I'm gonna be the 800th person to say this but.... IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE JIM.  Ok so now the actual task, not counting this for my word count I promise.


Someone got their hands on Teddy Murphy's credit card information and they were able to live it up for a full 2 weeks before any odd behavior was noticed.  This was because of Teddy's unique version of financial illiteracy and the absurdity that is his purchase history.  The bank just had no idea the charges were out of the norm for Murphy.  But once the issue was properly realized and Murphy began to pick up the pieces he was absolutely incensed at some of the stuff the culprits had purchased and also himself for not realizing you can 100% buy a statue of oneself riding a tiger and looking like Zeus then get it gold plated.  The idea had never really crossed his mind.  In fact, after changing his banking information and getting issued new cards I got a call from Teddy informing me that he would need someone to be at his house on the 31st to accept a "Very large and awesome delivery.  Trust me you won't see it coming and you'll love it."