk he didn't even realize it was gone. Some Tampa Bay Barracuda fan took it and recorded him while he was giving perhaps the most embarrassing speech of his life about that one game they had won against Tampa Bay 1-0:
"I don’t know what to say. Fucking shutout. I couldn’t sleep for three nights. To be able to win this game is huge. Chamby was outstanding. MVP. I was telling him everyday you’re MVP. You’re the best player. And they they gave it to whatever the guy in whatever city. The John McBride. And then last year they gave McBride to someone else. Number one bullshit bro. Number one bullshit. Chamby took at least two games this season for us [sniffles]. You know he should have took MVP and I was keep telling him he’s MVP. He’s the guy that fucking…he’s the best. He was on his head today and he kept us in the game. Another shutout by him. Remarkable. Can’t even tell more." He then used Maximov's phone to post it on all his social media because Jasper is too dumb to have a password on his phone and stays logged in everywhere. Some people say he's a dumbass but fans in Winnipeg who agree that Chamberlain is MVP loved this speech. |
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